How to do you let go and not care what a casual partner is doing?

[Yam_Naem_Kluk]

I met a hot girl while traveling abroad a couple of months ago. We slept together 15-20 times. All the signs tell me she's the promiscuous type. We've kept in daily contact since I returned home 8 weeks ago and I'm due to travel to where she lives again in two weeks. I've had STD tests done and nothing showed up gladly, but that negative test says nothing about how promiscuous she is or isn't.

Anyway, given that this isn't even an official relationship, why do I keep having jealous pangs and urges to know what she's getting up to? She says she's waiting for me but I'm not naive enough to believe that a promiscuous person by nature would go two months without sex. So given the obvious fact she's slept with at least one person over the last few weeks (perhaps a local FB in her location), what's up with my weird obsessiveness over what she's doing?

I suspect this stems from my lack of an abundance mindset. In in my early 30s but I don't have a high body count at all. I've spent 12 years of my adult life in long-term relationships. I thought though by this point in life you learn not to give so much of a **** about these things. I guess I'm posting for advice on just letting go and not really caring what women I have casual flings with are getting up to, no matter how much I like them. It doesn't even feel fair of me to get jealous over what she's up to seeing as I didn't ask her to be in a relationship.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

She says she's waiting for me but I'm not naive enough to believe that a promiscuous person by nature would go two months without sex. So given the obvious fact she's slept with at least one person over the last few weeks (perhaps a local FB in her location), what's up with my weird obsessiveness over what she's doing?

You're acting like a woman, wanting to be the sole obsession of the other person.

You don't commit to her, why should she commit to you?

 

[Yam_Naem_Kluk]

I don't know why I act like this. It's not something rational but rather an emotional thing. I guess the fact she says she's waiting for me when I know better that she isn't waiting at all is what partly drives this behavior. But I wish I could just let it go, let her do whatever she's gonna do, and not think too much about it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Two things:

1) You know she’s a hve. That is why you are nervous. You need to find better chicks

2) Use condoms. You know she’s a hve. This is a no brainer.

I think you know this girl is trash. Act accordingly.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I guess the fact she says she's waiting for me when I know better that she isn't waiting at all is what partly drives this behavior.

Those are just words.
Waiting doesn't mean anything.
Even if she's 'pining for your return' or 'waiting with bated breath' doesn't mean she's being chaste while waiting. You're not in a committed monogamous relationship so you cannot assert control. Even asking her about it after you reconnect is inadvisable.
Basically, you don't ask*, you don't tell.

(You already determined that she would never stay chaste for several months, so even if she says, 'I didn't have sex with anyone', you wouldn't believe her. Better to just consider that whatever she does when she's not with you is her private time and none of your concern.)

 

[Yam_Naem_Kluk]

Better to just consider that whatever she does when she's not with you is her private time and none of your concern.)

That's exactly the attitude I need to take. I just wish it came more easily to me to be less invested in these kinds of silly concerns.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That's exactly the attitude I need to take. I just wish it came more easily to me to be less invested in these kinds of silly concerns.

Train yourself in Fudōshin.

 

[Yam_Naem_Kluk]

Sounds interesting. Maybe mediation might be useful for developing that type of mindset.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I learned it as part of martial arts, but you don't need to study that to learn how to become more stoic.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Its just not who you are. Don't ever try to force being something you're not. Jealousy is natural for some people. But it has no place in casual dating.. and will only cause you stress and pain.

A lot of it boils down to just how you look at relationships with women since a young age, and whether you attach emotions to sex, --and the rest is just self esteem. If you're high enoguh self esteem you never worry about another man becuase you feel like you're always the best option and that she won't be able to look past you.

Weak sex game makes the most jealous men I think.. When they know their sex game sucks so someone can pound it better, it really affects self esteem. That's why if your sex game is weak, casual dating just isn't for you.. It really isn't and I'd argue it witha nyone... Because a girl who is into casual dating usually looks for the most compatible/best sexual partnera nd if she finds one, guess what, you're going to get a very rude awakening.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Yam,
"How do you let go and not care what a casual partner is doing",Simples:You just spin Plates and relegate her to a peripheral intest.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Weak sex game makes the most jealous men I think.. When they know their sex game sucks so someone can pound it better, it really affects self esteem. That's why if your sex game is weak, casual dating just isn't for you.. It really isn't and I'd argue it witha nyone... Because a girl who is into casual dating usually looks for the most compatible/best sexual partnera nd if she finds one, guess what, you're going to get a very rude awakening.

Jealousy is rooted in abandonment issues, just like extreme possessiveness.
Weak sex game > less satisfaction for the woman > woman looking for better sex partners > abandons the jealous guy.
People who are insecure shouldn't attempt polyamory.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Train yourself in Fudōshin.

