Falling lower

[BeExcellent]

This above from @savi0r is the correct advice. Nothing more to add.

 

[soulforge]

She didn't try to replace you. She is trying to get over the breakup doing everything so thinks she might help. Like you, also. And you are happy that you saw this guy isn't as high status as you. I can assure you if it was a Chad, you would have a different story now. What I can tell you, as a fellow man, is this : let her go. Truly let her go. Close this thread, go to your best friends,have some beers and tell them all about her and the relationship. Let it all out. After that ,take a little time for introspections. Alone time. Realize what went good,what went bad and what can you learn about it. After this, you have to mentally excercise to not think about her and not fall down rabbit holes of thoughts . In the end, it's all about time. Don't force anything, don't hate yourself for not being over her. After some months ,you will realize she is getting out of your system. Then you will truly trust the process. Right now , you are overanalyzing everything and she is dominating your mind. It does nothing good for you. you can't think objectively now. Go no contact ,clear your head, and if you want to share thoughts with the other members ,do so after some time has passed. Your head is a mess right now. I really hope the best for you and that you will get over this asap.

I will add my two cents.

Recognise when things are not good in your relationship.

Listen to your gut instinct.. Often you know that the relationship is heading South.

You also probably have ignored a bunch of red flags too.

I have been in similar situations as yourself, but luckily this time, I exited the relationship before things got too bad.

It's better to walk away on your own accord, than to hold onto a failing relationship, till she secures another dude and mercilessly dumps you.

 

[NSX-R]

She didn't try to replace you. She is trying to get over the breakup doing everything so thinks she might help. Like you, also. And you are happy that you saw this guy isn't as high status as you. I can assure you if it was a Chad, you would have a different story now. What I can tell you, as a fellow man, is this : let her go. Truly let her go. Close this thread, go to your best friends,have some beers and tell them all about her and the relationship. Let it all out. After that ,take a little time for introspections. Alone time. Realize what went good,what went bad and what can you learn about it. After this, you have to mentally excercise to not think about her and not fall down rabbit holes of thoughts . In the end, it's all about time. Don't force anything, don't hate yourself for not being over her. After some months ,you will realize she is getting out of your system. Then you will truly trust the process. Right now , you are overanalyzing everything and she is dominating your mind. It does nothing good for you. you can't think objectively now. Go no contact ,clear your head, and if you want to share thoughts with the other members ,do so after some time has passed. Your head is a mess right now. I really hope the best for you and that you will get over this asap.

Thank you . I’m going to save it somewhere to read it as often as possible to keep myself on track.
Few days have passed and right now i feel the full effect of emotions. The pain is excruciating. Never felt anything closer to it considering the break up all together was really painful. Continuing my every day activities but my inner self is completely dead and destroyed . The woman that i thought was my soul mate , the woman i thought would be the woman of my life , the woman even though i saw everything and i wanted to leave, i trusted her whenever she begged me , even now in the end i thought that’s what she wanted and respected that , sold me so easy and fast for a rebound.I feel completely betrayed.We men want to fix broken things, women seem to break men and she did it . I can’t even put to words how much broken and in pain i feel . This year has been the worst year i ever felt in my life emotionally speaking. I don’t know how to recover from that if i ever do . Only thing that left for me is to be even more successful on my businesses. Nothing more .
I don’t want no woman no more for at least half a year.
Monk mode for me right now . I don’t want nothing to do with any woman .I don’t give a shyt even about sex anymore. I had already too much in my life and i know cold sex would never fulfill me , the opposite, it’s going to be worse . I have to heal and recover.There is no other way. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I have to try hard for it .

How did you guys were able to deal with it?

 

[NSX-R]

I think this here is the right place to keep a journal of the situation. I’m not a guy who’s going to write it down with a pen , but i guess here is the right place to type everything i feel , let everything out and at least document the process . This way it might help me remove some of the inner pressure i feel and maybe help other member take tips what to do or not to do if they are on a similar situation. I’m going to keep this thread updated of my journey.

 

[ManFromTartarus]

How did you guys were able to deal with it?

By letting go.

From what I read you keep focusing on how much you hurt. The pain will go away as soon as you let go of your attachment to the love you felt you used to have.

Your OP says a few months ago, so maybe it's time put your mind in a place where you can say to yourself it's over and really mean it. Seeing her a few weeks ago didn't help either.

 

[NSX-R]

My feelings fluctuate. When i interact with a person, the thoughts completely vanish. Then as soon as I’m alone again they come back .No matter if I’m working or not.
Yesterday it was the first time since the break up that i really felt that she’s gone from my life . It’s not like i wasn’t already knowing it but emotionally i was still in denial or hoping that she would come back .
That feeling feels brand new so it’s not yet concrete. For the first time i didn’t felt the hate that i had all this time . I started to appreciate the good times we had together and the experience she gave me. I begin to believe slowly that it wasn’t really meant for us to be together and that something better maybe is waiting for me out there.
Right now I’m not rushing to start dating again . I noticed that sleeping with all those women made my situation worse and i always felt guilty afterwards. Been some time since i slept with one and i feel good about it. I’m not going to sleep with anyone or date anyone till I’m healed already. I don’t want to make steps backwards. Gym helps massively. Started going again since few days and for at least 3-4 hours after a training session it feels good and feelings are not present. It make me sleep better .
Also the thoughts of her being with that other dude and some times thinking of them banging doesn’t feel so damaging when my brain sometimes brings it up so i guess that’s still some improvement.

