I had my first date in ages. Here's the good and the bad.

[member162951]

I have a very low tolerance for stress. The moment a woman starts adding stress to my life, I immediately look for an exit plan.

To me, the only purpose of a woman is to take away stress. That's why once this woman started to become more stress than she was worth, I made a bail attempt.

Good luck finding that unicorn who never causes anxiety, is 150% compliant, submissive, always around and agreeable, never leaves you hanging on a text for longer than 10 minutes as that is when your stress/anxiety is activated, etc etc etc.

Look mate, if you can't handle a little uncertainty when you first begin dating, you're gonna have A LOT of trouble dating. You'll be bailing prematurely, nothing is ever going to happen

Its not even the woman per se, it's the nature of dating especially during early stages. Uncertainty. It's a stage and it's a given man. We all go through it.

If you're seeking a guarantee that there will never be any uncertainty, anxiety or stress, then stick with the escorts. They're infinitely safer.

On the other hand, if you're seeking a relationship or even casually dating a woman with emotions and feelings whom you want to actually connect with, get help for your anxiety and stop bailing out and running away.

Once you're over the initial hump of early dating, the uncertainty and anxiety will lessen, you'll feel more secure and safe emotionally, less stress.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Good luck finding that unicorn who never causes anxiety, is 150% compliant, submissive, always around and agreeable, never leaves you hanging on a text for longer than 10 minutes as that is when your stress/anxiety is activated, etc etc etc.

Look mate, if you can't handle a little uncertainty when you first begin dating, you're gonna have A LOT of trouble dating. You'll be bailing prematurely, nothing is ever going to happen

Its not even the woman per se, it's the nature of dating especially during early stages. Uncertainty. It's a stage and it's a given man. We all go through it.

If you're seeking a guarantee that there will never be any uncertainty, anxiety or stress, then stick with the escorts. They're infinitely safer.

On the other hand, if you're seeking a relationship or even casually dating a woman with emotions and feelings whom you want to actually connect with, get help for your anxiety and stop bailing out and running away.

Once you're over the initial hump of early dating, the uncertainty and anxiety will lessen, you'll feel more secure and safe emotionally, less stress.

Sir, screening for high interest is your friend.

 

[GoodMan32]

Cracks me up how people here try to find reason and logic for her behavior and blame OP for every minutiae, totally ignoring the other half of the equation - a mid to late 30s woman.
If she was a clinically sane woman in that age range she would've been busy with work/husband/home/children and not stop and talk to a random guy off the street and go to dinner with him.

Good point (which I hadn't even thought of). As glad as I am at how easy she was to grab dinner with last weekend, the fact a woman that age agreed to grab dinner right after meeting a guy should have been a red flag of mental illness.

 

[GoodMan32]

Good thing escorts and therapists exist

My comment sounded intense, I know.

That being said, I was:

-21 years old
-incredibly socially awkward
-I had been looking forward to the date (and really thought I'd get action)
-I had no idea where my next lay would come from (this was before I discovered escorts)
-then on top of all this, my sex drive was at its peak

Just like you become desperate when you don't know where your next meal or paycheck will come from, you also become desperate if you don't know where your next lay will come from.

Anyone would end up pretty angry if a possibility to get laid fell through under the circumstances mentioned above. And even then, it wasn't so much the fact the date fell through that set me off, but how rude she was about the whole thing when I reached out the day of to confirm whether we were still on.

Again, the fact I don't want to end up behind bars stopped me from really killing her. I still ended up teaching her a lesson, however.

 

[GoodMan32]

Suit yourself. In my mind, that would be exactly the point. If I was an escortceller with allot of money, I'd pay the escort to go out for dinner with me and then have fun afterwards. It's all guaranteed. I'm assuming you are on a budget with this? If I was on a budget, then I'd go out for dinner or do anything I would have planned to do with the lady, and do it by myself and bring a mobile device and headphones to zone-out if it was bothering me that much and then go there afterwards. After all, why would you care about what anyone things about you going by yourself to a dinner if you are going to visit an escort afterwards anyway? Doesn't that play with an escort afterwards more than make-up any awkwardness you might feel on a solo-date?




