Met a gorgeous girl at the bar last night, not sure how to proceed

[SW15]

The part my looks play in getting these women isn't lost on me, granted that was a conscious decision in and of itself as well; strict diet, regular exercise routine, seeing a trainer, etc.

You need to be proud of this as your dedication to fitness and enhancing your looks is impressive. Wheat Waffles would say that you've done the right thing by 'looksmaxxing'.

I did have something of a scare a few months ago where I went home with a chick after her friend introduced us, telling me she thought I was hot. I don't know how drunk she was because in the morning when she asked my age and I reminded her I was older she immediately went cold and didn't bother reaching out after that, leading me to wonder how much she remembers of the night before. That was the inspiration for the thread when I was asking about being older and going to a college bar.

A lot of nightlife venue approaches that result in same night sex do not result in a 2nd instance of sex. There are some reasons for that. Same night sex from a nightlife venue is often done somewhat intoxicated and late nights, so the combination of fatigue, alcohol, or drugs can affect the quality of sex. There are also some women that feel shame after an instance of same night sex and don't wish to repeat that.

She's hot as hell, I'd love to bang her, and I'll hit her up next week to see what the reaction is. I simply thought it not better to push through the resistance seeing as I wasn't getting enough signs to keep trying harder. Maybe her comment was an invite that I missed, I'll keep that for the future in the back of my mind. I have other girls I'm seeing so it's not too much of a downer, I was simply looking to understand the mistakes I made or how much of this was me vs things I can't control about her or what she's looking for.

The biggest upside is that you are a man of abundance. You have solid seduction skills due to your notch count and you will get many more opportunities.

It is likely that she will not reply to your text message or field your phone calls if you were to actually call her.

The upside is that in a moment of uncertainty, you played it safe and you won't need a lawyer for a court case.

Consider this a learning experience.

 

[Murk]

Aren't you the guy that made threads about how you couldn't get over your girl having had a threesome in her past? Or the one who was considering breaking up with your girlfriend when she went out without you when you drove her away? Hard to be sure since you've hidden your profile and I can't view your history.

Clearly you aren't "that guy" either, so I don't know why you think your input would've been so special.

What has me dumping my girlfriend got to do with anything? Where did I say I was that guy?

You can’t even seal the deal with some drunk college h0e and you have the audacity to post like you know your way around women? Your post clearly shows us you’re not that guy.

Don’t get angry at me you need this forum, your mother, your dad and your gay best friend to get pvssy. Smh at you bro, you actually surveyed your family on why you can’t get pvssy. Maybe start behaving like a man.

 

[BeExcellent]

I wanted to quote you but also provide a minor update:

She was not at the bar tonight, ended up f***ing a FWB then going to the bar for a little but there wasn't any talent.

To reply to your quote my first question is this: I've seen you reply to some people on here with the "old lady advice" thing and I'm genuinely curious, are you reading these with your wife and passing on her advice or is it something you do as more of a persona when handing out your own advice?

Also, I think things weren't going exceptionally WAY before the party. I was there maybe 5 minutes, if I messed up I think I messed up beforehand. Or maybe I didn't really have a shot and she was just being friendly and flirty, who knows? The fact that the conversation was her complaining about some other girl and shying away from my advances kinda had me thinking this might not be as much of a sure thing as I thought it was going to be.

I have her number, she and I have each other on Instagram, I'll hit her up later next week and see how that goes. If not, no big deal, I'm just overanalyzing the situation because if I did things wrong I want to know what they are so I can avoid doing them again.

That is fine. I doubt you’ll get a response. There are a number of reasons why.

1. You are not in her social circles (Greek)
2. You are not someone she can impress her parents or friends with (compared to Todd who is in law school or Gary who is pre-‘Med), living in your parents home.
3. She is very pretty so she has her choice of very handsome men. That is her normal.

