Falling interest levels in LTR..confused.

[kookdekoo]

Hi, I'm in an LTR for last five years. Am 55, successful business owner, fit from gyming and have a varied list of hobbies and passions like golfing, hiking, photography, scuba diving...
My partner , who is also my age, has started showing confusing signs of late...refusing simple requests like wearing my favourite dress for no logical reason, stopped using terms of endearment, sex which was hot before has cooled and more perplexingly, refuses to do things in bed which she did before...like can't finger no more because apparently , with imcreasing age, the p**** doesn't get moist like before, no doggie style no more because strangely, it has started causing pain etc...what really gets my goat is that she seems to not enjoy my going down on her as much as before...
She however, insists on daily phone calls (40 minute) and also insists on early morning walks together. We meet daily morning for a brisk walk in the park and rendezvous on Saturdays for sex.
When I point out the lack of desire , she blames it on age and counters with " is sex all you are interested in ?"
How do I answer this question ? I can take a break without any emotional turmoil , so if that's the recommended course of action , I can do it.
So, two questions here for the forum :
1. How do I answer "Is sex all you are interested in" question and
2. Should I take a break ?

 

[Gamisch]

1. You already mentioned that you don't "feel It like before "? Women have their moods, and sometimes you have to cut them some slack. That being said;

2. Why dont you mirror her actions? She doesn't want to wear what you like, so you withdraw your attention by not engaging in daily long phone calls. Up untill the point where she asks you what's going on. Women have this tendency to only see how shyte affects them without looking in the mirror. What's new.

3. After such a time the relationship will always deteriorate. Its sad to hear for the younger crowd, as most hope the rules of the game will become..easier. but it doesn't. And especially your situation seems to be one that we men are working for today: to have a dope life with financial freedom. But that will never a guarantee that a woman will stay.

As hard as it sounds; be prepared to end this. I am not saying there are no possible solutions, but just remember that it COULD be already over. Which means all your upcoming effort will be worthless. Its on you whether you think its worth the trouble.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Hi, I'm in an LTR for last five years. Am 55, successful business owner, fit from gyming and have a varied list of hobbies and passions like golfing, hiking, photography, scuba diving...
My partner , who is also my age, has started showing confusing signs of late...refusing simple requests like wearing my favourite dress for no logical reason, stopped using terms of endearment, sex which was hot before has cooled and more perplexingly, refuses to do things in bed which she did before...like can't finger no more because apparently , with imcreasing age, the p**** doesn't get moist like before, no doggie style no more because strangely, it has started causing pain etc...what really gets my goat is that she seems to not enjoy my going down on her as much as before...
She however, insists on daily phone calls (40 minute) and also insists on early morning walks together. We meet daily morning for a brisk walk in the park and rendezvous on Saturdays for sex.
When I point out the lack of desire , she blames it on age and counters with " is sex all you are interested in ?"
How do I answer this question ? I can take a break without any emotional turmoil , so if that's the recommended course of action , I can do it.
So, two questions here for the forum :
1. How do I answer "Is sex all you are interested in" question and
2. Should I take a break ?

She is sh*t testing you. Sounds like she might be looking for a greater commitment.

Either way, you don’t need that crap. It’s a power-play and you don’t need that BS. Probably a good time to demote her to plate status and start seeing other women.

-Augustus-

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Loss of respect over time for whatever reason causes lack of attraction causes them detaching emotionally...

5 years is a long time. Sometimes relationships just run their course.

It's impossible to say why this may be happening without being in the situation but it usually is related to a loss of respect for you over time for some reason, or the increasing realization that you are two different people wanting two different things and that it isn't going to work out the way they had hoped it would.

 

[pipeman84]

1. My answer would be: No, of course not, but sex is an important part of a relationship. If it's not as desirable and not as exciting as before, it signals there are issues in the relationship.
2. I see no point in temporary breaks ... what do you hope to achieve with that? You're just prolonging the misery and postponing the inevitable.

stopped using terms of endearment,

what really gets my goat is that she seems to not enjoy my going down on her as much as before...

That suggests it has nothing to do with her age as she claims and all to do with her diminishing desire for you. Maybe she gets her sexual needs met elsewhere.

Now, you got together with a 50yrs old woman 5 years ago, and everything during this time has been hunky dory up until recently? Hmm, that's hard to believe. And the other thing, 5 years and you're still not living together? Doesn't sound like a woman who's into you.

 

[kookdekoo]

The only thing I can possibly think caused the lack of respect is familiarity. As the adage goes..familiarity breeds contempt. This is not my first rodeo obviously, but in all my previous relationships, I was a blue pilled , eager to please guy. For no reason but social conditioning. They all progressed as typically they do, with **** testing and creeping betatization. I woke up to the 'matrix' about three nonths ago, read Rollo's work and discovered this forum. Now, I know what's in play and hence, unlike in the past , am more proof to emotional turmoil. Essentially, my question is - is it possible , by mirroring her disinterest , to remedy the situation?

 

[The Duke]

Essentially, my question is - is it possible , by mirroring her disinterest , to remedy the situation?

