Met a gorgeous girl at the bar last night, not sure how to proceed

[BPH]

My advice, and I mean this with all the possible support I can offer, is that you’re overthinking this a lot. I’ve given a lot of advice on this already here, the last thing I will say is this: go there later. Go at like 10 or so. Let the vibe develop. Let it get dark in there. (Cool) Backwards hat, jeans, maybe a sweatshirt or maybe have it around the waist. You wanna tap a frat girl you need to dress the part. Best way you’re gonna get this girl is by moving on with other girls. It’s inevitable that if you frequent this bar you will see her. I like Saturday night, you pick one night and you go. Do not be there too often. You need to be a sniper. If you want a bar to hang at go find one, but it can’t be where you’re going to go pull. You’ll develop a reputation, you will see the same folks and it won’t work. Just have fun, post up, let life come to you, be in traffic, do not be the toolbag out dancing all night walking up randomly on the dance floor. And for gods sake do not buy women drinks.

Thanks, just to clarify I'm not asking whether to go or not because of THIS girl, just in general since I don't usually go during the week, this being an exception seeing as there's only another week or so that it'll be fun before the summer where everyone goes home.

Though since it is the only bar worth a damn as far as women, in my opinion at least, it is the only one I frequent on the weekends so I'm sure it's too late to change my reputation, I'm sure I already have one. But yeah, I pretty much do what you describe; hang around behind the bar with the manager and staff, chat, drink, occasionally doing a lap to see if there's anyone I want to talk to, repeat throughout the night. No dancefloor at this place, much as I enjoy dancing I find that the places that offer it are usually crowded sweatfests with more beastly women than cute ones.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thanks, just to clarify I'm not asking whether to go or not because of THIS girl, just in general since I don't usually go during the week, this being an exception seeing as there's only another week or so that it'll be fun before the summer where everyone goes home.

Though since it is the only bar worth a damn as far as women, in my opinion at least, it is the only one I frequent on the weekends so I'm sure it's too late to change my reputation, I'm sure I already have one. But yeah, I pretty much do what you describe; hang around behind the bar with the manager and staff, chat, drink, occasionally doing a lap to see if there's anyone I want to talk to, repeat throughout the night. No dancefloor at this place, much as I enjoy dancing I find that the places that offer it are usually crowded sweatfests with more beastly women than cute ones.

I would stay on the customer side of the bar, I would not do laps hardly ever, and I would if possible find a new bar that has nightlife and go there late. The advantages are the following: nightlife brings out hot young women, and those women are going to be drinking. So by staying in traffic I am referring to posting up at that bar that they are going back and forth to in the most congested area in between dancing or whatever else they are doing. Befriend the bartender, ideally the hot woman but if it need be a guy so be it. The hot woman is going to be your best wingman because if you can make her smile and laugh you’re going to immediately reduce the tension of every other woman in there. (Wait until you take one home and come back and that bartender is there again, you’ll really have something to laugh about)When they’re next to you, you have to do your best assessments on whether or not you’re going to say something and how you’re going to do so. Again, having a friend here is really important. It takes the perception away that you’re literally sitting there fishing for women. Also try paying for drinks in cash. Guys in college don’t have cash. Subtle differences but they go a long way. I literally had one girl ask me once if I was in college and I was like I’ve got cash in my pocket, absolutely not. She ate it up. It’s a fantasy for a lot of girls, the older but not ancient older guy, the late 20’s mid 30’s (I’m 38) with their act together and fit, you just scream good time in bed. Go get ‘em.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

My advice, and I mean this with all the possible support I can offer, is that you’re overthinking this a lot. I’ve given a lot of advice on this already here, the last thing I will say is this: go there later. Go at like 10 or so. Let the vibe develop. Let it get dark in there. (Cool) Backwards hat, jeans, maybe a sweatshirt or maybe have it around the waist. You wanna tap a frat girl you need to dress the part. Best way you’re gonna get this girl is by moving on with other girls. It’s inevitable that if you frequent this bar you will see her. I like Saturday night, you pick one night and you go. Do not be there too often. You need to be a sniper. If you want a bar to hang at go find one, but it can’t be where you’re going to go pull. You’ll develop a reputation, you will see the same folks and it won’t work. Just have fun, post up, let life come to you, be in traffic, do not be the toolbag out dancing all night walking up randomly on the dance floor. And for gods sake do not buy women drinks.