As for me, I am a woman (now in my 50s) who was exactly like this girl you describe. Sorority, very pretty, more options than you can imagine, I knew everyone and was very social, although I didn’t and don’t over drink because if I do I get sleepy & go take a nap (which is a drag) so I typically drive to this day….I was kind and nice to everyone but I knew how to say no. You have to know how to say no because the abundance is so great as a beautiful woman that you literally could have sex anytime you go anywhere.

My avatar is me since turning 50 or 51. I still look the same.

I had doctors, lawyers engineers, hot club guys, businessmen, party boys, players, industry dudes, etc., etc., etc., after me All. The. Time. I was asked to be a little sis for one fraternity and another fraternity was pissed because they wanted me to be their little sis. The frats no longer have little sisters since the early 90s or so. I married a frat guy who also was a nightclub owner. And I knew everyone in nightlife in a very prominent nightlife city. I went to a school well known as “hot girl U” back in the day.

I use the tag line “advice from the old lady” as a tongue & cheek nod to my age, which I sometimes get razzed about here. But many of my guy friends are industry men or straight up players with hundreds of notch counts. These guys love it if I wing for them at times.

I’m currently engaged to a very handsome semi pro athlete (with a six figure day gig) who is 6’3” looks like a surfer, very smart, who is eight years younger and funny enough was in the frat I was a little sis to. His mother was in the same sorority as me too, so we have an occasional laugh about that.

So girls like the one you met, will run circles around you with abundance. Quit worrying about it & let it go unless you see her out again and she comes on to you. She was being her flirty friendly self, but doesn’t need to put out easily. She’s seen a mirror and knows she is hot. And she took you somewhere that she is safe among people she knows. Her girlfriend knew this about her or would never have left.

You’d be stunned at the amount of game this kind of abundance creates in a woman. It takes a certain amount of finesse to say no, but be so nice about it that a dude doesn’t feel utterly rejected.

I am the master of this. I’ve had to be. This chick sounds similar. My sister was a college cheerleader at a university that has won the national title in football in US. Her lifetime body count is less than the fingers on one hand. She married her college sweetheart and had only had 2 boyfriends before that. College cheerleaders are the ultimate fantasy of many many men. She’s no idiot. She knew that. She knew she had her pick of guys and was very very very selective.

If you can grasp this then these chicks you are freaking out about because they paid some attention to you are way out of your league.

These are often not ho’s and they are super selective because they can be.

Sorry so blunt. Cheers.

 

[BPH]

What has me dumping my girlfriend got to do with anything? Where did I say I was that guy?

The part where this thread is not worthy of your "wisdom or time" as if you have some cutting-edge insight when you yourself have arguably more insecurities when it comes to women than I do, I simply wanted to correct a mistake.

You can’t even seal the deal with some drunk college h0e and you have the audacity to post like you know your way around women? Your post clearly shows us you’re not that guy.

My mistake was not cueing into the "I'll want to f*** you if I kiss you" because I wasn't getting the vibe that she was interested judging by the conversation and her actions (not kissing me twice). I may have been successful if I pushed it a little further, or I may have been caught on camera on her sorority house porch trying to pressure a drunk girl into sex despite her rejecting my advances and being labeled by the sorority as a creep to look out for, or worse.

If you had taken half a second to read the post literally right above yours you would see that I do know my way around women, seeing as I f***ed one of my FWBs last night before the bar. Nobody has a 100% close rate, I just missed, that's all.

Don’t get angry at me you need this forum, your mother, your dad and your gay best friend to get pvssy. Smh at you bro, you actually surveyed your family on why you can’t get pvssy. Maybe start behaving like a man.

I have a very open relationship with my family, that's not for everybody and probably a byproduct of having to live with them, but the fact that I'm out late a lot or showing back up at weird hours isn't something I have to explain or lie about because they're aware of what I do, just not details. I don't take their advice, I just recounted my night and they provide their input. As for my "gay best friend" I guess you're personally attacking my friend who was giving me his advice? He's not gay but I see that you're not doing a great job controlling yourself here and trying to get personal with the insults so I'll leave you to it.