Having said all that , the worse time of the day is early in the morning. I can’t think of a single time since our break up that i haven’t dreamed of her . Not a single time . And that makes every morning a big challenge for me . Starting a day while having these extreme thoughts it’s the worst part of the whole experience. I consciously do my every morning routine and i can’t explain how hard it is to start . I miss her really bad and it’s a big torture for me . Can’t explain . Every morning feels like I’m starting from zero and all the progress i did during the day it’s gone.
Today though it felt a bit different. It felt lighter even though i had a fantastic dream with her . A really good one . Usually after having such a dream, i would lay there in my bed like a zombie without life . But today it felt good. Didn’t have any depressive feeling and felt somehow like a normal morning. For the first time since very long time .
I don’t know ,the journey feels very long , i thought there were no any improvements but I’m starting so seeing some . I hope really it gets better from now on .

 

[Baibars]

My feelings fluctuate. When i interact with a person, the thoughts completely vanish. Then as soon as I’m alone again they come back .No matter if I’m working or not.
Yesterday it was the first time since the break up that i really felt that she’s gone from my life . It’s not like i wasn’t already knowing it but emotionally i was still in denial or hoping that she would come back .
That feeling feels brand new so it’s not yet concrete. For the first time i didn’t felt the hate that i had all this time . I started to appreciate the good times we had together and the experience she gave me. I begin to believe slowly that it wasn’t really meant for us to be together and that something better maybe is waiting for me out there.
Right now I’m not rushing to start dating again . I noticed that sleeping with all those women made my situation worse and i always felt guilty afterwards. Been some time since i slept with one and i feel good about it. I’m not going to sleep with anyone or date anyone till I’m healed already. I don’t want to make steps backwards. Gym helps massively. Started going again since few days and for at least 3-4 hours after a training session it feels good and feelings are not present. It make me sleep better .
Also the thoughts of her being with that other dude and some times thinking of them banging doesn’t feel so damaging when my brain sometimes brings it up so i guess that’s still some improvement.

Having said all that , the worse time of the day is early in the morning. I can’t think of a single time since our break up that i haven’t dreamed of her . Not a single time . And that makes every morning a big challenge for me . Starting a day while having these extreme thoughts it’s the worst part of the whole experience. I consciously do my every morning routine and i can’t explain how hard it is to start . I miss her really bad and it’s a big torture for me . Can’t explain . Every morning feels like I’m starting from zero and all the progress i did during the day it’s gone.
Today though it felt a bit different. It felt lighter even though i had a fantastic dream with her . A really good one . Usually after having such a dream, i would lay there in my bed like a zombie without life . But today it felt good. Didn’t have any depressive feeling and felt somehow like a normal morning. For the first time since very long time .
I don’t know ,the journey feels very long , i thought there were no any improvements but I’m starting so seeing some . I hope really it gets better from now on .

hey I feel similar and can understand you.
I was trying to get her back for almost 2 months with times in between where I did no contact but somehow my feelings overwhelmed me. since last Thursday it made click inside of me. Since then I don’t talk to her.

I have also good and bad times. think about it like this: when you’re going to the gym, are you mad or depressed just because you don’t see results in a few days or weeks? No.
Accept the pain just like you accept the pain when you work out. Just live and some day you will be strong enough to be completely over this situation.

I also started dating and being on dating apps when I realized shes gone but because I was still attached, it was even worse for me seeing someone else. A few weeks ago I had a girl at my place and treated her like crap. Then there was this other girl that made me feel even worse because we did things I used to do with my ex. Spending time with family and friends seems like a better idea than dating at least for some weeks. There is nothing bad about taking a break from dating.

 

[DarwinTaurus]

There is not a single form of communication between us since we blocked each other virtually everywhere.Don’t know what’s wrong with me but i can’t move on . Maybe it’s too soon or maybe i have to get used to this feeling for the rest of my life and live with it .
Have you ever had any similar situation in your break ups?

I know exactly how you feel. I blocked my ex, and it has been about five weeks, yet I still think about her, yet I know that I shouldn't.

Fingers crossed, this will pass over time. However, being sexually intimate with someone, for an extended period of time, I don't think you can ever eliminate those thoughts and memories from your mind.

 

[NSX-R]

hey I feel similar and can understand you.
I was trying to get her back for almost 2 months with times in between where I did no contact but somehow my feelings overwhelmed me. since last Thursday it made click inside of me. Since then I don’t talk to her.

I have also good and bad times. think about it like this: when you’re going to the gym, are you mad or depressed just because you don’t see results in a few days or weeks? No.
Accept the pain just like you accept the pain when you work out. Just live and some day you will be strong enough to be completely over this situation.

I also started dating and being on dating apps when I realized shes gone but because I was still attached, it was even worse for me seeing someone else. A few weeks ago I had a girl at my place and treated her like crap. Then there was this other girl that made me feel even worse because we did things I used to do with my ex. Spending time with family and friends seems like a better idea than dating at least for some weeks. There is nothing bad about taking a break from dating.

