Gone cold

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys

I’m having a hard time figuring this one out.

had a great time with a chick from the past.

she came to Brazil, we stayed together throughout her whole stay. Mid April. About 15 days. She got amazed

then she went back to Portugal

no strings attached

she asked me to go there. So, naturally I bought the tickets and I’m about to go

we spoke online through all these period, but again, no strings attached considering we are both single.

now, I’m going this Friday, but about a week or so, she’s gone cold as ****.

she is still talking, but all the sparks and chemistry are gone.

what I’m guessing is that she ****ed someone which is pretty obvious, and is now with another mindset

the trick is that I’m going to stay in her house through my whole vacation, 20 days, and things are quite not the same

I’m also thinking that when I get there , I might be able to turn things around considering our history (we know each other for 20 years)

But anyway, things are weird, and I wish to know how to proceed online up until Saturday when I get there

and how to proceed when I get there. Should I confront her or not? Something like that

cheers

 

[CornbreadFed]

You are confused that someone across the ocean is not having fast feet to commit to you? You are either extremely entitled or desperate af.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I guess I haven’t made myself clear mate.
I’m going to her house in about 3 days

zero desperate
Zero entitled

just wish to know the best course of action when I get there

considering it got cold, and I’m staying at her place

 

[Gamisch]

Hey guys

I’m having a hard time figuring this one out.

had a great time with a chick from the past.

she came to Brazil, we stayed together throughout her whole stay. Mid April. About 15 days. She got amazed

then she went back to Portugal

no strings attached

she asked me to go there. So, naturally I bought the tickets and I’m about to go

we spoke online through all these period, but again, no strings attached considering we are both single.

now, I’m going this Friday, but about a week or so, she’s gone cold as ****.

she is still talking, but all the sparks and chemistry are gone.

what I’m guessing is that she ****ed someone which is pretty obvious, and is now with another mindset

the trick is that I’m going to stay in her house through my whole vacation, 20 days, and things are quite not the same

I’m also thinking that when I get there , I might be able to turn things around considering our history (we know each other for 20 years)

But anyway, things are weird, and I wish to know how to proceed online up until Saturday when I get there

and how to proceed when I get there. Should I confront her or not? Something like that

cheers

Oke there must be a disturbed relationship between you guys that goes on for years. After apparently 20 years you still dont know where you stand with her. So my first advice is to evaluate your own part in all of this. Secondly you must know that if you don't take action this vacation will become a bad memory. Yes, women are ungrateful. I bet you showered her with affection and being far away from home this must've been a great experience for her. Yet you cannot expect she'll return the favor..

Yeah, when a woman goes cold there probably is something going on. In this case she might've met someone. Not too hard to imagine as she lives across the ocean. I am just having a hard time understanding how something can go on for 20 years .

Now , there are a few options.
1.cancel the flight and take your lost.
2. get a hotel so you can move independently from her.
3. Call her out on this..

Lets look at 2 first
Its seems like she's passive aggressively trying to force option 2 on you. Because you staying with her at her place means you guys will have a short but intense relationship. Especially when she's seeing someone else this will be nearly impossible to do for her.

You could say I'll just stay at your crib and move independently, but she will make it a living hell for you. Expect no sex, no warmth and affection ,basically no cooperation at all.

Option3.
Depending how good you know her you should definitely call her out on this bs. Why dont you just ask her what's going on? She has to understand you're getting anxious af about this. If i knkw anyone for that amount of time I wont hold back in any way shape or form. After 20 years there should be some form of mutual respect. Call her out in this TODAY. Show some cojones!

Option 1. Cancel. If your ticket has a cancellation insurance ,use it. If it doesn't get a hotel.

Whatever you do make sure this trip becomes a great experience for you. And not a depressing, expensive memory. At the back end of all this is the question WHY do you even bother to chase a woman like this.

You are confused that someone across the ocean is not having fast feet to commit to you? You are either extremely entitled or desperate af.

C'mon now. Despite being naief he did nothing wrong. In a bliss she asked him to visit her, she he obliged. Then she does a 180 and goes cold. Hard life lessons to be learned but I can't see the entitlement.

 

[Gamisch]

He says no strings attached, yet ask questions that shows it isnt the case.. Gets insecure and thinks she hooked up with someone else.. 20 years and no move to take things further.. , I dont think he has the best interest in this woman. Seems worser then all the Beta Male Orbiters woman have on their Social Media. I think OP is deliberately witholding some information

I agree on the last sentence. And we can all imagine that 20 years she's the one withholding the relationship. I geuss a friendzone/orbiter type of situation. He invites her to Brazil OFCOURSE she wants that . Obrigado sucker. Comes back to Portugal and feels the "pressure" to invite him as the date comes closer and closer and she's refusing to take responsibility for making him buy a ticket.

But I am just trying to find a solution for OP because he already has the ticket.

 

[Barrister]

You are guaging this off texts? OP just go and enjoy the country. Have fun and stay outta your head. Best advice in this case. Hook up have fun.

This is the right move. On one hand I am a little unclear on what your relationship exactly is. You say it has been going for 20 years -- so clearly you have some considerable history. What that history is may influence what advice we would give.

Regardless, I think String nailed it. If you show up and she is in bed with another guy, I wouldn't flip out. I would just grab your sh1t and find somewhere else to stay and enjoy seeing Portugal and forget about her. And if you show up and she sees you DGAF she may shape up real fast.

 

[CornbreadFed]

C'mon now. Despite being naief he did nothing wrong. In a bliss she asked him to visit her, she he obliged. Then she does a 180 and goes cold. Hard life lessons to be learned but I can't see the entitlement.

