Falling lower

[NSX-R]

Wrote a post few months ago i guess, about my ex . The break up was bad , single mother been with her in ltr . Anyway, we met again few weeks ago , went on a few dates together, went to her home but nothing sexual. Discussed a lot but there were a lot of issues between us . Her friends played as i found out a massive role. The reason was that my ex was talking shyt about supposedly how bad i was to her and her friends was normal to be against me without even knowing my case . Her friends contacted with me on their own and talked so bad about her . I was like how can you be friends with such people. Realising i had strong feelings for her , i couldn’t cope the idea of remaining friends with her so i decided to completely cut off all contact with her and told her we should act like we never knew each other from now on. While i expressed that ,I thought to warn her about her friends and told her everything about them because her situation was bad. So stupid . She discussed everything with her friends and they managed to manipulate her and make believe that i was lying and that they never met with me.It backfired big time. Hopefully that was the last straw since i realised i was not the problem but her and her company of friends.

Further into the afc hole i could not fall but something good came out of it . I was able to see the whole picture because as a man you know that you are the one responsible for the whole situation and when you try to fix things and see no results it makes you feel more frustrated. Since i tried everything and saw the outcome , i felt relieved cause i was not the problem.I got out of it more knowledgeable.

Still though my feelings for her are strong for some reason. The last few months i was able to bed at least 5 Women . One of them a very hot influencer that looks like Margot Robbie . I get tons of compliments from women and they flirt with me the whole time . Last night i gamed a very hot married Milf in her early 40s . Most likely gonna bang her next week . But still none of it feels or felt fulfilling.

Everyone thinks i have moved on but internally I’m still owned by my ex and it suffocates me every single day. Is not like that if my ex texts me that im going to give in and take her back , far from that . There is not a single form of communication between us since we blocked each other virtually everywhere.Don’t know what’s wrong with me but i can’t move on . Maybe it’s too soon or maybe i have to get used to this feeling for the rest of my life and live with it .
Have you ever had any similar situation in your break ups?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Don’t know what’s wrong with me but i can’t move on .

You will when you meet someone better.

 

[Solomon]

Wrote a post few months ago i guess, about my ex . The break up was bad , single mother been with her in ltr . Anyway, we met again few weeks ago , went on a few dates together, went to her home but nothing sexual. Discussed a lot but there were a lot of issues between us . Her friends played as i found out a massive role. The reason was that my ex was talking shyt about supposedly how bad i was to her and her friends was normal to be against me without even knowing my case . Her friends contacted with me on their own and talked so bad about her . I was like how can you be friends with such people. Realising i had strong feelings for her , i couldn’t cope the idea of remaining friends with her so i decided to completely cut off all contact with her and told her we should act like we never knew each other from now on. While i expressed that ,I thought to warn her about her friends and told her everything about them because her situation was bad. So stupid . She discussed everything with her friends and they managed to manipulate her and make believe that i was lying and that they never met with me.It backfired big time. Hopefully that was the last straw since i realised i was not the problem but her and her company of friends.

Further into the afc hole i could not fall but something good came out of it . I was able to see the whole picture because as a man you know that you are the one responsible for the whole situation and when you try to fix things and see no results it makes you feel more frustrated. Since i tried everything and saw the outcome , i felt relieved cause i was not the problem.I got out of it more knowledgeable.

Still though my feelings for her are strong for some reason. The last few months i was able to bed at least 5 Women . One of them a very hot influencer that looks like Margot Robbie . I get tons of compliments from women and they flirt with me the whole time . Last night i gamed a very hot married Milf in her early 40s . Most likely gonna bang her next week . But still none of it feels or felt fulfilling.

Everyone thinks i have moved on but internally I’m still owned by my ex and it suffocates me every single day. Is not like that if my ex texts me that im going to give in and take her back , far from that . There is not a single form of communication between us since we blocked each other virtually everywhere.Don’t know what’s wrong with me but i can’t move on . Maybe it’s too soon or maybe i have to get used to this feeling for the rest of my life and live with it .
Have you ever had any similar situation in your break ups?

You banged a Margot Robbie look-a-like but still having issues thinking about your ex?



On a serious note OP the best way to move on is to move on, and focus on other endevaors with your life, obviosuly banging randoms is not gonna give you fulfillment(not long term anyway). Not sure what your thoughts are on religion but I found more fulfillment in the last few years practicing the percepts of Jesus Christ than banging random women

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Time is your friend here my dear. Each day apart you’ll be a little better in how you feel but it’s not an instantaneous thing.

Keep doing as you are doing but with one caveat. Stop making the comparison to your ex girlfriend when you are in the company of other women. Be fully in each moment and fully immerse yourself in these experiences. Be fully present.

Right now you are doing the “well I banged a hot woman but she didn’t know to do xyz in bed like my ex did”, “she’s more beautiful than my ex but I don’t feel connected like that etc.”. You are robbing yourself of fully enjoying the present through this comparison with the past.

Time will heal you. But as you heal allow yourself to fully experience the people who show up in your life. And continue to love yourself and make healthy choices toward your own joy and well being.

Cheers mate.

 

[NSX-R]

Advice from the old lady:

Time is your friend here my dear. Each day apart you’ll be a little better in how you feel but it’s not an instantaneous thing.

Keep doing as you are doing but with one caveat. Stop making the comparison to your ex girlfriend when you are in the company of other women. Be fully in each moment and fully immerse yourself in these experiences. Be fully present.

Right now you are doing the “well I banged a hot woman but she didn’t know to do xyz in bed like my ex did”, “she’s more beautiful than my ex but I don’t feel connected like that etc.”. You are robbing yourself of fully enjoying the present through this comparison with the past.

