Does Being in a Relationship hold you back?

[Learning Curve]

Was wondering about this today.

Personally now I'm in a relationship.

The chick I'm with is I consider her smart, PHD, good job, good money.

But since I'm a very driven person for success I feel that spending time on creating a business, wealth and generally success takes time from my relationship in which to be honest I don't know what the correct decision in some instances is.

I feel that being in a relationship creates a fog in my focus. It pushes me in the opposite way since I have to spend time with the chick instead of spending my evening until midnight on wealth creation.

I know that this for some people this is extreme but for me this is what I focus on currently and what I want from my life.

The chick I'm with is happy with her job, does have aspirations for a business, but she is not serious about it. After job she spends her time on tv, Netflix, and all that bs which I don't want in any shape or form to watch or waste my time.

To summarize the point of this thread is when you have a business, focus, success how do you manage that with your relationship?

Some chicks are cool with it, some are not.

She does understand my drive and focus but I can tell that once I start to allocate my time on what I want to do through out the day she changes her behaviour and sort of feels bored in the living room as I'm in my office working because she has nothing to do after work.

This behaviour is off-putting for my taste to be honest. I want a chick that has a life besides work and activities.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I want a chick that has a life besides work and activities.

This actually seems like what a woman would say (no offense).

What would this life involve besides activities and work if she has no children?

Is this woman you speak of a live-in girlfriend?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Don't compromise your aspirations for a relationship. A woman SHOULD have more going on with her life than a job. She should have friends and hobbies too. Or if she's cool relaxing on the couch while you put in the extra time that's fine.

I've had LTRs with women who held me back, yes. Two were very possessive but in different ways. One didn't understand my ambitions and thought I was going out to cheat (when I was going out to classes or group meetings etc). The other was outwardly "cool" but really just toxic and jealous and it crept out and ran interference until I dumped her. In both cases, they tried to get in the way of my dreams and they lost.

My current chick is much more independent minded. I come and go when I please and there's no pushback. I work on my sh*t when I want to and she gets it. She has friends and a life and there's no jealousy of mine outside of hers and vice versa. Thus it makes me want to make time for her because she deserves it. Either you're on board or you're out - that's my philosophy.

 

[Westminster]

In my experience, it can work either way.

Being in a healthy relationship with a good woman can really boost you socially and economically, and help your career to progress. Sometimes significantly. A bad woman can absolutely destroy you though, never mind hold you back.

There of course intermediate positions too.

 

[Learning Curve]

This actually seems like what a woman would say (no offense).

What would this life involve besides activities and work if she has no children?

Is this woman you speak of a live-in girlfriend?

Yeah we live together.

Most probably i would want her to have goals and aspirations in which she does not have.

As she said she prefers to take life as it goes.

 

[Learning Curve]

Don't compromise your aspirations for a relationship. A woman SHOULD have more going on with her life than a job. She should have friends and hobbies too. Or if she's cool relaxing on the couch while you put in the extra time that's fine.

I've had LTRs with women who held me back, yes. Two were very possessive but in different ways. One didn't understand my ambitions and thought I was going out to cheat (when I was going out to classes or group meetings etc). The other was outwardly "cool" but really just toxic and jealous and it crept out and ran interference until I dumped her. In both cases, they tried to get in the way of my dreams and they lost.

My current chick is much more independent minded. I come and go when I please and there's no pushback. I work on my sh*t when I want to and she gets it. She has friends and a life and there's no jealousy of mine outside of hers and vice versa. Thus it makes me want to make time for her because she deserves it. Either you're on board or you're out - that's my philosophy.

That's a good philosophy we share the same experiences.

My ex was controlling and she tried to remove me from my aspirations and goals and she lost.

This one is actually letting me do my stuff and she respects it but i can tell that she wants more of my attention and i can feel that long term she will not like this kind of lifestyle.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Most probably i would want her to have goals and aspirations in which she does not have.

You described her as this:

“The chick I'm with is I consider her smart, PHD, good job, good money.” That sounds like a woman with a life.

Can you give an example of a life goal or aspiration? I’m asking seriously.

Considering she’s not how you want her to be, will you leave her?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

To summarize the point of this thread is when you have a business, focus, success how do you manage that with your relationship?

By not living together.
I'm a writer, I need time alone to write without interference. Although, if I can't write at home, I will just go to a cafe.

 

[Learning Curve]

You described her as this:

“The chick I'm with is I consider her smart, PHD, good job, good money.” That sounds like a woman with a life.

Can you give an example of a life goal or aspiration? I’m asking seriously.

Considering she’s not how you want her to be, will you leave her?

Having a PHD, a job, and good money does not mean that you have a life.

Her job, is 8 hours sharp. Finishing a job and staying home with no friends, being at a TV and Netflix until the midnight and scrolling on Instagram seems to me like a chick that wants my constant attention because she has no life after work.

Having a life is much more than working.

For me ideally it would be, Gym, Hobbies, Friends, Aspirations and goals to reach somewhere and being occupied with things you love besides work.

