Correct "responses" to women emotional states in a LTR

[jhonny9546]

Women can experience different emotions in a long-term relationship
Let's make a list of the most prevalent ones, grouped by positive to neutral to negative.

3 States of a Woman in a Relationship:

1) Love and Affection (Happy, Feminine) (Satisfied)
Acts of care, meal preparation, housekeeping, childcare, self-care, and care for her man.
Desire for deep connection and intimacy.
Empathy: putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

Anxiety, Worry, Loneliness (Sadness, Depressed Moment, Feminine) (Neutral)
Moments of uncertainty or conflict.
Fear of losing her partner.
Concern for the stability of the relationship.
Emotional connection with the partner is weak (Loneliness).
Lack of communication or emotional support.

3) Frustration (Anger, Masculine) (Dissatisfied/Rethinking)
Perceiving a lack of communication or commitment from their partner. (And that's saying a lot, since most of the time they self-sabotage themselves, and we shouldn't give them reason.)
In response to injustices or behaviors of the partner that do not respect their needs, or outbursts at random, even for small things.

Women constantly struggle with inner conflicts and tend to have a struggle for emotional authenticity for themselves. That's why they cling to a man who makes them feel "good." It's true that this changes from woman to woman, but based on the 3 states of a woman in a relationship, the man must adopt "CORRECT" responses, or behaviors, which, if viewed objectively, all have the same correct way to do.

And now comes the best part!
As mature men looking for a feminine woman who will take care of us, our children, and our home—a woman for a long-term relationship—what are the best responses a man should give, depending on the emotional state his woman is in? (If these 3 states are not enough, please authorize the mods to modify the original post to include others suggested by the other men here.)

Let's make nuanced examples
Example 1:
State 1: The woman comes and brings you lunch for work in a container, and you can see that she has prepared it with care and love. She leaves it in your bag already ready and goes to do other chores around the house.

Example 2:
State 3: The woman comes and brings you lunch for work in a container, and you can see that she has not prepared it with care. Maybe she has deliberately forgotten something, or directly everything, and leaves it outside the bag without the cutlery. She goes to do other chores around the house, all angry.

It's a subtlety, but her emotional state is completely different.
How should you react to Example 1 and Example 2?
If you have better examples, which I'm sure you do, please write them down.

Last but not least: how do you correctly react to the 3 different states?

 

[The Duke]

1. Flirt, show appreciation, take her places, be thoughtful, touch her often.

2. Ask her what she is thinking(she will dance around it usually). Get the dialogue started, then listen. Spend more time together. Go Dancing. Have more sex. More touch. Listen more.

3. Make sure she feels understood, listen. Don't offer solutions, unless prompted. Both individuals need to get better at communicating feelings and expectations.

Keep track of where she is at in her menstrual cycle. And when its that time of the month when her brain is more emotional and not quite working right, just let things slide or do things to keep you out of volatile situations. One of my exgf's would get emotional, upset, and angry when drinking when she was on her period. After a few nights out drinking that didn't end well with her and I, I finally realized it correlated with when she was on her period. AFter that I quit taking her out during those times and we didn't drink at home either. Saved a lot of heartache. As a man be cognizant of those things and your life becomes easier.

 

[jhonny9546]

Your response is as I've imagined to be.
I still need to work on 3.

Basically what are you saying in the 1st it's to apply mirroring?

Keep track of where she is at in her menstrual cycle

as a man, how do you do it, the correct way, without asking her?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

as a man, how do you do it, the correct way, without asking her?

You've never been long enough with a woman to realise when she's menstruating and when she's ovulating?

There are tracking apps now, in case you don't know how to use an organiser.

And don't worry, you rarely have to ask a woman when she's on her period. She'll tell you.

 

[jhonny9546]

You've never been long enough with a woman to realise when she's menstruating and when she's ovulating?

There are tracking apps now, in case you don't know how to use an organiser.

And don't worry, you rarely have to ask a woman when she's on her period. She'll tell you.

When she says I know, but now I can see it is useful in many other ways.
What app do you use?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

When she says I know, but now I can see it is useful in many other ways.
What app do you use?

I don't need an app to track my lovers' periods, I know when their mood changes and I make sure not to upset them when they're fragile. That's part of why they enjoy my company so much.

 

[The Duke]

Basically what are you saying in the 1st it's to apply mirroring?

