my female next door neighbor

[GoodMan32]

That'll happen when* the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, when the seas go dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves. And when you wake up one morning with a fully functional, fertile womb, along with an anus elastic enough to birth a 10 pound child



*https://www.westeros.org/Citadel/Prophecies/Entry/I_635_Mirri_Maz_Duurs_Prophecy

Ok. At the very least, how about a scenario where neither of us make a move on each other (the sex sort of just happens)? That's what my last 2 instances of non-escort sex were like.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

how about a scenario where neither of us make a move on each other (the sex sort of just happens)?

If you're that passive, you'll be mostly eating leftovers.

 

[BaronOfHair]

As for why I'm into a much older woman: Way back when I was 20, I developed an interest in the 45+ demographic (because by that age, they're old enough pregnancy is unlikely)

Contraception also has an over 90% success rate at preventing pregnancy. You'll benefit immensely from interrogating and reformulating the thoughts and beliefs which generate these exaggerated apprehensions, regarding a woman you're rolling around in the sheets with getting knocked up while doing so

Not even being facetious here, hoss. It's probably even advisable for you to enlist the services of a skillful Cognitive Behavioral shrink

 

[GoodMan32]

If you're that passive, you'll be mostly eating leftovers.

Sucks that my fear of rejection is this crippling.

But when you were the guy in high school where girls at your school dreaded having you be into her, that type of thing sticks with you for life.

Having a track record of mistaking niceness for interest (and the idiocy feeling that comes with it) sticks with you for life too.

From a logical standpoint, think about it: I've already admitted I've mistaken niceness for interest before (even though I was confident the woman was 100% into me). Who's to say my neighbor isn't "only being nice"?

(Yeah, I think my neighbor is into me, but we already know what tends to happen when I think a woman is into me)

 

[GoodMan32]

Contraception also has an over 90% success rate at preventing pregnancy. You'll benefit immensely from interrogating and reformulating the thoughts and beliefs which generate these exaggerated apprehensions, regarding a woman you're rolling around in the sheets with getting knocked up while doing so

Not even being facetious here, hoss. It's probably even advisable for you to enlist the services of a skillful Cognitive Behavioral shrink

I've had condoms break (luckily with a post-menopause escort).

I've also had a condom slip off with an escort around my own age (that one was a real wake up call).

Incidentally, I'm seeing a therapist about various relationship/sex issues (not the pregnancy thing though)

 

[BaronOfHair]

At the very least, how about a scenario where neither of us make a move on each other (the sex sort of just happens)?

How about a scenario where lymphoma just magically vanishes and remains in permanent remission, without the patient having to trouble himself with trivialities like chemo and modifying his lifestyle? Such things sound far-fetched, because they are

 

[corrector]

I've mentioned before on here that I'm on the spectrum. As a result, it's practically impossible for me to tell whether a woman is into me (unless she does something super obvious like grabbing my crotch).

You can do like I do. Make an IOI thread and find out from other posters if a woman is interested.

But you are right, more often than not, she is not and is likely being nice.

While being on the spectrum obviously puts me in a worse position than the typical guy, I've heard about other men (neurotypical men) who also have a hard time deciphering a woman's clues. No matter how obvious a woman thinks she's being, men (a lot of men at least) won't necessarily pick up on it. Men are simple creatures; we need it spelled out for us.

There have been instances where I was convinced a woman was into me, I shot my shot, only to find out she's "only being nice." I then end up feeling like the world's biggest idiot (I never want to be in that position again).

Yeah, you've seen my cringe threads about getting rejected and amogged at work and the awkardness afterwards?

On the flipside, I guarantee the reverse has happened too (woman is genuinely into me, yet I never make a move because I think she's "only being nice"), which reiterates my point about how a woman needs to be more direct.

When do you think this happened?

 

[BaronOfHair]

Incidentally, I'm seeing a therapist about various relationship/sex issues (not the pregnancy thing though)

I (and no doubt everyone else here) urge you to share this with your shrink, along with everything else you've not told them* thus far. Operating on incomplete intel undercuts their capacity to be of maximum service to you



*I hope and pray that your shrink isn't also an older woman, whom you're also fantasizing about taking to bed. If this IS the case, it'll be wise to find another

 

[corrector]

Interestingly, the escort recommended I invite my next door neighbor over for a movie.

I'd be reluctant to. Here's why: My next door neighbor already knows I do casual sex with women I invite over. If I invite my next door neighbor for a movie, she'll know I'm really inviting her over for sex. I don't want to deal with the awkwardness if the invite gets turned down.