I never tried to get her back . Always followed no contact. We would meet on the road and start talking again and usually resume things from where they ended . The last few interactions felt different. She was distant and i could feel things were different. I do believe her friends played the biggest role into this . She would go to them and talk bad about me so they managed to create it . I can go into further detail if you’d like .

It’s not like i don’t trust the process. I know it needs time . But I’ve never had feelings so deep for a different person other than my family. I knew for the first time that this woman wasn’t for me . It’s literally like how a junky falls victim to heroine use . He knows how bad it is and that it’s going to destroy his life , but when he’s using, he feels unbelievably good . When he has to go cold turkey,the withdraw symptoms are massive . Even replacing it with other drugs , the junky misses his main drug and it doesn’t make the situation better because he has healed yet and he needs to find himself.Still that junky after going through, even decades later , whenever someone says even the name of the drug , he gets cold feet and if he had and even he was 1% weak , he would fall back again using .
I’m exactly in this situation. My drug was that woman . And no , I’m not falling back together with her .

 

[NSX-R]

Been a few days since i stopped dreaming about her . Since we broke up i dreamed every single day about her . It was torture. She is still on my mind constantly but not with the same intensity as before. Whenever I’m busy with something and i need to think, she’s gone . Whenever i do something mechanical without the need of my brain she’s back ,like when I’m driving. I’m feeling cold atm . I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not anger , it’s not sadness, it’s not anxiety or love. Just nothing. Never felt like this before so it’s a new experience for me . I have accepted that we are finished and i start getting used on the fact that I’m single .

Since i saw her with another dude ,for some reason i got zero interest to fck or talk with a girl .All the women i see feel unattractive and bellow average. Last Saturday,a hb7.5 approached me in a club i was at that a friend of mine owns . She knew who i was but had no idea of ever meeting her. Maybe talked to her some time ago , got no clue . She used to flirt with me very intensely and i was teasing her back . But i was feeling nothing . The interaction was flowing very well and in different conditions i would lay her . Nope , nothing at all ,zero excitement, zero lust . I was dead man standing emotionally. Got bored and wanted some silence.I respectfully rejected her but she persisted and she found my insta from somewhere. I’m in a phase right now i just want to heal and not postpone the whole procedure.

Hopefully i wont be dealing with my ex anymore so it’s a one way street so at least for the moment there wont be any back step and the only way is the healing street. I’m focused on my business and my physique. Strangely enough , my physique got much better considering i neglected it a bit. I wasn’t attending the gym as often as before and my diet was limited to non existent, but at least my upper body is crazy defined and i could see the lean muscle. That gave me some extra motivation. Life is good atm hopefully and i got that for me which is nice .

 

[bat soup]

Beautifully said but I’m going to answer tomorrow cause something else happened and i can’t really think clear atm .

Feel free guys to say whatever you want . I’m going to take it . I’ll try to explain things as short as possible.
I just met my ex with a guy on a date in a place that i know the owners ( actually everyone knows me in my city cause i own myself one of the biggest businesses.) and as soon as we made eye contact, she looked on the other side and put her hand on her head and tried to hide herself . You could see the massive awkwardness. Anyway i was really cool as always , then i picked 3 shots and went to her table . I introduced myself to her date and said we know each other with my ex for many years . Never said i was in a relationship with her but I’m sure she told him already. The dude had zero backbone. I could clearly see he was feeling awkward and i was the one directing the convo trying to know more about him without him being able to dodge or do something as a man to protect the date .
The dude was massively ugly.He had 4-5 hairs on head , his skin was red because of roids and full sleeve tattoo. He seemed to me more like a drug dealer than a normal person. I was there with a very good friend of mine which he’s gay and told me he has never seen a more uglier dude even himself couldn’t believe it. He was working in a supermarket in a small village lmfao . Anyway kept convo at first short then i bought the whole place shots to meet them and make new customers. Then again i went to my ex and asked her how she was doing, where was her kid that Saturday night cause she had kid weekend and she told me it’s with her brother .She left her kid alone ( something she never did with me because she knew i would criticise her heavily and use it against her) to go have a date with garbage.lmfao again .

Anyway i told them after the 2nd shot they drink that it was a good idea to make them warm up for afterwards cause they were only drinking water and i told the dude we men know how Alkohol works and he just agreed without saying anything. Lmfao

After few minutes i had to go because i had to be somewhere else , i greeted the whole place for social proof and at last i greeted my ex with her date . So i could see that my ex wasn’t feeling so good and she didn’t even talk if i didn’t told her something. I went to greet them and used to opportunity to throw some words back to her . Last time we met she said the world famous, “i want to focus on myself and my work and my kid and the only thing i want right now is to stat at home and sleep. “I told the dude , you have to look after her because she very special woman and needs special treatment. The dude said that he can judge on his own and i said ,i didn’t tell you how to think, i know her a bit longer than you and all I’m telling you is how special she . Then i used indirectly to her while talking to the dude the whole sentence she told me last time about how she wants to focus on herself bla bla bla and the i saw her eyes she was close to start crying. Then she said “could you please go ?” I said to her “i wasn’t talking to you but to your friend except if i disturbing him he should tell me about it “. The dude didn’t even respond to it .Lmfao He had zero balls to protect his date or at least lead the convo whatsoever.I kindly excused myself , i invited them also into my own ****tail bar if they would like to have some drinks more that night and told them i would be very happy if they make it . And left .