HER SITUATION
1) Love and Affection (Happy, Feminine) (Satisfied)
Acts of care, meal preparation, housekeeping, childcare, self-care, and care for her man.
Desire for deep connection and intimacy.
Empathy: putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

YOUR RESPONSE
1. Flirt, show appreciation, take her places, be thoughtful, touch her often.

Not really, When she is caring, nurturing, and pleasant to be around you reward her with your attention by touching her, flirting, taking her places, telling her how great she is, making her feel special.

Mirroring(preparing meals, cleaning the house, fixing things around the house, taking care of her car, etc) are things women appreciate but don't score points like touching, flirting, taking her places, telling her how great she is. She wants you to make her feel special. She wants you to help her FEEL her inner woman. Attention/Validation is what they all crave.

Learn about hers/yours 5 love languages. It will help you understand what makes her tick and what you might not be doing right.

as a man, how do you do it, the correct way, without asking her?

Just what @AmsterdamAssassin said. I've never used any app to track it. Years ago I used to right it down on my calendar. Tracking her cycle on a calendar/app helps you make sense of the behaviors you are seeing. Once you correlate the behaviors with the time of the month then you can be more understanding of what you are dealing with. Also vaginal wetness/horniness, attitude lets you know where she is at. These days I'm skilled enough that I can read women(inside of a LTR) well enough to know about where she is in her cycle. Every man needs to get to that point.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

These days I'm skilled enough that I can read women(inside of a LTR) well enough to know about where she is in her cycle. Every man needs to get to that point.

I counsel women with C-PTSD. I can tell immediately when they are about to have their period based on several emotional cues, even when they are emotionally all over the place. Like @The Duke says, if you have can correlate certain behaviours with the time of the month, you can easily see where women are in the menstruation cycle, and act accordingly.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

There's no general pattern - also different answers may be correct for different cases and entirely wrong for the other. E.g. "I love you too" may be 10/10 answer for non-crazy, balanced, low mileage/non mileage female if she will say "I love you" and may be falling a **** test hard with hot BPD chick which is after 4 relationships in the last 8 months and god only knows what abuse.

 

[The Duke]

There's no general pattern - also different answers may be correct for different cases and entirely wrong for the other. E.g. "I love you too" may be 10/10 answer for non-crazy, balanced, low mileage/non mileage female if she will say "I love you" and may be falling a **** test hard with hot BPD chick which is after 4 relationships in the last 8 months and god only knows what abuse.

Are you saying there is no general pattern to their emotional state? Like you see no mood patterns? Its just random?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

There's no general pattern - also different answers may be correct for different cases and entirely wrong for the other. E.g. "I love you too" may be 10/10 answer for non-crazy, balanced, low mileage/non mileage female if she will say "I love you" and may be falling a **** test hard with hot BPD chick which is after 4 relationships in the last 8 months and god only knows what abuse.

You don't see a general pattern, because you're on the dazzling mirroring surface of human interaction.

I said this before on these boards - don't take anything at face value; don't get hung up on the words someone speaks, but figure out why they say the words by how they say the words and where (context) the words are spoken and what someone is expressing by the accompanying non-verbal communication. And you need to be able to see as much of that information as possible to interpret what you perceive on the surface level.



If you can look at human interaction from this angle, you would perceive a lot of patterns. And the more times a pattern passes before your senses, you will begin to perceive an essence to human interaction, a deeper pattern.

And then you realise that it's your ego and insecurity that needs to detect patterns in human interaction and that letting go of that insecurity allows you to relax and interact from your own essence to their essence.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I said this before on these boards - don't take anything at face value; don't get hung up on the words someone speaks, but figure out why they say the words by how they say the words and where (context) the words are spoken and what someone is expressing by the accompanying non-verbal communication. And you need to be able to see as much of that information as possible to interpret what you perceive on the surface level.

That's why there is no general pattern. You may know your wife or girlfriend, therefore you may know HER pattern of behaviour, but what works in your relationship may result in failure of the other. What is more interesting, some things would not work in relationship with your women when tried by you, but the same behaviour could make the female wet if observed in the other male (because he could be more handsome, more dominant - or less dominant but more suave etc.). So basically speaking, no, there's really no general pattern - there are just things that work for some people and do not work for the other and vice versa - this what I wrote here may lead us to PUA, KINO and all that old mano-sphere, PUA-related discussion but lets not do that for sake of keeping discussion mature and open (social engineering tricks that are just a soup of psychological tricks working on humans is not a pattern, its just testing tricks in 2024, that some females already know about - like e.g. knowledge about neghits), relationships are to vast extent about brutal truths like LOOKS, MONEY, POWER, STATUS, HEALTH (both physical and psychological) and verbal interaction is not even the most important interaction between male and female (most of it is rather animalistic, non-verbal, connected with observation, movement of body, but also scent or tone of voice - not necesserily what you are saying). Not to mention scope of male as well as female experience in interaction, moods, other factors (human or enviromental) therefore searching for patterns is huge waste of time. It's like planning since the first minute of the football game that you will try not to loose while you need to plan how to win.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you only read half the message...

