What to chat people up with?

[SargeMaximus]

Hey guys, been wanting to add this to my self but it’s hard because I don’t like banter. How can I chat people up without making it a commitment and without it turning into banter? Not sure if I’m making sense but thought I would ask

 

[Gamisch]

-say hi to everyone
- be ready to improvise (situational awareness)
- listen and ask questions
- dont avoid talking sincere to the men around her( even if its her bf)
- smile , be friendly and open
-dont expect too much too soon-
-have some good company.
- think ahead: new people might lead to getting to.know new women..

 

[SargeMaximus]

-say hi to everyone
- be ready to improvise (situational awareness)
- listen and ask questions
- dont avoid talking sincere to the men around her( even if its her bf)
- smile , be friendly and open
-dont expect too much too soon-
-have some good company.
- think ahead: new people might lead to getting to.know new women..

I don’t want conversations. I’m finding it hard to explain what I’m after here

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey guys, been wanting to add this to my self but it’s hard because I don’t like banter. How can I chat people up without making it a commitment and without it turning into banter? Not sure if I’m making sense but thought I would ask

Say hi to everyone, if you see something they are wearing you like comment on it and maybe ask where they got it from, ask them what they think of something relevant that is going on that day, etc...

 

[SargeMaximus]

Say hi to everyone, if you see something they are wearing you like comment on it and maybe ask where they got it from, ask them what they think of something relevant that is going on that day, etc...

But I don’t want to start a convo because people get too clingy and then it’s awkward to eject for me

 

[Billtx49]

I don’t like banter
How can I chat people up

But I don’t want to start a convo

First step here is to decide what you want and recognize what’s keeping you from doing it. A social life usually involves different types of conversations. Can’t go in two different directions at once …

 

[BackInTheGame78]

First step here is to decide what you want and recognize what’s keeping you from doing it. A social life usually involves different types of conversations. Can’t go in two different directions at once …

I have no idea what you are trying to do OP, those seem contradictory.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

-say hi to everyone
- be ready to improvise (situational awareness)
- listen and ask questions
- dont avoid talking sincere to the men around her( even if its her bf)
- smile , be friendly and open
-dont expect too much too soon-
-have some good company.
- think ahead: new people might lead to getting to.know new women..

be careful not to be formulaic. I was t the gym relaxing after a workout A woman came up to me and core dumped a whole ton of questions she likely read on some internet site. ‘what movies do you like? What’s your favorite food?…. it was clear what was going on. I had to force myself not to chuckle. But kudos to her for trying.

 

[devilkingx2]

I don’t want conversations. I’m finding it hard to explain what I’m after here

If you're trying to be polite without talking to people just say "hello" when you see them and smile then keep walking or look down/away that's it. Most people aren't going to go out of their way to engage in conversation if you don't. (The ones who really like you will)

If you're trying to get girls without a lot of small talk then what you're looking for is direct game. Use a direct opener and close ASAP after exchanging whatever you think the bare minimum basics in communication are.

 

[Mike32ct]

Banter is mostly for close guy friends ime.

I don’t think you need to worry about it for most conversation situations.

 

[SargeMaximus]

First step here is to decide what you want and recognize what’s keeping you from doing it. A social life usually involves different types of conversations. Can’t go in two different directions at once …

I’m not after a typical extroverted social life

 

[SargeMaximus]

I have no idea what you are trying to do OP, those seem contradictory.

Yeah I’m trying to explain it. I’m introverted and I’m not after this weird expanding socialization that comes with opening people, that said, I’d like to screen for people I want to spend time with in whatever capacity that means but it can’t be decided before hand (which is what direct game is), and it isn’t that weird expanding social thing where I get talking with people and now it’s awkward because I may not like them but we are in a convo

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Yeah I’m trying to explain it. I’m introverted and I’m not after this weird expanding socialization that comes with opening people, that said, I’d like to screen for people I want to spend time with in whatever capacity that means but it can’t be decided before hand (which is what direct game is), and it isn’t that weird expanding social thing where I get talking with people and now it’s awkward because I may not like them but we are in a convo

C'mon Sarge I know you've heard of false time constraints

 

[espanish]

Hey guys, been wanting to add this to my self but it’s hard because I don’t like banter. How can I chat people up without making it a commitment and without it turning into banter? Not sure if I’m making sense but thought I would ask

sounds like you are trying to be something you are not. if you don't like to chat with people about stupid pointless things then don't do it.

 

[SargeMaximus]

C'mon Sarge I know you've heard of false time constraints

Yes but that’s still an approach. I don’t want to approach.

like today, there were a few women I locked eyes with and we smiled. Then what? I don’t wanna approach becauseI’ve been through that before and it doesn’t work. So what just say hi and that’s it?

 

[tksniper]

Yes but that’s still an approach. I don’t want to approach.

like today, there were a few women I locked eyes with and we smiled. Then what? I don’t wanna approach becauseI’ve been through that before and it doesn’t work. So what just say hi and that’s it?