Time will heal you. But as you heal allow yourself to fully experience the people who show up in your life. And continue to love yourself and make healthy choices toward your own joy and well being.

Cheers mate.

I really appreciate your tips and on a more personal note , i always take your posts a bit more serious than the other members so that means a lot having your opinion .
The thing is that i really do these kind of things already, whenever I’m in each situation, i don’t really think at all about my ex and just live in the moment.
I’m the kind of person that i think a lot about the previous interaction and try to inspect it if i could behave better or if i said something wrong or because of my nature as a businessman see if the person that i interacted with can be useful in the future or if as a person is worthy enough to be around me and give me some status . Seems maybe a bit toxic or manipulative but it has to be that way because of what i do .

I’m doing this when I’m alone or when I’m not interacting with someone. During this analytical process, thoughts of my ex come back. Some times it’s light and some times it’s bad . It’s not like I’m comparing them to her and see that she’s is better . 2 of the women i slept were overall much better, look wise , character, status etc . But there was no chemistry.

Have you ever experienced looking at a person without talking or making any signs and be able to communicate with that person and understand everything ? That’s what i had with my ex . We had this telepathy with each other and that was what brought us together. Even people around us could tell that we had different kind of communication. That was from the first time we saw each other .It was in a such high level that even when we were not in the same place and one of us thought of the other , the other one would call in that moment. I cannot count the times i picked up my phone wanting to call her and seconds before pressing the button the phone would ring because she was calling me. The opposite aswell. Seems crazy or delusional , i never thought that something like this was possible but it’s 100% true .
It’s not the sex or the looks , her status or her kindness. I don’t need all that cause i already can provide it on my own and I already had plenty of women that provided that and i know that i can find something much better very very easily in my situation. I miss the connection that i had with that woman and that’s what i believe i can’t find . I never believed that i would say this cause i always thought it to be big bs , but i do really believe that she was my soulmate. Maybe I’m wrong, time is going to tell . Currently all the bridges to be back together with that woman are burned to the ground and I’m in a situation trying accept that it’s gone forever .

So maybe the thing is lack of chemistry with other people. How can i fix that and what is your experience in that matter?

 

[NSX-R]

You banged a Margot Robbie look-a-like but still having issues thinking about your ex?

View attachment 11433

On a serious note OP the best way to move on is to move on, and focus on other endevaors with your life, obviosuly banging randoms is not gonna give you fulfillment(not long term anyway). Not sure what your thoughts are on religion but I found more fulfillment in the last few years practicing the percepts of Jesus Christ than banging random women

I’m in such a position in my life , i have banged so many hotties that looks isn’t even top priority for me anymore. I’m not saying that looks ain’t important and that i would go with a whale , but as you get older you give more credit to different qualities like having peace of mind and having some special connection and trust with the other person. I do think that is the hardest thing to find out there and not hot women. If you want hot women it’s the easiest thing on earth to find ( have you been to mykonos or in Ibiza or in Dubai ? If yeah , you know what i mean) .

I’m a Christian Orthodox and i do believe but where i live right now there is not any Orthodox Church around me . Actually there is , but I’m not feeling comfortable . The only place i feel comfortable expressing my faith or visiting the church is in my home country. I do really believe that God is on my side and that’s what gives me strength. The only thing maybe that i feel bad about is that I’m not doing enough to make God being satisfied with me considering all the good things that He has given me . I don’t know , i have to talk about it with someone that knows my faith and be able to explain it to me but thanks that you did mentioned it cause even though it was always crossing my mind , it never did in that relation . I appreciate it .

 

[BeExcellent]

Ya know @NSX-R I do get it. My husband and I share this strange and wonderful way of saying what the other one is thinking. It’s too often (almost daily) to be random. So yes it’s a certain kind of connectedness where you vibrationally tune to one another. It has a sacredness about it; a beauty.

If you had that kind of connection that makes sense to miss it.

I have had this level of in tune ness a few times in life. It’s chemistry but it’s different. It’s more pure than just sexual chemistry if that makes sense. There is a psyche connection and that is unusual. BUT. Now you know it can exist between 2 people.

Furthermore you can manifest it in your life.

As a man rooted in faith, ask for two things in your meditative practices (thought/prayer/meditation, whatever your quiet communications with God or the universe consist of.)

Ask first for your own healing. When your ex comes to mind, ask that the old connection be severed and released. Do this from a self loving energy and a neutral intent. The idea is to heal yourself and to release the longing.

Ask second for a different more positive connection to be placed in your life. As simple and perhaps silly as that may seem you will manifest what you seek from an energetic perspective but you’ve got to be open to it; receptive.

You have enough experience with physical beauty that although it is a given perhaps what you are after in addition is a beautifully illuminated spirit or soul in a woman.

I believe that we form connections with people based on openness of being. Yours and your counterpart’s. We gravitate to people with the correct vibrational energy. Guru1000 used to discuss this some. Openness of being is something to protect because it can convey a certain vulnerability and so throughout our day to day tasks and existence it is sensible to guard oneself from less synergistic energies that may sense and wish to attach to your openness.

But if you allow yourself to seek that type of connectedness and you seek to close/sever the channel with your ex, in the same way you can seek that connectedness with someone else.

Be patient & have faith. It is a process and has its own timeframe. Ask for the blessing of exactly what you’d like to manifest to arrive in your life when you are ready, and ask that the past be healed, sealed and put away.