In the short term, yes it works. It will help her become more aware of the situation. As a result she'll question the differences she is noticing and wonder what you are up to. She'll start thinking... Why isn't he giving me attention, why doesn't he want sex, why isn't he around as much, is there another girl?

In the long run, it doesn't solve anything. Mental games never fix anything.

You'll have to sit down and get her to open up about whats going on in her head. What the first tell you is wrong, is almost never the issue you need to focus on.

The most difficult thing is finding a long term partner that is willing to sit down and open up when issues arise. Its difficult for most people. Until we all learn to do a better job of this, we will continue having failed/strained relationships.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Kookdekoo,
The problems you are finding are par for the course in a 55 Year Old,she is probably
feeling quite insecure about what she recognises as an aging problem...She could discuss it with her Doctor maybe go on Hormone replacement therapy it can help.

 

[Ricky]

In the short term, yes it works. It will help her become more aware of the situation. As a result she'll question the differences she is noticing and wonder what you are up to. She'll start thinking... Why isn't he giving me attention, why doesn't he want sex, why isn't he around as much, is there another girl?

In the long run, it doesn't solve anything. Mental games never fix anything.

You'll have to sit down and get her to open up about whats going on in her head. What the first tell you is wrong, is almost never the issue you need to focus on.

The most difficult thing is finding a long term partner that is willing to sit down and open up when issues arise. Its difficult for most people. Until we all learn to do a better job of this, we will continue having failed/strained relationships.

This is so true. I have really spent the better part of the last year studying this phenomenon and it transcends all simplified red pill vs blue pill, alpha ve beta etc categorizations.

its multifactorial and challenging

 

[2rings]

I only had to read the title of this topic.

it means she has cheated on you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

just to confirm- you have been dating for 5 years and you do not live together?

 

[2rings]

By 5 years every single woman on earth talks to their girlfriends and they all say “5 years and he hasn’t proposed yet!?”

it is over for this guy. He does not know it yet but she is already cheating.

 

[Dr.Suave]

@kookdekoo
"1. How do I answer "Is sex all you are interested in?"

Agree & Amplify.

"Of course not. Im also interested in you making me a sandwich" maybe a bad example but change the bolded part to something clever/funny/****y

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hi, I'm in an LTR for last five years. Am 55, successful business owner, fit from gyming and have a varied list of hobbies and passions like golfing, hiking, photography, scuba diving...
My partner , who is also my age, has started showing confusing signs of late...refusing simple requests like wearing my favourite dress for no logical reason, stopped using terms of endearment, sex which was hot before has cooled and more perplexingly, refuses to do things in bed which she did before...like can't finger no more because apparently , with imcreasing age, the p**** doesn't get moist like before, no doggie style no more because strangely, it has started causing pain etc...what really gets my goat is that she seems to not enjoy my going down on her as much as before...
She however, insists on daily phone calls (40 minute) and also insists on early morning walks together. We meet daily morning for a brisk walk in the park and rendezvous on Saturdays for sex.
When I point out the lack of desire , she blames it on age and counters with " is sex all you are interested in ?"
How do I answer this question ? I can take a break without any emotional turmoil , so if that's the recommended course of action , I can do it.
So, two questions here for the forum :
1. How do I answer "Is sex all you are interested in" question and
2. Should I take a break ?

I honestly dated a pretty good looking early 50s woman for a while and I can tell you she isn't lying...menopause causes reduction in estrogen which can make the skin around the vagina thinner and more applicable to tearing.

Had the same issue that after sex she would be sore for a day or two because I would literally tear it a little bit just from fvcking her, and apparently doggy style was the worst for it.

In terms of getting moist, try some lube which can help with that and would allow you to finger her again most likely.

These are actual things that happen to some women post menopause and are due to changes in their body from a hormonal perspective.

In my case, that never stopped her from wanting to fvck tho...even if she was sore she would give me hellified HJs/BJs and loved to swallow and would do anal at times as well.

 

[2rings]

BackinGame give her coconut oil and it will improve.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

BackinGame give her coconut oil and it will improve.

Not with her anymore but if it happens again I will remember that...

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Hi, I'm in an LTR for last five years. Am 55, successful business owner, fit from gyming and have a varied list of hobbies and passions like golfing, hiking, photography, scuba diving...
My partner , who is also my age, has started showing confusing signs of late...refusing simple requests like wearing my favourite dress for no logical reason, stopped using terms of endearment, sex which was hot before has cooled and more perplexingly, refuses to do things in bed which she did before...like can't finger no more because apparently , with imcreasing age, the p**** doesn't get moist like before, no doggie style no more because strangely, it has started causing pain etc...what really gets my goat is that she seems to not enjoy my going down on her as much as before...
She however, insists on daily phone calls (40 minute) and also insists on early morning walks together. We meet daily morning for a brisk walk in the park and rendezvous on Saturdays for sex.
When I point out the lack of desire , she blames it on age and counters with " is sex all you are interested in ?"
How do I answer this question ? I can take a break without any emotional turmoil , so if that's the recommended course of action , I can do it.
So, two questions here for the forum :
1. How do I answer "Is sex all you are interested in" question and
2. Should I take a break ?

