I didn't think women could hurt me anymore

[FlexpertHamilton]

Posting this despite knowing I may be mocked or this will ruin my "credibility" but I don't care.

A few months back I met a girl off OLD and we texted for a few days then it petered off and nothing happened (I don't remember what happened, but whatever it was it caused my to delete the texts, though that doesn't necessarily imply anything bad). Then out of the blue 3+ months later, she starts texting me asking me how I'm doing and I ask "who is this?" and she sends me a pic and wants to meetup.

We go on a hike and then get drinks and I go over to her place and smash. She comes pretty fast and the sex was great and I lasted long, and she's super affectionate for the rest of the night.

I don't text her after the date. She reaches out first 3 days later (ALWAYS a good sign) and she say wants to see me again. We ended up hanging out 2 more times and had more good sex, good conversation/chemistry. I felt like I could relax around her a little bit. She seemed warm and kind and high IL, talking about stuff she wanted to do with me, and seemed very excited and eager, all signs of high IL. She even did a favor for me and ran an errand for me to pick up something I needed to fix my motorcycle which only further solidifies my point.

After our 3rd date , I don't hear from her for 3 days so figure I should initiate. We just do some light texting, not much. Then in the middle of the week I asked her what her weekend plans are. She doesn't reply for 24 hours. Now some will say that means nothing but I say that's BS. I've never once in my life had a girl not reply for 24 hours to respond to a text that warrants a response. I was baffled. Once she finally texts back she says "hi sorry I was busy I went to a concert and now this weekend I'm having my girlfriends stay over, what are you up to?" I wait a whole day to reply and had considered not even replying at all but I'm not the type to avoid confrontation. So I play it cool and say "oh yeah I bet that was cool, and sounds like a fun weekend too. Nothing crazy on my end, trying to close a sale and doing a project for my business which I'm pretty focused on lately". She never replies or calls me since then and it's been 36 hours now.

In my mind, it's done. I don't care what she says at this point. I've already moved on. My only consideration (if she even reaches out again) is whether to ghost or confront her (not to convince her, but get the final word in) but I don't think that will serve any purpose.

I know people will say "abundance bro", "you care too much". Nah this is not that simple. I really don't give a shvt about women anymore. Furthmore, I've only ever thought of this girl as recreational use only (she's genuinely batshvt crazy and a total hoe), and only ever intended to just have some fun with her. Despite this, it still hurts a lot which makes it even more baffling. I know I'm not supposed to care, but that's just it, I do care. I'm not going to be like other posters and put on a machismo act. I have handled many rejections over my life and I've ended things with a few women pretty recently but none of them hurt like this one. I have things going for me in my life and other women in the picture. The issue is that I cannot honestly recall something like before where a high IL woman who I have very good chemistry with does a complete 180 after 3+ dates for seemingly no reason. I already know that the explaination is that another guy came into the picture. And I'm not asking advice for what to do as I'm 100% done with her now.

I mostly wanted to vent, and say that I thought I was immune to this sort of stuff but apparently not.

 

[SW15]

In my mind, it's done....I've only ever thought of her as recreational use only (as she's genuinely crazy and a total hoe) BUT I thought I could still have fun with her.

You feel disappointed because she ended things first. That's a normal feeling out of interactions. It's good for you that this was only recreational use only but that doesn't ease the pain in the moment.

A few months back I met a girl off OLD and we texted for a few days then it petered off and nothing happened (I don't remember what happened, but whatever it was it caused my to delete the texts, though that doesn't necessarily imply anything bad). Then out of the blue 3+ months later, she starts texting me asking me how I'm doing and I ask "who is this?" and she sends me a pic and wants to meetup.

Did you ever get an explanation why she ghosted for 3+ months?

She's genuinely crazy might be the explanation. There are crazy females that are great sexual partners. She might have been physically attractive and showed recognizable signs of craziness right away. It might have even happened while hiking before the first instance of sex.

The swipe apps are a bad place to meet women if you're seeking something meaningful. I realize some people are able to find decent LTRs off of it but it isn't efficient in any way. Swipe apps are for top tier men to have sex with multiple women without commitment. Other men are better served doing something else to meet women.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

You feel disappointed because she ended things first. That's a normal feeling out of interactions. It's good for you that this was only recreational use only but that doesn't ease the pain in the moment.

