Girl dad

[Murk]

It’s official, I’m having a girl. I obviously wanted a boy but the idea of having a girl fills me with joy too, they’re so cute. I wanted to teach him sports and boxing, now i guess it’s ballet and dance classes. Me and the mother are both tall, I hoped that would give me a tall son, but now height and strength doesn’t really matter. I just need this girl to be happy healthy and mentally wise.

My goal with her is to show her what a real man is so she doesn’t settle for less. Give her what she wants so OF/sex work isn’t an option, and to also learn as a man what raising a girl the right way is all about.

My female friend and also a female cousin both said they think I’d be a good girl dad. I thought that meant they thought I was too feminine and couldn’t raise a real man lol. My mrs said it’s because I’ve always been so good with women so would teach her the other side. I’ll do that best I can and put my heart and soul into her regardless.

I welcome any tips, advice and most importantly any book you girl dads can recommend? I have a couple but always happy to add more.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

My daughter is currently 14 years old, taking after her Vader.


Your influence on your daughter will be twofold.
First of all, you will be her male role model, so right from the beginning you need to be mature, have emotional self-control, and act with integrity, so you'll form a template for the type of man she will be attracted to later in life. Especially the emotional self control is of utmost importance, since you need to be her 'safe haven' and she won't feel safe if you're mercurial or volatile.
Second, your influence wanes after the first 10-12 years, mostly around the time they finish basic/primary school. After that time, you will lose influence to the influence of her friends and social media. If you did a good job making her level-headed before she's ten years old, you stand a good chance to keep her well-balanced through adolescence.

Be her rock.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I will also soon have a daughter and the same things go though my mind - what do I know about raising daughters?

Nothing past what I read, heard from friends or learned from clients. I was always sure that I will manage raising the boy, but daughter? I am also suddenly afraid that someday in the future she will have to deal with some losers or PUAs (lol) and I will not be around to protect her.

I also think I need to be a better person for others, keep myself in check to be a role model for her, so that once she will grow up she will not go for bad boys (lol2).

 

[Serenity]

My daughter turned 2 this summer, so limited experience of course. I thought about it a lot when we found out it was a girl and I too zoomed into the future wondering how I could raise her to have a great life. After quite a bit of deliberation on it I concluded much the same as what @AmsterdamAssassin is saying.

I'm the male role model, I don't have to do anything special, I just have to continue doing what I have been doing, being the best man I can be.

I also got a son before her, he's 4 now. It's the same thing really, I am a role model to them and they will learn a lot simply by observing how we are as parents whether you want them to or not.

 

[plumber]

nice, your thinking about it instead of just letting it happen. mine will start university this year.

one of the puzzle is to decide what lessons she needs to learn on her own, and what ones are really not needed. the questions about nature or nurture will loom large. some things she will be regardless of you and others only because of you.

all of her life is worth living, the time now and later can both be good.

much is to do with the environment that you place her into. the family, house, other people, school, all of it. spend as much time together as you can. for her and for you. no other man will ever care for her exactly like you will. you are her protector; until you are no more.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

@Murk Congratulations!

 

[Chow Mein]

My daughter is currently 14 years old, taking after her Vader.
View attachment 13126

Your influence on your daughter will be twofold.
First of all, you will be her male role model, so right from the beginning you need to be mature, have emotional self-control, and act with integrity, so you'll form a template for the type of man she will be attracted to later in life. Especially the emotional self control is of utmost importance, since you need to be her 'safe haven' and she won't feel safe if you're mercurial or volatile.
Second, your influence wanes after the first 10-12 years, mostly around the time they finish basic/primary school. After that time, you will lose influence to the influence of her friends and social media. If you did a good job making her level-headed before she's ten years old, you stand a good chance to keep her well-balanced through adolescence.

Be her rock.

Holy sh!t. So many men need to follow this simple principle - be someone people will admire

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Holy sh!t. So many men need to follow this simple principle - be someone people will admire

I've written extensively on Parenting in my answers on Quora. Several of my answers ended up on parenting blogs like Fatherly and Huffpost. Peruse at leisure.

 

[Travel memoir21]

I will say this....

DO NOT let the internet raise your kids. Kids have so much access to information these days they can easily be steered a certain direction you don't want.

Have discussions at the dinner table about a lot of topics that are relevant and preach about having faith in a higher power and living balance lives.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Have discussions at the dinner table about a lot of topics that are relevant and preach about having faith in a higher power and living balance lives.

This is one of the things that important, especially with kids under 12 > have family dinners at the kitchen/dining table together so you can socially connect and get them to talk about their day and their experiences so you can provide context where needed and form a good connection with your children.

I don't believe in a higher power, but I did teach them ethics, mostly based on my own guiding principles from the Tao Te Ching and other Eastern philosophy books like The Unfettered Mind.

The main thing I taught my children is the importance of critical thinking.

 

[BeExcellent]

Congratulations Murk!!!! I echo much of what others have said in this thread.

I am the product of a solid father and for that I am grateful. My dad taught ethics and respect and character from as far back as I can remember. He was very well in hand emotionally and expected that of us girls (I am the eldest of 4 daughters, proving that God does, in fact, have a sense of humor because my father always wanted a son but never got one)....

When your daughter is a toddler do not over react or swoop in to coddle her every time she bumps into something or falls down. She is going to look at you and mom to gauge how she should react to something. If she falls down & starts to cry, rather than swoop her up (which will reinforce crying and hysteria), just look at her and say "You're Ok."

And in time you'll see her bump into something, or fall down....and she will get up and exclaim "I'm OK!" because you taught her to self soothe and not freak out. And it will make you smile to yourself.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

When your daughter is a toddler do not over react or swoop in to coddle her every time she bumps into something or falls down. She is going to look at you and mom to gauge how she should react to something. If she falls down & starts to cry, rather than swoop her up (which will reinforce crying and hysteria), just look at her and say "You're Ok."

That reminds me of an incident in the playground with my daughter. Like your father, I consider falling down and getting up again a part of life.
I was at the playground and my daughter was eyeing a big tricycle another kid was riding. When the kid abandoned the tricycle, my daughter got on, but the tricycle was a bit too big and heavy for her. Even so, she managed to ride it around the sandbox. At the third corner of the square sandbox, her outer rear wheel hit deep sand and the tricycle tipped over, and she fell into the sand.
I was sitting on a bench next to three mothers, who got up to go to my daughter. Before they could, I told them to sit down and let me deal with it. My daughter got up and looked at me and I nodded and said, "Did you hurt yourself?"
"No, I'm okay," she said and brushed the sand from her pants. Then she went up to the fallen tricycle to put it back on its wheels, but it proved too heavy for her. So she starts crying out of frustration and the mothers look at me, so I said, "Now you can get up and help her, if you want."
Which wasn't necessary, because a little boy went up to my daughter and helped her put the tricycle back on its wheels. And then she rode the tricycle up to me and asked for a juice box, like I was a drive-through juice dispenser.

 

[Murk]

Some great wisdom in here, thanks!

 

[BaronOfHair]

Congrats, Murk!!! Look forward to her enlisting your aid, when it comes to removing wiggly milk teeth

, in the very near future