To attract women: be fun or be serious?

[BadBoy89]

I'm always confused about this.

1) One group of men say "Make her laugh, have fun, bring out the little girl in her and she'll be yours."

2) The other group of men say "Be serious, focused, no nonsense type of guy, and she will be yours."

All things considered (dress, height, look, money), which is it?

 

[The Duke]

Women are not A, B, or C. They aren't some equation. They aren't black and white. Do what gets the best results for the type of woman you want to attract. I'd start with being myself, as long as you aren't some weirdo. And I don't know anyone that doesn't like to laugh.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You have to be congruent with who you are but make tweaks to things that aren't working in date.

Which only comes from experience and failures over time.

People want shortcuts. There are rarely shortcuts in life.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm always confused about this.

1) One group of men say "Make her laugh, have fun, bring out the little girl in her and she'll be yours."

2) The other group of men say "Be serious, focused, no nonsense type of guy, and she will be yours."

All things considered (dress, height, look, money), which is it?

Neither.

Both groups of men are wrong. There is no simple 'do this and she'll be yours'.
If you're an extroverted entertainer, some women will be attracted, some will think you're a clown, some will not get your humour, some will be offended.
If you're an introverted serious worker, some women will be attracted, some will like your quiet confidence, some women will think you'll be a good security blanket, some will think you're humourless, some will think you're boring and dull.

I'm pretty successful with women, but I don't pretend to be something I'm not. What works for me, doesn't work for everyone. And for every woman that is attracted to me, there are plenty who aren't attracted to me at all.
Women like to talk with me, so I received a lot of (unasked for) feedback on why these women approached me. None of their feedback can be codified into a recipe to be attractive in general. They consider me 'interesting/intriguing' for a variety of 'reasons', none of which are 'reasonable' but mostly emotional. I make them 'feel' things they 'haven't felt for a long time'. They 'feel good' in my company.

So, apparently, I engender 'feelings' in women, but I cannot tell you how you can do the same, because their 'reasons' for feeling good in my company are their own projections based on facets of my personality. So, for instance, submissive women will focus on my dominant side. Intellectual women are attracted to my author side. Romantic women are attracted to my poetic side. Et cetera.

I stand out from the crowd. Some women like that, some women don't. I don't care, I do my own thing. Some women like me and what I do and want to join me. Some can, most can't. I'm selective in allowing women into my life.

I don't pay attention to the women who don't approach me, so I have no idea why they don't do that. I'm not attracted to all women, but I don't tell the women I'm not attracted to why I'm not attracted to them. Most of them cannot change themselves to become attractive to me anyway.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm always confused about this.

1) One group of men say "Make her laugh, have fun, bring out the little girl in her and she'll be yours."

2) The other group of men say "Be serious, focused, no nonsense type of guy, and she will be yours."

All things considered (dress, height, look, money), which is it?

It’s very specific to the guy as AA points out. There’s no one size fits all.

Notwithstanding, if I had to put money on one of the above, I would say that, anecdotally, I’ve seen more guys succeed with #2.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I'm always confused about this.

1) One group of men say "Make her laugh, have fun, bring out the little girl in her and she'll be yours."

2) The other group of men say "Be serious, focused, no nonsense type of guy, and she will be yours."

All things considered (dress, height, look, money), which is it?

Act how you want to act!

Actually, when I was much younger and naive, I paid a price for not acting how I wanted to.

Examples:
1: Not going for a kiss.
2: Not asking a woman out.
3: Not saying what I want to say.
4: Thinking if I was myself and showed quirks/eccentricities that I’d be “found” out, look like a weirdo.

All this backfired.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I believe it comes down to the inverted U or Yerkes-Dodson law, which suggests there's an optimal level of arousal for performance. Being funny can create a strong initial connection, but if you're too funny, it might come off as not taking things seriously, which can lead to a lack of depth in the relationship. On the flip side, being overly serious can make you seem unapproachable or dull, which might push her away. Striking a balance between humor and seriousness seems key.

There are other characteristics you can play with that can show ambiguity and complexity. You can be innocent, bold, intellectual, interested or witty on one hand, while on the other, you could be devilish, shy, spontaneous, disinterested, or sad. If one quality is too pronounced, it could make you seem inconsistent. As others have mentioned, being congruent is key.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I'm always confused about this.

1) One group of men say "Make her laugh, have fun, bring out the little girl in her and she'll be yours."

2) The other group of men say "Be serious, focused, no nonsense type of guy, and she will be yours."

All things considered (dress, height, look, money), which is it?