In less than few minutes i was able to know everything about this guy . He has zero money, no status , he’s ugly asf but most importantly,even though he looks big , he had no self respect at least to protect his date from getting ruined by me . My ex had more balls than him and asked me to leave but she did that cause if she wouldn’t, she would be crying in front of everyone.

So here i am , proved everything that i believed about this woman and hating myself even more. How deep i have fallen.I was embarrassed only from talking with this dude , i fell like my status fell to the depths. But I’m not blaming him for trying to get laid . He had zero knowledge of the situation. The thing is that I’m also feel embarrassed that my ex dumped me for a dude like that . It’s unbelievable and i don’t know what to take from it . Maybe trust my gut even more ? I don’t, feel free to roast me . I would love to see everyone’s similar personal experiences.

You sure told him. I wonder who he's banging tonight.

 

[NSX-R]

Quick update. One of her good friends visited my business. Seemed weird at first but i was very friendly with her and she was also very friendly with me .She used to look at me the whole time while she was on her table like she was trying to see how i am psychologically, that’s what i thought but as always i was cool . Then she got drunk a bit i guess and asked me strangely before she was about to leave if i ever heard anything about my ex . I asked why is she asking me , and then asked if they weren’t friends anymore. She said they were but the weren’t seeing each other so often . Weird considering that during the break up she used to talk only with her .
Then we talked a bit and told her that my life has been wonderful since the breakup, the whole thing was finished for me after an incident that occurred sometime ago with her and her friends and that it’s not anymore my concern what she’s doing cause we already broke up and that I’m regularly on vacation and that i was going on vacation the next day
. Then i mentioned that the last time i talked with her was when i met her and her new dude , i said that i talked with them a bit and that’s all . I said i guess her life is so good as mine and that I’m not worried about it and her friend said that she has been thinking a lot about me all this time . I said i can’t do something about it cause it was her decision to break up even when i mentioned that i did try to fix things with her and she rejected me .
I also mentioned that she told me back then when i asked if she’s seeing anybody else , that she’s not and then a week after i meet her with somebody else . Her friend didn’t commented on that cause she realized how ****y that was and then she said that it’s maybe better like that and that i will find someone better for me . I said i never cared of finding someone cause my only concern atm is to live my life and i don’t care about looking anybody else .

Anyway before she go i told her that i would prefer that this conversation remain a secret and not mention anything to my ex cause i don’t want no trouble and that this relationship has been kong over for me . She said i can trust her but i don’t believe her .

Wtf do they want from me? What did i ever do ? What was all that about ? Did my ex started feeling bad about the break and is making second thoughts, and send her friend to check the waters and see where i stand for her ? Did i give too much attention? I don’t know anymore and i feel bad again . I feel like I’m back to zero . What do you guys think? I’m lost here .

 

[BeExcellent]

Say nothing. Realize that the friend is going to tell your ex everything you said. That’s how it goes.

You have to not care.

When my 3 year BF and I had an ugly break up a few years ago (he got physical and I never saw him again) he talked to whoever would listen. People came around chatting me up constantly over a 2 year period and some still tell me what he says even though I’m now happily married to someone I met after him.

I never said anything negative no matter what I heard, no matter what rumor came my way (and some were ugly). His friends approached me, close friends of his. I behaved with grace and class through it all.

And I healed.

I still hear what that ex says through mutual contacts. How he misses me, how he acknowledges that he screwed things up. Oh well. His loss as I’m long gone. But I don’t need to say that. It’s utterly obvious to all.

Hold your course and give it time. Keep it classy and act with grace.

 

[Stanley]

Quit ruminating on this chick and stop caring so much. You know this

Take your own advice

Run for your life bro . That’s all you should do .

Let things be and view her as someone you used to know, but no longer... Banish this girl from your mind, learn from the past and move on.

Accept things are truly done and actively remove her from your life and if she happens to pop in you owe her nothing. You don't need to talk to her or be cordial if you aren't wanting to, at this point it will only stall you from healing. It isn't selfish, it is apart of the process man. The fact you are questioning the motives of some girl from the past shows you aren't in the present and you aren't focusing on yourself. Stop caring, quit entertaining the "what if's" and the "whys?". That behavior needed to be stopped a long time ago, it seriously is detrimental to your health.

None of us should even consider responding to your "What does she think?" because you shouldn't care and we definitely shouldn't care. Stop asking those questions, stop enticing the devil on your shoulder, quit falling lower.

 

[NSX-R]

Say nothing. Realize that the friend is going to tell your ex everything you said. That’s how it goes.

You have to not care.

When my 3 year BF and I had an ugly break up a few years ago (he got physical and I never saw him again) he talked to whoever would listen. People came around chatting me up constantly over a 2 year period and some still tell me what he says even though I’m now happily married to someone I met after him.

I never said anything negative no matter what I heard, no matter what rumor came my way (and some were ugly). His friends approached me, close friends of his. I behaved with grace and class through it all.