I suppose. But I wouldn't have even minded her ending things if she did it in a respectful way. If she just said "hey I don't think I wanna see you anymore, I don't like x thing about you or a better guy came into the picture". I'm more bothered at how it ended, seemingly out of nowhere with no warning signs, and with the complete lack of dignity and respect from her to even tell me it's over, instead making me put the pieces together over the span of a few days. She literally bvtched about men ghosting her then does the same thing to me. Incredible. If a girl did this in the context of an LTR it would be absolutely soul-crushing and I can feel for any men who have had that done to them.

She's genuinely crazy might be the explanation. There are crazy females that are great sexual partners. She might have been physically attractive and showed recognizable signs of craziness right away. It might have even happened while hiking before the first instance of sex.

She absolutely is crazy. She's on 3 medications and she told me her habit of picking at her scalp and fingers to the point of getting scabs. Again, between that and her body count (that I estimate to be anywhere from 50-100, possibly more based on the things she would say), I was 100% certain I would never do anything more than casual with her and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to keep seeing her for much longer. But that doesn't mean I can't still enjoy her company and smash her for a while as long as she's respectful.

The swipe apps are a bad place to meet women if you're seeking something meaningful. I realize some people are able to find decent LTRs off of it but it isn't efficient in any way. Swipe apps are for top tier men to have sex with multiple women without commitment. Other men are better served doing something else to meet women.

I've met some great women on OLD, though not in my current city. The last GF I had was one of the kindest, sweetest, warmest women I've ever met. She even met my Mom and was one of the few women to ever do so and they literally hugged after talking for 2 minutes. I'll never forget that girl. But I know that's rare.

Did you ever get an explanation why she ghosted for 3+ months?

Not really. But I don't think she had ghosted me back when we initially met, because as I said I didn't even remember talking to her at all, and hadn't even bothered to store her number so I probably just didn't care. I don't recall if I had even asked her out, but I do suppose having that context would help.

 

[corrector]

I have things going for me in my life and other women in the picture.

That long post and how you reacted to that doesn't say much about them. It sounds like that is the only women you cared about. Well, at least it was fun while it lasted.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

That long post and how you reacted to that doesn't say much about them. It sounds like that is the only women you cared about. Well, at least it was fun while it lasted.

I've had a few painful experiences with particular woman while seeing other women on the side. Men act like that's some kind of prophylactic but it's simply not. Abundance and living a good life doesn't mean you're suddenly immune to emotional vulnerability, if anything this "plate spinning" stuff is a cope.

I dated a young girl for 6 months when I was in my mid 20s and I was smashing women on the side the entire time and was in a great point in my life with lots of positive changes. But she ended up burning me too and having side chicks the entire time didn't change a damn thing. True abundance is a mindset anyway, not external validation in the form of backup options. That's kind of gay honestly. A man should be able to cultivate abundance in a vacuum from within.

On the flip side there have been times where I was only talking to one woman and in a less stable place in my life but still I ended up dating and having a healthy relationship without scarcity and over-investment. My last GF started like that and I was not upset at all when I broke up with her (which was due to me voluntarily moving across the country, meaning it was 100% avoidable yet I still commited to the decision).

My point is that it's not up to you when you care, life can throw you curveballs. Men need to stop with this machismo posturing BS. If you care that's fine just learn from it and stop pretending to not be a flawed, emotional human being.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Posting this despite knowing I may be mocked or this will ruin my "credibility" but I don't care.

A few months back I met a girl off OLD and we texted for a few days then it petered off and nothing happened (I don't remember what happened, but whatever it was it caused my to delete the texts, though that doesn't necessarily imply anything bad). Then out of the blue 3+ months later, she starts texting me asking me how I'm doing and I ask "who is this?" and she sends me a pic and wants to meetup.

We go on a hike and then get drinks and I go over to her place and smash. She comes pretty fast and the sex was great and I lasted long, and she's super affectionate for the rest of the night.

I don't text her after the date. She reaches out first 3 days later (ALWAYS a good sign) and she say wants to see me again. We ended up hanging out 2 more times and had more good sex, good conversation/chemistry. I felt like I could relax around her a little bit. She seemed warm and kind and high IL, talking about stuff she wanted to do with me, and seemed very excited and eager, all signs of high IL. She even did a favor for me and ran an errand for me to pick up something I needed to fix my motorcycle which only further solidifies my point.