I appreciate your kind words and have always felt a sort of kindred ness to you. You are going to heal and grow through this and I trust that something magnificent is out there for you. Seek it. It will be seeking you.

 

[CornbreadFed]

First, quit bull shvtting with us lol. If we sense dishonesty with your Margot Robbie adventures, how do I know that you aren't being truthful regarding your ex. We can't fully help you if you aren't being truthful and honest with us.

Second, it has not been a few months, maybe a month and a half and your wagon wheels have already collapsed. Your current crack head 304 sex escapade isn't going to hold out and you will soon be back on her doorstep by the end of November.

Third, you need to get a hobby, start making some long term & short-term goals for yourself. Hit the gym or make some physique goals if you are already going to the gym. Try and learn a new sport, social game, chess, hell Poker or something. I know this advice sounds cliche and not fun, but this is what works, not rebounding to the next praying mantis 304.

 

[NSX-R]

Ya know @NSX-R I do get it. My husband and I share this strange and wonderful way of saying what the other one is thinking. It’s too often (almost daily) to be random. So yes it’s a certain kind of connectedness where you vibrationally tune to one another. It has a sacredness about it; a beauty.

If you had that kind of connection that makes sense to miss it.

I have had this level of in tune ness a few times in life. It’s chemistry but it’s different. It’s more pure than just sexual chemistry if that makes sense. There is a psyche connection and that is unusual. BUT. Now you know it can exist between 2 people.

Furthermore you can manifest it in your life.

As a man rooted in faith, ask for two things in your meditative practices (thought/prayer/meditation, whatever your quiet communications with God or the universe consist of.)

Ask first for your own healing. When your ex comes to mind, ask that the old connection be severed and released. Do this from a self loving energy and a neutral intent. The idea is to heal yourself and to release the longing.

Ask second for a different more positive connection to be placed in your life. As simple and perhaps silly as that may seem you will manifest what you seek from an energetic perspective but you’ve got to be open to it; receptive.

You have enough experience with physical beauty that although it is a given perhaps what you are after in addition is a beautifully illuminated spirit or soul in a woman.

I believe that we form connections with people based on openness of being. Yours and your counterpart’s. We gravitate to people with the correct vibrational energy. Guru1000 used to discuss this some. Openness of being is something to protect because it can convey a certain vulnerability and so throughout our day to day tasks and existence it is sensible to guard oneself from less synergistic energies that may sense and wish to attach to your openness.

But if you allow yourself to seek that type of connectedness and you seek to close/sever the channel with your ex, in the same way you can seek that connectedness with someone else.

Be patient & have faith. It is a process and has its own timeframe. Ask for the blessing of exactly what you’d like to manifest to arrive in your life when you are ready, and ask that the past be healed, sealed and put away.

I appreciate your kind words and have always felt a sort of kindred ness to you. You are going to heal and grow through this and I trust that something magnificent is out there for you. Seek it. It will be seeking you.

Exactly my thoughts. Better could not be said . I already had a few more relationships in my life but never experienced this kind of connection. It’s like you say , it’s more than chemistry. I don’t know why it happened right now or if i was the one responsible for happening but still i don’t know how to control it or make sense of it . I suppose if i could feel it , my ex could feel it as well cause we discussed it a few times together. I mean we both know that me and her eventually we would have something going on serious from the first time we saw each other . Our relationship evolved very slow and healthy, we were friends at first , the she started working for me and then we came together. Everything seemed natural without any push . But still a big let down in the end .

When you say you had it few times in your life , were you able to move on easier after the relationship stopped existing? How were you able to manifest the next move , i mean how can you be so sure that this is what you need in that moment considering all the baggage that you may carry? It’s true i do have my ex almost all the time in my mind but whenever i try to refuse the thought, it backfires heavily and becomes worse. I don’t know . It’s really hard .

One of the things they don’t teach you here is that some women will expose their entire lives and relationships to acquaintances that the think are friends. Most of the time, these are women who have their own agendas, be it the unlicensed therapist or a predator waiting for their prey to become vulnerable. You’ll be painted in a bad light no matter what. One of my ex’s is learning this harsh reality after us ghosting each other for nearly a year and she finally reaches out. We are planning to meet again for a mini vacation end of this month unless something turns sour.

Having said that, WOMEN ALWAYS COME BACK. That emotional attachment is something they can never let go. For men, that emotional attachment is more exponential because it take a lot for us to become vulnerable. Once you let yourself be vulnerable, it’s hard to detach as a man.

No matter the hotties you banged in the past, like Al Bundy and those high school touchdowns. We choose the laurels of our victories. It’s another down and that’s really all that matters in the present.

Firstly, PLEASE read some of this thread on how to plan your next 30 days. It’s crucial, you are literally quitting cold turkey. Heed the selective advice and experience of those before you.

The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - Daydream Enginner Hey Guys and girls, Let's start the No Contact Challenge. This has personally helped me 2 years ago, and i have seen many members asking for "how to get my ex back", and after breakup questions. The idea is a simple one, for 60 days, you will...

www.sosuave.net

I agree with everything that you’re saying. In my situation i do hope she never comes back and I’m really sure this time she is gone forever considering we have broken up for like 4-5 times .
A big lesson i learned for my next Relationship, is to make it clear to your next partner that you would not tolerate any external partaking to the relationship, likes social cycle , best friends family whatsoever.Even though her friends played a massive role into this relationship without me actively knowing what’s going on ( i did know but it’s better to play dumb if you’re not having the best pair of cards on your hand) i believe i also did played a part in it cause my family didn’t want her and i was not willing to go against my parents wishes by putting a barrier , even though i tried somehow but it was not enough , so i also play a small part in it but i do believe my situation could be handled cause it was a known problem for both of us . The friends situation was unknown to me and i didn’t know in what extent it was . It’s like someone is digging your grave and you don’t even know it till you fall in it.