 

[BPH]

That is fine. I doubt you’ll get a response. There are a number of reasons why.

1. You are not in her social circles (Greek)
2. You are not someone she can impress her parents or friends with (compared to Todd who is in law school or Gary who is pre-‘Med), living in your parents home.
3. She is very pretty so she has her choice of very handsome men. That is her normal.

As for me, I am a woman (now in my 50s) who was exactly like this girl you describe. Sorority, very pretty, more options than you can imagine, I knew everyone and was very social, although I didn’t and don’t over drink because if I do I get sleepy & go take a nap (which is a drag) so I typically drive to this day….I was kind and nice to everyone but I knew how to say no. You have to know how to say no because the abundance is so great as a beautiful woman that you literally could have sex anytime you go anywhere.

My avatar is me since turning 50 or 51. I still look the same.

I had doctors, lawyers engineers, hot club guys, businessmen, party boys, players, industry dudes, etc., etc., etc., after me All. The. Time. I was asked to be a little sis for one fraternity and another fraternity was pissed because they wanted me to be their little sis. The frats no longer have little sisters since the early 90s or so. I married a frat guy who also was a nightclub owner. And I knew everyone in nightlife in a very prominent nightlife city. I went to a school well known as “hot girl U” back in the day.

I use the tag line “advice from the old lady” as a tongue & cheek nod to my age, which I sometimes get razzed about here. But many of my guy friends are industry men or straight up players with hundreds of notch counts. These guys love it if I wing for them at times.

I’m currently engaged to a very handsome semi pro athlete (with a six figure day gig) who is 6’3” looks like a surfer, very smart, who is eight years younger and funny enough was in the frat I was a little sis to. His mother was in the same sorority as me too, so we have an occasional laugh about that.

So girls like the one you met, will run circles around you with abundance. Quit worrying about it & let it go unless you see her out again and she comes on to you. She was being her flirty friendly self, but doesn’t need to put out easily. She’s seen a mirror and knows she is hot. And she took you somewhere that she is safe among people she knows. Her girlfriend knew this about her or would never have left.

You’d be stunned at the amount of game this kind of abundance creates in a woman. It takes a certain amount of finesse to say no, but be so nice about it that a dude doesn’t feel utterly rejected.

I am the master of this. I’ve had to be. This chick sounds similar.

Gotcha, ok so that explains the posts.

Three questions in response:

1. A lot of people, myself included, believe in the saying "you don't ask a fish how to fish, you ask a fisherman", my assumption by your being here is that you disagree with that?

2. Seeing as you're engaged and a woman, you're not exactly the target demographic of this forum. Are you just here to help guys out seeking advice or do you come here with your own questions too?

3. In regards to this girl, since you say she sounds similar to you, if you're not that interested in the guy, or at least not to the point of sex, why spend your whole night with him?

 

[DonJuanjr]

She said she shouldn't kiss you because then she would want to fvck you. There were so many ways to turn up the sexuality with her saying that and you literally turned off the stove instead.

IMHO, you missed a chance at fvcking her by interpreting that to mean she didn't want to.

I'm glad someone reaffirmed what I was thinking. I interpreted that as a green light to seduce her.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I'm glad someone reaffirmed what I was thinking. I interpreted that as a green light to seduce her.

This was after OP agreed to go to a c0ckblock venue (frat party where op is an outsider and she knows everyone). Without the forthcoming safety net of the venue, does she still say the same thing?

 

[BPH]

I'm glad someone reaffirmed what I was thinking. I interpreted that as a green light to seduce her.

Yeah that seems to be the pattern...noted.

 

[BPH]

This was after OP agreed to go to a c0ckblock venue (frat party where op is an outsider and she knows everyone). Without the forthcoming safety net of the venue, does she still say the same thing?

Honestly, I thought that could've been a pro rather than a con. I thought it would be like a dark place to dance and get drunker where she could hook up with me without being judged by her sorority sisters or something since she seemed insistent on me coming and lying that I was alumni - she could've just gone to the party without me.