I mean in the sense of being less motivated to pursuing "civvies". We've just concluded that if a "civvie" plays games with you that you can visit an escort afterwards. If you have that much control over your sexual outcomes it won't matter if she plays games with you or not because you have a plan-B.



That's not frequent enough. Lets say you had 5 high-quality rejections from "civvies" per year, and times it by 8, then that should be 40. In that case I would not say there is spoilage because you are putting a reasonable effort. When you are saying just 3 times (I'm assuming 3 different women). That suggests spoilage in terms it's affecting your motivations. Don't you think an escort visit should be earned by having rejection points with "civvies"? It makes the visit more meaningful rather than spoiling your motivation.



You could have gone when she wavered on the text messaging. Rather than tell her its not working out or you are not getting along, you could have used that same text and messaged an escort. Whatever right? Then circle back to her afterwards and set up a date. You know if you didn't act up like that with her, you could have had it on the second?

Tell me if I'm getting this wrong?



Agreed.



Exactly. In the future don't write anything negative to a "civvie". Just text an escort and circle back and continue setting up the date rather than saying you are not getting along. That is the abundance mindset. Someone with abundance and paid options will not tell a "civvie" they are not getting along but will text an escort instead.

Yeah, I'm on a budget. Plus, to me, going out to dinner is a social thing. If I'm by myself, I don't see a point of going out to eat.

And yeah, I totally lose my motivation to pursue civvies. You're right, I can always see an escort if a civvie plays games. So I see where your logic is coming from (when you say I should pursue civvies anyway, as I at least have a plan B if nothing comes of the civvie). That being said, my success rate with civvies is too low to justify even bothering with civvies. That's why I've only been on 3 dates in the past 8 and a half years (and to answer your question, yeah, with 3 different women).

Furthermore, the amount of time I've put into civvie pursuals in the past simply isn't worth it when I know I can get a sure thing from an escort.

On the general topic of buying an escort to treat myself after striking out with a civvie, there was a time when I was 24 and I hired an escort after a dating service refused to let me join.

I guess it's too late to go back and change my behavior from Wednesday. One reason I didn't contact an escort on Wednesday, however: I really only have time for escorts on weekends.

On a prior post, I think I mentioned the woman the thread is about finally reached back out to me yesterday. The bad news, she came up with excuses when I proposed getting together this weekend. I'm done trying with her. I'm probably going to get an escort this weekend.

 

[GoodMan32]

I honestly wouldn't worry too much about this one particular woman and why things didn't pan out for you the way you were originally hoping for. What you are discussing here is the normal experience for the vast majority of men out there today. People are quick to blame the man but I personally believe that most of these pre date rejections with initial reactions that go well are almost entirely because of the woman and what is going on with her side. Maybe some other guy that was higher up on her list of interest hit her up that same given day? Maybe her dog got ran over by a car? Maybe she just didn't like the way you sent a particular text? The list goes on and on, you'll never get an actual answer and would be far better off just immediately moving on instead of trying to decipher what happened.

Again, what you are experiencing here is the normal experience for the vast majority of men out there. There is legitimately something wrong with most women today. Things become much simpler when you accept facts like this instead of chasing your own tail. Too many guys out there blame themselves when they simply are not aware of the realities of the modern dating market.

Another thing is the key difference between the wiring of men vs women.

If a man is into a woman, he looks for reasons to bang her. He'll be interested in banging her this weekend, next weekend, a month from now, 6 months from now, etc.

There's hardly anything a woman can do to make a man lose interest in banging her.

On the other hand, when a woman is into a man, no matter how much she's into him, he's constantly at risk of getting his contingent romp revoked for the slightest transgression.

Additionally, I have a theory that a lot of women have a "now or never" window (where you have to propose a lay with her right then or lose your chance forever)

 

[GoodMan32]

Good luck finding that unicorn who never causes anxiety, is 150% compliant, submissive, always around and agreeable, never leaves you hanging on a text for longer than 10 minutes as that is when your stress/anxiety is activated, etc etc etc.

Look mate, if you can't handle a little uncertainty when you first begin dating, you're gonna have A LOT of trouble dating. You'll be bailing prematurely, nothing is ever going to happen

Its not even the woman per se, it's the nature of dating especially during early stages. Uncertainty. It's a stage and it's a given man. We all go through it.

