Woman i've been dating/seeing officially unofficial type relationship

[corona20]

suddenly ghosted me after 8 years? Short story

Her last text was
12:00pm her: good morning my baby
12:30pm me: Good morning
12:31pm her: how come u reply late?its impossible not to have your phone on you
12:32 me: i was busy! i was in the kitchen doing some stuff, i left my phone
12:33 her : bla bla (starts to become toxic and jealous ) "thats just your excuse, you are talking to that home health aid" bla bla bla
12:34 - i block her toxic stuff, then i unblock it 3 hours later - to let her cool off and so i don't see any negativity that will affect my working day.

then its been 5 days since i heard anything from her. We hang out 3 times a week, sex 1 once a week.. something tells me, i shouldnt contact and just move on. Because NORMALLY she'd apologize about going toxic like "oh im sorry, i was just in a bad mood the other day etc)

What you guys think? any similar case?

 

[Manure Spherian]

What you guys think? any similar case?

What I usually think: this is a nothing burger. She’s not the mother of your children or your wife. There is literally nothing to fret about in these wishy-washy setups. This means all is fair. Move on.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I would dump her if she doesn't apologise for acting like a little Cnut.

 

[Gamisch]

I've noticed that most threads these days are about the sudden shift a woman makes. " she was all over me and then boom she changed out of nowhere ".

To mention one cliche: you wanna be the price. This doesn't mean that other men are not a price as well...but the bar should be set at I'm the price. If she wants to look elsewhere, God bless her.

Never ever chase women that disrespecting you in ANY way. Let her go, and continue working on improving your value.

 

[jhonny9546]

Never ever chase women that disrespecting you in ANY way. Let her go, and continue working on improving your value

This seems very good and masculine, and it's everything everyone advises to do.
But there are also compromises. How do you know it's the right moment to make a compromise?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

This seems very good and masculine, and it's everything everyone advises to do.
But there are also compromises. How do you know it's the right moment to make a compromise?

You cannot compromise with someone who disrespects you.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Eight years? I doubt this behavior is new, and there's probably more context to your story than just a simple text exchange. I'd be surprised if she were to throw away all her emotional investment, especially if you keep dangling that carrot after all this time, or maybe you did something that was not mentioned and it broke the camel's back.

People are who they are, and they rarely change.

 

[holidayad_]

12:31pm her: how come u reply late?its impossible not to have your phone on you

Here, my answer would have been something like:

“Oh, you're cute with jealousy”

It would have cut her drama off and teased her a little bit.

suddenly ghosted me after 8 years? Short story

8 years, bro. Let her come back and talk to you. Because she will.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Once you start explaining stuff defensively you lost.

You claim she is toxic but clearly you enjoy it and it's likely been that way for a long time. People seem to like toxicity, even when they claim they don't when they engage with these type of interactions regularly.

 

[Gamisch]

This seems very good and masculine, and it's everything everyone advises to do.
But there are also compromises. How do you know it's the right moment to make a compromise?

There's no such thing as compromising when people don't respect you.

All it might do is act as an temporary bandaid. But it won't heal the wound.

Yes, sometimes we men put ourselves in such a predicament that we CAN'T walk away just like that. Take my two (former) homeboys: both passport bro-ed their way into some shytehole country women , needing to spend THOUSANDS of dollars to get them to Europe..mind you these are men with ZERO game /experience and yet they want it all..they'll probably gonna have to compromise ALL THE EFFing TIME untill the " temporary bandaid" falls off and their women cheat on them, or they'll get permanent citizenship and bounce. A 40.y.o man won't recover from this any time soon..but hey..the power of the p00sy!!

 

[9-3enthusiast]

Woman I am currently seeing, knows that if she needs a quick response... to phone me.

A text is... meh!...
I'll answer when it's convenient... might be straight away, might be much longer - And it's the same if I text her. If I want to speak about something there and then, I'll phone her. Neither of us gets all out of shape over how long it takes to reply to a text.
(Is it a generational thing? Maybe it's just that us 'oldies' are far less smartphone/text centric - We are 60/48 btw)
30 mins is nothing in the scheme of things - If she's stressing over that, then you've either given her reason to be suspicious, or she has some kind of problem... In which case I wouldn't pander to it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Woman I am currently seeing, knows that if she needs a quick response... to phone me.

A text is... meh!...
I'll answer when it's convenient... might be straight away, might be much longer - And it's the same if I text her. If I want to speak about something there and then, I'll phone her. Neither of us gets all out of shape over how long it takes to reply to a text.
(Is it a generational thing? Maybe it's just that us 'oldies' are far less smartphone/text centric - We are 60/48 btw)
30 mins is nothing in the scheme of things - If she's stressing over that, then you've either given her reason to be suspicious, or she has some kind of problem... In which case I wouldn't pander to it.

I mean she is complaining after 30 minutes? My God does she have OP dancing like a Marionette on strings or something?

3 hours is often an early reply from me if I am at work or busy

 

[Solomon]

Unpopular opinion

but OP did nothing wrong, all this you should have done this done that, EFF that, when men in droves up their standards and walk away from women like this that's when real change will happen with women's behavior. Until then women will get of scott free for being held accountable and men will be blamed even on sosuave

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

but OP did nothing wrong, all this you should have done this done that, EFF that, when in droves up their standards and walk away from women like this that's when real change will happen with women's behavior. Until then women will get of scott free for being held accountable and men will be blamed even on sosuave

I don't disagree with you there. However, I would stress the importance of respect and trust in any relationship. If someone is or becomes disrespectful, you have to assert your boundaries immediately and make it clear that disrespect has consequences.

 

[jhonny9546]

There's no such thing as compromising when people don't respect you.