I made sure personally this time the break to remain . The words i used gonna burn her for the rest of her living days and the only method i used was straight cold hearted truths. No curses or personal attack. Just facts and also written on an email to never lose it or forget it .

As you said , as soon as you start getting vulnerable around them is very hard to detoxify yourself from them .
As for the 30 days no contact i do know it but we already 2 weeks in no contact and already broken up since August. I don’t care about it cause no contact mostly focuses on getting back again with your ex and I don’t ,no matter how much i love her , want her or thinking about her . I have to accept responsibility.

 

[NSX-R]

First, quit bull shvtting with us lol. If we sense dishonesty with your Margot Robbie adventures, how do I know that you aren't being truthful regarding your ex. We can't fully help you if you aren't being truthful and honest with us.

Second, it has not been a few months, maybe a month and a half and your wagon wheels have already collapsed. Your current crack head 304 sex escapade isn't going to hold out and you will soon be back on her doorstep by the end of November.

Third, you need to get a hobby, start making some long term & short-term goals for yourself. Hit the gym or make some physique goals if you are already going to the gym. Try and learn a new sport, social game, chess, hell Poker or something. I know this advice sounds cliche and not fun, but this is what works, not rebounding to the next praying mantis 304.

First I’ll give the props for trying to see behind the words but too bad for you my man , I’m not like all the other members in here talking about plates and showing off with a gold plated turd .

Secondly i don’t need to brag off my adventures considering I’m a member for almost 10 years and post maybe once or twice every year . I never did and never will . If you consider the Margot Robbie look alike story to be too much to swallow , then that only explains your situation ,how you struggle with women and more specifically with hot ones . If you had hotties around you as much as i do , it would be a common topic to discuss and not feeling like i said i just found the lost Atlantis. As i said previously , as you get more experienced and older , having a hot woman isn’t the top priority. Other than that if i really wanted to brag about how successful i am , i would play the hard muth**** card and say that i dumped my ex and stopped having feelings 2,3 seconds after the break up and explain further that i have 32,5 plates spinning and not shamefully accepting that i can’t move on yet no matter how much i try.
We have been broken up since August , went no Contact for 6 weeks , started talking and going on dates again for 2 weeks and i decided to end it forever since 2 weeks ago. I can bet you my life savings, there won’t ever be back again , not even on talking terms after our last encounter.
About the drug story , i don’t know if it’s true cause nobody saw her doing anything , never gave any signs of her consuming but whatever , it doesn’t make things better for me .
I do hit the gym 5 days a week , never stopped going and my physique was always on point . Very few people even come close in my age .
I have a busy life and everything works like clock . This kind of motivation may be working for brokies or no lifers that had nothing going on when on a relationship and suddenly realized after their woman left that there is more in life than playing video games and cuddling on the couch with a bag of chips.

I guess you missed completely my point. I’m here accepting that i have strong feelings for my ex , no matter what she did to me and no matter how much i try to move on , it’s not working. Even accepting this it’s for me massively shameful . Look at the forest not the trees . I’m not here discussing my Margot robbie look alike situation or trying to prove to you my status or background . If i wanted i would post 24/7 writing essays. I don’t have time for that and i don’t need your validation. Period.

 

[BeExcellent]

Time. It’s the only thing that will give you perspective and solace. Meditate etc., be patient with yourself.

For any number of reasons it is not going to work. You already understand all that and that all makes sense. That is rational & logical. This isn’t and as such the emotional process, which is messy, but be accepted.

There is no shame in this. Just healing which is incremental. Think how you lose weight; how you gain muscle, how you grow up. Not overnight. This is like that. But. If you backslide you undo the progress of the healing process. Then you must start again at the beginning. Stay strict no contact. You must. It is imperative in your healing. Ask for healing & severance. It will come in time.

Commit to yourself that you will honor yourself and not revert. She will fade from your mind but you cannot force her out by sheer will.

In my experience it varied. My first serious relationship (lost virginity, thought we’d marry, he lied & cheated and broke my heart at 22 after 2 years)… very tough. Lost 10 lbs in a week (down to 108 lbs - too thin)…could not eat, consumed by thoughts of him…..

Time. It just took time.

The two strongest connections are still people I know. One I met at 22 about 6 months after the demise of my first boyfriend. It was a deeply connected interaction but we were too young & naive & I was still healing so poor timing. We dated almost a year but the connection just stuck. The connection remains 33 years later. He is a trustee on my trust, I could give him control of all my assets and my children & he would honor me. I would do same for him. We have been friends now for decades, have brief interchanges monthly (we have a joint business venture), and if we need the other we are there to support each other although we live 5 hours apart.

The deep love & connection remains. It is a caring and a kindness and a desiring of happiness and success for each other. It is not about sexual desire, and although that could reawaken under conducive conditions we respect one another’s choices and autonomy too much to breach what the other person values. We are real friends, respectful friends. I cannot tell you his favorite drink or song or sports team. But I can tell you who he is, what he fears, what his gifts are, what he most values. It’s not a surface level thing. We will remain this way until we die. I can’t explain it, it’s profound. He loves me. He always has. And I him. But in such a deep way that it transcends everything and threatens nothing. I wish all good things for him.