AT the party where she kinda just went to say hi to a guy and ignored me, that's where I realized my thought was wrong.

 

[DonJuanjr]

This was after OP agreed to go to a c0ckblock venue (frat party where op is an outsider and she knows everyone). Without the forthcoming safety net of the venue, does she still say the same thing?

Does it matter if their emotions and desires change on a whim? She said it. Only way to find out is to escalate. Or am I wrong?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Does it matter if their emotions and desires change on a whim? She said it. Only way to find out is to escalate. Or am I wrong?

You still escalate of course but you gotta suss out fake or overstated desire even when true desire is fickle. If you have a better idea of where she's coming from you can calibrate better.

 

[BeExcellent]

Gotcha, ok so that explains the posts.

Three questions in response:

1. A lot of people, myself included, believe in the saying "you don't ask a fish how to fish, you ask a fisherman", my assumption by your being here is that you disagree with that?

2. Seeing as you're engaged and a woman, you're not exactly the target demographic of this forum. Are you just here to help guys out seeking advice or do you come here with your own questions too?

3. In regards to this girl, since you say she sounds similar to you, if you're not that interested in the guy, or at least not to the point of sex, why spend your whole night with him?

Fair enough questions. Here are my responses:

1. Nobody knows the environment the fish inhabits better than the fish. The perspective I offer here gives insight into that environment that you might not otherwise have. I want to see men around here succeed in their dating strategies and I find male/female dynamics fascinating. So consider it insider intel. I try my level best to be rational and well reasoned but also tell it how it is out of my own life experience. I’m not always empirically correct and sometimes around here we do not agree. That’s fine. It’s information for you to consider as I am only one voice.

2. I’m here to offer perspective and help. I found this forum in 2015 researching BPD (the man I was seeing then had a rich, crazy BPD ex wife who put him through hell)….I have always related to men well, having been very close with my father, who was a real man in every sense. Some of the things I espouse are wisdom from my dad, some from his mother. I also have a 21 year old son and two teen daughters who are in today’s dating market. So I pay attention to it. But to help is my intention. I typically do not have questions although I have started the rare post here and there.

3. Easy. It’s something to do. Apologies if that is ouch at all. You approached these girls & said something cheeky. So you passed on a cool factor there. Who doesn’t like hanging with someone cool? So you were interesting from an entertainment standpoint but not really someone who fits in her world in my view. Your issue is you expected that cool factor to get you the close but that is not how it works. That’s just one criteria of many that are required. So you were entertaining for an evening and that’s about it. It’s no different than having dinner alone at the bar in some nice venue on a business trip. Some interesting man strikes up a conversation and we chat while we both eat. He might be funny or intelligent and interesting. Ok. Makes for an entertaining evening. I’m not going home with guy. That’s where you’re at here. Your expectation for more is where the inexperience with this sort of girl comes in. Take it for what it is.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

3. Easy. It’s something to do. Apologies if that is ouch at all. You approached these girls & said something cheeky. So you passed on a cool factor there. Who doesn’t like hanging with someone cool? So you were interesting from an entertainment standpoint but not really someone who fits in her world in my view. Your issue is you expected that cool factor to get you the close but that is not how it works. That’s just one criteria of many that are required. So you were entertaining for an evening and that’s about it. It’s no different than having dinner alone at the bar in some nice venue on a business trip. Some interesting man strikes up a conversation and we chat while we both eat. He might be funny or intelligent and interesting. Ok. Makes for an entertaining evening. I’m not going home with guy. That’s where you’re at here. Your expectation for more is where the inexperience with this sort of girl comes in. Take it for what it is.

This is why you can't assume and need to perform compliance tests (subtle and calibrated, but necessary).

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm glad someone reaffirmed what I was thinking. I interpreted that as a green light to seduce her.

"Yes...you are right...that's moving way too fast, and I would rather you wait until you have all your senses available and are fully coherent before I run my tongue up and down every inch of your body until you curl your toes with pleasure and I whisper all of the naughty things I plan on doing to you in your ear."