Ideally, I'd like my neighbor to make the move on me.

You don't understand. In hook-up culture it's commonly known that if you invite a woman to be alone with you in a house to watch a movie that sex is heavily implied. You are not her 8 year old neighbour. What do you think she is going to think, even if it was not obvious to her you were into that?

All you established is you are a normal guy who gets girls. You established pre-selection, she knows you have "options", and you do.
If she says maybe (newsflash, women don't say "no" when they reject you, they say "maybe") you can just call a hot 20-something year old and hook-up with her from the adult catalogue or something? Then she sees you are hooking up with hotter and better women then she is, then she'll come around.

You are in a unique position that you can pay to social proof the heck out of yourself next to your neighbour and she could think you are getting different girls.

You just saw your escort....that's not giving you enough confidence to approach her as an alpha-man and take what YOU want. You are going to tell her that she is going to watch a movie with you and suggest a couple of dates. Just ask her what date works better for her. Do an options sales close. You are the man. You ASSUME interest and make that move. She might think that is how you got that other lady and its how you roll.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've mentioned before on here that I'm on the spectrum. As a result, it's practically impossible for me to tell whether a woman is into me (unless she does something super obvious like grabbing my crotch).

While being on the spectrum obviously puts me in a worse position than the typical guy, I've heard about other men (neurotypical men) who also have a hard time deciphering a woman's clues. No matter how obvious a woman thinks she's being, men (a lot of men at least) won't necessarily pick up on it. Men are simple creatures; we need it spelled out for us.

There have been instances where I was convinced a woman was into me, I shot my shot, only to find out she's "only being nice." I then end up feeling like the world's biggest idiot (I never want to be in that position again).

On the flipside, I guarantee the reverse has happened too (woman is genuinely into me, yet I never make a move because I think she's "only being nice"), which reiterates my point about how a woman needs to be more direct.

Why would you feel like an idiot for asking a woman out?

You should feel glad that you didn't have to waste any more time thinking about it and the only thing that happened is that you got more of the same from her which was nothing.

Versus potentially turning her into a FWB.

Not sure where the loss is there. I see only a potential win.

 

[corrector]

Why would you feel like an idiot for asking a woman out?

Things could get akward afterwards if she doesn't go along. This is not a random street cold approach. This is his neighbour.

You should feel glad that you didn't have to waste any more time thinking about it and the only thing that happened is that you got more of the same from her which was nothing.

You are actually worst off if things get awkward. You might continue thinking of her even if she says no/maybe. You may think, did she really mean that? Maybe she might come around later? Maybe she's playing hard to get? If she says she has a boyfriend....is she being sincere in how she's dealing with you? There is never an absolute closure with these type of things because women are too ambigious.

Versus potentially turning her into a FWB.

Not sure where the loss is there. I see only a potential win.

The OP is Escortcelling because he is not successful with women in the first place and might incidentally get lucky once in a blue moon.

The losses count and add up with him, like it does with me.

Ackwardness is a potential loss. Seeing her bring other guys into her house and getting potentially AMOGGED is a potential loss.
Nobody wants to deal with that.

She may not just say no to him. She might start picking up other guys and hooking up with them to make him feel bad to rub it in that she's not attracted to him.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Sucks that my fear of rejection is this crippling.

But...

Dunno about the rest of you gents, but I'm throwing in the towel on this thread... If someone here is able to get through to OP + Convince corrector to stop helping him become even further entrenched in his highly dysfunctional beliefs, that DJ will be a shoe-in for The Nobel Prize

 

[GoodMan32]

You can do like I do. Make an IOI thread and find out from other posters if a woman is interested.

But you are right, more often than not, she is not and is likely being nice.



Yeah, you've seen my cringe threads about getting rejected and amogged at work and the awkardness afterwards?



When do you think this happened?

The only posts I recall seeing from you have either been about your ex-wife or the escort from a decade ago. I haven't seen your posts about work. I totally understand there would be awkwardness if turned down at work though.

There's a saying "Don't sh1t where you eat" (in other words, don't look for sex/dates at work). Next door neighbor is a similar scenario (with how often you have to run into each other). I can't afford the awkwardness of getting turned down by my next door neighbor.

As for your question of when I think it's happened (where a woman was into me, yet I squandered the opportunity because I thought she was "only being nice"), it's tough to say. There have been female coworkers, neighbors, as well as customers (when I used to work at stores) where this could have been the case. Since I never made a move, there's no real way to know.