When we have both been available there have been times of longing - times of contemplating trying to be romantically close again….but with the history we both understand we’d have to relearn all the surface stuff while already deeply knowing the deep stuff, and that’s a weird way to start a romance. So we appreciate one another from afar, find joy in each other’s individual happiness and individual triumphs, are kind in tough times, and do not attempt more banal interactions. That relationship has sublimated. That’s the best way to summarize it.

That has been a 33 year journey. It’s a long time.

My new marriage has not had time yet to season & deepen in that way. Connections to people are like threads. They are woven together over time and if a connection is severed (I never think of that first boyfriend at all) it eventually unravels and falls away.

Trust this process. Time will heal you. But not immediately. Just don’t reopen the wound. Stay no contact while you heal. I’m pleased you are doing well otherwise. This will pass, I promise.

Even if it morphs (like my friend and I) you still must heal. After we stopped dating we did not speak for a few years. We had both healed when he reached out. Let time work. Meanwhile be open. Funny things happen when you don’t expect, especially when you are seeking & open to what you have asked for.

 

[NSX-R]

Time. It’s the only thing that will give you perspective and solace. Meditate etc., be patient with yourself.

For any number of reasons it is not going to work. You already understand all that and that all makes sense. That is rational & logical. This isn’t and as such the emotional process, which is messy, but be accepted.

There is no shame in this. Just healing which is incremental. Think how you lose weight; how you gain muscle, how you grow up. Not overnight. This is like that. But. If you backslide you undo the progress of the healing process. Then you must start again at the beginning. Stay strict no contact. You must. It is imperative in your healing. Ask for healing & severance. It will come in time.

Commit to yourself that you will honor yourself and not revert. She will fade from your mind but you cannot force her out by sheer will.

In my experience it varied. My first serious relationship (lost virginity, thought we’d marry, he lied & cheated and broke my heart at 22 after 2 years)… very tough. Lost 10 lbs in a week (down to 108 lbs - too thin)…could not eat, consumed by thoughts of him…..

Time. It just took time.

The two strongest connections are still people I know. One I met at 22 about 6 months after the demise of my first boyfriend. It was a deeply connected interaction but we were too young & naive & I was still healing so poor timing. We dated almost a year but the connection just stuck. The connection remains 33 years later. He is a trustee on my trust, I could give him control of all my assets and my children & he would honor me. I would do same for him. We have been friends now for decades, have brief interchanges monthly (we have a joint business venture), and if we need the other we are there to support each other although we live 5 hours apart.

The deep love & connection remains. It is a caring and a kindness and a desiring of happiness and success for each other. It is not about sexual desire, and although that could reawaken under conducive conditions we respect one another’s choices and autonomy too much to breach what the other person values. We are real friends, respectful friends. I cannot tell you his favorite drink or song or sports team. But I can tell you who he is, what he fears, what his gifts are, what he most values. It’s not a surface level thing. We will remain this way until we die. I can’t explain it, it’s profound. He loves me. He always has. And I him. But in such a deep way that it transcends everything and threatens nothing. I wish all good things for him.

When we have both been available there have been times of longing - times of contemplating trying to be romantically close again….but with the history we both understand we’d have to relearn all the surface stuff while already deeply knowing the deep stuff, and that’s a weird way to start a romance. So we appreciate one another from afar, find joy in each other’s individual happiness and individual triumphs, are kind in tough times, and do not attempt more banal interactions. That relationship has sublimated. That’s the best way to summarize it.

That has been a 33 year journey. It’s a long time.

My new marriage has not had time yet to season & deepen in that way. Connections to people are like threads. They are woven together over time and if a connection is severed (I never think of that first boyfriend at all) it eventually unravels and falls away.

Trust this process. Time will heal you. But not immediately. Just don’t reopen the wound. Stay no contact while you heal. I’m pleased you are doing well otherwise. This will pass, I promise.

Even if it morphs (like my friend and I) you still must heal. After we stopped dating we did not speak for a few years. We had both healed when he reached out. Let time work. Meanwhile be open. Funny things happen when you don’t expect, especially when you are seeking & open to what you have asked for.

Love the way you explain everything. I read and reread your post to try and understand it . I feel like I’m not even close into this kind of level and if i said i can understand this kind of connection i would lie cause my ex is the only person that i ever had this kind of connection. In my occasion it’s sexual and not friendly that’s why i might not be able to understand it . Maybe as time goes i might also reach this kind of level but maybe the wound it’s going to open again and i can’t even accept the thought of going through this pain again .

I’m not trying to sound or be misogynistic here but maybe the dynamic is different between Men and Women. Women can see a man as a true friend , somebody she can pass the time without feeling sexual with him but a man is different. That being said , it’s not like i don’t have female friends , but the female friends i have are usually unattractive to me or women that i banged but never had interest to do it more than once , at the end of the day barely attractive for a single lay. Having said that , i don’t consider any of my female friends to be even 1/4 close to me as the male equivalent , to be honest i believe it’s even less than that. Am i in the right track here or am i confusing your case with what I’m explaining here?
To me reaching that emotional connection with a woman goes hand in hand with the sexual connection. Trying to keep that emotional connection without the sexual one is like trying to breathe without oxygen.It’s impossible for me. For example we were absolute connected when we made love and it was 50% of the times like a ritual. It was not forced or extra , but natural . My ex expressed this also very vaguely and that’s why on our latest meet none of us wanted to have sex with one another, not because me or her didn’t find each other attractive, but i believe our emotional connection was very damaged at the moment and we couldn’t do anything further .