I hate approaching too.but I have good news for you. There is a misconception that men have to seduce women. This is coming from a low value perspective.

Romance is more like tennis. You hit the ball to her, but she has to hit the ball back for there to be a romance. If she doesn’t, you move on.

Don’t think of you Breaking the ice as approaching her. That’s way too much pressure and coming from the wrong frame of “having to do all the work.” Feeling like you have to do all the work is WHY men hate approaching.

Frame your breaking the ice as “I’m giving her an opportunity to play tennis with me.” Expect her to do 50% of the work. If she doesn’t hit the ball back and make an effort to continue the interaction, immediately disqualify her and walk away.

Your job is only to break the ice and meet her halfway. That takes all the pressure off. If you had the nerve to do this and She can’t even flirt back, then just walk away.

Even your question of “what to chat people with?” Is coming from the wrong frame because you are putting all the pressure on yourself to carry the romance.

But without a 50/50 dynamic, there is no romance.

 

[SargeMaximus]

I hate approaching too.but I have good news for you. There is a misconception that men have to seduce women. This is coming from a low value perspective.

Romance is more like tennis. You hit the ball to her, but she has to hit the ball back for there to be a romance. If she doesn’t, you move on.

Don’t think of you Breaking the ice as approaching her. That’s way too much pressure and coming from the wrong frame of “having to do all the work.” Feeling like you have to do all the work is WHY men hate approaching.

Frame your breaking the ice as “I’m giving her an opportunity to play tennis with me.” Expect her to do 50% of the work. If she doesn’t hit the ball back and make an effort to continue the interaction, immediately disqualify her and walk away.

Your job is only to break the ice and meet her halfway. That takes all the pressure off. If you had the nerve to do this and She can’t even flirt back, then just walk away.

Even your question of “what to chat people with?” Is coming from the wrong frame because you are putting all he pressure on yourself to carry the romance.

Yeah that’s more in line with what I’m after but the problem is, saying anything is outside my norm so im already putting more effort than normal if I do that. It’s quite the conundrum. How to do it naturally I guess is what I’m trying to figure out

 

[tksniper]

Yeah that’s more in line with what I’m after but the problem is, saying anything is outside my norm so im already putting more effort than normal if I do that. It’s quite the conundrum. How to do it naturally I guess is what I’m trying to figure out

For me, as soon as a woman looks at me with actual intent, I smile and wave. I don’t even say anything. If you can’t do this, then it’s not a matter of not wanting to approach, but a matter of lack of confidence, which is a deeper issue.

There have been so many times where I would catch a woman looking at me and I would just smile and wave back and leave it as is. In my mind, I hit the ball back to her. I don’t have to do anything more. And then later on the woman would actually approach me.

This is because the woman was actually attracted. She just didn’t know if I was approachable or emotionally available. By smiling and waving I make myself approachable and emotionally available and this takes all the fear away from her. And if she is genuinely attracted to me, she will try to seduce me.

 

[Xenom0rph]

A good conversation doesn't have to be a long conversation. And you don't need to get into a long conversation about heavy topics when you first meet them.

That scene from The Last Samurai where Katsumoto tells Algren "I have introduced myself, you have introduced yourself. This has been a good conversation" illustrates this.

When you first meet someone, just exchange some simply pleasantries and then move on. If you see them again, you can slightly increase the duration of the conversation.

Conversation should be natural, never forced, and never hold someone hostage and force them to stay in a conversation.

 

[SargeMaximus]

A good conversation doesn't have to be a long conversation. And you don't need to get into a long conversation about heavy topics when you first meet them.

That scene from The Last Samurai where Katsumoto tells Algren "I have introduced myself, you have introduced yourself. This has been a good conversation" illustrates this.

When you first meet someone, just exchange some simply pleasantries and then move on. If you see them again, you can slightly increase the duration of the conversation.

Conversation should be natural, never forced, and never hold someone hostage and force them to stay in a conversation.

I don’t want to have conversations.

For me, as soon as a woman looks at me with actual intent, I smile and wave. I don’t even say anything. If you can’t do this, then it’s not a matter of not wanting to approach, but a matter of lack of confidence, which is a deeper issue.

There have been so many times where I would catch a woman looking at me and I would just smile and wave back and leave it as is. In my mind, I hit the ball back to her. I don’t have to do anything more. And then later on the woman would actually approach me.

This is because the woman was actually attracted. She just didn’t know if I was approachable or emotionally available. By smiling and waving I make myself approachable and emotionally available and this takes all the fear away from her. And if she is genuinely attracted to me, she will try to seduce me.

I doubt I’m emotionally available tbh. The **** I’ve learned over the course of my life makes it almost impossible to relate to anyone.

But as for smiling and waving. Like I said, I did smile to 2 women today (one of them I saw twice and we smiled twice but she had a kid so fvck that), I don’t see why I’d have to wave, and because of the approaching I’ve done in the past I know that amogs can swoop in once you open a woman and muscle you out OR that can challenge you outright. I prefer to be covert for this reason