Any online articles you recommend?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

I met a hot girl while traveling abroad a couple of months ago. We slept together 15-20 times. All the signs tell me she's the promiscuous type. We've kept in daily contact since I returned home 8 weeks ago and I'm due to travel to where she lives again in two weeks. I've had STD tests done and nothing showed up gladly, but that negative test says nothing about how promiscuous she is or isn't.

Anyway, given that this isn't even an official relationship, why do I keep having jealous pangs and urges to know what she's getting up to? She says she's waiting for me but I'm not naive enough to believe that a promiscuous person by nature would go two months without sex. So given the obvious fact she's slept with at least one person over the last few weeks (perhaps a local FB in her location), what's up with my weird obsessiveness over what she's doing?

I suspect this stems from my lack of an abundance mindset. In in my early 30s but I don't have a high body count at all. I've spent 12 years of my adult life in long-term relationships. I thought though by this point in life you learn not to give so much of a **** about these things. I guess I'm posting for advice on just letting go and not really caring what women I have casual flings with are getting up to, no matter how much I like them. It doesn't even feel fair of me to get jealous over what she's up to seeing as I didn't ask her to be in a relationship.

You can retrain your brain and your mindset. It takes effort but the effort is more about consistency than being exhausting.

Meditation, affirmations, etc. all point the brain to a new outlook. It will recognize the truths you speak or believe and readjust your self perception.

Of course, action is even more potent. Asking out a lot more girls (and ideally, sexing a good number) will really flip the script. Doesn't mean you have to exhaust yourself - find a speed but be consistent.

The brain is a machine, it's designed for excellence but part of that is based on survival and finding a comfortable pace to operate. Homeostasis. It will hum along if you let it. So you have to shake things up. It takes at least 30 days.

I recommend imagining the kind of man you wish to be and writing down what qualities you might possess once you've achieved this change. Think about how you would act, talk, think. Write it down. Review it daily. Try to become someone who already possesses this persona. Express gratitude for it. Literally be thankful that the universe turned you into an IDGAF pimp stallion chad or whatever you like.

But don't wait to take action. You can train for the game and scrimmage at the same time.

*note, this applies to all endeavours - career, hobbies, wealth, health etc.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

BECAUSE YOU LACK PURPOSE.

WHO GIVES A FLYING FRIGG WHAT SOME WOMAN ACROSS THE COUNTRY IS DOING? YOU DO, BECAUSE YOU HAVE FREE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.

FREE TIME= NO PURPOSE.

ASSIGN ALL YOUR FREE TIME AND FORGET THIS NONSENSE UNTIL YOUR D IS IN HER AND ONCE IT IS NOT, BACK TO PURPOSE.

Sorry for the caps but this is a ridiculous question that I've seen come up more and more as I've spent time here, quit wasting your time on meaningless things and you won't have meaningless thoughts.

 

[Divorced w 3]

BECAUSE YOU LACK PURPOSE.

WHO GIVES A FLYING FRIGG WHAT SOME WOMAN ACROSS THE COUNTRY IS DOING? YOU DO, BECAUSE YOU HAVE FREE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.

FREE TIME= NO PURPOSE.

ASSIGN ALL YOUR FREE TIME AND FORGET THIS NONSENSE UNTIL YOUR D IS IN HER AND ONCE IT IS NOT, BACK TO PURPOSE.

Sorry for the caps but this is a ridiculous question that I've seen come up more and more as I've spent time here, quit wasting your time on meaningless things and you won't have meaningless thoughts.

It’s not a ridiculous question. OP is asking for help because he is in a vulnerable spot and trying to strengthen himself. Chill brother.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Experience doing things the right way, including failing but trying to do is properly, is a big factor in improving your mindset. You’ll notice over time things are working more and more in your favor and it will be impossible not to become more confident.

The trick is to stick with the process in the earlier phases when it’s not going the way you read it would, be self reflective, be kindly critical and go back and try again.

You obviously have to enjoy the process for this to be sustainable.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

It’s not a ridiculous question. OP is asking for help because he is in a vulnerable spot and trying to strengthen himself. Chill brother.

Purpose comes before women, otherwise it leads to failure, it's more important than having game or working on developing your game. Trying to game women without a purpose is ridiculous.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Purpose comes before women, otherwise it leads to failure, it's more important than having game or working on developing your game. Trying to game women without a purpose is ridiculous.

You’re not wrong. The fact though is that OP has some sort of emotional attachment and he needs to work through it. Maybe it’s a lack of purpose, maybe he has deeper attachment issues. He needs to put in the time and look into it.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Wrap it b4 u tap it