If you're seeking a guarantee that there will never be any uncertainty, anxiety or stress, then stick with the escorts. They're infinitely safer.

On the other hand, if you're seeking a relationship or even casually dating a woman with emotions and feelings whom you want to actually connect with, get help for your anxiety and stop bailing out and running away.

Once you're over the initial hump of early dating, the uncertainty and anxiety will lessen, you'll feel more secure and safe emotionally, less stress.

Good point, dating probably isn't for me. There's a reason I've only been on 3 dates in the past 8 and a half years.

My low tolerance for stress extends to other areas too. I've turned down several promotions at various jobs through the years. Why? Because of the stress that would come with the promotion.

Another area where my low tolerance for stress impacts me: If I get into an argument at night, I'm unable to fall asleep at all. I end up having a sleepless night. Even with the 2 sleeping pills I take every night.

I'd totally be down for a lay with a civvie if the lay basically falls into my lap (no pun intended). As for dating though, you're right, it's probably best I stick to escorts.

 

[corrector]

Yeah, I'm on a budget. Plus, to me, going out to dinner is a social thing. If I'm by myself, I don't see a point of going out to eat.

And yeah, I totally lose my motivation to pursue civvies. You're right, I can always see an escort if a civvie plays games. So I see where your logic is coming from (when you say I should pursue civvies anyway, as I at least have a plan B if nothing comes of the civvie). That being said, my success rate with civvies is too low to justify even bothering with civvies. That's why I've only been on 3 dates in the past 8 and a half years (and to answer your question, yeah, with 3 different women).

Furthermore, the amount of time I've put into civvie pursuals in the past simply isn't worth it when I know I can get a sure thing from an escort.

On the general topic of buying an escort to treat myself after striking out with a civvie, there was a time when I was 24 and I hired an escort after a dating service refused to let me join.

I guess it's too late to go back and change my behavior from Wednesday. One reason I didn't contact an escort on Wednesday, however: I really only have time for escorts on weekends.

On a prior post, I think I mentioned the woman the thread is about finally reached back out to me yesterday. The bad news, she came up with excuses when I proposed getting together this weekend. I'm done trying with her. I'm probably going to get an escort this weekend.

According to the logical scheme, do not worry if she comes with excuses, just keep the door open because you are planning to see an escort anyway. Once you get your fix then you will be in a better state of mind to deal with her bs and keep trying. Keep tryimg until you find a better civvie option. Its like a bad job. You dont quit it because you need to pay the bills until you secure a better job. Keep looking for more civvies but keep that lady open. Its not like you really need.her, but when she comes around then you will have a free lay for a change. I think its healthy to have at least a free lay here and there in the mix. Too feel desired by a woman who wants you to go inside of her because she likes you. Its worth keeping her in tow while you continue getting your base needs met.

You can also try escorts who are also on OF/OF girls or AI (have not tried it), to hold you over between escort visits. You just need more commection between sessions and OF looks like a good direction for fake gf connections to zone out civvie bs.

 

[corrector]

@GoodMan32 for the record how much carry over bliss are you getting from an average paid escort? With me it feels like a nuke will be set off somewhere in my life if I were to visit one, lol! Its possible I may be processing an ideal of this rather than how these things are with someone used to that.

 

[GoodMan32]

According to the logical scheme, do not worry if she comes with excuses, just keep the door open because you are planning to see an escort anyway. Once you get your fix then you will be in a better state of mind to deal with her bs and keep trying. Keep tryimg until you find a better civvie option. Its like a bad job. You dont quit it because you need to pay the bills until you secure a better job. Keep looking for more civvies but keep that lady open. Its not like you really need.her, but when she comes around then you will have a free lay for a change. I think its healthy to have at least a free lay here and there in the mix. Too feel desired by a woman who wants you to go inside of her because she likes you. Its worth keeping her in tow while you continue getting your base needs met.

You can also try escorts who are also on OF/OF girls or AI (have not tried it), to hold you over between escort visits. You just need more commection between sessions and OF looks like a good direction for fake gf connections to zone out civvie bs.