After our 3rd date , I don't hear from her for 3 days so figure I should initiate. We just do some light texting, not much. Then in the middle of the week I asked her what her weekend plans are. She doesn't reply for 24 hours. Now some will say that means nothing but I say that's BS. I've never once in my life had a girl not reply for 24 hours to respond to a text that warrants a response. I was baffled. Once she finally texts back she says "hi sorry I was busy I went to a concert and now this weekend I'm having my girlfriends stay over, what are you up to?" I wait a whole day to reply and had considered not even replying at all but I'm not the type to avoid confrontation. So I play it cool and say "oh yeah I bet that was cool, and sounds like a fun weekend too. Nothing crazy on my end, trying to close a sale and doing a project for my business which I'm pretty focused on lately". She never replies or calls me since then and it's been 36 hours now.

In my mind, it's done. I don't care what she says at this point. I've already moved on. My only consideration (if she even reaches out again) is whether to ghost or confront her (not to convince her, but get the final word in) but I don't think that will serve any purpose.

I know people will say "abundance bro", "you care too much". Nah this is not that simple. I really don't give a shvt about women anymore. Furthmore, I've only ever thought of this girl as recreational use only (she's genuinely batshvt crazy and a total hoe), and only ever intended to just have some fun with her. Despite this, it still hurts a lot which makes it even more baffling. I know I'm not supposed to care, but that's just it, I do care. I'm not going to be like other posters and put on a machismo act. I have handled many rejections over my life and I've ended things with a few women pretty recently but none of them hurt like this one. I have things going for me in my life and other women in the picture. The issue is that I cannot honestly recall something like before where a high IL woman who I have very good chemistry with does a complete 180 after 3+ dates for seemingly no reason. I already know that the explaination is that another guy came into the picture. And I'm not asking advice for what to do as I'm 100% done with her now.

I mostly wanted to vent, and say that I thought I was immune to this sort of stuff but apparently not.

Remember, our thoughts and beliefs about external events ultimately dictate just how disturbed(if at all)we get by them. What is it about this gal you barely know not being contact for a couple of days that bugs you so much?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Remember, our thoughts and beliefs about external events ultimately dictate just how disturbed(if at all)we get by them. What is it about this gal you barely know not being contact for a couple of days that bugs you so much?

I don't know. That's partly why it bothered me because it made no sense for me to even care, especially considering I wasn't even sure I wanted to see her for much longer.

My best explaination is that she is one of the few women who I felt I had a genuine connection with. I could have real, raw, deep conversations with her, and we had a surprising number of things in common with, and not trivial things either but things I actually care about. Both of these things are quite rare for women I interact with and can only think of a small handful i've ever met in my life like that.

Also your implication about not being in contact for a couple days as being meaningless is not meaningless. A sudden pattern disruption from women, lack of communication, is a sure sign you're not a priority anymore or another guy is in the picture that now takes precedent over you. Even in casual things I still demand a certain level of respect and consistency; if she sees other men she cannot let it impact how she treats me (which women generally aren't capable of anyway). As far as I'm concerned it's done.

 

[BPH]

We go on a hike and then get drinks and I go over to her place and smash. She comes pretty fast and the sex was great and I lasted long, and she's super affectionate for the rest of the night.

This you? https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/why-does-nutting-inside-a-girl-give-you-superpowers.282939/

She doesn't reply for 24 hours. Now some will say that means nothing but I say that's BS. I've never once in my life had a girl not reply for 24 hours to respond to a text that warrants a response. I was baffled.

Furthmore, I've only ever thought of this girl as recreational use only (she's genuinely batshvt crazy and a total hoe), and only ever intended to just have some fun with her.

Did you ever consider that MAYBE the way you saw her was the way she saw you? If that's the case, you shouldn't be bothered by this.

I wait a whole day to reply and had considered not even replying at all but I'm not the type to avoid confrontation.

Oh ok, so we're gonna play games and jump to conclusions, cool.

In my mind, it's done. I don't care what she says at this point. I've already moved on. My only consideration (if she even reaches out again) is whether to ghost or confront her (not to convince her, but get the final word in) but I don't think that will serve any purpose.

So you've already moved on from a relationship that didn't exist, and might not have any problems, because she's taking too long to reply...and furthermore you're considering ghosting her or starting a fight when/if she DOES reply...

Dude, what is this? Why are you creating your own problems?

 

[New_Journey]

In my mind, it's done. I don't care what she says at this point. I've already moved on.

Slow down cowboy, why? Cause she didn't text you for days, looks like you're very invested in her.