Also, there have been cases where (when out to eat), my mom has been adamant a waitress was into me, even though I had no idea (Then again, my mom insisted the last woman I got free sex from wasn't into me. So I take my mom's opinion with a grain of salt)

 

[GoodMan32]

Why would you feel like an idiot for asking a woman out?

You should feel glad that you didn't have to waste any more time thinking about it and the only thing that happened is that you got more of the same from her which was nothing.

Versus potentially turning her into a FWB.

Not sure where the loss is there. I see only a potential win.

It isn't the asking out itself that would make me feel like an idiot.

Getting rejected by a woman I thought was into me would make me feel like an idiot (because it would be yet another case where I misread a woman). When you have a track record of misreading women, you end up feeling like an idiot if it happens even one more time.

And I have a lot to lose: If rejected, I'd have to deal with the awkwardness/idiocy feeling every time I run into her (Plus, how embarrassing to get turned down by a woman 2 decades older than you. Imagine if word were to get out; the rest of my neighbors would know me as that creep who got rejected by an old lady)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It isn't the asking out itself that would make me feel like an idiot.

Getting rejected by a woman I thought was into me would make me feel like an idiot (because it would be yet another case where I misread a woman). When you have a track record of misreading women, you end up feeling like an idiot if it happens even one more time.

The only way to fix this is to keep asking and keep learning. People mistakenly think failures are the worst things in the world but that's how you learn to succeed at anything in life.

As long as you take what you learn from them and apply it going forward.

If you think you can succeed without failing first, you are mistaken.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Things could get akward afterwards if she doesn't go along. This is not a random street cold approach. This is his neighbour.



You are actually worst off if things get awkward. You might continue thinking of her even if she says no/maybe. You may think, did she really mean that? Maybe she might come around later? Maybe she's playing hard to get? If she says she has a boyfriend....is she being sincere in how she's dealing with you? There is never an absolute closure with these type of things because women are too ambigious.



The OP is Escortcelling because he is not successful with women in the first place and might incidentally get lucky once in a blue moon.

The losses count and add up with him, like it does with me.

Ackwardness is a potential loss. Seeing her bring other guys into her house and getting potentially AMOGGED is a potential loss.
Nobody wants to deal with that.

She may not just say no to him. She might start picking up other guys and hooking up with them to make him feel bad to rub it in that she's not attracted to him.

The awkwardness comes from a poor mental state that you perpetuate in your own mind.

You can't fix that by continuing to run away from it. You can fix it by starting to do things that are uncomfortable for you and realizing it's really not as awkward as you are making it out to be and continuing to push further and further against these misconceptions you have.

 

[corrector]

The only posts I recall seeing from you have either been about your ex-wife or the escort from a decade ago. I haven't seen your posts about work. I totally understand there would be awkwardness if turned down at work though.

Here is the thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/cringe-lunch-or-personal-social-experiment.281356/

You are free to read the thread and contribute your thoughts to it. Here I asked out a manager in another department at the office.
She said "maybe". The place where we planned to go, I ended up going with my own division (ie it was an incentive reward for good sales) and had a nice connection with another female co-worker who went there with me at that time. (ie since then - another guy joined the team and she's way more into him (ie on a friend level?) than me so I'm kinda alone again in that office).

The last post was me being in an elevator together with her and then both walking out of the building with her following me, and I opening the door, she saying nothing then walking down the sidewalk, while I crossed the street to get to my destination.

Since I never made a move, there's no real way to know.

Okay.

 

[corrector]

The awkwardness comes from a poor mental state that you perpetuate in your own mind.

You can't fix that by continuing to run away from it. You can fix it by starting to do things that are uncomfortable for you and realizing it's really not as awkward as you are making it out to be and continuing to push further and further against these misconceptions you have.

Yeah, been there and done that.

Cringe Lunch or personal Social Experiment?

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I approached a lady I think I have a crush on in the cafeteria, asked her if I could sit next to her for lunch, after a brief small talk and sat the next seat next to her. We didn't do much talking at all. I ended up watching something on my Tablet...

www.sosuave.net

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah, been there and done that.

Cringe Lunch or personal Social Experiment?

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I approached a lady I think I have a crush on in the cafeteria, asked her if I could sit next to her for lunch, after a brief small talk and sat the next seat next to her. We didn't do much talking at all. I ended up watching something on my Tablet...

www.sosuave.net

Good. Now keep doing it if you want anything to change.

 

[corrector]

Good. Now keep doing it if you want anything to change.

But that is contrary to the advice on that thread. People there have said I should keep a low-profile and Tablet-Max.