Should have pulled her closer and whispered something like that in her ear and then as OP was pulling away nibble on her earlobe and kiss her neck...

Then calibrate based on her response. At that point it never should have just been to give up. It may not have worked but you needed to turn up the heat some more to see if she wanted to bake or get out of the kitchen. Your fatal mistake was you made made the decision for her.

 

[BeExcellent]

This is why you can't assume and need to perform compliance tests (subtle and calibrated, but necessary).

100%. Otherwise it’s just wasting his time.

 

[BPH]

This is why you can't assume and need to perform compliance tests (subtle and calibrated, but necessary).

100%. Otherwise it’s just wasting his time.

Thanks for the responses to my questions. I am a little confused by this part though.

Are you guys agreeing, saying I should have tried to turn up the heat to see if she was interested or just the night's entertainment before going to the party?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Thanks for the responses to my questions. I am a little confused by this part though.

Are you guys agreeing, saying I should have tried to turn up the heat to see if she was interested or just the night's entertainment before going to the party?

That's what I'm saying and I get the sense BE is too.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Aren't you the guy that made threads about how you couldn't get over your girl having had a threesome in her past? Or the one who was considering breaking up with your girlfriend when she went out without you when you drove her away? Hard to be sure since you've hidden your profile and I can't view your history.

Clearly you aren't "that guy" either, so I don't know why you think your input would've been so special.



The part my looks play in getting these women isn't lost on me, granted that was a conscious decision in and of itself as well; strict diet, regular exercise routine, seeing a trainer, etc. But I know plenty of good looking guys who are nowhere near me in terms of sleeping around because they do not know how to talk to women outside of being inebriated at the bar.

I have one friend who was 6'7", good looking guy, super friendly, and all the girls at my workplace were into him. But he never closed any of them because he couldn't talk to them unless he was wasted - the closest he got was a kiss I think with one of them after he was absolutely drunk off his a**.

I also know good-looking guys who have high body counts because they just bang whoever they can. I maintain more of a higher standard, though @Murk up there would seem to disagree based on this interaction.

As far as playing it safe, I mean yeah...maybe I could've got this girl maybe she was just being friendly and enjoying my company like @RazorRambo24 said...I wasn't getting that vibe when we started walking and she was just complaining about other girls, that was my first cue that she might be too drunk or just not as interested in us. I did have something of a scare a few months ago where I went home with a chick after her friend introduced us, telling me she thought I was hot. I don't know how drunk she was because in the morning when she asked my age and I reminded her I was older she immediately went cold and didn't bother reaching out after that, leading me to wonder how much she remembers of the night before. That was the inspiration for the thread when I was asking about being older and going to a college bar.

She's hot as hell, I'd love to bang her, and I'll hit her up next week to see what the reaction is. I simply thought it not better to push through the resistance seeing as I wasn't getting enough signs to keep trying harder. Maybe her comment was an invite that I missed, I'll keep that for the future in the back of my mind. I have other girls I'm seeing so it's not too much of a downer, I was simply looking to understand the mistakes I made or how much of this was me vs things I can't control about her or what she's looking for.

Don't bother with Murk; The guy is a complete clown. Here's a timelin of his posts summarized:

1) Breaks some dudes car window as a 35+ yr old man because the guy almost "backed into him" while hew as walking. Post read out like a teenager feeling so tough he did something to get back at someone. It was pathetically cringe and told me he has some little man complex/ low self esteem.

2) Says he met some 2 girls who worked at the gym.. barely interacted with them 1 time, but becuase he made a condescending face, one of the girls was crying.. he said they both really liked hima n could tell they were talking about him.. Almost the entire forum replied to clown him and joke how narcissistic this guy's perspective was.. he flamed and insulted every1 who responded.. literally every1. then when smoke cleared, he claimed he had a 3some with both girls in the same gym while they were working.

3) made a thread about how he is breaking up with his long term girlfriend because she cucked him with a list full of dudes she kept almost like a cuckmybf diary. dude was so insecure he was looking thru her phone when he found it..

