A guy I know is getting laid off, and his wife is non-stop on his case about getting a replacement job

[MatureDJ]

They are in their 50s, and her career is going well - but his business is getting bought out, and he will be getting a pink slip. He has a side hustle hobby that he has been doing, a lot of times for free for various non-profits that he has agency with, and now he is trying to tap all that goodwill from those free jobs to boost up into getting paid gigs. However, his wife wants to see him "pound the pavement" and "get a real job", but I have a hunch that the only "real job" he could get is something like working as an auto-parts clerk, which pays sheet.

I think this a problem that a lot of older married men face - that if the wife is working, she'll be damned if she is going to be the one bringing home the bacon!

 

[Grandma Penkitten]

Realistically, the cost of living is absurd at the moment. Our household could not afford to operate long if a job was lost. It takes the two of us as a team. On top of that, as we age, we have to have health insurance because most folks have some ailment. If a married couple each gets a policy through their employers, it usually is a heck of a lot cheaper than adding the spouse to their policy and paying for family insurance.
Sometimes, you just don't net enough to cover those plans.
So, instead of implying that the wife wouldn't like the idea of being the breadwinner, it just sounds like they have a tight budget and they can't afford for him not to be working right now.

 

[The Duke]

They are in their 50s, and her career is going well - but his business is getting bought out, and he will be getting a pink slip. He has a side hustle hobby that he has been doing, a lot of times for free for various non-profits that he has agency with, and now he is trying to tap all that goodwill from those free jobs to boost up into getting paid gigs. However, his wife wants to see him "pound the pavement" and "get a real job", but I have a hunch that the only "real job" he could get is something like working as an auto-parts clerk, which pays sheet.

I think this a problem that a lot of older married men face - that if the wife is working, she'll be damned if she is going to be the one bringing home the bacon!

The one who has the money has the power. Don't set yourself up to be defeated. At the end of the day, women see men as providers. If you aren't providing for them, then they'll find someone else. And that providing takes many different forms other than monetary.

 

[BaronOfHair]

They are in their 50s, and her career is going well - but his business is getting bought out, and he will be getting a pink slip. He has a side hustle hobby that he has been doing, a lot of times for free for various non-profits that he has agency with, and now he is trying to tap all that goodwill from those free jobs to boost up into getting paid gigs. However, his wife wants to see him "pound the pavement" and "get a real job", but I have a hunch that the only "real job" he could get is something like working as an auto-parts clerk, which pays sheet.

I think this a problem that a lot of older married men face - that if the wife is working, she'll be damned if she is going to be the one bringing home the bacon!

You're a guy, and expending this much thought on what is happening in someone else's household?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Side note, the term bring home the bacon originates from a tradition in medieval times where the church would give men a chunk of cured meat at Christmas if they promised that they had not beaten their wife all year.

 

[Solomon]

Not to change the topic but this year I went on a few dates this summer where women flat out said they are looking for a man to pay bills and provide. Mind you in my 20s&30s that was rare but in the last two years. I've had women as young as 26 mention this all the way up to 46. Things are getting expensive and let's be real a lot of women don't like working and/or their jobs(not all but most)

Now think about being in a marriage and the wife has to pay all the bills, there will be some resentment there, even though "it's for better or for worse"

 

[MatureDJ]

Not to change the topic but this year I went on a few dates this summer where women flat out said they are looking for a man to pay bills and provide. Mind you in my 20s&30s that was rare but in the last two years. I've had women as young as 26 mention this all the way up to 46. Things are getting expensive and let's be real a lot of women don't like working and/or their jobs(not all but most)

Now think about being in a marriage and the wife has to pay all the bills, there will be some resentment there, even though "it's for better or for worse"

At this point in my life, when I could actually afford to, I would not mind this type of arrangement - I mean, I only get action when I pay for it anyway.

 

[zekko]

The one who has the money has the power. Don't set yourself up to be defeated. At the end of the day, women see men as providers. If you aren't providing for them, then they'll find someone else. And that providing takes many different forms other than monetary.