You have absolute right , i have to give it more time , it’s still too soon . Maybe i make a disservice of myself and try to have fun or sleep with other women , but on the same time this is who i was and who i am . Tried really hard to be on track and not fail the trust that she gave to me while together but this is a duet and not solo dance.
I don’t know how to severe a bond , I’m not a guy as you can understand yourself who has any sort of hate or ill feelings for other people. For me it’s either i like you or i don’t care .

Your situation feels a bit weird cause if i was in that man’s situation after you guys didn’t met for so many years , and you were my ex , i believe things would be exactly as before. I don’t know how you guys are , my ex seems like a very strong and independent woman and many guys feel intimidated by her but that’s just a camouflage. You have to go to her and grab her and make her your own without asking. Then she’s yours. If you ask for permission, she’s gone . So my question is why did things remained stalled in your situation and there wasn’t any reconciliation, considering that there is this kind of connection which i believe your friend is also aware off? Are you ok the way things evolved in that way? I’m trying to make you being disrespectful to your current marriage, but were you expecting more from it at least a bit?

 

[CornbreadFed]

I’m not trying to sound or be misogynistic here but maybe the dynamic is different between Men and Women. Women can see a man as a true friend , somebody she can pass the time without feeling sexual with him but a man is different. That being said , it’s not like i don’t have female friends , but the female friends i have are usually unattractive to me or women that i banged but never had interest to do it more than once , at the end of the day barely attractive for a single lay. Having said that , i don’t consider any of my female friends to be even 1/4 close to me as the male equivalent , to be honest i believe it’s even less than that. Am i in the right track here or am i confusing your case with what I’m explaining here?

I initially called you out and you pushed back. TBH, I did think I was a little too blunt, so I backed off from arguing with you. However, this statement alone does prove my post even further. When I was starved for pvssy during my early & mid twenties, I would have completely agreed with this paragraph. Now that I have come to the point where I can get laid easily, I understand why women are like this. Women are not in the market for pointless sex because they can easily get it. As a result, they can befriend a guy that is clearly attractive for other women, and not lust for them. I have a couple of female friends that are hot, but I have zero desire to lust after them because they aren't my type and I value their friendship more.

 

[NSX-R]

I initially called you out and you pushed back. TBH, I did think I was a little too blunt, so I backed off from arguing with you. However, this statement alone does prove my post even further. When I was starved for pvssy during my early & mid twenties, I would have completely agreed with this paragraph. Now that I have come to the point where I can get laid easily, I understand why women are like this. Women are not in the market for pointless sex because they can easily get it. As a result, they can befriend a guy that is clearly attractive for other women, and not lust for them. I have a couple of female friends that are hot, but I have zero desire to lust after them because they aren't my type and I value their friendship more.

As i said , i don’t need no validation from anybody. This is not why I’m here for. I don’t know what’s your point here and what you are saying exactly. If i did banged a Margot Robbie look alike , what does it matter for you ? Am i here preaching on how to be a playboy? Is it a show off post and try to mask it by shaming myself? It’s really laughable seeing supposedly alpha males with options getting intimidated and call me out only because i slightly mentioned it. A guy with options would feel good if someone else is also doing fine and won’t feel any form of jealousy.
If i consider a woman hot but don’t like who she is i would bang her only . If i think she’s hot and i like her character i would make her my girlfriend. If she’s not hot but i like her character i would only befriend her . That’s the standard . Except if you guys are having a conversation while having sex simultaneously.
I have to be the one considering that and not somebody else . If a group of people think that a woman is hot , this doesn’t mean that i also do . This is not a beauty competition. You think you know what you’re talking about but you have really no idea . No offence.
You would have still agreed with me if you had the numbers and the experience to know that banging hundreds of women doesn’t make life better but finding a true bond and connection is priceless.
It’s not like i did put my D in differently with my ex and differently with the other women . There is just one way getting in no matter from which side you are . The connection is what makes the difference. I don’t believe you understand but i really hope you do it eventually.
The only one who truly gets it is beexcellent and she explained it perfectly. The thing is that in her situation the other guy was fine to reduce their relationship into a friendship and maybe this is what the circumstances brought but things could be different if the circumstances were also different as she admitted. In my case , i can’t make a step behind and reduce the relationship into a friendship. I just can’t, not at the moment at least . Many would simp and be fine at least remaining friends with their ex hoping some day it might work. I’m not a sociopath trying using other people for my own gain . You have to understand there is more in life than sex and banging many women. You are going to understand it only if you had a lot of it . This is how men work .

Yes I’m still attached to her , i want her and i love her with all of my heart .Considering all that , it would be stupid to make things the way they are now like create this offensive and not even on talking terms situation. I put emotion on the side and logic in front , that’s why the situation is the way it is . If it was other way around, i would hope for your advice and write on how to get her back and what to do to win . Instead I’m here , explaining how deep i am and asking for advice on how to move on. I think a guy can’t be more honest and vulnerable while expressing all of his feelings. For you guys on the surface level with zero experience and wanna be playboy mentality, the only thing that your gonna be concerned about is only how hot a woman is or if she barely even made eye contact with you and nothing more .

 

[BeExcellent]

@NSX-R I shall respond tomorrow. Out with my husband currently. Cheers

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because she was literally an addiction to you and you are undergoing withdrawal symptoms like an addict would.

Over time, just like with a person addicted to drugs, you will become less and less dependant on them and will be able to see things with a clear head.

 

[BeExcellent]

Love the way you explain everything. I read and reread your post to try and understand it . I feel like I’m not even close into this kind of level and if i said i can understand this kind of connection i would lie cause my ex is the only person that i ever had this kind of connection. In my occasion it’s sexual and not friendly that’s why i might not be able to understand it . Maybe as time goes i might also reach this kind of level but maybe the wound it’s going to open again and i can’t even accept the thought of going through this pain again .