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I read it mate, I read it... I just kind of politely skipped the part where you tried to project some idea of your interlocutor that you had in your head also upon me, just to repeat the projection concerning what I read and what I didn't read according to you after my ad rem reply (btw. not particularly nice tbh).

Pleasant walk with your girlfiend may be just a pleasant walk before a pleasant night. It may be also a pleasant walk day before she will break up with you. Some females will take care of her men even if they know they are cheating or that they want to leave them - out of fear, being proud or as a part of incoming vengeance served cold, not out of content (until e.g. monkey-branching option will materialise). Some females project issues like lazyness or drinking issues on their male companions just to annoy them or throw them offbalance in order to force them into obedience or force them to cheat on them to have better position during divorce or simply force men to leave on her own terms because there's better prospect around (thus, under a cape of "caring" about men, there is in fact lack of care or any positive emotions they feel about their former loved ones). If the female is more of a logical type, in such a case she may use papers from various therapists as a tool - papers, that in her mind were already obtained, stating what they were supposed to state according to her months before she actually visited any kind of therapist...

Female minds play easily with "linear thinkers" and most of men are linear thinkers. Most of men like to think they are smart too - yet eventually, they do what the female wants. This thread is also linear in idea of "How to properly respond to X" which reminds me of trying to find a proper answer to the math problem. I do work with smart females and for some of them, their hubby is like a dog in the house - its nice to have one, right?

Thats why from time to time you need to check the temperature of relationship by launching some sh*t tests of your own, sometimes being disrespectful or cold, and see what will happen. "Offence is the best defense" and silent sea is a sea before the storm - it is better for you to be that storm for your sea.

if you are worried that you are responding incorrectly to her behaviour, you are already starting from poor position / it shows lack of proper attitude, character and your own position in relationship - it is better to have relationship centered around you than to orbit your GF or wife and train your alertness to her "moods" - hardly an admirable idea or keeping you effective in "productive" areas of your life...

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I read it mate, I read it... I just kind of politely skipped the part where you tried to project some idea of your interlocutor that you had in your head also upon me, just to repeat the projection concerning what I read and what I didn't read according to you after my ad rem reply (btw. not particularly nice tbh).

You're still hovering on the surface of human communication, but I'm not interested in this discussion anymore, so I'll leave you alone with your thoughts.

 

[jhonny9546]

Learn about hers/yours 5 love languages. It will help you understand what makes her tick and what you might not be doing right.

What is this?

You don't see a general pattern, because you're on the dazzling mirroring surface of human interaction.

If you can look at human interaction from this angle, you would perceive a lot of patterns. And the more times a pattern passes before your senses, you will begin to perceive an essence to human interaction, a deeper pattern.

And then you realise that it's your ego and insecurity that needs to detect patterns in human interaction and that letting go of that insecurity allows you to relax and interact from your own essence to their essence.

I want to be like this one day.

relationships are to vast extent about brutal truths like LOOKS, MONEY, POWER, STATUS, HEALTH (both physical and psychological) and verbal interaction is not even the most important interaction between male and female (most of it is rather animalistic, non-verbal, connected with observation, movement of body, but also scent or tone of voice - not necesserily what you are saying). Not to mention scope of male as well as female experience in interaction, moods, other factors (human or enviromental) therefore searching for patterns is huge waste of time. It's like planning since the first minute of the football game that you will try not to loose while you need to plan how to win.

There is some truth here I struggle to understand.

Female minds play easily with "linear thinkers" and most of men are linear thinkers. Most of men like to think they are smart too - yet eventually, they do what the female wants. This thread is also linear in idea of "How to properly respond to X" which reminds me of trying to find a proper answer to the math problem. I do work with smart females and for some of them, their hubby is like a dog in the house - its nice to have one, right?

There is some truth here I struggle to understand x2

I do believe we've built a deep conversation.