This is common courtesy in generally every country I have visited. He just took it too far. He needs to calm down and slow down the brakes a little. They aren’t even this fast in 90 day fiancé.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Guys

I haven’t said I have a relationship with this chick for 20 years

I’ve said I know her for 20 years

she was a chick that went to school with me

that is it!

you guys are way to bitter!

I’m not withholding nothing. I just tried to be brief!

 

[Lotus Effect]

Since you need every detail in order to give a proper answer I’ll share with you guys

I met this chick in 2001. I was 13 she was 11

we hooked up for some time in 2010
Then again in 2014

then I started dating and then she moved to Portugal in 2016 and got married.

I’ve split with my ex January/22 and she got divorced august/22

she then came in vacations back to Brazil this march/23 and stayed the whole trip with me.
This was not planned on both of our sides

it just happened and it clicked.

she then invited to go to her place during my vacations, which are bound to happen in 3 days.

between march and now, we’ve communicated via WhatsApp, making plans on what we were going to do when I got there. From trips to sex, going through tattoos, and meals.
pretty much everything. Lots of hot pics as well

then, all of a sudden, about a week ago, it all stopped!

she became distant and cold.
She is responding, but very slowly, and without the spark
I’m guessing she got pounded!
Which means zero problems, since we are both single, and I’ve also forked some chicks in this meantime

But my question remains,
Considering the fact that I’m going specifically to her place, how should I proceed this next few days. And mos importantly, how should I proceed when I get there?

 

[CornbreadFed]

she became distant and cold.
She is responding, but very slowly, and without the spark
I’m guessing she got pounded!
Which means zero problems, since we are both single, and I’ve also forked some chicks in this meantime

But my question remains,
Considering the fact that I’m going specifically to her place, how should I proceed this next few days. And mos importantly, how should I proceed when I get there?

Dude I wouldn't even drive 5 minutes for a girl with lukewarm interest let alone across the Atlantic Ocean. Girls are more promiscuous and less prudish on vacations and you just happened to be the lucky guy this time. It happens, so take it for what it is and move on. It doesn't help that you are acting desperate af to her right now. It clearly shows in your posts, so I cannot even imagine what you are sending her through texts.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I’m not sending anything

Dude I wouldn't even drive 5 minutes for a girl with lukewarm interest let alone across the Atlantic Ocean. Girls are more promiscuous and less prudish on vacations and you just happened to be the lucky guy this time. It happens, so take it for what it is and move on. It doesn't help that you are acting desperate af to her right now. It clearly shows in your posts, so I cannot even imagine what you are sending her through texts.

I’m not sending anything because I’m not stupid

why the f are you guys so bitter!?

im alright in my game dude!
I only reply when she responds
I’m not a desperate man bombarding her with messages

On the contrary
im pretty chill

that’s why I’ve came to the forums
Instead of saying some stupid shi7 to her, I decided on sharing with you guys to evaluate the best course of action

in the meantime, I’m also silent

on the fact of the trip, there ain’t much to be done. The ticket is already bought, and there is no refund.

 

[CornbreadFed]

hy the f are you guys so bitter!?

im alright in my game dude!
I only reply when she responds
I’m not a desperate man bombarding her with messages

On the contrary
im pretty chill

that’s why I’ve came to the forums
Instead of saying some stupid shi7 to her, I decided on sharing with you guys to evaluate the best course of action

Chill guys with frame do not immediately buy a ticket to see some girl across the ocean based off a friendly ending gesture. Nonetheless, you already bought your ticket, so try and make the best of your trip in Portugal.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Why do you think I immediately bought a ticket?

she really insisted on me doing so dude!

and besides that, I’ve never in my life saw such a friendly gesture. At least not here in Brazil we don’t do that

And by that I mean we don’t invite people to come stay in our home out of education.

 

[Lotus Effect]

But then again,

I don’t know why I’ve wasted my time and yours with this topic

Instead of being helpful, it done nothing but annoy me even further.

you guys really need to take the stick that is up your ases and chill out.

all I wanted was to share a situation, and you guys go all over the place with uncalled for rudeness

 

[Gamisch]

But then again,

I don’t know why I’ve wasted my time and yours with this topic

Instead of being helpful, it done nothing but annoy me even further.

you guys really need to take the stick that is up your ases and chill out.

all I wanted was to share a situation, and you guys go all over the place with uncalled for rudeness

Yeah I just took 15 minutes of my time to give you a detailed response. But ,like women do, you were only affected by negative responses and you ignored it.I am out. Have a nive trip to Portugal. Great country. Sayonara bruh.

 

[Lotus Effect]

im sorry I wasn’t able to see the wisdom behind you acting like a dck

Tks anyway!

 

[Gamisch]

im sorry I wasn’t able to see the wisdom behind you acting like a dck

Tks anyway!

??? Wow. If this is a rsponse to me I am done haha. Good luck with this woman. You will pay the price for your attitude bro. She is that price. PEACE

 

[Lotus Effect]

Sorry mate!

I mistook you for Cornbread
Your response was actually really great!

 

[Dr.Suave]

Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst.

How to proceed is really up to you. If you arrive at her house and she is busy getting railed by another dude just shrug it off and go enjoy the city by yourself.

 

[Lotus Effect]

at any moment I’ve complaint about this possibility!

I knew this was a reality from day one.

And I’m okay with that. I’m single, she is single, we are oceans apart. It was bound to happen!

but I guess this is the best course of action.

Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst!

If I’m greeted with a cold shoulder, I’ll take my leave. My sister lives in Madrid, so housing shouldn’t be a problem!
Tks