I’m not trying to sound or be misogynistic here but maybe the dynamic is different between Men and Women. Women can see a man as a true friend , somebody she can pass the time without feeling sexual with him but a man is different. That being said , it’s not like i don’t have female friends , but the female friends i have are usually unattractive to me or women that i banged but never had interest to do it more than once , at the end of the day barely attractive for a single lay. Having said that , i don’t consider any of my female friends to be even 1/4 close to me as the male equivalent , to be honest i believe it’s even less than that. Am i in the right track here or am i confusing your case with what I’m explaining here?
To me reaching that emotional connection with a woman goes hand in hand with the sexual connection. Trying to keep that emotional connection without the sexual one is like trying to breathe without oxygen.It’s impossible for me. For example we were absolute connected when we made love and it was 50% of the times like a ritual. It was not forced or extra , but natural . My ex expressed this also very vaguely and that’s why on our latest meet none of us wanted to have sex with one another, not because me or her didn’t find each other attractive, but i believe our emotional connection was very damaged at the moment and we couldn’t do anything further .



You have absolute right , i have to give it more time , it’s still too soon . Maybe i make a disservice of myself and try to have fun or sleep with other women , but on the same time this is who i was and who i am . Tried really hard to be on track and not fail the trust that she gave to me while together but this is a duet and not solo dance.
I don’t know how to severe a bond , I’m not a guy as you can understand yourself who has any sort of hate or ill feelings for other people. For me it’s either i like you or i don’t care .

Your situation feels a bit weird cause if i was in that man’s situation after you guys didn’t met for so many years , and you were my ex , i believe things would be exactly as before. I don’t know how you guys are , my ex seems like a very strong and independent woman and many guys feel intimidated by her but that’s just a camouflage. You have to go to her and grab her and make her your own without asking. Then she’s yours. If you ask for permission, she’s gone . So my question is why did things remained stalled in your situation and there wasn’t any reconciliation, considering that there is this kind of connection which i believe your friend is also aware off? Are you ok the way things evolved in that way? I’m trying to make you being disrespectful to your current marriage, but were you expecting more from it at least a bit?

There is an energy between my friend and I. Years ago when we were lovers we were quite young, quite vulnerable sexually and emotionally. It took time for both of us to individually recover and heal from the interaction but we were always entirely honest and transparent with one another, so a deep trust developed from that. Also a deep respect.

But our lives never lined up again as far as reconciliation and we both accepted that long ago & released that notion.

You see in the 33 years we have known each other we have had orchestra seats and back stage access to each other’s lives; to relationships and marriages and children and parenting to aging parents and career growth and interpersonal maturation. It’s like watching an oak sapling grow into an established tree, with its stature and its scars.

But it’s not a tree I see everyday, so when I pass by (metaphorically speaking), I can appreciate the changes that time creates, much like you recognize growth in a child most when you are only periodically around.

As far as the male/female dynamic? To me that is an individual interaction thing. Each interaction is different because the pair of contributing individuals are unique.

I certainly don’t have all the answers. I seek beauty in life, and beauty in relationships, and not in a superficial way. That is a tough thing at times because we humans are flawed; imperfect. So the profound beauty is experienced in moments; it is fleeting. But it is meaningful and that is where a meaningful life arises. And therefore the greatest emotion I feel toward my friend is deep gratitude. To have had those moments and to see him grow & develop. To resonate on a deep level and yet be at arms length at the surface, respecting one another’s lives and choices. And that I think is something similar to what he’d say about me. It’s a hard thing to explain but a beautiful thing to experience.

Some people leave fingerprints on your soul.

But just as you can love your two brothers, your love for one is different and distinct than your love for the other. In the same manner my love for my friend is entirely separate and distinct than my love for my husband. One does not detract from the other. And sexual intimacy of course is entirely the purview of my husband, as it should be.

 

[NSX-R]

There is an energy between my friend and I. Years ago when we were lovers we were quite young, quite vulnerable sexually and emotionally. It took time for both of us to individually recover and heal from the interaction but we were always entirely honest and transparent with one another, so a deep trust developed from that. Also a deep respect.

But our lives never lined up again as far as reconciliation and we both accepted that long ago & released that notion.

You see in the 33 years we have known each other we have had orchestra seats and back stage access to each other’s lives; to relationships and marriages and children and parenting to aging parents and career growth and interpersonal maturation. It’s like watching an oak sapling grow into an established tree, with its stature and its scars.

But it’s not a tree I see everyday, so when I pass by (metaphorically speaking), I can appreciate the changes that time creates, much like you recognize growth in a child most when you are only periodically around.

As far as the male/female dynamic? To me that is an individual interaction thing. Each interaction is different because the pair of contributing individuals are unique.

I certainly don’t have all the answers. I seek beauty in life, and beauty in relationships, and not in a superficial way. That is a tough thing at times because we humans are flawed; imperfect. So the profound beauty is experienced in moments; it is fleeting. But it is meaningful and that is where a meaningful life arises. And therefore the greatest emotion I feel toward my friend is deep gratitude. To have had those moments and to see him grow & develop. To resonate on a deep level and yet be at arms length at the surface, respecting one another’s lives and choices. And that I think is something similar to what he’d say about me. It’s a hard thing to explain but a beautiful thing to experience.

Some people leave fingerprints on your soul.

But just as you can love your two brothers, your love for one is different and distinct than your love for the other. In the same manner my love for my friend is entirely separate and distinct than my love for my husband. One does not detract from the other. And sexual intimacy of course is entirely the purview of my husband, as it should be.

