my female next door neighbor

[GoodMan32]

Answer (which should be obvious): Because she is the woman and you are the man. Quit expecting your neighbor to act desperate and throw herself at you or act masculine & take on the male role (not feminine - be grateful she isn't trying to act like the man here.)

But what remains is this:

You Tarzan. Her Jane. Be the man and lead.

I agree with @Rainrain @BackInTheGame78 and the Dutchman on this thread.

Why bother asking the question if you are just going to make excuses and blame the spectrum? And yes I GET that the spectrum affects your social calibration (or lack thereof), but if you hide behind that your whole life, you'll be a lonely dude.

It's not awkward unless you make it awkward. Do you freak out if you offer your mom a cup of tea and she says "No Thank You?"

No? This is NO different. Time to learn that.

The last time I got free sex (3 years ago), I didn't make the move. The 2nd to last time I got free sex (9 years ago), I also didn't make the move.

My other instances of free sex (I've had 9 free partners total) were facilitated by hookup websites.

The strategy of "meet a woman the traditional way (a woman you already know in person), make a move on her, get laid" has never worked for me. What reason do I have to believe that strategy will miraculously start working for me during my 30s, if I couldn't even get that strategy to work when I had my 21 year old looks?

This isn't me being a defeatist; merely a realist. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results.

Some might say a woman making the move is masculine. I beg to differ. A woman making the move sounds like heaven to me. Besides, aren't we supposed to toss stereotypical gender roles aside in 2024?

Plus, with the massive age gap, one could make the argument that the older one should take the lead.

And of course there's a big difference between my mom turning down a cup of tea vs my neighbor turning down a date. Even though my neighbor is old enough to be my mom, she's not my mom. My neighbor is some MILF whose pants I want to get into.

 

[GoodMan32]

Some people just can't get helped. Change comes from within and can only be supported externally. If someone has crippling anxiety, they should see a therapist about it, not whine about it on this forum and look for excuses not to work on themselves.

Rejection is a normal part of dating. You can cushion the severity of the rejection by applying psychology and understanding indirect communication, which is harder for autistic people, but you can still learn psychology.

Rejection actually helps you hone your social skills if you take the rejection as 'feedback'.
I came from a dysfunctional family where communication was combative and you had to be quick-witted to survive the onslaught of constant interruption and finish a sentence. On my first dates, women told me that I should give it a rest and learn how to listen without thinking of a response in order to 'win' the conversation. I learned how to speak better in public and how to not be uncomfortable with silence, and active listening techniques are important to learn if you want to communicate clearly.

However, if you have a phobia of rejection, you need to sort out your phobia first and understand the difference between realistic and imaginary risks. If you reject yourself before you even approach someone, you're setting yourself on the incel path of spiralling into self-loathing and hating other people for not making it easy for you, without understanding that everything of value requires effort.

At the risk of making it sound like I'm (once again) going down the path of using high school as an excuse, there's a huge difference between my rejections during high school (and college) vs the average guy's rejections.

For an average guy, a girl's rejection is "No, you're not my type."

My past rejections were more along the lines of "Ew, you're a freaky creep no girl would possibly want anything to do with."

For the average guy, the solution is keep trying until you find a girl in which you are her type.

If the female population views you as a freaky creep no girl would possibly want, on the other hand, how are you supposed to overcome that hurdle?

 

[Canadian_Man]

OP, I'm going to be harder on you than I usually would with someone.

It's with good intentions I say this.

Amsterdam was correct when he said that someone needs to want change themselves before its possible.

After reading your most recent replies to this thread, I doubt you're ready for it.

I suspect you'll have to endure your self-inflicted suffering for a while longer until that light bulb goes off and you decide "enough is enough". Once that happens, you'll be ready.

All I see when I see read your posts is "excuse excuse excuse".

You've firmly rationalized and internalized your self-defeating positions, which are driven by your emotional state.

If you want circumstances to change in your life, then you need to begin shedding these beliefs and your overall approach to these issues.

Alternatively, keep doing what you're doing, and you'll likely be stuck with what you currently have (or worse) for possibly years to come.

Being stuck is not good for one's being. I don't recommend it.

When you decide to take responsibility for improving your situation more seriously, don't be surprised when it turns out to be difficult to do.

You'll likely have to make gradual improvements. Don't expect it to be done overnight.

And you cannot "think yourself out of it", which given your intellectual disposition is something you'll likely be prone to try.

You might have to go through a tough internal battle for this, but its worth it.