Don't act gay either lol

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Thanks, just to clarify I'm not asking whether to go or not because of THIS girl, just in general since I don't usually go during the week, this being an exception seeing as there's only another week or so that it'll be fun before the summer where everyone goes home.

Though since it is the only bar worth a damn as far as women, in my opinion at least, it is the only one I frequent on the weekends so I'm sure it's too late to change my reputation, I'm sure I already have one. But yeah, I pretty much do what you describe; hang around behind the bar with the manager and staff, chat, drink, occasionally doing a lap to see if there's anyone I want to talk to, repeat throughout the night. No dancefloor at this place, much as I enjoy dancing I find that the places that offer it are usually crowded sweatfests with more beastly women than cute ones.

Just introduce yourself as "Hunter". Different directions you can go with this lol.

 

[BPH]

I would stay on the customer side of the bar, I would not do laps hardly ever, and I would if possible find a new bar that has nightlife and go there late. The advantages are the following: nightlife brings out hot young women, and those women are going to be drinking. So by staying in traffic I am referring to posting up at that bar that they are going back and forth to in the most congested area in between dancing or whatever else they are doing. Befriend the bartender, ideally the hot woman but if it need be a guy so be it. The hot woman is going to be your best wingman because if you can make her smile and laugh you’re going to immediately reduce the tension of every other woman in there. (Wait until you take one home and come back and that bartender is there again, you’ll really have something to laugh about)When they’re next to you, you have to do your best assessments on whether or not you’re going to say something and how you’re going to do so. Again, having a friend here is really important. It takes the perception away that you’re literally sitting there fishing for women. Also try paying for drinks in cash. Guys in college don’t have cash. Subtle differences but they go a long way. I literally had one girl ask me once if I was in college and I was like I’ve got cash in my pocket, absolutely not. She ate it up. It’s a fantasy for a lot of girls, the older but not ancient older guy, the late 20’s mid 30’s (I’m 38) with their act together and fit, you just scream good time in bed. Go get ‘em.

I'm surprised you'd suggest staying on the customer side. It's hard to paint a picture of what the bar setup actually is, but I'm not like WITH the bartenders to the point where people think I'm working. I thought it advantageous because I'll have some girls asking why I'm so special that I can be back there.

A better nightlife venue isn't really an option simply because there aren't any...Delaware is a pretty underwhelming state for nightlife. There are some other options but most of them are far away, expensive (Philly), or don't have much in terms of women. Delaware bars also close at 1AM, earlier than most states as far as I'm aware. The upside to that is it seems people "condense" their drinking to fit in that short window, so more people are drunker faster I'd say.

I could try the posting up suggestion. This bar has a "main" bar with like 3 smaller "side bars" so I usually go around to look and see if there are any cute girls there instead of where I am.

Thankfully the fact that I'm friends with most of the staff also includes the one attractive-ish bartender girl there. She's always happy to see me, gives me hugs, prioritizes my drink orders, sometimes does shots with me, etc so it sounds like that helps. Downside is she's usually at the back on one of the side bars which get less traffic, so less girls to put at ease.

I might be able to go out with a friend to some of these other bars but for the sake of this one for the remaining two weeks, probably won't have company unless they're off-duty staff. I'll try the cash thing too, usually I go card because I hate fishing for big or small bills.

Just introduce yourself as "Hunter". Different directions you can go with this lol.

?

 

[Divorced w 3]

I'm surprised you'd suggest staying on the customer side. It's hard to paint a picture of what the bar setup actually is, but I'm not like WITH the bartenders to the point where people think I'm working. I thought it advantageous because I'll have some girls asking why I'm so special that I can be back there.

A better nightlife venue isn't really an option simply because there aren't any...Delaware is a pretty underwhelming state for nightlife. There are some other options but most of them are far away, expensive (Philly), or don't have much in terms of women. Delaware bars also close at 1AM, earlier than most states as far as I'm aware. The upside to that is it seems people "condense" their drinking to fit in that short window, so more people are drunker faster I'd say.

