Simp question about friendly cashier

[Igetit!]

Well El Stud,err......I mean corrector,I guess I'll throw in my two cents,since I've done a few approaches with cashiers. It's pretty contrary to the advice given so far,but it's good to get different perspectives.

Most of mine happened at my local Wal-(Super) mart. Run into the same type obstacles as you (lots of people in line/different line opened up before I got to speak to the cashier I was interested in,etc,etc) I've had some successes,but I have run into one issue I've yet to find remedy for.


First of all,you have to commit ALL the way. In other words,if you do make it all the way up to her,you need to either go ahead and ask her out,or just 100% not say anything to her at all. You can do the "Hi,how are you" line,but that's it....I meant NO SMALL TALK with her.

So,if you get up to a cashier....all the way up to her to where she's checking you out,but you got a line of people behind you,DON'T BOTHER. I just wait for another time.....meaning ANOTHER VISIT. People may say,"but you could miss out on her". Yes,this is true.....

And?

However,if you manage to get up to her to where it's just you and her alone,you need to pull the trigger and ask her out. I've done both of these....ignored her and waited for another visit when the girl was busy,straight got to the point and asked her out if she happened to be alone and had a bit of free time to chat. Now,the issue I have problem with that I haven't fixed yet is.......if you do straight up ask her out when you have a small window of time to speak is,you put her ON THE SPOT. See,she only has a small window of time to make a decision about saying yes or no before another customer arrives and she has to start back to work again.......and it's NOT GOOD for you to just be standing there waiting for her to answer WHILE she's working.

I haven't solved that issue yet. But yet,you either need to go for it,or just abort and wait for a better time. What you DON'T WANT TO DO.....is keep going up there seeing her,chatting with her...........and NOT asking her out. You don't want her to "get used to you"......to "get to know you" BEFORE you ask her out.

Ask her out while you're still A STRANGER to her.

I haven't asked her out, however, if I have the opportunity to do so again and things lead in that direction (the great rapport is maintained the next time I see her and it lends itself in that direction) then I'll certainly update this thread.

You don't get it. First of all,this "opportunity" you're looking for,you're going to have to CREATE IT. Then you said,"If things lead in that direction". No "thing" is going to lead there........YOU have to lead there. Let me tell you something..... Now this is going to sound simple,SO SIMPLE......it's going to sound STUPID,but here goes.....

You know what I discovered the number one way to get dates and women to go out what you is? It's to ask them out.
Yeah,you'd be surprised at how many dates you can get when you ask women to go out with you. It's remarkable. I'm SERIOUS.

No "thing" is going to lead you and a girl into the direction of talking about a date......YOU have to lead it there.

So far, we have some compatibility as it pertains to talking about movies.

Man.....if you keep talking about this trival stuff instead of what you REALLY WANT to talk about (you and her going out),don't be shocked if you get friendzoned. If you act like a friend,talk like a friend,behave like a friend,and have friendly discussions,you can't blame her for having "friendly" feelings towards you. If you never say anything romantic or sexual,you can't blame her for not feeling anything romantic or sexual towards you.

Again, the store did look very busy yesterday and I didn't have that many groceries with me so I can't say that yesterday was an ideal day for that.

That's fine,but if that's the case,you need to avoid her ALTOGETHER. Don't even be seen by her. I hope you're not doing this,but if you are,PLEASE STOP going up there and having "small talk" if you're not going to ask her out.


I realize what I'm saying may sound odd,and it's not what you've already been told,but I did say from the getgo it was going to be contrary to what you've already heard thus far.

What I've learned by this thread so far is that, as far as a value decision is concerned, it's better to wait in a line, or let people pass ahead of you in order to reach a cashier you want to talk with, than to do mental gymnastics about it and put everything to risk where nothing might happen as the opportunity itself is gone for that time. I think at least this is clear.

True. Only thing I'd add is,if you got 4 people behind you,don't let everyone pass ahead of you just so you can talk to the girl. She'll see you doing that.........and the "pick up" won't seem natural,it'll seem plotted and planned. It'll seem odd to her you're letting all these people go ahead of you,then when you do start a conversation,it won't feel spontaneous......AND she'll pressure to say yes when you do ask her out.


I think you'll be ok,just got some rough edges to work out.

 

[corrector]

Man.....if you keep talking about this trival stuff instead of what you REALLY WANT to talk about (you and her going out),don't be shocked if you get friendzoned. If you act like a friend,talk like a friend,behave like a friend,and have friendly discussions,you can't blame her for having "friendly" feelings towards you. If you never say anything romantic or sexual,you can't blame her for not feeling anything romantic or sexual towards you.

