How many of you are married ?! If so are you sleeping with other women.

[AmsterdamAssassin]

In my case, if my wife comes home from work and wants to argue/pick a fight, she is testing me. This is often called a **** test.

If you read my posts, you will notice that I call it a 'congruency test'. Sh!t test is too negative and will influence how you approach being tested. And the fact is, you will get tested less and less the more congruent you are, the more authentic you are, and the more integrity you show. If a woman feels safe with you, she won't feel the need to test you that often. Once in a while, when she feels you pay her less attention and give her less validation, she will want to be noticed and she'll start testing you again to see if she can annoy you. That's why you should never show annoyance, but calmly address her like a bratty teenager.

Women have an evolutionary need to test their men. It evolved over 200k years. Tests used to be in the form of defending against threats and hunting, things of that nature.

The priority for women in relationships is safety. So they look for someone who will protect and support them while also be capable of providing resources and having a high status within the tribe. A mature man who has emotional self control and will not act impulsively.

Congruency testing starts when a woman doubts whether you're the man you claim to be. You act mature, but are you really in control of your emotions?
Will you allow her to manipulate you emotionally and show incongruence by becoming emotional? Can she pull you into her drama and argue with her? Will your ego take over when she challenges you?
Or will you calmly assert your boundaries while showing her compassion? Can you soothe her and make her feel secure?

Those needs are no longer necessary, but women still need to test. If you take the bait, if you argue, you fail the test.

The need for women to test for congruency is more necessary than ever. With the growing individualism the fabric of tribal society has lost its threads, making it difficult to observe someone within society. Interaction has become more and more superficial, so women have to put a potential suitor to the test to see if they are mature enough for a relationship. To test if they have their life together so the woman doesn't become their mommy. To test if they are supportive enough to dependably lean on. Et cetera.

 

[Vanderdonck]

My advice, get married if you want. Play around if you want. But don't have "affairs." That is, if a piece of tail comes wagging, go for it but do it once and get out. Make sure she's cool with a ONS and nothing more.

It's when men start weeks-long side relationships, going on dates, and even having kids outside of marriage that they truly fukk themselves. Unless he's a billionaire but even then, be discreet and smart.

 

[kzar_kzar]

My advice, get married if you want. Play around if you want. But don't have "affairs." That is, if a piece of tail comes wagging, go for it but do it once and get out. Make sure she's cool with a ONS and nothing more.

It's when men start weeks-long side relationships, going on dates, and even having kids outside of marriage that they truly fukk themselves. Unless he's a billionaire but even then, be discreet and smart.

Yup that’s what I’m thinking about, a regular fwb maybe, or random ons, random ons can be abit of work as need to put myself out there.
Totally understandable on last part

 

[Dr_jitsu]

If you read my posts, you will notice that I call it a 'congruency test'. Sh!t test is too negative and will influence how you approach being tested. And the fact is, you will get tested less and less the more congruent you are, the more authentic you are, and the more integrity you show. If a woman feels safe with you, she won't feel the need to test you that often. Once in a while, when she feels you pay her less attention and give her less validation, she will want to be noticed and she'll start testing you again to see if she can annoy you. That's why you should never show annoyance, but calmly address her like a bratty teenager.


The priority for women in relationships is safety. So they look for someone who will protect and support them while also be capable of providing resources and having a high status within the tribe. A mature man who has emotional self control and will not act impulsively.

Congruency testing starts when a woman doubts whether you're the man you claim to be. You act mature, but are you really in control of your emotions?
Will you allow her to manipulate you emotionally and show incongruence by becoming emotional? Can she pull you into her drama and argue with her? Will your ego take over when she challenges you?
Or will you calmly assert your boundaries while showing her compassion? Can you soothe her and make her feel secure?


The need for women to test for congruency is more necessary than ever. With the growing individualism the fabric of tribal society has lost its threads, making it difficult to observe someone within society. Interaction has become more and more superficial, so women have to put a potential suitor to the test to see if they are mature enough for a relationship. To test if they have their life together so the woman doesn't become their mommy. To test if they are supportive enough to dependably lean on. Et cetera.

This is all pretty consistent with my view of tests. The bottom line is not to be drawn into an argument (the test). Stay calm, cool, tell her "sweetie, I see you are upset but I am not going to argue." Then remove yourself from the situation.

That sends the message "if you want to be around me you cannot start arguments."

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That sends the message "if you want to be around me you cannot start arguments."