I could try the posting up suggestion. This bar has a "main" bar with like 3 smaller "side bars" so I usually go around to look and see if there are any cute girls there instead of where I am.

Thankfully the fact that I'm friends with most of the staff also includes the one attractive-ish bartender girl there. She's always happy to see me, gives me hugs, prioritizes my drink orders, sometimes does shots with me, etc so it sounds like that helps. Downside is she's usually at the back on one of the side bars which get less traffic, so less girls to put at ease.

I might be able to go out with a friend to some of these other bars but for the sake of this one for the remaining two weeks, probably won't have company unless they're off-duty staff. I'll try the cash thing too, usually I go card because I hate fishing for big or small bills.



?

You’re too into your head my friend. Stop thinking, read some of what was suggested, try what you want, and roll with it. This should be a fun time. It’s turning way too much into a physics experiment

 

[BPH]

You’re too into your head my friend. Stop thinking, read some of what was suggested, try what you want, and roll with it. This should be a fun time. It’s turning way too much into a physics experiment

Got it, yeah I know. Thanks for the suggestions though, I appreciate the input

 

[MatureDJ]

https://open.umn.edu/opentextbooks/textbooks/1273

 

[xavier_2000]

Dude... like you care too much about what she thinks of you and about you.

You lost her already. You should've kissed her and told her you wanted to **** her. Instead of just acting like her girl friend lol.

Don't grab numbers unless you ****ed her. It will never go anywhere as she's gonna wake up and not even remember the night or what happened.

She doesn't give a **** about you so stop caring so much. Did she do the exact same thing to you? Did she talk to her friends about you? Ask her mom about you?

****.

 

[xavier_2000]

Just to be clear about the body count thing, I did NOT ask, she volunteered that. I think it came up when I asked about their boyfriends, assuming one of these guys was it, and she described how she's recently broken up and only had 3 bodies - I don't vividly remember but the point is I didn't ask, I didn't tell her mine, and she volunteered hers. I wouldn't have cared either way, but if it IS actually that low it might explain why she was coy about kissing later that night.

But ok, so your suggestion would be similar to my friend's: hit her up next week to go out. Sounds like the difference is he thinks I should take her out one-on-one and my guess is you think I should just have her meet me at whatever bar for drinks.


Well apparently she wasn't interested in anything that night either, hence my confusion.

Also..... Don't ever ask about boyfriends.

And never believe what they tell you bro.

Lol I'm being hard on this because I've been lied to so many times its thoroughly helped cement my don't give a F mantra bro. I've had girls say one thing and do the complete opposite so many times it's unreal.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is why we can’t have nice things

 

[BPH]

Also..... Don't ever ask about boyfriends.

And never believe what they tell you bro.

Lol I'm being hard on this because I've been lied to so many times its thoroughly helped cement my don't give a F mantra bro. I've had girls say one thing and do the complete opposite so many times it's unreal.

The boyfriends question isn't a big deal. I don't ask it in a way like I really care, but in a way where I assume they have someone already, and usually leads to them giggling going "omg no we're actually single haha" and then I go from there.

I won't discount that line because that was actually the opener I used on a girl and her friend that I ended up dating for a year.

 

[xavier_2000]

I won't discount that line because that was actually the opener I used on a girl and her friend that I ended up dating for a year.

Yeah all is good as long as frame is there

Idk I just don't even mention that word, Im usually not even gonna acknowledge the dude.

Had a dude say he's her boyfriend of 4 years, didn't even acknowledge what he said, talked to her and bagged her that night lol

There are alot of factors that could happen, could be a dude she met that night, idc.

 

[xavier_2000]

Yeah all is good as long as frame is there

Idk I just don't even mention that word, Im usually not even gonna acknowledge the dude.

Had a dude say he's her boyfriend of 4 years, didn't even acknowledge what he said, talked to her and bagged her that night lol

There are alot of factors that could happen, could be a dude she met that night, idc.

Again lol.

I've repeatedly gotten F'd over multiple multiple multiple times lmaoo

I just don't care anymore. I refuse to bow down to circumstances or situations.

Boyfriend = dude who committed to her.