I disagree. The topic of movies came up because she wore a poppy after Remembrance Day and I simply started a conversation based on that and it happened I was looking at war movies on Remembrance month and a convo started on that type of thread. It might seem trivial or basic to you, but consider I'm not really talking to anyone else like that, and the fact that I'm also selling myself (ie if you are talking to someone your intelligence, way you express yourself, how you are thinking, can display value irrespective of what is being discussed). My Aunt also tells my mother the same thing, that when I speak I come across with a level of intelligence and I'm very articulate. Therefore, she may obviously have been impressed with the manner in which I spoke with her when talking about what you call a "trivial" topic.

If you look at the thread, there is no complaint that she's having friendly feelings towards me. If I was just another customer or number to her, then this thread would not exist because there would be nothing material to write about. I just don't see the friendzone as even an issue since it's nice to be connecting with someone inside a store and that can only add value to a day if there is a great chat rather than subtract value.

What is actually worst is if you feel pressure on someone and an interaction feels forced and not spontaneous because that would just kill everything. So the real question, is how do you get to a point where asking the order feels like its natural and spontaneous? With me it's like saying "you are really cool, we should stay in touch", and flip out the smartphone so she can write her contact info and number after there is maintained rappot.

That's fine,but if that's the case,you need to avoid her ALTOGETHER. Don't even be seen by her. I hope you're not doing this,but if you are,PLEASE STOP going up there and having "small talk" if you're not going to ask her out.

Well, it looks like this is what just happened! (There was no small talk since I went to another cashier)

The rest of your advice / comments is noted. Thanks.

 

[corrector]

Went to the pharmacy today and saw a plain hb6-7 Asian by herself where I was trying to get a prescription and I believe I got the following IOIs:

1) She initially had a blue surgical mask fully covering her face. While we were interacting she took this mask off.
2) She thought she recognized me from before, said my face looked familiar
3) Her overall tone and demenour was friendly and she went the extra mile to find a product that I was not able to get (or my father was unable to get looking on my behalf) in other locations.

I've complained about being invisible or not getting attention, but I do get counter-examples on occasion of what appears to be IOIs popping up here or there.

For example, in another store, a young 8 hb cashier tried to connect with me while walking out and explained in a loud pitched voice how she liked my shirt.

Now, based on the quality of that interaction (referring to the Asian), I do have her last name, and she might likely remember the interaction if I bring it up, so I don't think she's out of reach (ie unless she quits or is fired from the job tomorrow), so despite the fact I didn't make a move, the interaction was pleasant enough to follow-up with her. The only other issue is I don't have a default concept to make a move (ie should I just ask if she is single?).

Anyway, this at least breaks the idea that I don't get IOIs from Asians because of my race, etc.....

The thing is whenever I get IOIs, I just tend to freeze-up, look at the lady like she is some angel and just enjoy the moment with her with no intent to make a move or follow-up because these things are too rare that you wonder if you are in the Twilight Zone or something when they happen.

 

[SW15]

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

The bottom line for men is to meet women with jobs that work with the general public during their leisure time. Don't hit on them at work.

 

[corrector]

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

The bottom line for men is to meet women with jobs that work with the general public during their leisure time. Don't hit on them at work.

Do re-read the "bump post". The logic is that if a lady gives you IOI's that are interpreted as beyond what is expected within the business construct, then it's a green-light to hit on her. I can tell the difference between a business cordial interaction, and an IOI. Also, a lady can't ask customers for their number either like that so it's not expected they will be too aggressive with their IOIs but just enough for you to read between the lines.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

The bottom line for men is to meet women with jobs that work with the general public during their leisure time. Don't hit on them at work.

I disagree.

 

[corrector]

I disagree.

How many IOIs do you typically wait for before you make a move during day-game/unconventional/work/business setting where it would be more riskier?

Do you wait for strong or aggressive IOIs depending on the perceived social risk involved?

I would guess the rule of thumb would be 3 IOI's with at least one strong clear one in the mix? (This is assuming the girl is not approaching you). Do you have a default line (ie would you ask if she is single?)?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

How many IOIs do you typically wait for before you make a move during day-game/unconventional/work/business setting where it would be more riskier?

Do you wait for strong or aggressive IOIs depending on the perceived social risk involved?

I would guess the rule of thumb would be 3 IOI's with at least one strong clear one in the mix? (This is assuming the girl is not approaching you). Do you have a default line (ie would you ask if she is single?)?

I’ll try to think about this a bit. As I’ve done it so many times @ for many years. It’s pretty instinctual by now. Like asking me how to drive from home to work. Let me cogitate.