I mainly put the focus on drama.

Arguments are discussions+drama. I'm fine with discussions, but even heated discussion should stay drama-free. Emotional is fine, but over-emotional creates irrational bias, which runs counter to discussion.

However, I decide when she becomes dramatic and needs a time-out to calm down.

 

[jhonny9546]

My wife says something to provoke me. If I argue I fail the test. Here is what I do instead: I say "sweetie, I see you are upset. However I am not going to argue with you and we can talk later." I then leave (go to the gym, work, etc.).

This is really what you do everytime? How do you speak, which is your voice tone?

On days she does not cook, the LAST thing you want to do is become upset.

Sorry to bother, but I just saw thing in other LTR's: the man getting upset because she didn't prepare for him, so "she must told him before, so he could get organized for it".
Also, this is just me, but I cannot say a women i don't like the food she prepared for me, but I would always compliment her or show "affection" somehow.
This is a thing that is innate with me. What do you do here?

That's why you should never show annoyance, but calmly address her like a bratty teenager.

Sorry to ask again, what is your voice tone here?
La priorità per le donne nelle relazioni è la sicurezza. Quindi cercano qualcuno che le protegga e le sostenga, ma che sia anche in grado di fornire risorse e di avere uno status elevato all'interno della tribù. Un uomo maturo che abbia autocontrollo emotivo e non agisca impulsivamente.
Nice theory on "conguency" instead of "**** test". Thanks for the term!

 

[Pandora]

I have been happily married for 18 years. I wanted a family, especially a son that I have today. Here is a clip of my son wrestling this weekend. Shaping and molding my son into into an elite athlete has been one of the biggest pleasures of my life. 533208349249932

However if you want to get married you had damned well better have a rigorous system/program/machine in place to select and maintain a wife. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Of those, 70% are filed by women. Another study found that 74% of married men are unhappily married. So really, only a very small portion of men are happily married.

You must do 2 major things in order to be happily married. The first is selection. Only about 1 in 3 (or 4) women in America are marriage material. That means even if you did everything right your marriage would still be a failure because it is impossible to maintain a good relationship with most women under our current cultural and legal framework.


Now even if you get a good one you have to maintain that relationship. You have to keep your woman in love which is a never ending job. It does get easier, but never ends.

The above can be done. I just published a video on this process (one of many, I also wrote a book) but to summarize you go through 5 main stages. First you have to build your rotation. You have to open women daily, get pots of phone numbers, and date many women until you have 3 high quality women you are seeing each week, for example a Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday gal. Then you will have to manage your rotation. At this point these high quality women will be competing for you (and giving your the best sex ever). After 7-8 weeks you will start to know if there is LTR with a woman and you will either drop her (will happen many times) or commit to her.

Once you commit to a women you stop seeing others and hustling phone numbers. At this point you must get "The Golden Year." That is one year of a perfect relationship, no fights, no major red flags, no major problems. She will be a loving giver. If not you break it off and start the process again. I went through this last stage multiple times (was engaged) but ended it. Marriage and babies will not fix problems.

Finally you will get that Golden Year. That is the woman you marry.

Here is a picture of me and my wife. You can see that I am old and ugly and she is much younger and still very pretty. She is a boss girl but also very loving and cooks every night: photo

Thanks for this post bro. How many kids did you end up having? Did you get married in the USA?

 

[Dr_jitsu]

Thanks for this post bro. How many kids did you end up having? Did you get married in the USA?

Only 1. My wife had a couple of miscarriages. She was over30....another reason to always marry younger, never older. Yes we got married in the US. I bought the ring and my wife 100% did the wedding.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

This is really what you do everytime? How do you speak, which is your voice tone?
Sorry to bother, but I just saw thing in other LTR's: the man getting upset because she didn't prepare for him, so "she must told him before, so he could get organized for it".
Also, this is just me, but I cannot say a women i don't like the food she prepared for me, but I would always compliment her or show "affection" somehow.
This is a thing that is innate with me. What do you do here?

Sorry to ask again, what is your voice tone here?
La priorità per le donne nelle relazioni è la sicurezza. Quindi cercano qualcuno che le protegga e le sostenga, ma che sia anche in grado di fornire risorse e di avere uno status elevato all'interno della tribù. Un uomo maturo che abbia autocontrollo emotivo e non agisca impulsivamente.
Nice theory on "conguency" instead of "**** test". Thanks for the term!