And I healed.

I still hear what that ex says through mutual contacts. How he misses me, how he acknowledges that he screwed things up. Oh well. His loss as I’m long gone. But I don’t need to say that. It’s utterly obvious to all.

Hold your course and give it time. Keep it classy and act with grace.

I’m feeling at lowest at the moment since the last 3 weeks . Her friend told me while a bit drunk(that means she said the truth) that my ex still having thoughts about me and that when i implied she has a good life she said not so good . I do believe that my ex has an inner fight with herself and tries to suppress and remove her feelings for me .
Also i had this discussed with a female friend of mine that knows my ex and my ex reposted i guess i don’t know how it’s called , in tik tok a video that says quote : No lust for dating.. either your going to be my man or your going to make space for him.. and that i mean is loss of respect. “ i have no idea what that means . I feel like i can’t lose her . No matter what she did , i do believe most of them they are not evem true or that I’m almost 100% convinced that her friends cause all of that.
She’s not that kind of person. The way she reacts is just a coping mechanism for her losing me . I know she rejected me , but i do believe her friends were involved. I don’t believe she did anything with that dude , she knew him just two weeks and she’s not that kind of person and i can vouch for that . I don’t know I’m feeling really low . I don’t want to lose her .

 

[savi0r]

What do you mean you don't want to lose her? You want her back in your life? I haven't read this thread thoroughly.

 

[soulforge]

I’m feeling at lowest at the moment since the last 3 weeks . Her friend told me while a bit drunk(that means she said the truth) that my ex still having thoughts about me and that when i implied she has a good life she said not so good . I do believe that my ex has an inner fight with herself and tries to suppress and remove her feelings for me .
Also i had this discussed with a female friend of mine that knows my ex and my ex reposted i guess i don’t know how it’s called , in tik tok a video that says quote : No lust for dating.. either your going to be my man or your going to make space for him.. and that i mean is loss of respect. “ i have no idea what that means . I feel like i can’t lose her . No matter what she did , i do believe most of them they are not evem true or that I’m almost 100% convinced that her friends cause all of that.
She’s not that kind of person. The way she reacts is just a coping mechanism for her losing me . I know she rejected me , but i do believe her friends were involved. I don’t believe she did anything with that dude , she knew him just two weeks and she’s not that kind of person and i can vouch for that . I don’t know I’m feeling really low . I don’t want to lose her .

Dude get a grip. Is she the only Woman on earth? From what you posted earlier, she is already involved with some other dude and she dropped you.

And why are you associating with people, who are talking about her, you should be going into complete NC so you can heal.

 

[NSX-R]

Update: long post

since my last post few things happened. Since her friend last time told me that she was thinking about me all the time and that she’s not doing well , i did the unthinkable and wrote her an 8 page letter and send it to her . On the letter i wrote about our good times together , the things that connected us and that all our issues happened because outsiders of the relationship from both sides were involved and that she should concentrate on the good things we had. I didn’t apologized or begged or gave any promises. Considering my values, I believe the content of my letter was very assertive and mature enough.
Anyway i send her 2 times flowers afterwards to her which she both time received. I didn’t write anything other than my name to know from who the flowers were . She didn’t replied or responded.

Fast forward yesterday, that Gay friend that was with me in that bar when i saw her on a date with some dude ( i mentioned the story earlier in the post) met her in some other place and they talked a bit . She thanked him for “saving her” from me when i was talking with them on the table because she said it was extremely awkward situation for her . My thoughts were like, why was it awkward? Didn’t her date had the balls to assert his dominance and tell me to go? How was i threat?If she didn’t care about me why would she feel awkward or uncomfortable? It doesn’t make sense why she would say something like this to my gay friend. I don’t know what to take from their interaction. My Gay friend told me that’s the only thing they discussed.

On the same night ,I was like 95% sure that she was out in some place that it’s considered very bad and she would never hang out as long as she was with me but since she befriended a woman for the last 8 months(ill call her L) , she occasionally visits this place and even lied to me few months ago that she goes into that place . She knows that I don’t go into such place because the owner are like the bad world in our area and i keep distance from them as well as they do from me for personal reasons. Anyway I went into that place and guess who was there ? Her with that fcking friend of hers. I wasn’t surprised at all but she was , seeing me there.
She was with some mutual friends of ours. I knew the owners and they knew me (unfortunately or fortunately) I was alone there so i had a discussion with them and had some drinks. L was always looking on my side and tried to watch every move i did and she would explain it to my ex . Then i went to approach them and greet them , while i was approaching, he friend was telling her “he’s coming “. I greeted them and asked my ex if she received my flowers. She said yes but she doesn’t want to talk about it right now . I kindly took a step back and wished them both good night and went on my table . She didn’t look at me once or even the eyes when I approached , she was looking on the floor, she couldn’t speak normal and it felt like she wanted to cry .She looked like when dogs are guilty and they look somewhere else. I have never seen her like that before. She had also lost weight and she wasn’t so well dressed as i knew her to be . She also started smoking again (she stopped when she was with me . ) I was like wth happened to her.
After 5 minutes my ex wanted to leave .I went after her and asked her if she could spare 5 minutes to talk with me . She lied that taxi was waiting for her (her friend drove her) .I told her why she runs away from me and doesn’t want to talk. She left with L and they drove away .
Then our mutual friend that sat on the table with her asked me what’s going on . He didn’t know our situation. He told me she commented when i came into that place with “ shyt my ex is here” . Them he told me , he asked what’s wrong, she told him that i text her all the time ( last time i did was 2.5 months ago) and that i send her roses all the time that she doesn’t want and considers to send them back . Then she asked him if he could come with them outside because she was afraid of me .He asked her why are we broken up cause he thought we had such Harmony as a couple and he was surprised and she said that it doesn’t passt anymore .Our mutual friend told me everything cause he was a bit drunk .