Different scenarios and individuals call for different tactics and strategies. Read up on hostage negotiation and skillful interrogation https://www.themarshallproject.org/2016/05/24/nothing-but-the-truth

Much of this is applicable to ANY scenario in which you're trying to persuade someone to do what you want, including women you want to bed. And just as not every hostage negotiation ends without The SWAT team having to be given the green light, and every interrogation doesn't end with the captive giving up substantial intell, not every woman you approach will go home with you

Such is life

 

[characternote]

One of the first red flags I saw about PUA/Game was, as you have noticed, that the 'experts' didn't agree on a single thing. Huge contradictions across the board. The 'direct vs indirect' thing was the first big one to hit me (since my first 2 books were mysterymethod followed by Mark Manson lol), but if you kept digging, like I did (and boy, did I dig!!), you realise that every single tiny nuance of game was split down the middle.
The 'pros' didn't agree on a single thing.
They all had their own ideas that they said 'worked' - A mixture of being 'fooled by randomness' (as Nassim Nicholas Taleb might say) as well as just marketing tactics.

So we can say that there are basically no rules. And can a game be a game without rules??

So, just be you. Whether you are the comedian or the stoic, she will want you IF she is attracted to you. Both will work just fine. Or neither! lol

 

[SW15]

Striking a balance between humor and seriousness seems key.

This is the correct general idea of what to do. I lean a little bit more towards the being fun side. I believe this because women are guided more by feelings and emotions than rationality and logic. A man who is more fun will create more positive feelings.

Some of this depends on the age of the woman. Younger women (typically under 30) will be more drawn to the fun type as they are even more strongly governed by feelings and emotions.

 

[viking22]

I think there is a balance. You don't want to be a clown who is obviously trying too hard to entertain her and make her laugh. And if she is too comfortable and having too much fun it will kill some of the sexual tension. But if you are too serious then she might get bored or uncomfortable. I think the best approach is to not take her too seriously, kid around a bit, but remember that you are a busy man with things to do and ultimately you are spending time with her because you want to sleep with her.

 

[Ricky]

What i liked was a portfolio response and this is what i think Mystery method got right

you open with something fun or ****y and funny. The woman thinks “great this guy is entertaining and not boring”. Cant stay too long at this phase or you just look like a comedian or joker

then drop into comfort. Like a regular convo you would have with anyone even an woman you had no interest. It shows you can be serious. Years ago before i knew this i was on AOL with a coworker chatting and kept her laughing 3 hours. I was always the clown that couldn’t get i

 

[plumber]

I don't pay attention to the women who don't approach me,

Will you expand on this?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Will you expand on this?

I pay attention to women who approach me, because I appreciate they're taking an effort into making a connection. Since I don't need company, I'm not actively seeking out companionship, so why would I be paying attention to see if there are women to pursue? That would only make sense if I'm looking for women, which I'm not.

 

[plumber]

I pay attention to women who approach me, because I appreciate they're taking an effort into making a connection. Since I don't need company, I'm not actively seeking out companionship, so why would I be paying attention to see if there are women to pursue? That would only make sense if I'm looking for women, which I'm not.

do they have to initiate conversation, or only repeatedly placing themselves into your way?

 

[ManlyMan]

It depends on what you are able to pull off. Some guys can pull off certain vibes like being serious or funny. Some guys would be try hard. For instance Gene Simmons can not act like tommy lee without being weird as an example.

 

[inquisitor]

I'm always confused about this.

1) One group of men say "Make her laugh, have fun, bring out the little girl in her and she'll be yours."

2) The other group of men say "Be serious, focused, no nonsense type of guy, and she will be yours."

All things considered (dress, height, look, money), which is it?

How are we regressing?

Learn who you are, know what you want, do what you have to do, get back up fast from your mistakes, and know the kind of woman you'd want to be with.

Both humor and honesty are important. What's up with choosing whether to be this or that? Use both to your advantage and to her betterment.

 

[inquisitor]

I believe it comes down to the inverted U or Yerkes-Dodson law, which suggests there's an optimal level of arousal for performance. Being funny can create a strong initial connection, but if you're too funny, it might come off as not taking things seriously, which can lead to a lack of depth in the relationship. On the flip side, being overly serious can make you seem unapproachable or dull, which might push her away. Striking a balance between humor and seriousness seems key.

There are other characteristics you can play with that can show ambiguity and complexity. You can be innocent, bold, intellectual, interested or witty on one hand, while on the other, you could be devilish, shy, spontaneous, disinterested, or sad. If one quality is too pronounced, it could make you seem inconsistent. As others have mentioned, being congruent is key.
View attachment 13193

It's like the Laffer curve, but with taxes and revenue.

 

[Vending Machine Veteran]

I'm always confused about this.

1) One group of men say "Make her laugh, have fun, bring out the little girl in her and she'll be yours."

2) The other group of men say "Be serious, focused, no nonsense type of guy, and she will be yours."

All things considered (dress, height, look, money), which is it?

You need both.

You must be funny, but also serious

C0cky funny, plus dread game

That's the final boss

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

do they have to initiate conversation, or only repeatedly placing themselves into your way?

The shy ones often hover and smile, the bolder ones will initiate conversations.