All it might do is act as an temporary bandaid. But it won't heal the wound.

Yes, sometimes we men put ourselves in such a predicament that we CAN'T walk away just like that. Take my two (former) homeboys: both passport bro-ed their way into some shytehole country women , needing to spend THOUSANDS of dollars to get them to Europe..mind you these are men with ZERO game /experience and yet they want it all..they'll probably gonna have to compromise ALL THE EFFing TIME untill the " temporary bandaid" falls off and their women cheat on them, or they'll get permanent citizenship and bounce. A 40.y.o man won't recover from this any time soon..but hey..the power of the p00sy!!

Nicee. I can see this happening in my circle too. (People who get back her old gf after she cheated on him)
@AmsterdamAssassin @Gamisch

1) What you define a loss of respect a women would do towards you?
2) Then, how would you act to make her to re enter your limits ?
3) How would you do it in a "mature man" and masculine way.

I'm sorry for asking those question, but I have so many bad and feminine man examples in my life I've lost the count

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

1) What you define a loss of respect a women would do towards you?

Crossing my boundaries deliberately and unapologetically.

2) Then, how would you act to make her to re enter your limits ?

Re-enter? Perhaps I didn't make it clear, but if a woman deliberately disrespects me, there is no coming back from that. I cannot respect and trust someone who deliberately betrays my trust and disrespects me. And I can see the difference between a 'mistake' and 'deliberate disrespect'.

3) How would you do it in a "mature man" and masculine way.

State my boundaries early on in the relationship, so she knows not to mess with my boundaries.

 

[Gamisch]

Nicee. I can see this happening in my circle too. (People who get back her old gf after she cheated on him)
@AmsterdamAssassin @Gamisch

1) What you define a loss of respect a women would do towards you?
2) Then, how would you act to make her to re enter your limits ?
3) How would you do it in a "mature man" and masculine way.

I'm sorry for asking those question, but I have so many bad and feminine man examples in my life I've lost the count

The loss of respect from a woman is a very subtle thing, one that can often happen before you even enter the relationship. If theres anything that been preached here you should learn by heart, is that FRAME is one of the most important things (I summon @SW15 ).

Respect and the loss off can be like a miniscule crack that's invisible to the naked eye. But it's there. Over time it will get more and more visible and by the time YOU noticed, its way way too late to fix it.

I have no answer on how to re enter . All I know / learned over time is to take the L quick and move on. Regardless of the stage we're at. Kids. Ltr. Whatever. This by the way is where most men also fail. Because they invest tons in that one particular woman, they'll try everything to "re-enter " and secure their investments . This is why scam artists write books, sell courses and arguably even marriage counselling exists. Because men maneuvering themselves in positions where they're unable to walk away( in their own mind).

The most mature way to deal with a woman losing respect is by leaving her, because beyond her loss of respect is a entire galaxy of more disrespectful shyte that will only tear you apart some more. Eventually it will become a infinite loop of a negative self image where she'll blurt out all kinds of blames towards you that you will believe to be true. She will strip you from your dignity while actively vetting for new prospects. I've seen many cases where a woman managed to make a man agree with her vetting for new prospects while staying with him...all with the idea that " its better to be with a quarter of her than to be alone", while simultaneously hoping he can answer your second question: how to recover from the loss of respect.

 

[SW15]

suddenly ghosted me after 8 years?

You've had a woman on plate status in a seduction rotation for 8 years? That's impressive. Few men have an 8 year long interaction without it being some sort of exclusive LTR and it often gets to a monogamous marriage. You have had a good run with keeping a non-exclusive casual relationship for 8 years. It seems like there is no kids.

its been 5 days since i heard anything from her.

The interaction has likely run its course. You had a good run with her. Do nothing.

If theres anything that been preached here you should learn by heart, is that FRAME is one of the most important things (I summon @SW15 ).

The most mature way to deal with a woman losing respect is by leaving her, because beyond her loss of respect is a entire galaxy of more disrespectful shyte that will only tear you apart some more. Eventually it will become a infinite loop of a negative self image where she'll blurt out all kinds of blames towards you that you will believe to be true. She will strip you from your dignity while actively vetting for new prospects. I've seen many cases where a woman managed to make a man agree with her vetting for new prospects while staying with him...all with the idea that " its better to be with a quarter of her than to be alone", while simultaneously hoping he can answer your second question: how to recover from the loss of respect.

I don't have much to add to this. I think it is better to be alone temporarily alone instead of being one of her multiple males in her rotation.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 is that Frame is Everything. All men experience some sort of frame loss over time. The best men minimize their frame loss in their LTRs/marriages. That can be difficult to do, especially in a marriage in a Western nation where she can hold her advantage in the court system over you.

 

[jhonny9546]

I've seen many cases where a woman managed to make a man agree with her vetting for new prospects while staying with him...all with the idea that " its better to be with a quarter of her than to be alone", while simultaneously hoping he can answer your second question: how to recover from the loss of respect.

The world is so little.
I've personally lived a friend relationship where the woman made up a POV, because she wanted to end the relatiosnhip, and that was the only way to do it for her.

That can be difficult to do, especially in a marriage in a Western nation where she can hold her advantage in the court system over you.

But also this is culture dependent.
I can show you relationships of >40 years in Italy, where the woman have the frame.
That doesn't mean she would cheat or do "bad" things, but just that she want her power on some things.

 

[The Diver]

How do you know it's the right moment to make a compromise?

When you compromise on your principles and values- you exhibit a weak manipulated character, ( easy to manipulate you), and that means you're doing it wrong.

A man shouldn't compromise his principles and values for anyone. ( as long as no one proves them to be wrong with a valid explanation- toxic woman behaviour is not a valid explanation).