Beautifully said but I’m going to answer tomorrow cause something else happened and i can’t really think clear atm .

Feel free guys to say whatever you want . I’m going to take it . I’ll try to explain things as short as possible.
I just met my ex with a guy on a date in a place that i know the owners ( actually everyone knows me in my city cause i own myself one of the biggest businesses.) and as soon as we made eye contact, she looked on the other side and put her hand on her head and tried to hide herself . You could see the massive awkwardness. Anyway i was really cool as always , then i picked 3 shots and went to her table . I introduced myself to her date and said we know each other with my ex for many years . Never said i was in a relationship with her but I’m sure she told him already. The dude had zero backbone. I could clearly see he was feeling awkward and i was the one directing the convo trying to know more about him without him being able to dodge or do something as a man to protect the date .
The dude was massively ugly.He had 4-5 hairs on head , his skin was red because of roids and full sleeve tattoo. He seemed to me more like a drug dealer than a normal person. I was there with a very good friend of mine which he’s gay and told me he has never seen a more uglier dude even himself couldn’t believe it. He was working in a supermarket in a small village lmfao . Anyway kept convo at first short then i bought the whole place shots to meet them and make new customers. Then again i went to my ex and asked her how she was doing, where was her kid that Saturday night cause she had kid weekend and she told me it’s with her brother .She left her kid alone ( something she never did with me because she knew i would criticise her heavily and use it against her) to go have a date with garbage.lmfao again .

Anyway i told them after the 2nd shot they drink that it was a good idea to make them warm up for afterwards cause they were only drinking water and i told the dude we men know how Alkohol works and he just agreed without saying anything. Lmfao

After few minutes i had to go because i had to be somewhere else , i greeted the whole place for social proof and at last i greeted my ex with her date . So i could see that my ex wasn’t feeling so good and she didn’t even talk if i didn’t told her something. I went to greet them and used to opportunity to throw some words back to her . Last time we met she said the world famous, “i want to focus on myself and my work and my kid and the only thing i want right now is to stat at home and sleep. “I told the dude , you have to look after her because she very special woman and needs special treatment. The dude said that he can judge on his own and i said ,i didn’t tell you how to think, i know her a bit longer than you and all I’m telling you is how special she . Then i used indirectly to her while talking to the dude the whole sentence she told me last time about how she wants to focus on herself bla bla bla and the i saw her eyes she was close to start crying. Then she said “could you please go ?” I said to her “i wasn’t talking to you but to your friend except if i disturbing him he should tell me about it “. The dude didn’t even respond to it .Lmfao He had zero balls to protect his date or at least lead the convo whatsoever.I kindly excused myself , i invited them also into my own ****tail bar if they would like to have some drinks more that night and told them i would be very happy if they make it . And left .

In less than few minutes i was able to know everything about this guy . He has zero money, no status , he’s ugly asf but most importantly,even though he looks big , he had no self respect at least to protect his date from getting ruined by me . My ex had more balls than him and asked me to leave but she did that cause if she wouldn’t, she would be crying in front of everyone.

So here i am , proved everything that i believed about this woman and hating myself even more. How deep i have fallen.I was embarrassed only from talking with this dude , i fell like my status fell to the depths. But I’m not blaming him for trying to get laid . He had zero knowledge of the situation. The thing is that I’m also feel embarrassed that my ex dumped me for a dude like that . It’s unbelievable and i don’t know what to take from it . Maybe trust my gut even more ? I don’t, feel free to roast me . I would love to see everyone’s similar personal experiences.

 

[NSX-R]

Your story is the ultimate warning for me. About 2 weeks ago my ex told me all the stuff about how she wants to work on herself and all the things in her life. After reading your story I realized that she must be seeing somebody else like your ex. If nothing else man you helped me out without even knowing it. Im gonna tell you the same advice that I am telling myself right now. On to the next!!! Dont feel bad about what you did. You had to learn a hard lesson and you cant change the past but what we can control is the future. Find a new one. They are everywhere. SHE ISNT SPECIAL!!!

Run for your life bro . That’s all you should do . It’s unbelievable that she tried to replace me with such low level quality guy and so soon after . Maybe i overestimated her and lowered my value . I feel disappointed that the guy wasn’t at least 1/4 as good as me . That tells i guess a lot about her but still this does not make the pain feel lighter. I don’t want to sound sexist but they are all the same . That’s the 2nd time that this happened to me and the first time i saw it fast and ejected at the right time . Now i couldn’t avoid the bullet .
I wonder at least , was the way i acted alpha enough though that i went to confront her with her own words ?

 

[savi0r]

She didn't try to replace you. She is trying to get over the breakup doing everything so thinks she might help. Like you, also. And you are happy that you saw this guy isn't as high status as you. I can assure you if it was a Chad, you would have a different story now. What I can tell you, as a fellow man, is this : let her go. Truly let her go. Close this thread, go to your best friends,have some beers and tell them all about her and the relationship. Let it all out. After that ,take a little time for introspections. Alone time. Realize what went good,what went bad and what can you learn about it. After this, you have to mentally excercise to not think about her and not fall down rabbit holes of thoughts . In the end, it's all about time. Don't force anything, don't hate yourself for not being over her. After some months ,you will realize she is getting out of your system. Then you will truly trust the process. Right now , you are overanalyzing everything and she is dominating your mind. It does nothing good for you. you can't think objectively now. Go no contact ,clear your head, and if you want to share thoughts with the other members ,do so after some time has passed. Your head is a mess right now. I really hope the best for you and that you will get over this asap.