Sorry for late response. I always stay calm. If you get worked up you fail the test. In terms of food quality, my wife is a pretty good cook so I never complain. Her food is way better than anything I make, LOL.

 

[corrector]

I have been happily married for 18 years. I wanted a family, especially a son that I have today. Here is a clip of my son wrestling this weekend. Shaping and molding my son into into an elite athlete has been one of the biggest pleasures of my life. 533208349249932

However if you want to get married you had damned well better have a rigorous system/program/machine in place to select and maintain a wife. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Of those, 70% are filed by women. Another study found that 74% of married men are unhappily married. So really, only a very small portion of men are happily married.

You must do 2 major things in order to be happily married. The first is selection. Only about 1 in 3 (or 4) women in America are marriage material. That means even if you did everything right your marriage would still be a failure because it is impossible to maintain a good relationship with most women under our current cultural and legal framework.


Now even if you get a good one you have to maintain that relationship. You have to keep your woman in love which is a never ending job. It does get easier, but never ends.

The above can be done. I just published a video on this process (one of many, I also wrote a book) but to summarize you go through 5 main stages. First you have to build your rotation. You have to open women daily, get pots of phone numbers, and date many women until you have 3 high quality women you are seeing each week, for example a Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday gal. Then you will have to manage your rotation. At this point these high quality women will be competing for you (and giving your the best sex ever). After 7-8 weeks you will start to know if there is LTR with a woman and you will either drop her (will happen many times) or commit to her.

Once you commit to a women you stop seeing others and hustling phone numbers. At this point you must get "The Golden Year." That is one year of a perfect relationship, no fights, no major red flags, no major problems. She will be a loving giver. If not you break it off and start the process again. I went through this last stage multiple times (was engaged) but ended it. Marriage and babies will not fix problems.

Finally you will get that Golden Year. That is the woman you marry.

Here is a picture of me and my wife. You can see that I am old and ugly and she is much younger and still very pretty. She is a boss girl but also very loving and cooks every night: photo

If 70% are filed by women, the other 30% must be triggered by them (either they cheated, abused the husband, or berated him badly and harassed him to divorce her) Just because a guy filed it does not mean he wanted to.

I filed mine and did not bother getting a divorce certificate. My ex wife asked me for one and I told her she had to get it on her own. See whose heart was really in that divorce. Who files it does not mean much. Whose fault is the divorce is more the issue.

 

[DJ Novice]

OP, from an ex married guy my advice to you is don’t go down this path.

Divorce laws are not favourable to men and it’s just a case of when, not if, you will get caught cheating.

Plus if you plan on having children then they may never forgive you.

If you must stray stick to s*x workers; do not head down the affair or side chick route.

Spinning plates is best done while not being married or not having a live in relationship.

I spin plates myself when the opportunity arises and while it sounds great the reality is (for me at least) it’s a logistical nightmare and a big time and money commitment.

Messages and phone calls from plates popping up unexpectedly when out on dates, having to make up excuses for double booked dates and what you are/were doing when you don’t return their messages/calls, having to constantly clean up for stray hairs, underwear, hair ties and the like, having to always wash bedsheets after a plate has visited etc. Less ‘me’ time. Lots of $ spent on multiple dates.

It’s a lot of work. But if you want variety that’s the price you pay.

I just don’t how you could pull this off successfully if you are married or living with a girl,

 

[kzar_kzar]

OP, from an ex married guy my advice to you is don’t go down this path.

Divorce laws are not favourable to men and it’s just a case of when, not if, you will get caught cheating.

Plus if you plan on having children then they may never forgive you.

If you must stray stick to s*x workers; do not head down the affair or side chick route.

Spinning plates is best done while not being married or not having a live in relationship.

I spin plates myself when the opportunity arises and while it sounds great the reality is (for me at least) it’s a logistical nightmare and a big time and money commitment.

Messages and phone calls from plates popping up unexpectedly when out on dates, having to make up excuses for double booked dates and what you are/were doing when you don’t return their messages/calls, having to constantly clean up for stray hairs, underwear, hair ties and the like, having to always wash bedsheets after a plate has visited etc. Less ‘me’ time. Lots of $ spent on multiple dates.

It’s a lot of work. But if you want variety that’s the price you pay.

I just don’t how you could pull this off successfully if you are married or living with a girl,

Thanks buddy!
I’ll keep updates on forum, let’s see what I will settle on