4) The guy made a thread how he was seeing some new chick but thinking of walking away cuz shes had a 3some.. and that hes lookin for something serious when clearly the chick seemed like she was def not lookin for anything serious lmao

Edit: 5) Made a thread trying convince us the Earth is Flat.. (Someone DM'ed me this one, I had no idea)..wont snitch on who but wow.

He's the last guy who should be insulting anyone. Literally the last.

and yeah man this whole thread goes back to what I initially said about not giving attention to tiny stitches in time which don't matter. trying to analyze and figure why a girl did something can be impossible .. thats why you just focus on your successes because they'll take you forward and embrazen you with more confidence.

 

[Murk]

Don't bother with Murk; The guy is a complete clown. Here's a timelin of his posts summarized:

1) Breaks some dudes car window as a 35+ yr old man because the guy almost "backed into him" while hew as walking. Post read out like a teenager feeling so tough he did something to get back at someone. It was pathetically cringe and told me he has some little man complex/ low self esteem.

2) Says he met some 2 girls who worked at the gym.. barely interacted with them 1 time, but becuase he made a condescending face, one of the girls was crying.. he said they both really liked hima n could tell they were talking about him.. Almost the entire forum replied to clown him and joke how narcissistic this guy's perspective was.. he flamed and insulted every1 who responded.. literally every1. then when smoke cleared, he claimed he had a 3some with both girls in the same gym while they were working.

3) made a thread about how he is breaking up with his long term girlfriend because she cucked him with a list full of dudes she kept almost like a cuckmybf diary. dude was so insecure he was looking thru her phone when he found it..

4) The guy made a thread how he was seeing some new chick but thinking of walking away cuz shes had a 3some.. and that hes lookin for something serious when clearly the chick seemed like she was def not lookin for anything serious lmao

Edit: 5) Made a thread trying convince us the Earth is Flat.. (Someone DM'ed me this one, I had no idea)..wont snitch on who but wow.

He's the last guy who should be insulting anyone. Literally the last.

and yeah man this whole thread goes back to what I initially said about not giving attention to tiny stitches in time which don't matter. trying to analyze and figure why a girl did something can be impossible .. thats why you just focus on your successes because they'll take you forward and embrazen you with more confidence.

You're confused/outright lying;

1) I pulled the windscreen wipers off I didn't smash any windows, it was a stupid thing to do but I'd do it again.
2) Never happened, I've never approached any woman in a gym, confusing me with another poster
3) The list was all previous bangs, no cuckery involved, self-admitted my gut feeling was to look through the phone, dumped her
4) I'm not looking for anything serious with anyone I match on OLD/bang on the first night, why are you lying? I'm seeking a 9+ for LTR.
5) I also made a thread on the theory of gravity, and many other threads, what's your point?

If you go further back my threads are much more self-deprecating, I've posted much worse over the years and I've done some fvcked up sh!t I'm not proud of, but I don't claim to be something I'm not on here.

You're an ugly dude that smashes 5s and 6s, pretends they are 10s and contributes fvck all to this forum except your fantasies.

 

[BPH]

@Murk I don't care about your post history, I'm simply referencing it because your statement that my girls must all be ugly and you wouldn't "bless" my question with your time and wisdom is extremely pompous for somebody who's probably more fundamentally flawed than me.

No need to respond or argue, I got my takeaway from the others who decided to contribute; I should've tried escalating more before the party and pushing through the resistance when she made the "might want to f*** you" comment, I also should've left her and tried to pull somebody else at the party if I made it to that point although a better alternative would probably have been to simply not go.

@BeExcellent One last question. I know Rambo and some others think that's probably the only interaction I'll have with this girl, but I do plan to at least reach out to her later this week and see if I get a positive response. Even though she stopped me before leaving to make sure I'd text her and followed me on Instagram, which I know are minor things, I have low expectations. But since you think this girl is similar to how you were, what would "work" on you?