I'm totally open to a lay with the woman I met last weekend. However, it's up to her at this point to reach out to me/invite me to get together with her. I'm never inviting her anywhere again, nor am I ever making the initial contact with her again.

Since she turned down the 2 ideas I had (for getting together) this weekend, I don't want to make myself look desperate. Plus, it's important to read the social cue of when to back off.

You're right, feeling desired by a woman is a self-esteem booster. I'm still on somewhat of a high from the woman I had free sex with in 2021. Before then, it had been 6 years since the last time a woman had sex with me out of true desire.

As for the general topic of civvies, there have been female coworkers I've flirted with (being work, I have to make sure I flirt in a way that could be passed off as mere friendliness, so as to avoid a complaint if she's not digging me). Then there have been a few women in my personal life who have dropped hints of maybe being into me.

For some guys, your OF strategy is ideal. For me though? One reason I use escorts is so I don't have to talk to her in between lays.

 

[GoodMan32]

@GoodMan32 for the record how much carry over bliss are you getting from an average paid escort? With me it feels like a nuke will be set off somewhere in my life if I were to visit one, lol! Its possible I may be processing an ideal of this rather than how these things are with someone used to that.

I wouldn't say there's a whole lot of carryover bliss.

Carryover bliss isn't why I utilize escorts. I utilize escorts to prevent myself from getting overly thirsty.

 

[GoodMan32]

@GoodMan32 for the record how much carry over bliss are you getting from an average paid escort? With me it feels like a nuke will be set off somewhere in my life if I were to visit one, lol! Its possible I may be processing an ideal of this rather than how these things are with someone used to that.

On the topic of escorts, I just started cruising an escort website, looking for my weekend escort. I came across a first: An escort's ad that says she ONLY sees black men (I point this out because we've discussed before how a lot of escorts refuse to see black men)

 

[corrector]

On the topic of escorts, I just started cruising an escort website, looking for my weekend escort. I came across a first: An escort's ad that says she ONLY sees black men (I point this out because we've discussed before how a lot of escorts refuse to see black men)

It is a white escort that probably has that too. Yes, on very rare occassions I do find such ads and also fap on them.

 

[GoodMan32]

It is a white escort that probably has that too. Yes, on very rare occassions I do find such ads and also fap on them.

It's a black escort. Her ad has a screenshot of a racist text she got (which is her explanation of why she's decided to only see black men from now on)

 

[corrector]

It's a black escort. Her ad has a screenshot of a racist text she got (which is her explanation of why she's decided to only see black men from now on)

Many guys who use escorts are racist but you still dont get reactions like that. It is still very rare to see an one code ad like that. Usually an ad will say blacks are welcome, or all nationalities are welcome or have a pic of her next to a black on the ad. Those will usually keep the racist whites out without a blatant negative ad (ie they dont like sharing their hors with other races).

 

[corrector]

I wouldn't say there's a whole lot of carryover bliss.

Carryover bliss isn't why I utilize escorts. I utilize escorts to prevent myself from getting overly thirsty.

That is why your hobby has sustained itself. You are not getting the full yield out of the session. If it were to blissful then it would make it too jarring when you get back to earth and you may find you are not the same and everything is different. The higher the high the deeper the crash back to reality.

 

[GoodMan32]

That is why your hobby has sustained itself. You are not getting the full yield out of the session. If it were to blissful then it would make it too jarring when you get back to earth and you may find you are not the same and everything is different. The higher the high the deeper the crash back to reality.

I contacted an escort. We have an appointment this evening.

 

[corrector]

I contacted an escort. We have an appointment this evening.

They hate no shows. That is one thing I know. I have an open appointment myself. She gave me the hours she is working and sent a photo. But I just like looking at the photo. Just knowing I could if I wanted to is good enough for me for now.

 

[GoodMan32]

They hate no shows. That is one thing I know. I have an open appointment myself. She gave me the hours she is working and sent a photo. But I just like looking at the photo. Just knowing I could if I wanted to is good enough for me for now.

If I understand correctly, are you saying you have an appointment you don't intend to show up to?

 

[corrector]

If I understand correctly, are you saying you have an appointment you don't intend to show up to?

No I did not say that. Some incall locations are walk ins so you do not need an appointment. You may know who could be working there at a given time.