I don't care. She single lol.

 

[BPH]

Just wanted to provide you guys a little update so you can get your "I told you so's" in.

I texted her on Thursday, something to the effect of "I want to take you out somewhere better than a frat basement. Come out with me tomorrow around 10". Never heard back. No big deal, ended up going to the bars Friday night and leaving with a cute new girl who just so happens to be bisexual. Figure I'll hit her up later tomorrow about when she has a free night this week.

Also never happened to see her out at the bars during this last week. One thing I noticed that made me laugh was that this chick unfollowed me on Instagram at some point after that. I got a chuckle out of it because as opposed to ghosting me, which required zero effort, she really decided to find and unfollow my Instagram because that wouldn't have been enough. Oh well.

Also, a quick little story to tell since this just happened the other night as well...for the first time (to my knowledge) I was double-booked.

Girl I f***ed maybe a month ago. She was transferring to NY and wanted a FWB and I mentioned I have a brother up there that I visit once in a while. It was a fun little night, f***ed a few times. Anyway, she was supposed to come out Friday night but didn't make it so I told her I wouldn't be out Saturday night but that she could hit me up later if she wanted me to come over. So she does.

Around 12:25 AM after a short conversation, she tells me she wants me to come. About 5 minutes later I tell her I'll text her when I leave. About 15 minutes later I leave, and another 15 minutes later I get there.

Over the course of those 35 minutes, she made other plans, which I discovered after I arrived and called her to let me into her apartment complex, because while on the phone with my buddy I watched her walk up with another guy. I kinda just laughed, the guy like nervously chuckled and she said "Well this is...interesting". I laughed, said "alright" and left, and text her to have a good night.

We text back and forth about how she thought I took too long to answer and was probably busy with somebody else, and how she really wanted me rather than this other guy. I told her unless she sends the college boy home I'm done talking to her because I'm not about to be double booked. No response.

This morning she sends me a novel about how they never hooked up and that she thinks she was drugged, apologizes to me, then tells me he was just there to take her to the hospital but she didn't end up going, so he left soon after. Right...haven't responded to any of that, don't think I plan to.

Anyway hope everybody's enjoying their Sunday, thought some of you might enjoy this read

 

[xavier_2000]

Just wanted to provide you guys a little update so you can get your "I told you so's" in.

I texted her on Thursday, something to the effect of "I want to take you out somewhere better than a frat basement. Come out with me tomorrow around 10". Never heard back. No big deal, ended up going to the bars Friday night and leaving with a cute new girl who just so happens to be bisexual. Figure I'll hit her up later tomorrow about when she has a free night this week.

Also never happened to see her out at the bars during this last week. One thing I noticed that made me laugh was that this chick unfollowed me on Instagram at some point after that. I got a chuckle out of it because as opposed to ghosting me, which required zero effort, she really decided to find and unfollow my Instagram because that wouldn't have been enough. Oh well.

Also, a quick little story to tell since this just happened the other night as well...for the first time (to my knowledge) I was double-booked.

Girl I f***ed maybe a month ago. She was transferring to NY and wanted a FWB and I mentioned I have a brother up there that I visit once in a while. It was a fun little night, f***ed a few times. Anyway, she was supposed to come out Friday night but didn't make it so I told her I wouldn't be out Saturday night but that she could hit me up later if she wanted me to come over. So she does.

Around 12:25 AM after a short conversation, she tells me she wants me to come. About 5 minutes later I tell her I'll text her when I leave. About 15 minutes later I leave, and another 15 minutes later I get there.

Over the course of those 35 minutes, she made other plans, which I discovered after I arrived and called her to let me into her apartment complex, because while on the phone with my buddy I watched her walk up with another guy. I kinda just laughed, the guy like nervously chuckled and she said "Well this is...interesting". I laughed, said "alright" and left, and text her to have a good night.

We text back and forth about how she thought I took too long to answer and was probably busy with somebody else, and how she really wanted me rather than this other guy. I told her unless she sends the college boy home I'm done talking to her because I'm not about to be double booked. No response.

This morning she sends me a novel about how they never hooked up and that she thinks she was drugged, apologizes to me, then tells me he was just there to take her to the hospital but she didn't end up going, so he left soon after. Right...haven't responded to any of that, don't think I plan to.