(She's genuinely batshvt crazy and a total hoe)

Nice guy rage when the woman doesn't respond to his expectations. For a man who doesn't give a sh!te, you sure took the time and energy to write about her and insult her

 

[Bingo-Player]

You lost me at "I met her on OLD"

Gentlemen how many times do I have to tell you THE WOMEN ARE ON THESE APPS FOR BLOODY GOOD REASON

 

[BaronOfHair]

Gentlemen how many times do I have to tell you THE WOMEN ARE ON THESE APPS FOR BLOODY GOOD REASON

Girls today idolize Cardi Bhttps://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-47718477.amp , rather than Florence Nightingale, and have no desire to save up for that trip to Rio

 

[Clockwerk50]

It's actually a sign of strength to be vulnerable. Admitting our flaws and learning from them can help us grow. Many people may appear confident on the outside, but behind closed doors, they face their own challenges. Some might be struggling financially or dealing with personal or business issues. The key is to understand that everyone has their unique journey. In the words of Soren Kierkegaard, "do it or don't do it — you will regret both."

The only way I can help is by analyzing your description of the woman and I considered a few possibilities:

1. People with ADHD might exhibit hyperfocus and impulsive behaviors, which can sometimes lead to multiple relationships and hyper-sexuality. Medications might be to control this mental health issue.
2. Some individuals may have a pattern of idealizing new partners, only to become disillusioned when they discover flaws. This can lead to a cycle of short-lived relationships. It's often rooted in personal insecurities rather than a genuine search for perfection. These individuals may have a history of stormy and short-lived romances. They tend to compare their partners to others and often try to change them. This can be extremely frustrating for both parties and it can become anti-seductive. Ultimately, their dissatisfaction stems from their own unhappiness, which they may mistake for high standards. It is best to cut these people off your life.
3. Individuals who were overly pampered as children may struggle with boredom and restlessness in adulthood. They might seek constant excitement and novelty, leading to frequent changes in relationships and jobs. These individuals may have been raised in a way that led them to rely on others for entertainment. As they grow older, they may find themselves bored and restless, leading to a constant search for variety. This can make it difficult for them to settle into long-term relationships. The way to keep them engaged is by providing a lot of distractions, new places to visit, novel experiences, colour, spectacles, etc. The problem is that you have to put a lot of effort on it.

Good luck.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You lost that 'frame' where you take the lead when you stopped to ask her what she was doing that weekend. You had established yourself as a leader, but now you were asking her to make decisions. Should've made plans for the weekend (plans you would do alone, if she doesn't come along), then tell her she can 'join' you.

Whether you can 'regain your leadership' is up to your skill in manipulation.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

My best explaination is that she is one of the few women who I felt I had a genuine connection with. I could have real, raw, deep conversations with her, and we had a surprising number of things in common with, and not trivial things either but things I actually care about. Both of these things are quite rare for women I interact with and can only think of a small handful i've ever met in my life like that.

The more authentic you become, the more of these women you will meet. Don't be dazzled because you finally find someone with a genuine connection. If you keep working on yourself, you will find that the women you attract are more genuine like you are, because you both move beyond the superficial.

 

[Hal9000]

The initial ghosting should have told you all you needed to know about what you were getting involved with. When dealing with girls like that you enjoy them whenever they come around but don't lose sight of the fact they're flaky as heck and will vanish just as quickly as they re-emerged.

 

[Ricky]

I find that forums like this don’t always provide the most positive feedback and lead to piling on when a guy is down and monday morning quarterbacking

It has been my experience that our body kind of puts us into a fight or flight feeling when we feel someone (not just in a dating relationship but friendships) subtly rejects us. This is common and i can understand how you feel.

of course this will then make you try to figure out how to fix things because we are men thats what we do.

Women are wired differently as we know. Part of me believes that since they tend to seek attention more than sex itself (there are some women with high sex drives but most much lower than ours), that women prefer novel or unpredictable attention. This is why when you give them lots of attention they love it at first because you are new but it loses its value with time and becomes predictable

its sad but in the early stages on of the best ways to keep a woman is to make her think she can lose you…and the best way to do this is to genuinely be busy… i think you did ok in your waiting game with her but she was even better at outwaiting you

 

[Baibars]

Posting this despite knowing I may be mocked or this will ruin my "credibility" but I don't care.

A few months back I met a girl off OLD and we texted for a few days then it petered off and nothing happened (I don't remember what happened, but whatever it was it caused my to delete the texts, though that doesn't necessarily imply anything bad). Then out of the blue 3+ months later, she starts texting me asking me how I'm doing and I ask "who is this?" and she sends me a pic and wants to meetup.

We go on a hike and then get drinks and I go over to her place and smash. She comes pretty fast and the sex was great and I lasted long, and she's super affectionate for the rest of the night.