1. Why answer? Let her brain work some overtime. Women love drama, if you are to easy, you become uninteresting.
2. Breaks dont work for men. Only women need "breaks" when they have to find another dyck before they monkey-branch. So either break up for good or try something new.

Here is what i would do:
*Withdraw attention, cut that phone calls short, maybe cut down on the walks every other day, find something else to do in that time .... you are not getting the attention you want in that relationship (she refuses simple things like wearing that dress etc.) so she wont either get what she is used to.

*Stop fingering and going down on her..... why bother if it doesnt turn her on anyway? Maybe there are some medical issiues due to her age or maybe she has another guy.
You will most likely only find out if you apply some pressure and see whats your worth to her.
Change your behaviour, step up a notch on your grooming/dressing if possible, become a bit more elusive, invite new women on your social media/circle, go for drinks with "friends", make a trip with "friends" over a weekend without her, become the mysterious man she cant really figure out.

If she confronts you about it, play it cool and keep doing things to show her she is not in charge of you.

She will either come around and give your needs more attention if you are worth it or become a pain in the ass, at which point you will need to exchange her for a 45 year old.

 

[kookdekoo]

1. Why answer? Let her brain work some overtime. Women love drama, if you are to easy, you become uninteresting.
2. Breaks dont work for men. Only women need "breaks" when they have to find another dyck before they monkey-branch. So either break up for good or try something new.

Here is what i would do:
*Withdraw attention, cut that phone calls short, maybe cut down on the walks every other day, find something else to do in that time .... you are not getting the attention you want in that relationship (she refuses simple things like wearing that dress etc.) so she wont either get what she is used to.

*Stop fingering and going down on her..... why bother if it doesnt turn her on anyway? Maybe there are some medical issiues due to her age or maybe she has another guy.
You will most likely only find out if you apply some pressure and see whats your worth to her.
Change your behaviour, step up a notch on your grooming/dressing if possible, become a bit more elusive, invite new women on your social media/circle, go for drinks with "friends", make a trip with "friends" over a weekend without her, become the mysterious man she cant really figure out.

If she confronts you about it, play it cool and keep doing things to show her she is not in charge of you.

She will either come around and give your needs more attention if you are worth it or become a pain in the ass, at which point you will need to exchange her for a 45 year old.

Good, solid advise and that was the gameplan. I had planned to stop the walks and severly reduce the phone calls. And for future sexual encounters, cunnilingus was off the table. However, on Monday morning India time, while planning for the Tuesday rendezvous for sex , I decided to do some **** test myself and asked her to wear a skirt I like. She promptly responded with 'not possible' and on asking why , said she had laundered it and kept it on a high shelf. I asked her how long would it take to reach for it and bring it down , to ehich she gave a lame , " I'll wear it next time we go". Something snapped inside me and I told her that the relationship was dead in the water and I am breaking it off. Wished her well and said I didn't bear her any ill will. Thanked her for all the good memories and fun times.
After that , she's been burning my phone, apologizing and asking for a meeting at least. I have not responded yet.

 

[corsica]

A 55 woman knows her SMV tanked and should be thankful somebody is even talking to them.

Women, specially after menopause, don't have the same sex drive as men. She does not enjoy sex as you do. For them is more like "work". So for her to demonstrate the lost of interest is because she thinks she doesn't need to deliver anymore. Be it sex or even using a clothing you like. She's taking you for granted.

There is nothing to talk about. The only solution would be to make her know you're not a "done deal". By (pretending) to end the relationship, you showed you can walk away and now she's going crazy. Unfortunately women should be kept in check, knowing you can always walk away and find something better.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out what she wants. She will never be direct and it's not your problem. I'm guessing you're already doing your part in the relationship. Trying to mold yourself to what she says she wants will only make her lose interest in you.

At 55, I would look for a 40yo women at max. Seems like you have an interesting life that could attract women in that age bracket.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Good, solid advise and that was the gameplan. I had planned to stop the walks and severly reduce the phone calls. And for future sexual encounters, cunnilingus was off the table. However, on Monday morning India time, while planning for the Tuesday rendezvous for sex , I decided to do some **** test myself and asked her to wear a skirt I like. She promptly responded with 'not possible' and on asking why , said she had laundered it and kept it on a high shelf. I asked her how long would it take to reach for it and bring it down , to ehich she gave a lame , " I'll wear it next time we go". Something snapped inside me and I told her that the relationship was dead in the water and I am breaking it off. Wished her well and said I didn't bear her any ill will. Thanked her for all the good memories and fun times.
After that , she's been burning my phone, apologizing and asking for a meeting at least. I have not responded yet.

Good move!

There seems to be some interest for you left.

What are you going to do?

You gonna take her back? If you do so make sure to get a better deal for you out of this situation.

Keep in mind that your SMV is higher then hers and that you could get away with a much younger woman. You are the prize in this relationship!