Anyway hope everybody's enjoying their Sunday, thought some of you might enjoy this read

told you so

 

[xavier_2000]

Right...haven't responded to any of that, don't think I plan to.

like a G tho

 

[Dr.Suave]

Also, a quick little story to tell since this just happened the other night as well...for the first time (to my knowledge) I was double-booked.

This is maybe like the most disrespectful thing I´ve seen on Sosuave. Definetely top 5.

I would demote her to be unwhorthy of any of my time or energy. The most she would get from me in the future would be a text with the words "Come over" if Im feeling horny.

 

[Ricky]

This is maybe like the most disrespectful thing I´ve seen on Sosuave. Definetely top 5.

I would demote her to be unwhorthy of any of my time or energy. The most she would get from me in the future would be a text with the words "Come over" if Im feeling horny.

Yeah but honestly nothing surprises me anymore. Women are non-commital now. They are always looking for the bigger or better thing and have fear of missing out. We can use this to our advantage of course.

Great example is a co-worker is having a party this weekend. Its to celebrate a major career achievement. Not one damn young woman at work can commit that they are actually going. It is a holiday weekend so i get it but it's also pretty illustrative of the planned flakiness of women now. They simply can't decide. Help them decide.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Just wanted to provide you guys a little update so you can get your "I told you so's" in.

I texted her on Thursday, something to the effect of "I want to take you out somewhere better than a frat basement. Come out with me tomorrow around 10". Never heard back. No big deal, ended up going to the bars Friday night and leaving with a cute new girl who just so happens to be bisexual. Figure I'll hit her up later tomorrow about when she has a free night this week.

Also never happened to see her out at the bars during this last week. One thing I noticed that made me laugh was that this chick unfollowed me on Instagram at some point after that. I got a chuckle out of it because as opposed to ghosting me, which required zero effort, she really decided to find and unfollow my Instagram because that wouldn't have been enough. Oh well.

Also, a quick little story to tell since this just happened the other night as well...for the first time (to my knowledge) I was double-booked.

Girl I f***ed maybe a month ago. She was transferring to NY and wanted a FWB and I mentioned I have a brother up there that I visit once in a while. It was a fun little night, f***ed a few times. Anyway, she was supposed to come out Friday night but didn't make it so I told her I wouldn't be out Saturday night but that she could hit me up later if she wanted me to come over. So she does.

Around 12:25 AM after a short conversation, she tells me she wants me to come. About 5 minutes later I tell her I'll text her when I leave. About 15 minutes later I leave, and another 15 minutes later I get there.

Over the course of those 35 minutes, she made other plans, which I discovered after I arrived and called her to let me into her apartment complex, because while on the phone with my buddy I watched her walk up with another guy. I kinda just laughed, the guy like nervously chuckled and she said "Well this is...interesting". I laughed, said "alright" and left, and text her to have a good night.

We text back and forth about how she thought I took too long to answer and was probably busy with somebody else, and how she really wanted me rather than this other guy. I told her unless she sends the college boy home I'm done talking to her because I'm not about to be double booked. No response.

This morning she sends me a novel about how they never hooked up and that she thinks she was drugged, apologizes to me, then tells me he was just there to take her to the hospital but she didn't end up going, so he left soon after. Right...haven't responded to any of that, don't think I plan to.

Anyway hope everybody's enjoying their Sunday, thought some of you might enjoy this read

I take no joy in your experience. Only thing that serves as a silver lining is that we learn sometimes by doing. Appreciate you’re putting it out there. Happens sometimes.

The one thing I would critique on style, and I watched multiple women all in shock this weekend (4 months later) hearing how it was so direct and authoritative , was your approach on the date request. You were close but you left it open ended. No open ends. The missing piece was the location, and the other issue was not giving it enough space on the calendar. You should have not been available for her the following day. So for example, “Hey Nicole, how about bowling at Dover lanes, next Tuesday, 8pm?”

You get one shot at a first impression. You can mess up a bit here and there but in the back of her mind will always be how you came on early, how you maintained frame and that you are treating her special because she is earning it.