Anyway I don’t know what’s wrong here . I don’t know what to take from it .
First i know that she’s not over me , not even close. I never saw her that bad , she has lost a lot of weight , she started smoking and started hanging into those places to avoid seeing me . When she gave me her hand to greet her , she was a bit hesitant . She didn’t even was able to look me in the eyes , she couldn’t spit normally a word when i first went to greet them (like she was under shock) , felt like she wanted to cry and her friend(L) was watching her during the small interaction like “ if she’s going to cry I’m gonna save her” , i don’t know how to best explain it . Wtf is wrong. It felt like i was Meeting an abused survivor. Like i was hitting her . I never touched her or abused her in my life . Not a single time . Wtf did those people told her about me .
Then what shocked me was when our mutual friend told me that she was telling him about the flowers . I was like , why the f would she tell something so private to a guy that she almost never talk with and they only interacted there in that place cause there was nobody else . And not knly that , she asked him to bring her and fckinf L outside because they were afraid of me . The dude while talking to me , was looking st me like I’m a monster and wondering if I really am the man i look like to be . It felt like my reputation was threatened and asked him if he honestly thinks I’m not the guy he thinks to be and he said he is not sure anymore. Wtf is wrong with people. That fcking L has manipulated her beyond recognition. Small info about L , she has or had breast cancer and she’s like 27yo . Her ex left her while she got diagnosed and that guy was bad . He used to drink a lot , hang out with other women , abused her and all together bad . She met with my ex just a little bit after she broke up with her ex . Back then i was not together for a few weeks with my ex , so i guess misery loves company.That fcking L right now is together with a a close friend of my ex which few weeks before we come together, he made a love confession to her but my ex rejected him .

Since she met fcking L all this shyt is happening to us , the lies , the weird behavior, the instability, the intense toxicity, everything.
I don’t know what to do. I have accepted the break up but still got feelings. I saw her in this kind of situation and I felt really bad . She wasn’t like this when i met her or when we were together. She was really bad and that’s because of her fcking friends that brought this on us . I don’t know what to do anymore. I have really nothing on my hands .

Anyway , all this behavior is completely abnormal. She treats me like i abused her , like that i hit her or like im a stalker or that i never leave her alone . Not to mention she says everything about me to outsiders that have zero to do with us . I never said any single bad word about her and always talked well. I even thanked our mutual friend that he looked after her

I want to let go , but i at the same time I cant. My heart was shattered after seeing the way she became and I can’t say im nit responsible.

 

[Baibars]

Update: long post

since my last post few things happened. Since her friend last time told me that she was thinking about me all the time and that she’s not doing well , i did the unthinkable and wrote her an 8 page letter and send it to her . On the letter i wrote about our good times together , the things that connected us and that all our issues happened because outsiders of the relationship from both sides were involved and that she should concentrate on the good things we had. I didn’t apologized or begged or gave any promises. Considering my values, I believe the content of my letter was very assertive and mature enough.
Anyway i send her 2 times flowers afterwards to her which she both time received. I didn’t write anything other than my name to know from who the flowers were . She didn’t replied or responded.

Fast forward yesterday, that Gay friend that was with me in that bar when i saw her on a date with some dude ( i mentioned the story earlier in the post) met her in some other place and they talked a bit . She thanked him for “saving her” from me when i was talking with them on the table because she said it was extremely awkward situation for her . My thoughts were like, why was it awkward? Didn’t her date had the balls to assert his dominance and tell me to go? How was i threat?If she didn’t care about me why would she feel awkward or uncomfortable? It doesn’t make sense why she would say something like this to my gay friend. I don’t know what to take from their interaction. My Gay friend told me that’s the only thing they discussed.