I know guys who aren't providers, and the women make the bulk of the money. And I've seen these women go from one non-provider guy to the next. So apparently there's something about that arrangement that appeals to them. But the bottom line is, at the end of the day, if you aren't providing, you are disposable.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

But the bottom line is, at the end of the day, if you aren't providing, you are disposable.

I retired in 2011 and focused on raising our children while my wife started working full time in the IT. She was glad that I took over the children, because she wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home-mum. We divorced in 2016, but that had nothing to do with me 'not providing'.

 

[zekko]

I retired in 2011 and focused on raising our children while my wife started working full time in the IT. She was glad that I took over the children, because she wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home-mum. We divorced in 2016, but that had nothing to do with me 'not providing'.

Being retired doesn't necessarily mean you aren't providing.

 

[SW15]

It's quite common for men to lose their girlfriends/wives when they lose their jobs.

This is an older couple so one might think the wife would be a little bit more forgiving and realize his career accomplishments of the past 30+ years.

Why isn't early retirement an option for him? Many 55-60 year old white collar workers end up in early retirement simply because they can't get hired due to age.

 

[zekko]

It's quite common for men to lose their girlfriends/wives when they lose their jobs.

It is very common, I've seen this numerous times throughout my life. To put it another way, "When it rains, it pours". Of course, sometimes the woman dumps the guy because he has lost his value in such a case. But in others, the guy self destructs because of his own insecurity. A lot of guys get their self identity and self esteem from their work.

As for early retirement, that is something that needs to be planned for, and executed. It's kind of like working out. You can't just say you're going to work out, you have to follow through on it. That's why "pay yourself first" plans are so effective. Anyway, most people are not adequately prepared for retirement, neither financially nor otherwise. I know a lot of these people, yet somehow they survive. God finds a way to take care of them. Either they work until they're 70, or their kids move in with them, or they inherit a bunch of money from someone.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Being retired doesn't necessarily mean you aren't providing.

True, but in a financial sense my contribution went down a little bit. On the other hand, parenting stressed her out and leaving that to me was a great relief for her, so she could concentrate on her career.

 

[sevbucmash]

he could get is something like working as an auto-parts clerk, which pays sheet

It pays something. Even if it pays $20 an hour, that's $3200 a month.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I retired in 2011 and focused on raising our children while my wife started working full time in the IT. She was glad that I took over the children, because she wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home-mum. We divorced in 2016, but that had nothing to do with me 'not providing'.

You sure about that?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You sure about that?

Yes, I am.

I know she divorced me because she thought she'd be happier without me. Instead she's unhappier now, stressed to the point of burn-out, and deeply dissatisfied. I guess the greener grass turned out to be a fetid swamp.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Yes, I am.

I know she divorced me because she thought she'd be happier without me. Instead she's unhappier now, stressed to the point of burn-out, and deeply dissatisfied. I guess the greener grass was a swamp.

And what makes you say that her unhappiness was completely unrelated to family finances? Financial issues are the number one cause of divorce.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

And what makes you say that her unhappiness was completely unrelated to family finances? Financial issues are the number one cause of divorce.

Because we were doing financially more than fine and she wasn't a gold digger. We were together for sixteen years, but the trouble started with motherhood, which was mentally much harder than she expected it to be. That made her unhappy and after our second child was born, she became even unhappier and wanted to use her university education, but that depended on whether I would retire and take care of the kids. I took over after our daughter stopped breastfeeding at one year old and the changeover improved the marriage until I became sick with kidney stones and chronic pain issues four years later and nobody could say how long before (and if) I recuperated, so now she became impatient and came to see me as a burden. Her toxic girlfriends convinced her she would be happier without me. And that was a mistake. Divorcing me brought her more misery than happiness, plus she still has to co-parent with me.

And I'm doing fine now.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I retired in 2011 and focused on raising our children while my wife started working full time in the IT. She was glad that I took over the children, because she wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home-mum. We divorced in 2016, but that had nothing to do with me 'not providing'.

Sounds like Stalingrad-size mistake. Things womens openly declare they need and things they really need are too often totally different things.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Sounds like Stalingrad-size mistake. Things womens openly declare they need and things they really need are too often totally different things.

Yes, please do lecture me on communicating with women.