my female next door neighbor

[GoodMan32]

I have good reason for my fear of rejection (and reluctance to make a move).

On a prior post, I mentioned how in high school, I was the guy where girls dreaded having me be into her.

Come to think of it, I (to some degree) had the same reputation in college.

When your female peers view you as some creep no girl would possibly want, eventually you start to believe it. Plus, there's the fact my own mom made some hurtful comments about my bad luck with the ladies during my teen years.

Lastly, I mentioned on a prior post that I've been compared to Jeffrey Dahmer by a woman before. If you send off Jeffrey Dahmer vibes, you can't afford any sort of misunderstanding with a woman.

 

[corrector]

One poster said my neighbor most likely can sense I want to jump her bones (because per my own admission on this thread, I've lusted after her from the day I met her).

That poster is probably right.

So here's what doesn't make sense to me: If my neighbor is into me, why doesn't she offer me sex (or at the very least, invite me into her place)?

After all, it's not like she has to fear getting rejected by me (because, again, she can most likely sense I'm into her, even though I've never said it)

Your looks may not be good enough for her to make the first move, or it could be one of the types that wait for the guy to make the move. You raised your status by social proof now the next step is to show confidence. You do that by making a move. But you have to replay this in your mind that she will say yes and practise talking to yourself. Record yourself and play your voice back. Would you go out with yourself with that voice? Project confidence in your voice.

Dont pretend you are a Chad and expect women to throw themselves at you. Be realistic about your expectations.

 

[GoodMan32]

OP what has your interaction history with Rebecca since the April exchange? Have you been acting normally and going about your business, saying hello and making smalltalk when appropriate, or have you been avoidant and nervous?

If you've been cool, asking her out for a drink at a cool bar someplace local for happy hour (something short) and seeing what happens might be a good idea. If you have a cool, casual and appealing proposal for a quick date it would ease any rejection issues, because then you're looking at a soft rejection if she says no and minimal awkwardness issue bc your meetup proposal was innocent and appealing. Also, this would act as a "venue change" rather than just trying to hook up with her where you live.

Our interaction since then has been normal neighborly stuff.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Our interaction since then has been normal neighborly stuff.

Ok cool. Since 3 months have passed and you've been cool, you won't appear overeager if you do ask her out.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

One poster said my neighbor most likely can sense I want to jump her bones (because per my own admission on this thread, I've lusted after her from the day I met her).

That poster is probably right.

So here's what doesn't make sense to me: If my neighbor is into me, why doesn't she offer me sex (or at the very least, invite me into her place)?

After all, it's not like she has to fear getting rejected by me (because, again, she can most likely sense I'm into her, even though I've never said it)

Because she's older and older women are generally less willing to put themselves in a vulnerable position. The "nothing wrong with older women" blurb on her part 3 months ago is probably all the signal she's willing to give you.

Also - assuming you live someplace where it gets hot right now (most of the Northern Hemisphere), the start of summer is when women are at their horniest. Start thinking of date ideas for when you have an opportunity to ask her out. "Hey, it's stupid hot right now, we should get a cold drink down the street" or something along those lines (obviously don't take her to a dump). During a heat wave is a good time for this.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There's the awkwardness of having to run into her. Additionally, as I mentioned on a previous post, word could spread. My other neighbors, if word gets out, will view me as "that creep who got turned down by an old lady" (Neighbors would think "For a good-looking guy in his early 30s to get turned down by an old lady, there must be something severely wrong with him").

As for getting thrown out of my building, I hadn't even thought of that. That's a possibility too. She could complain to the building's management that it makes her uncomfortable to cross paths with me ever since I expressed interest in her. She might even claim I go out of my way to run into her more than I have to. In the era of new age feminism, the man will automatically be viewed as the problem.

Mostly this is nonsense you have made up in your own mind with no basis in reality.

In reality, nobody would care, because people care far more about themselves than anyone else.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Not everyone has the same opinion. He listened to all opinions including mine.

Of course you don't, because you think you can succeed without having to fail many times first, so it's better to not even try.

 

[BeExcellent]

One poster said my neighbor most likely can sense I want to jump her bones (because per my own admission on this thread, I've lusted after her from the day I met her).

That poster is probably right.