On the same night ,I was like 95% sure that she was out in some place that it’s considered very bad and she would never hang out as long as she was with me but since she befriended a woman for the last 8 months(ill call her L) , she occasionally visits this place and even lied to me few months ago that she goes into that place . She knows that I don’t go into such place because the owner are like the bad world in our area and i keep distance from them as well as they do from me for personal reasons. Anyway I went into that place and guess who was there ? Her with that fcking friend of hers. I wasn’t surprised at all but she was , seeing me there.
She was with some mutual friends of ours. I knew the owners and they knew me (unfortunately or fortunately) I was alone there so i had a discussion with them and had some drinks. L was always looking on my side and tried to watch every move i did and she would explain it to my ex . Then i went to approach them and greet them , while i was approaching, he friend was telling her “he’s coming “. I greeted them and asked my ex if she received my flowers. She said yes but she doesn’t want to talk about it right now . I kindly took a step back and wished them both good night and went on my table . She didn’t look at me once or even the eyes when I approached , she was looking on the floor, she couldn’t speak normal and it felt like she wanted to cry .She looked like when dogs are guilty and they look somewhere else. I have never seen her like that before. She had also lost weight and she wasn’t so well dressed as i knew her to be . She also started smoking again (she stopped when she was with me . ) I was like wth happened to her.
After 5 minutes my ex wanted to leave .I went after her and asked her if she could spare 5 minutes to talk with me . She lied that taxi was waiting for her (her friend drove her) .I told her why she runs away from me and doesn’t want to talk. She left with L and they drove away .
Then our mutual friend that sat on the table with her asked me what’s going on . He didn’t know our situation. He told me she commented when i came into that place with “ shyt my ex is here” . Them he told me , he asked what’s wrong, she told him that i text her all the time ( last time i did was 2.5 months ago) and that i send her roses all the time that she doesn’t want and considers to send them back . Then she asked him if he could come with them outside because she was afraid of me .He asked her why are we broken up cause he thought we had such Harmony as a couple and he was surprised and she said that it doesn’t passt anymore .Our mutual friend told me everything cause he was a bit drunk .

Anyway I don’t know what’s wrong here . I don’t know what to take from it .
First i know that she’s not over me , not even close. I never saw her that bad , she has lost a lot of weight , she started smoking and started hanging into those places to avoid seeing me . When she gave me her hand to greet her , she was a bit hesitant . She didn’t even was able to look me in the eyes , she couldn’t spit normally a word when i first went to greet them (like she was under shock) , felt like she wanted to cry and her friend(L) was watching her during the small interaction like “ if she’s going to cry I’m gonna save her” , i don’t know how to best explain it . Wtf is wrong. It felt like i was Meeting an abused survivor. Like i was hitting her . I never touched her or abused her in my life . Not a single time . Wtf did those people told her about me .
Then what shocked me was when our mutual friend told me that she was telling him about the flowers . I was like , why the f would she tell something so private to a guy that she almost never talk with and they only interacted there in that place cause there was nobody else . And not knly that , she asked him to bring her and fckinf L outside because they were afraid of me . The dude while talking to me , was looking st me like I’m a monster and wondering if I really am the man i look like to be . It felt like my reputation was threatened and asked him if he honestly thinks I’m not the guy he thinks to be and he said he is not sure anymore. Wtf is wrong with people. That fcking L has manipulated her beyond recognition. Small info about L , she has or had breast cancer and she’s like 27yo . Her ex left her while she got diagnosed and that guy was bad . He used to drink a lot , hang out with other women , abused her and all together bad . She met with my ex just a little bit after she broke up with her ex . Back then i was not together for a few weeks with my ex , so i guess misery loves company.That fcking L right now is together with a a close friend of my ex which few weeks before we come together, he made a love confession to her but my ex rejected him .

Since she met fcking L all this shyt is happening to us , the lies , the weird behavior, the instability, the intense toxicity, everything.
I don’t know what to do. I have accepted the break up but still got feelings. I saw her in this kind of situation and I felt really bad . She wasn’t like this when i met her or when we were together. She was really bad and that’s because of her fcking friends that brought this on us . I don’t know what to do anymore. I have really nothing on my hands .

Anyway , all this behavior is completely abnormal. She treats me like i abused her , like that i hit her or like im a stalker or that i never leave her alone . Not to mention she says everything about me to outsiders that have zero to do with us . I never said any single bad word about her and always talked well. I even thanked our mutual friend that he looked after her

I want to let go , but i at the same time I cant. My heart was shattered after seeing the way she became and I can’t say im nit responsible.

Bro at this point just accept your feelings, wish her good luck in your mind and let her go.
Don’t try to fight your feelings. If you do, you will explode and do some dumb thing again.
She’s just like my ex. We’ve been on holidays 3 month ago and after we came back we had a fight.
Since then she was a completely different person. Women are like that. We had a crazy bond man and we had so many memories together just like you two had probably but it doesn’t matter for them.
Don’t think you’re a bad guy for feeling like you feel doesn’t matter who she’s with. It is what you feel and it has nothing to do with her anymore because she’s not the person you knew.
You did everything possible and she behaved this way man? Fck her. Please do yourself the favor and begin to accept

 

[soulforge]

Update: long post

since my last post few things happened. Since her friend last time told me that she was thinking about me all the time and that she’s not doing well , i did the unthinkable and wrote her an 8 page letter and send it to her . On the letter i wrote about our good times together , the things that connected us and that all our issues happened because outsiders of the relationship from both sides were involved and that she should concentrate on the good things we had. I didn’t apologized or begged or gave any promises. Considering my values, I believe the content of my letter was very assertive and mature enough.
Anyway i send her 2 times flowers afterwards to her which she both time received. I didn’t write anything other than my name to know from who the flowers were . She didn’t replied or responded.

Fast forward yesterday, that Gay friend that was with me in that bar when i saw her on a date with some dude ( i mentioned the story earlier in the post) met her in some other place and they talked a bit . She thanked him for “saving her” from me when i was talking with them on the table because she said it was extremely awkward situation for her . My thoughts were like, why was it awkward? Didn’t her date had the balls to assert his dominance and tell me to go? How was i threat?If she didn’t care about me why would she feel awkward or uncomfortable? It doesn’t make sense why she would say something like this to my gay friend. I don’t know what to take from their interaction. My Gay friend told me that’s the only thing they discussed.

