Attention Imbalance in LTR's: When women act crazy

[jhonny9546]

my sister has been in a 4 Y ltr with my brother-in-law, both 30 years old, and they live together in his house. Recently, my sister became upset and left the house to return to my parents' place. The apparent reason was that my brother-in-law wasn't giving her the attention she wanted, preferring to focus on her friends and activities instead.

After my sister left, my brother-in-law sent a message expressing confusion about the situation and apologizing if he had done something wrong. He also questioned whether my sister understood the gravity of her actions and if she had taken responsibility for them.

This behavior from my syster sounds like a "**** test".
When I asked my sister about the situation, she revealed that she sometimes feels neglected and would like my brother-in-law to dedicate a day to just the two of them, doing something special. However, he rarely does this due to his exhaustion from work and other commitments. Instead, he prefers to pursue his own interests, such as going to the gym and spending time with friends.

My sister expressed doubts about their future together because my brother-in-law doesn't show her the attention she feels she deserves. She feels uncertain about being the mother of his children and his wife in life if he doesn't prioritize their relationship.

could we read this in the right key?
What's happening there?
hypergamy awaken

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Attention and validation is his value to her. He should lead her by showing her the correct way to ask for his attention and validation, but when I read:

my brother-in-law sent a message expressing confusion about the situation and apologizing if he had done something wrong.

I think she needs a more dominant man to give her what she needs, not what she wants. And I think your BIL might not be up to the task.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Women do not want you to demystify anything. They want you to create a fantasy for them and then follow as you lead them through it (peak dominant masculine male). Once you stop being spontaneous and unpredictable then they dry up and go looking for some other entertainer who will not spoil their fun and force them to deal with reality.
Women do not want facts. They want feelings. Your bro-in-law is not being the dealer.

 

[Ricky]

I can relate to the brother in law. Here is a guy who isnt needy, who does what he wants to do unlike most of the ***** whipped husbands who cater to their wives which makes her lose respect for him.

on the other hand he is losing emotional connection with her… something that happened with my wife and it opens the door for even a simp to give it to her which happened to me unfortunately also

 

[pipeman84]

Your sister is probably right ... the brother in law can't be acting like he's a bachelor ... work, gym, friends and ignore the fact he's in a relationship.
Your sister got together with this guy when she was 26 ... knowing her history with guys before that would further illuminate what's going on. In other words, if this is her first relationship, then she's much more believable than if she has a pattern of failed relationships.

 

[BaronOfHair]

my sister has been in a 4 Y ltr with my brother-in-law, both 30 years old, and they live together in his house. Recently, my sister became upset and left the house to return to my parents' place. The apparent reason was that my brother-in-law wasn't giving her the attention she wanted, preferring to focus on her friends and activities instead.

30 going on 3

 

[jhonny9546]

@Giovanni SouthSide @AmsterdamAssassin
Correct. Are all women this way or is this related to just a certain kind of women?


"They want you to create a fantasy for them and then follow as you lead them through it (peak dominant masculine male). Once you stop being spontaneous and unpredictable then they dry up and go looking for some other entertainer who will not spoil their fun and force them to deal with reality.
Women do not want facts. They want feelings. Your bro-in-law is not being the dealer."

Is this even sustainable in an LTR? I'm sure and happy that anyone should looking for fun, or joy, but there is also a place for tranquility, peace and rationality.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Are all women this way or is this related to just a certain kind of women?

Like I said, this is your currency. Some women require more, some less, but they all want your attention and validation.

Is this even sustainable in an LTR? I'm sure and happy that anyone should looking for fun, or joy, but there is also a place for tranquility, peace and rationality.

Yes, it's sustainable, but you have to set boundaries right from the beginning so she'll realise that your attention and validation doesn't come for free.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Giovanni SouthSide @AmsterdamAssassin
Is this even sustainable in an LTR?

Expending this much thought on your sis and BIL's marital difficulties is indicative of troubles on your end. Namely

20 Signs You're Too Sensitive

Stop reading so much Robert Frost, for crying out loud!

bestlifeonline.com

#s 1, 5, 10, and 15 in particular

 

[jhonny9546]

Expending this much thought on your sis and BIL's marital difficulties is indicative of troubles on your end. Namely

20 Signs You're Too Sensitive

Stop reading so much Robert Frost, for crying out loud!

bestlifeonline.com

#s 1, 5, 10, and 15 in particular

I'm just putting the story here to analyze how LTR's works.
An IRL example is the best thing you want, instead of a "baked" story.

Btw, there is a little update, my sister went to my bil house again to talk, and she talked to me on how she now find relief. I think they would come togheter again in 10 days.. Lets see how it goes.