Yeah. Work is risky. So. I have to be pretty sure.

IOIs are pretty obvious. My friends and I would go to a certain cafe to hang out snd play card games. One of the cashier’s was very flirty & friendly to me. It was obvious enough for my friends to tell me: ‘Dude. If you don’t ask her out, she’s going to think you’re gay.’.

As for default lines. No. I never, ever ask about her relationship status, Unless she’s married. That’s not my problem. Girls cheat on their BFs. a lot.

 

[corrector]

As for default lines. No. I never, ever ask about her relationship status, Unless she’s married. That’s not my problem. Girls cheat on their BFs. a lot.

What are your default lines when you don't know what to say? Or do you just hand them your phone and ask them to put their info on it -- or ask them to put their digits on the back of the receipt?

Now, as my intentions are not hooking-up but looking for quality, I don't think I would be interested starting a potential LTR/marriage with a lady with someone who is cheating on her bf. There is just too much at stake for me to waste time with a lady if there is no future. Any new lady will be competing basically with my elderly and partially (temporarily) disabled mother where I've taken three months off work to take care of her. My mother would be on my nose with any new woman I'm dealing with. She wants me to be happy but I'm not sure someone that has a bad character from the get-go would be great PR on the home front.

My mother was even aware I spoke with that Filipina hor over OF and she freak-out and say I need to find real women on a Christian dating site or something, lol! Introducing her to woman who is willing to cheat on her bf next, lol!

 

[Hamurabimbi]

What are your default lines when you don't know what to say? Or do you just hand them your phone and ask them to put their info on it -- or ask them to put their digits on the back of the receipt?

When I was active in the military, we would do drills. For example, our platoon was on a forest trail and we started taking fire from a certain direction. What do we do? We did these so our response would be quick & decisive.
When I first started out approaching women. I would go to the beach and run through drills. For example: I’m in a grocery store & I see a cute girl pushing her shopping cart. I don’t want to have to ponder what to say. ‘oh those apples look really good. Which kind are they?’. At this point. I’ve internalized all that.

I mostly operate on an intuitive basis. If it appears the girl is interested, (And most girls, particularly younger ones, are easy to read. They get giddy and hyper. And babble. Older girls have a bit more control. A sly smile and double entendres are more likely) It becomes a dance of sorts. Where both parties give and take. I build off what she says and parry it back. I know it sounds kind of ‘New Agey’ but It’s hard to take something that I operate on a non-linear, emotive basis & make it rational.

There is a reason my organization uses me for PR, and client relations (even though I’m a clinician).

As an example. I went to a client location. Saw a RN I hadn’t seen before. I found her attractive. She always seemed super busy. I finally got a chance to catch her not running around. I said ‘you’ve got to be the busiest nurse in the whole ED.’. We started chatting. She was a traveler from out of state. Recently arrived. I said: Hey. If you ever want to check out SF. I know it pretty well.’. She said ‘Oh that sounds fun.’. She then got called away. I start doing my work. I wasn’t sure of her interest. It seemed vague. But. Even if she wasn’t interested. I felt my ‘pick up’ attempt was low-key enough not to elicit a complaint. About ten minutes later. She walked by where I was filing out my paperwork and said: ‘Oh. I didn’t get a chance to give you this’. And handed me a slip of paper. Her # was on it.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I never go after women who are being paid to be friendly to me, i.e. any woman serving me, whether she's behind a cash register or a reception desk or an airplane trolley or bringing me my coffee. I'm fine with it when they hit on me (preferably by putting contact info on the receipt) as long as they do that discreetly when I'm with my teenage daughter who gets annoyed when strange women give me attention.

 

[corrector]

Hired guns, people paid to be nice, simply does not register from an incel perspective. There are different ranges. The lowest range is a cashier just ignores you, takes your money, hands the receipt and then is super friendly to the guy behind you where you feel bad. Or she is friendly to everyone but clams up and gets cold when its your turn. There were times I felt tempted to call a.cashier a b1tch in the past. People behave like how they want because they want to. If they are nice with me beyond business cordial then it means they are interested. Fortunately, most of my bad encounters with cashiers (one of which I complained to the manager and got free groceries) was prepandemic. They were decent ones as well.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I never go after women who are being paid to be friendly to me, i.e. any woman serving me, whether she's behind a cash register or a reception desk or an airplane trolley or bringing me my coffee. I'm fine with it when they hit on me (preferably by putting contact info on the receipt) as long as they do that discreetly when I'm with my teenage daughter who gets annoyed when strange women give me attention.