On the same night ,I was like 95% sure that she was out in some place that it’s considered very bad and she would never hang out as long as she was with me but since she befriended a woman for the last 8 months(ill call her L) , she occasionally visits this place and even lied to me few months ago that she goes into that place . She knows that I don’t go into such place because the owner are like the bad world in our area and i keep distance from them as well as they do from me for personal reasons. Anyway I went into that place and guess who was there ? Her with that fcking friend of hers. I wasn’t surprised at all but she was , seeing me there.
She was with some mutual friends of ours. I knew the owners and they knew me (unfortunately or fortunately) I was alone there so i had a discussion with them and had some drinks. L was always looking on my side and tried to watch every move i did and she would explain it to my ex . Then i went to approach them and greet them , while i was approaching, he friend was telling her “he’s coming “. I greeted them and asked my ex if she received my flowers. She said yes but she doesn’t want to talk about it right now . I kindly took a step back and wished them both good night and went on my table . She didn’t look at me once or even the eyes when I approached , she was looking on the floor, she couldn’t speak normal and it felt like she wanted to cry .She looked like when dogs are guilty and they look somewhere else. I have never seen her like that before. She had also lost weight and she wasn’t so well dressed as i knew her to be . She also started smoking again (she stopped when she was with me . ) I was like wth happened to her.
After 5 minutes my ex wanted to leave .I went after her and asked her if she could spare 5 minutes to talk with me . She lied that taxi was waiting for her (her friend drove her) .I told her why she runs away from me and doesn’t want to talk. She left with L and they drove away .
Then our mutual friend that sat on the table with her asked me what’s going on . He didn’t know our situation. He told me she commented when i came into that place with “ shyt my ex is here” . Them he told me , he asked what’s wrong, she told him that i text her all the time ( last time i did was 2.5 months ago) and that i send her roses all the time that she doesn’t want and considers to send them back . Then she asked him if he could come with them outside because she was afraid of me .He asked her why are we broken up cause he thought we had such Harmony as a couple and he was surprised and she said that it doesn’t passt anymore .Our mutual friend told me everything cause he was a bit drunk .

Anyway I don’t know what’s wrong here . I don’t know what to take from it .
First i know that she’s not over me , not even close. I never saw her that bad , she has lost a lot of weight , she started smoking and started hanging into those places to avoid seeing me . When she gave me her hand to greet her , she was a bit hesitant . She didn’t even was able to look me in the eyes , she couldn’t spit normally a word when i first went to greet them (like she was under shock) , felt like she wanted to cry and her friend(L) was watching her during the small interaction like “ if she’s going to cry I’m gonna save her” , i don’t know how to best explain it . Wtf is wrong. It felt like i was Meeting an abused survivor. Like i was hitting her . I never touched her or abused her in my life . Not a single time . Wtf did those people told her about me .
Then what shocked me was when our mutual friend told me that she was telling him about the flowers . I was like , why the f would she tell something so private to a guy that she almost never talk with and they only interacted there in that place cause there was nobody else . And not knly that , she asked him to bring her and fckinf L outside because they were afraid of me . The dude while talking to me , was looking st me like I’m a monster and wondering if I really am the man i look like to be . It felt like my reputation was threatened and asked him if he honestly thinks I’m not the guy he thinks to be and he said he is not sure anymore. Wtf is wrong with people. That fcking L has manipulated her beyond recognition. Small info about L , she has or had breast cancer and she’s like 27yo . Her ex left her while she got diagnosed and that guy was bad . He used to drink a lot , hang out with other women , abused her and all together bad . She met with my ex just a little bit after she broke up with her ex . Back then i was not together for a few weeks with my ex , so i guess misery loves company.That fcking L right now is together with a a close friend of my ex which few weeks before we come together, he made a love confession to her but my ex rejected him .

Since she met fcking L all this shyt is happening to us , the lies , the weird behavior, the instability, the intense toxicity, everything.
I don’t know what to do. I have accepted the break up but still got feelings. I saw her in this kind of situation and I felt really bad . She wasn’t like this when i met her or when we were together. She was really bad and that’s because of her fcking friends that brought this on us . I don’t know what to do anymore. I have really nothing on my hands .

Anyway , all this behavior is completely abnormal. She treats me like i abused her , like that i hit her or like im a stalker or that i never leave her alone . Not to mention she says everything about me to outsiders that have zero to do with us . I never said any single bad word about her and always talked well. I even thanked our mutual friend that he looked after her

I want to let go , but i at the same time I cant. My heart was shattered after seeing the way she became and I can’t say im nit responsible.

I didn't read all of this, because it's like a Epic Monologue.

Dude you do realise your a stalker right?

You guys broke up, you have seen her out with other dudes. Which part of staying No Contact is extremely difficult to understand?

Your sending 8 page letters
Turning up in places where she is
Studying her every single move or gesture
Sending flowers that she doesn't even want

Dude your literally going down stalker territory right now.