She does not love her job, she just likes it.

And her trying to get me to watch tv and Netflix outside her work because she is bored is driving me nuts. I don't mind spending quality time together i do and i give her time by going out, yes watching some tv and Netflix here and there but this bores the sh1t out of me.

 

[Learning Curve]

By not living together.
I'm a writer, I need time alone to write without interference. Although, if I can't write at home, I will just go to a cafe.
View attachment 11983

Yeah that could work.

But i have an office at home and my equipment is there.

I also do music production as an additional hustle so i need my studio and monitors at home i can't go to a coffee shop.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I feel like this question can be answered by asking yourself two questions:

1. What is the purpose of your wealth creation?
Take this a few levels deep. What feelings and experiences and objects is it that you desire from your wealth?

2. What is the purpose of your relationship?
Is it companionship or is it growth and deeper love oriented?

 

[Learning Curve]

I feel like this question can be answered by asking yourself two questions:

1. What is the purpose of your wealth creation?
Take this a few levels deep. What feelings and experiences and objects is it that you desire from your wealth?

2. What is the purpose of your relationship?
Is it companionship or is it growth and deeper love oriented?

Just to give a point to the second question, deep love and connection for sure.

I'm over the banging and throwing era. I have a deep connection with this chick emotionally and sexually.

But the challenge for me is life and aspirations long term.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

But i have an office at home and my equipment is there.

Hang a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. Close the door.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Just to give a point to the second question, deep love and connection for sure.

I'm over the banging and throwing era. I have a deep connection with this chick emotionally and sexually.

But the challenge for me is life and aspirations long term.

But you're making no sense?

What is it about this girl that inspires love in you??
You can only seem to tell us what you hate about her.
She is lazy and watches tv all day and is needy etc.
And you do things you don't like instead of having your own boundaries.
Why are you with her?

To me it looks like she is your opposite and by nurturing her you nurture yourself.
If that's what it is then that's what it is, but don't make it into something else.

 

[Learning Curve]

But you're making no sense?

What is it about this girl that inspires love in you??
You can only seem to tell us what you hate about her.
She is lazy and watches tv all day and is needy etc.
And you do things you don't like instead of having your own boundaries.
Why are you with her?

To me it looks like she is your opposite and by nurturing her you nurture yourself.
If that's what it is then that's what it is, but don't make it into something else.

This is not her problem, this is my problem.

I'm trying to understand my boundaries and set the correct ones. I never said i don't like her you said that.

I said that i don't like certain aspects of what she is doing but that's what i don't like this does not mean is wrong.

Don't alter what i say because you don't understand the thread.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

This is not her problem, this is my problem.

I'm trying to understand my boundaries and set the correct ones. I never said i don't like her you said that.

I said that i don't like certain aspects of what she is doing but that's what i don't like this does not mean is wrong.

Don't alter what i say because you don't understand the thread.

well that's one way to not get what you want from your thread.

 

[Learning Curve]

well that's one way to not get what you want from your thread.

I'm transparent brother.

Just trying to get my point to you so you understand what i meant.

Advice is always appreciated that's why I'm asking and creating a thread.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

@Learning Curve , sounds a lot like my situation. My GF comes home from work, a job that's just a job to her, and she's often tired and watches Netflix or scrolls. (Edit - she cleans a lot, talks to her family etc. too. And has a hobby.) I watch TV w/her (and alone later) but not always. And yeah sometimes I look at social media as a sort of mindless break.

She finally signed up for some classes which is good, and she does go out with friends sometimes. As far as my work - I just tell her - I'm going into the office to do some writing / get on a call etc. and she leaves me alone. If she wants to watch TV that's fine with me. The only issue I think is sometimes women complain about being "bored" like we are always supposed to entertain them. I am never bored, lol. I get restless from lack of results but I always have something to occupy myself.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I'm transparent brother.

Just trying to get my point to you so you understand what i meant.

Advice is always appreciated that's why I'm asking and creating a thread.

It brings us back full circle,
What do you want from your wealth?
What do you want from your relationship?

Commit yourself fully to both.
Feel deeply in the moment whether this activity is something you don't want to do, and then do both of you the favour of not doing that thing, because it will kill the relationship.
Find your integrity and have that be your compass.
You already know what you want, but the knowledge is not on the mental plane.

 

[Learning Curve]

@Learning Curve , sounds a lot like my situation. My GF comes home from work, a job that's just a job to her, and she's often tired and watches Netflix or scrolls. (Edit - she cleans a lot, talks to her family etc. too. And has a hobby.) I watch TV w/her (and alone later) but not always. And yeah sometimes I look at social media as a sort of mindless break.

She finally signed up for some classes which is good, and she does go out with friends sometimes. As far as my work - I just tell her - I'm going into the office to do some writing / get on a call etc. and she leaves me alone. If she wants to watch TV that's fine with me. The only issue I think is sometimes women complain about being "bored" like we are always supposed to entertain them. I am never bored, lol. I get restless from lack of results but I always have something to occupy myself.

Exactly my case.

Thanks for sharing.