 

[GoodMan32]

You don't see a dichotomy between what you think women think about you and the fact that, despite your passivity, you got laid twice?


I agree. Lock yourself in your room until you find your cojones.

In 12 years of being sexually active, I got free sex from somewhere other than a hookup website a grand total of 2 times. That doesn't disprove my claim that women overall think I'm a freaky creep. It means I managed to find 2 exceptions in 12 years.

One of those women had just met me. So she didn't even know the true me.

There's only been one instance where a woman knew me well, didn't meet me from a hookup website, yet still gave me free sex (and even that was only a one night stand)

 

[GoodMan32]

Update: There's a college girl I chat with on another website (purely platonic). Here's what the college girl said (about my neighbor).

The college girl said "You need to stop thinking every woman is into you. If a woman is into you, she'll make it obvious. Nothing about the story suggests your neighbor is into you. Even if your neighbor wasn't aware the woman you were with was an escort, it still would have looked suspicious to see you coming into the building with the escort. The prying questions from the neighbor were likely out of suspicion more than anything else"

 

[Bokanovsky]

I totally left out the part about the woman being an escort. Here's the information Rebecca managed to get out of me: Even though I wasn't on a date, I had a good time with the woman (code for "sex"). I've known the woman for a while. The woman is 46.

I myself am in my early 30s. Upon hearing that the woman I was with was 46, Rebecca (who's in her early 50s) said "Nothing wrong with an older woman."

Wow wow wait a second, hold up. You're telling me that you're in your early 30's and are paying money to have sex with a 46 y.o. woman?? Umm why??? Is there a hooker shortage in your town or do the old ones charge much less?

 

[GoodMan32]

That 'sexually active' is actually 'sexually passive'. And even without you doing anything, two women evidently were horny enough to look past your creepiness to bone you.


Of course. You just met a woman, she bones you, then realises her mistake and never bones you again. Makes sense.


Why was it a one night stand? Because you creeped her out?

I should mention: I haven't always been entirely passive. I expressed interest in girls during college. Not counting dating/hookup sites, however, only one of the girls I expressed in during college so much as gave me a date (a sexless date).

As for why the last woman I had free sex with never gave me sex again, I don't quite know. There are a number of possibilities. One, she worked in the building where I live (and could have gotten fired if caught boning me). Two, I had a hard time getting into the sex with her. Three, I think she might have had a boyfriend.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Read about half this thread.

OP, your mindset needs improving.


I used to be more like you, with the doubts and overthinking (still experience this occasionally, but not with the same frequency nor the same intensity + I continue to get better with this).

Point being, you can improve.


A few examples of statements you made which stood out:
- "I'm on the spectrum ... it's practically impossible for me to ... [further explaining about this and using words like neurotypical]"
- "Sucks that my fear of rejection is this crippling ... but X bad experience in high school shapes you for life ..."

Telling yourself you "cannot do X because of Y" in this manner is a sure way to hold yourself back, because you've already defeated yourself before trying.

Nothing about yourself is really "fixed" in the way you describe.
Change is possible.
It might just be slower and more difficult than one would expect.

Exactly right. The things you tell yourself, your subconscious mind works on making come true without you even thinking about it. This is 99% of how the Law of Attraction works...what you focus on and believe in, the mind figure out a way for it to come true even if it only is making you focus on the opportunities that have always been in front of you that you never noticed because your brain was too busy focusing on other things you told it to.

The brain can only process a small fraction of the data we received on a constant basis so it has to have a way to filter out what it needs and what it doesn't. And guess who determines how it does that?

You by the things you tell yourself and believe to be true.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Some want the Girlfriend Experience, he wants the Mommy Experience.

Mommy Experience with a hooker? I realize that there may be cultural differences when it comes to things like that but where I'm from, fvcking is not generally considered an experience that one has with his mother

 

[GoodMan32]

Wow wow wait a second, hold up. You're telling me that you're in your early 30's and are paying money to have sex with a 46 y.o. woman?? Umm why??? Is there a hooker shortage in your town or do the old ones charge much less?

I live in a big city. There's no shortage of escorts. I could easily find a younger escort.

As for why I paid a 46 year old woman for sex: I prefer the 45+ demographic.

As for price, the 46 year old charges 300. You can get a 30-ish escort for the same price. That being said, I've been with an escort in her 60s who only charges 150 (she's a real money-saver).

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Locking this post. Talk of prostitution and the use of prostitutes does not belong on the forum. The forum is about seduction and paying for sex is requires no seduction skill. The thread has devolved into talk of prostitution.