Barista dating has gone mainstream. Starbucks allows baristas to give out one free coffee a day to a customer they find ‘cute’.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Jesus facking Christ on a stick, man; they're in customer service, and their job is to be friendly and get you what you need. It's pathetic how you examine every single thing a chick does. You define creeper.

You do realize these women go home and talk about "that creepy guy that comes in all the time" and that it's you?.

Stop imagining these chicks want anything to do with a guy that plays the race card every time he gets his chance, is a keyboard commando, is obese, thinks evil spirits live in prostitutes' vaginas and lives with his parents...

Seriously, thank God you've removed yourself from the gene pool.

Went to the pharmacy today and saw a plain hb6-7 Asian by herself where I was trying to get a prescription and I believe I got the following IOIs:

1) She initially had a blue surgical mask fully covering her face. While we were interacting she took this mask off.
2) She thought she recognized me from before, said my face looked familiar
3) Her overall tone and demenour was friendly and she went the extra mile to find a product that I was not able to get (or my father was unable to get looking on my behalf) in other locations.

I've complained about being invisible or not getting attention, but I do get counter-examples on occasion of what appears to be IOIs popping up here or there.

For example, in another store, a young 8 hb cashier tried to connect with me while walking out and explained in a loud pitched voice how she liked my shirt.

Now, based on the quality of that interaction (referring to the Asian), I do have her last name, and she might likely remember the interaction if I bring it up, so I don't think she's out of reach (ie unless she quits or is fired from the job tomorrow), so despite the fact I didn't make a move, the interaction was pleasant enough to follow-up with her. The only other issue is I don't have a default concept to make a move (ie should I just ask if she is single?).

Anyway, this at least breaks the idea that I don't get IOIs from Asians because of my race, etc.....

The thing is whenever I get IOIs, I just tend to freeze-up, look at the lady like she is some angel and just enjoy the moment with her with no intent to make a move or follow-up because these things are too rare that you wonder if you are in the Twilight Zone or something when they happen.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

If they are nice with me beyond business cordial then it means they are interested.

No.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If she looks at you like this when you’re ordering your latte. Ask her out.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I never go after women who are being paid to be friendly to me, i.e. any woman serving me, whether she's behind a cash register or a reception desk or an airplane trolley or bringing me my coffee. I'm fine with it when they hit on me (preferably by putting contact info on the receipt) as long as they do that discreetly when I'm with my teenage daughter who gets annoyed when strange women give me attention.

One of my roles is PR/Marketing/client services. I’m paid to charm clients. That hasn’t stopped girls from approaching (my current GF worked for a client and she asked me out). Nor has it stopped me from asking clients out.

 

[corrector]

Barista dating has gone mainstream. Starbucks allows baristas to give out one free coffee a day to a customer they find ‘cute’.

That's interesting. I could not find a reddit thread or google link to verify this. How did you get this info? It's not a surprize but I thought this was more case by case basis rather than an official policy in writing. Pre-pandemic and when I was younger I do remember the odd time getting a free coffee or free scone, but didn't think it was because the attendent saw me as cute. Now that's flattering to know in hindsight.

Like I said, I wish these type of things weren't so rare as I'm not seizing the opportunity but act like I'm in a relationship myself rather than a thirsty single guy, like I don't care. Rare positive interactoins things feel like a small lottery win, but not doing anything about it is like failing to cash in the big prize.

 

[corrector]

You know I've been looking at the interaction yesterday in hindsight and it appears she may have had some ring of some sort (looked wooden rather than metal) on her left hand ring finger. Maybe she was already married and taken anyway. Yeah, allot of times married women are friendlier because some of them give out flirty interactions but that's because they already have someone and are just happier people in general rather than a chad-hungry single women that get's b1tchy if you don't fit into her look's preferences. Therefore, I may have been mistaken in thinking she was available.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

That's interesting. I could not find a reddit thread or google link to verify this. How did you get this info? It's not a surprize but I thought this was more case by case basis rather than an official policy in writing. Pre-pandemic and when I was younger I do remember the odd time getting a free coffee or free scone, but didn't think it was because the attendent saw me as cute. Now that's flattering to know in hindsight.

Like I said, I wish these type of things weren't so rare as I'm not seizing the opportunity but act like I'm in a relationship myself rather than a thirsty single guy, like I don't care. Rare positive interactoins things feel like a small lottery win, but not doing anything about it is like failing to cash in the big prize.

I don’t remember where I saw the article. I rarely go to Starbucks as there are so many independent coffee places in The Bay Area that make better coffee & I’d rather give my money to. Also. Most Starbucks seem sterile. Local neighborhood cafes are more cozy & the customers seem more chill. Starbucks customers always seem stressed and in a hurry.