 

[The Duke]

I've been guilty in several relationships of not providing enough attention and it causing whomever I'm with to feel neglected. I think its got a lot to do with the hunter and conquerer in me.

With out knowing more details of their relationship, it sounds like your sister needs to be clear on what it is she needs and expects. Typically women act out before they sit down and explain things. Your brother in law will have to make changes to accomodate her and be more cognizant. Independent men are usually not exactly aware that is as much of an issue as it is. At the 4yr mark in a relationship is usually when you start to see these issues.

You always have to be "dating" your girl like you did in the begining if you want these things to last in the long run.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Btw, there is a little update, my sister went to my bil house again to talk, and she talked to me on how she now find relief. I think they would come togheter again in 10 days.. Lets see how it goes

You'll no doubt be the first to receive an update, from both your sis AND your BIL, likely in that order. You're her girlfriend and their de facto marriage counselor now

 

[jhonny9546]

I've been guilty in several relationships of not providing enough attention and it causing whomever I'm with to feel neglected. I think its got a lot to do with the hunter and conquerer in me.

With out knowing more details of their relationship, it sounds like your sister needs to be clear on what it is she needs and expects. Typically women act out before they sit down and explain things. Your brother in law will have to make changes to accomodate her and be more cognizant. Independent men are usually not exactly aware that is as much of an issue as it is. At the 4yr mark in a relationship is usually when you start to see these issues.

You always have to be "dating" your girl like you did in the begining if you want these things to last in the long run.

There is also the fact to point out, that if you do what said women tell you to do, she could lose respect for you.
Isn't that right?
So this would be true to state "women doesn't really know what she want"

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

There is also the fact to point out, that if you do what said women tell you to do, she could lose respect for you.

If you want women to respect you, state your boundaries early and don't allow her to cross them.

 

[The Duke]

There is also the fact to point out, that if you do what said women tell you to do, she could lose respect for you.
Isn't that right?
So this would be true to state "women doesn't really know what she want"

In some cases that is very true, other times you run the risk of losing your relationship by not accomodating her to some extent. Its a case by case deal. The only one that knows the right answer is the one that is in the relationship. A man also needs to make sure he doesn't lose who he is by accomodating her too much.

The question to ask is she being reasonable? Is her complaint valid? Is there some truth to it? If so then the man needs to make some changes. Its always a balancing act. The man needs to have some awareness so he can address some of this before it becomes a problem. It makes his life much easier if he has a finger on the pulse of his relationship and is proactive instead of reactive. Thats a what a good leader does. Thats how good management runs their business.

 

[jhonny9546]

In some cases that is very true, other times you run the risk of losing your relationship by not accomodating her to some extent. Its a case by case deal. The only one that knows the right answer is the one that is in the relationship. A man also needs to make sure he doesn't lose who he is by accomodating her too much.

The question to ask is she being reasonable? Is her complaint valid? Is there some truth to it? If so then the man needs to make some changes. Its always a balancing act. The man needs to have some awareness so he can address some of this before it becomes a problem. It makes his life much easier if he has a finger on the pulse of his relationship and is proactive instead of reactive. Thats a what a good leader does. Thats how good management runs their business.

We should take women "**** test" as advice to think about and apply if we think it's necessary to.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

We should take women "**** test" as advice to think about and apply if we think it's necessary to.

When women 'congruency test' they are not a 100% convinced that you are who you say you are.
A few tests is normal. Continuous tests mean the woman is insecure or your frame is failing.

 

[jhonny9546]

When women 'congruency test' they are not a 100% convinced that you are who you say you are.
A few tests is normal. Continuous tests mean the woman is insecure or your frame is failing.

Yes but you can fail a test if you don't hear, or you can fail a test if you hear.
Hard

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Yes but you can fail a test if you don't hear, or you can fail a test if you hear.
Hard

I don't know what you mean exactly, but if you fail her congruency test, then your 'frame' is incongruent with your behaviour.

Like someone who thinks masculinity is about being a tough guy and they strut around like little roosters until they come up against a real badass and then they fold like a bad poker hand.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

Women do not want you to demystify anything. They want you to create a fantasy for them and then follow as you lead them through it (peak dominant masculine male). Once you stop being spontaneous and unpredictable then they dry up and go looking for some other entertainer who will not spoil their fun and force them to deal with reality.
Women do not want facts. They want feelings. Your bro-in-law is not being the dealer.

I LOVE THAT QUOTE. Women do not want you to demistify anything. That's probably the truest thing I've heard in game and the hardest to apply once you've become red pilled