So here's what doesn't make sense to me: If my neighbor is into me, why doesn't she offer me sex (or at the very least, invite me into her place)?

Answer (which should be obvious): Because she is the woman and you are the man. Quit expecting your neighbor to act desperate and throw herself at you or act masculine & take on the male role (not feminine - be grateful she isn't trying to act like the man here.)

But what remains is this:

You Tarzan. Her Jane. Be the man and lead.

I agree with @Rainrain @BackInTheGame78 and the Dutchman on this thread.

Why bother asking the question if you are just going to make excuses and blame the spectrum? And yes I GET that the spectrum affects your social calibration (or lack thereof), but if you hide behind that your whole life, you'll be a lonely dude.

It's not awkward unless you make it awkward. Do you freak out if you offer your mom a cup of tea and she says "No Thank You?"

No? This is NO different. Time to learn that.

 

[corrector]

You Tarzan. Her Jane. Be the man and lead.

That is what I also did with that lady at work. She followed behind me.

We are still not talking to each other though. But the last memory of her was she was BEHIND me.

 

[corrector]

Of course you don't, because you think you can succeed without having to fail many times first, so it's better to not even try.

Who said I didn't fail, and fail many times? How many times do you want to get rejected at work before there an HR complaint? Are you serious dude?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Who said I didn't fail, and fail many times? How many times do you want to get rejected at work before there an HR complaint? Are you serious dude?

Not talking about at work. That's already a no no to begin with.

Look...you clearly aren't here to be helped. You are here to cry and whine and piss and moan about your life and everything going wrong in it.

And honestly, I'm not listening to it and nobody else should be either. People who want to change their life do it, people who don't sit around and cry about it to anyone that will listen and then make excuses why it can never be anything other than what it is.

 

[corrector]

Not talking about at work. That's already a no no to begin with.

Oh.

 

[plumber]

It is more socially acceptable for a woman to ask a man out today compared to the 1950s. And it certainly happens sometimes today (so it is possible). Overall though, you're generally right (the man generally has to make the move).

Unfortunately, the stakes are way too high when it's a neighbor, coworker, or customer (I say "customer" because there were some female customers I might have had a chance with when I worked in stores).

With a neighbor, coworker, or customer, there's no wiggle room for error. You have to be 100% sure she's into you before asking her out, or else the consequences could be severe for you.

The suggestion of walking to coffee if that can be, is the correct one. If she likes you she will make it easy for you.

The cost to you if you do not ask is very high. If she say no, its also good, then you know and can continue to be polite to her. Get to know her more, she will take care of the rest of it. You don't have to be alpha dude, just show that your available to her. You think she can read the vibe, but doesn't know that you would ALSO like to get to know her. If your awkward so what. If she tells no, you can joke her about that in the future when you see her. Keep it light. She might also direct you to one of her friends....

Yes the spectrum sucks. You can not fix that. You can learn to take advantage of it.

 

[Clockwerk50]

That is what I also did with that lady at work. She followed behind me.

We are still not talking to each other though. But the last memory of her was she was BEHIND me.

You can't be that lady's Tarzan if you're not even on her radar. Leading an interaction requires engaging with her. Simply exiting an elevator first doesn't make you a masculine man or a leader of men.

She was BEHIND you because both of you had to take the same route, and you HAPPENED to leave the elevator first, like an eager puppy. She wasn't following you to seek your attention.

Sorry to burst your bubble. I prefer to be logical and not live in lala land.

 

[corrector]

You can't be that lady's Tarzan if you're not even on her radar. Leading an interaction requires engaging with her. Simply exiting an elevator first doesn't make you a masculine man or a leader of men.

She was BEHIND you because both of you had to take the same route, and you HAPPENED to leave the elevator first, like an eager puppy. She wasn't following you to seek your attention.

Sorry to burst your bubble. I prefer to be logical and not live in lala land.

First of all, you do realize that the whole thing was sarcastic? Actually taking a sarcastic interpretation seriously is interesting, but I'll take the bait.