I don't text her after the date. She reaches out first 3 days later (ALWAYS a good sign) and she say wants to see me again. We ended up hanging out 2 more times and had more good sex, good conversation/chemistry. I felt like I could relax around her a little bit. She seemed warm and kind and high IL, talking about stuff she wanted to do with me, and seemed very excited and eager, all signs of high IL. She even did a favor for me and ran an errand for me to pick up something I needed to fix my motorcycle which only further solidifies my point.

After our 3rd date , I don't hear from her for 3 days so figure I should initiate. We just do some light texting, not much. Then in the middle of the week I asked her what her weekend plans are. She doesn't reply for 24 hours. Now some will say that means nothing but I say that's BS. I've never once in my life had a girl not reply for 24 hours to respond to a text that warrants a response. I was baffled. Once she finally texts back she says "hi sorry I was busy I went to a concert and now this weekend I'm having my girlfriends stay over, what are you up to?" I wait a whole day to reply and had considered not even replying at all but I'm not the type to avoid confrontation. So I play it cool and say "oh yeah I bet that was cool, and sounds like a fun weekend too. Nothing crazy on my end, trying to close a sale and doing a project for my business which I'm pretty focused on lately". She never replies or calls me since then and it's been 36 hours now.

In my mind, it's done. I don't care what she says at this point. I've already moved on. My only consideration (if she even reaches out again) is whether to ghost or confront her (not to convince her, but get the final word in) but I don't think that will serve any purpose.

I know people will say "abundance bro", "you care too much". Nah this is not that simple. I really don't give a shvt about women anymore. Furthmore, I've only ever thought of this girl as recreational use only (she's genuinely batshvt crazy and a total hoe), and only ever intended to just have some fun with her. Despite this, it still hurts a lot which makes it even more baffling. I know I'm not supposed to care, but that's just it, I do care. I'm not going to be like other posters and put on a machismo act. I have handled many rejections over my life and I've ended things with a few women pretty recently but none of them hurt like this one. I have things going for me in my life and other women in the picture. The issue is that I cannot honestly recall something like before where a high IL woman who I have very good chemistry with does a complete 180 after 3+ dates for seemingly no reason. I already know that the explaination is that another guy came into the picture. And I'm not asking advice for what to do as I'm 100% done with her now.

I mostly wanted to vent, and say that I thought I was immune to this sort of stuff but apparently not.

I respect that you are honest and don’t act like some wannabe emotionless alpha dude. I think that’s totally normal. We are human not robots. I also had someone like that a few months ago. Something about her made you like her more than others but as you already know it’s not in your hands.

 

[Isildur1]

i think by not texting her back after the date you were putting yourself in the **** boy zone- I made several mistakes with a couple other women whom i wanted to still have in my life my issue was after sleeping with them i would ghost them thinking that was the right thing to do . Reality is you want to treat them well so they stick around - after the first date when you smash take her out and buy her breakfast this makes it look like she's not being used. i made a huge error by not doing this with a few of my plates and ended up losing them permanently .

Then after the date text to check up how she's doing - its not needy to care for someone lol

seems like you were too casual here and not leading - something which was a big part of my problem when i adjusted to daygame i was too casual and women mistook by casual vibe for not giving a **** about them and only using them for sex

also be honest with what you want from her? if you want her to be your girlfriend or want to hang out again just tell her and make the appropriate actions to do so or she will think you are not interested . When i was at university i was critiqued by women for being too needy i then tried to overcompensate this during my daygame era to being too nonchalant and wouldnt text back after having sex with girls to try and act cool - in reality it just lost me dates and plates and potential future girlfriends. Always put in effort- lead and initiate dates so she doesnt think youre just another ****boy

 

[Isildur1]

its sad but in the early stages on of the best ways to keep a woman is to make her think she can lose you…and the best way to do this is to genuinely be busy… i think you did ok in your waiting game with her but she was even better at outwaiting you

issues is they may mistake this for disinterest - if you're fighting for the frame all the time anyway it isn't a real relationship to begin with and you should be pursuing new leads. For me personally i left the gap texting back after sex way too long with certain women and by the time i made the effort they had moved on

 

[Isildur1]

You lost me at "I met her on OLD"

Gentlemen how many times do I have to tell you THE WOMEN ARE ON THESE APPS FOR BLOODY GOOD REASON

agree- from my experience my best long term relationships came from daygame. My current girlfriend i met from just cold approach in Dubai.