Kissed a girl - now what?

[inquisitor]

Hopefully she replies to my text... either way. I've known her for 10 years, nearly 19 years age difference... she's model quality. Hope something happens.

Make that something clearer in your mind,
so it actually happens,
instead of staying just another hopeful dream.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Make that something clearer in your mind,
so it actually happens,
instead of staying just another hopeful dream.

What do you mean by that? Be more proactive in person?

 

[pipeman84]

and was asking for advice, not some cynical reply. First time I've kissed a girl who could be a model, nearly 20 years younger than me.

I wasn't trying to be cynical, just showing you the reality (using crude imagery) to help you get her off the pedestal you put her on.
If you think and then act as you're punching out of your league (just because she has ... in your eyes ... model looks and is 20yrs younger), then it will probably become a self fulfilling prophecy.

I sent her a text message today that I would like to take her out for dinner. Hopefully I get a positive response.

Without waiting for a reply, I assume there is nothing else I should do?

Exactly.

 

[zekko]

Ask her out.

This. The thing about girls is they expect you to take the initiative, make the move. If you just sit around all giddy around her, she's going to wonder what's wrong with you. Girls want you to have the balls to ask them out, otherwise they'll thing you're too much of a sissy to go for what you want. And that's no fun for her, because then nothing ever happens.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

This. The thing about girls is they expect you to take the initiative, make the move. If you just sit around all giddy around her, she's going to wonder what's wrong with you. Girls want you to have the balls to ask them out, otherwise they'll thing you're too much of a sissy to go for what you want. And that's no fun for her, because then nothing ever happens.

Well, that's what I tried to do today. I sent her a text today, telling I want to take her out for dinner. Unfortunately, I would rather do that in person, but because I work Shift Work, and she does as well due to working in Hospitality, I haven't had the chance to see her in person since we kissed.

I confided in another mutual friend today at the bar that I'm a regular at (another bartender), and she said that the girl I kissed had already told her. So now, I'm left wondering if that was a positive or negative discussion. Probably just a "wow", can't believe that's happened, because it's a regular who I/we kissed.

 

[Canadian_Man]

She even remembers our first conversation from 10 years ago

Another example of the word "even" being used in this type of advice seeking post, where the man comes across as too eager.

Try to catch yourself whenever you are tempted to write that word, and reflect on what it is saying about you in the particular situation.

I sent her a text message today that I would like to take her out for dinner.

Good that you asked her out.

Not a great way to phrase the invite.

And yes, all you can do now is wait.

I was at my local bar today, and asked a friend who works there, and confided in her.

I confided in another mutual friend today at the bar that I'm a regular at (another bartender)

In general this is a bad idea.

Always assume that whatever you say to someone like this will get back to the other person.

And more importantly, in one of the better case scenarios where you didn't say anything in particular that a person might take issue with, the fact that you said anything at all is enough to take issue. It says something about you.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

In general this is a bad idea.

Always assume that whatever you say to someone like this will get back to the other person.

And more importantly, in one of the better case scenarios where you didn't say anything in particular that a person might take issue with, the fact that you said anything at all is enough to take issue. It says something about you.

What do you mean by this? Don't kiss and tell? It seemed a few people had been already talking about it.

 

[Canadian_Man]

Yes, don't kiss and tell.

It's about trust and emotional self-control.

Doesn't matter what other people in town are talking about, you don't have to engage in it or initiate it.

One exception could be talking to a close friend, whom you are reasonably sure won't break your confidence.
That person shouldn't be a friend of the woman in question.

This:

It seemed a few people had been already talking about it.

Doesn't justify joining in

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well, that's what I tried to do today. I sent her a text today, telling I want to take her out for dinner. Unfortunately, I would rather do that in person, but because I work Shift Work, and she does as well due to working in Hospitality, I haven't had the chance to see her in person since we kissed.

I confided in another mutual friend today at the bar that I'm a regular at (another bartender), and she said that the girl I kissed had already told her. So now, I'm left wondering if that was a positive or negative discussion. Probably just a "wow", can't believe that's happened, because it's a regular who I/we kissed.

Why so serious...dinner seems kinda formal in this situation...Why not just invite her out for drinks?

Maybe I am reading it wrong but if I was her I'd be seeing you trying to go the boyfriend route rather than just the have fun and see what happens route...

 

[DarwinTaurus]

Why so serious...dinner seems kinda formal in this situation...Why not just invite her out for drinks?

Maybe I am reading it wrong but if I was her I'd be seeing you trying to go the boyfriend route rather than just the have fun and see what happens route...

She works in Hospitality (bars), and I'm a regular at bars... so that would just be more of the same/same... nothing different and out of the ordinary.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She works in Hospitality (bars), and I'm a regular at bars... so that would just be more of the same/same... nothing different and out of the ordinary.

Fair point...but perhaps something less for formal?

Walk and talk in a park and some ice cream after or maybe mini golf and some ice cream after?

I'm just not a huge fan of dinner on a "first date" situation...although it might be different since you've known her for 10 years already...

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Sorry. I just had to.

 

[Bokanovsky]

But now what? Just leave it as a once off? Last time I heard, she had a boyfriend.

I got her number. I texted her late last night, and she wrote "It felt, like I wouldn't thought it would feel".

You have two options:

1) Buy her some grammar lessons.
2. Fvck her.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

You have two options:

1) Buy her some grammar lessons.
2. Fvck her.

Bear in mind that text was sent around 1am, and she probably had a few drinks.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Bear in mind that text was sent around 1am, and she probably had a few drinks.

Fair enough, my post was obviously tongue-in-cheek. The bottom line is that in situations like this, you have to strike while the iron is hot. The window of opportunity is very narrow.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

This is the text I wrote about 14 hours ago. Haven't had a reply yet. I didn't want to come across as overly *thirsty*, or sound weird, as I've known her for 10 years:

"Hi xxx, it's yyy. I'd love to have dinner with you soon... I enjoy your company. If you are interested, let me know, and we can work out when our schedules align".

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is the text I wrote about 14 hours ago. Haven't had a reply yet. I didn't want to come across as overly *thirsty*, or sound weird, as I've known her for 10 years:

"Hi xxx, it's yyy. I'd love to have dinner with you soon... I enjoy your company. If you are interested, let me know, and we can work out when our schedules align".

Not terrible but not great either. Always assume she is interested...asking "if you are interested" makes it sound like she is doing you a favor by meeting with you. Comes across as not being confident in yourself.

The mindset you should have is the exact opposite...that you are the one doing HER the favor by asking her out.

Always assume interest. Always. No different than a great salesman always assumes you are interested in buying.

So congrats I guess on not coming off as overly thirsty, you came off as not very confident instead. Neither is great.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Another example of the word "even" being used in this type of advice seeking post, where the man comes across as too eager.

Try to catch yourself whenever you are tempted to write that word, and reflect on what it is saying about you in the particular situation.

You should make a post and elaborate on this theory. I am curious.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

So, I haven't heard back from her in a couple of days... should I just let it go?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So, I haven't heard back from her in a couple of days... should I just let it go?

Sounds like you should have tried to strike while the iron was hot that night.

No response IS a response.