She did have some aspect of choice to keep a greater physical distance away from me. Her friend went down the stairs for example, and she could have accompanied her friend down the stairs rather than go into an elevator knowing that I could just jump into the same elevator. Anyway, I went into the elevator. Yes, I did leave the elevator first since I was next to the door and can see she felt uncomfortable, lol! (ie she was looking at her smartphone)

My estimation for someone who is uncomfortable with me, if they are going to be behind, they are going to be really behind and wait for me to clear out the building, not actually follow behind where I'm even able to open the door for her. This is not the behaviour of someone who sees me as a threat or thinks I have the cooties.

I'm looking at her "body language" behaviour and spacial distance. But, it's still a sarcastic interpretation at the core (ie as there is no engagement or not in her "positive radar", and given the documented history). I'm not stupid. There is no assumption of any interest, on any level, coming from her. But that doesn't stop my mind from wandering off or having some fun with it. At the end of the day, what's between the ears is under nobody's control.

 

[Clockwerk50]

First of all, you do realize that the whole thing was sarcastic? Actually taking a sarcastic interpretation seriously is interesting, but I'll take the bait.

She did have some aspect of choice to keep a greater physical distance away from me. Her friend went down the stairs for example, and she could have accompanied her friend down the stairs rather than go into an elevator knowing that I could just jump into the same elevator. Anyway, I went into the elevator. Yes, I did leave the elevator first since I was next to the door and can see she felt uncomfortable, lol! (ie she was looking at her smartphone)

My estimation for someone who is uncomfortable with me, if they are going to be behind, they are going to be really behind and wait for me to clear out the building, not actually follow behind where I'm even able to open the door for her. This is not the behaviour of someone who sees me as a threat or thinks I have the cooties.

I'm looking at her "body language" behaviour and spacial distance. But, it's still a sarcastic interpretation at the core (ie as there is no engagement or not in her "positive radar", and given the documented history). I'm not stupid. There is no assumption of any interest, on any level, coming from her. But that doesn't stop my mind from wandering off or having some fun with it. At the end of the day, what's between the ears is under nobody's control.

I hope you understand why I was skeptical of your comment and couldn't detect your sarcasm since most of your posts are riddled with delusional thoughts, lack the proper self-awareness to improve in life, and most information that you provide here cause more harm than good since it is frankly wrong.

Either way, I know some people love hijacking threads since they have narcissistic qualities to make it all about themselves. I wish you had this kind of energy to talk to women. Anyways, I'll just leave it at "whatever makes you sleep at night." Peace.

 

[corrector]

I hope you understand why I was skeptical of your comment and couldn't detect your sarcasm since most of your posts are riddled with delusional thoughts, lack the proper self-awareness to improve in life, and most information that you provide here cause more harm than good since it is frankly wrong.

Either way, I know some people love hijacking threads since they have narcissistic qualities to make it all about themselves. I wish you had this kind of energy to talk to women. Anyways, I'll just leave it at "whatever makes you sleep at night." Peace.

What are you talking about? Dude, want to call me out on a one/two line comment I replied to @BeExcellent, literally pick a fight with me on what was a sarcastic comment, make insane accusations and loaded statements, and now you want to say that I'm hijacking a thread? Whenever I say something someone has to get triggered. People get triggered by what I watch (ie ASMR), what I write, and I don't get why.

 

[Chow Mein]

Not everyone has the same opinion. He listened to all opinions including mine.

How many accounts do you have on here?

 

[corrector]

How many accounts do you have on here?

If you want attention you, may I suggest going on youtube. You can get plenty of vlogs of people, especially women, talking to you on the screen. It's better than nothing. To write something like that, means you need to see some good videos.

 

[Canadian_Man]

Read about half this thread.

OP, your mindset needs improving.


I used to be more like you, with the doubts and overthinking (still experience this occasionally, but not with the same frequency nor the same intensity + I continue to get better with this).

Point being, you can improve.


A few examples of statements you made which stood out:
- "I'm on the spectrum ... it's practically impossible for me to ... [further explaining about this and using words like neurotypical]"
- "Sucks that my fear of rejection is this crippling ... but X bad experience in high school shapes you for life ..."

Telling yourself you "cannot do X because of Y" in this manner is a sure way to hold yourself back, because you've already defeated yourself before trying.

Nothing about yourself is really "fixed" in the way you describe.
Change is possible.
It might just be slower and more difficult than one would expect.