The moderators here will die alone because they are afraid of commitment

[SW15]

That has nothing to do with commitment, it has to do with common sense. Being with someone for 8 or 9 years doesn't mean that you are going to be together forever and if you felt so strongly about the situation you would be married.

Plenty of people separate and often get divorced after 10-15 years together, and 5+ years of marriage.

An 8 year relationship is a decent accomplishment. It would be a better accomplishment if it were an 8 year long relationship with a woman who was not a single mom.

 

[Robert28]

How convinced are all of you that she is looking for another guy? What is the reason for your answer if you think that?

Becsuse women are ALWAYS on the hunt for a bigger and better deal.

 

[devilkingx2]

I asked her 3 weeks ago if she is seeing another man and she sweared she isnt. Why are you so confident that shes gonna dump me and that shes looking for another man?

So she investigated herself and found that she did nothing wrong?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP you're not doing yourself any favors here by insulting the establishment, demanding the advice from "the best" posters here, refuting the advice given, and being thin skinned about it.

Maybe you should be a little more objective about yourself and the situation you're in, appreciate the advice given, and see if it can help you.

.... maybe lay off the caffeine too.

I don't know if it's caffeine. @Jesse Pinkman has been hard at work lately.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Lol wtf kind of thread?

 

[Grounded eagle]

I saw the thread, and with all due respect,there is nothing the best posters here could do for you.It’s a bad situation all around and it only ends up with you being the loser.

Let’s look at the tape.

You dedicated 8 years of your life to a woman who had someone else’s child.That’s already one strike against you.

You,at some point,lacked independence,so much so that you had no job and had to live with her.Doesn’t take a genius to guess what she thought about you from that point.That’s two.

She kicked you out and gave you a list of requirements to fulfill before you could be allowed back into her life.Tacked on some excuse about her son not liking you to boot.That’s three.

Basing off what you told us,this woman has no respect for you.Heck,you have no respect for you,otherwise why would you be fighting so hard to salvage an unsalvageable situation?Why do you want to?

Women see men through the eyes of others.Her dad doesn’t like you,she’s hiding you from her friends, and even her son doesn’t like you.What do you think this means?Would she do what she’s done to a guy she respects?


Whether or not she’s seeing someone else doesn’t even matter,she doesn’t want you anymore because she doesn’t respect you anymore. You need to come to terms with that and move on,because quite frankly you have much bigger problems than making this disaster of a situation work.

Blaming the mods won’t fix this.Only you can and that starts with you fixing yourself.

 

[soulforge]

Pathetic fellas aint they. This site is slowly dying off because they close threads all the time. OH WELL

Dying alone is better than being treated less than a dog.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

You are afraid of dying alone. Your life will be very sad if you don't change this.

 

[Epicwinguy]

Why do you assume it is rushed?

Because married guys are always like "OMG she's changed after marriage" and "No sex"

 

[MulteMach]

I forgot to mention in my thread that after she told me to move out that I chose to move 2 hours away from her in another state. She wanted me to continue living in her city and I decided to move further away. We never had a breakup. We are doing a long distance relationship. I dont know if this changes how any of you view my situation.

 

[Bible_Belt]

We are doing a long distance relationship.

It never works. A lot of us have had to learn that for ourselves, unfortunately.

 

[bat soup]

I asked her 3 weeks ago if she is seeing another man and she sweared she isnt.

Oh well, that´s OK then.

 

[BeExcellent]

Listen OP. Plenty of men come here because of whack situations. The guys get it.

Your situation is particularly whack. Here’s why.

You mooched off her for 2 years essentially. Nobody likes that. Over time she realized something. That she was actually enabling your laziness by letting you stay. You can bet your ass that all the other self sufficient adults in her life (family, friends etc.) were in her ear about this and frankly they were right.

I know this type situation well. I was married to a man who had a business, got screwed by a partner, had no real skills & degree to fall back on, and no assets and no drive to figure something out for our family. So guess what. I had a business and hoisted the breadwinner responsibility onto my own shoulders. He was a stay at home dad 10 years (for our children). He was lousy at being a house spouse. Lazy, messy, irresponsible and depressed. Nothing I said or did changed him. Until I filed for divorce 5 years after I explained X, y, and Z must change or I’m outta here.

As you might imagine while this continued I lost all respect for him as a man; as my husband. I felt sorry for him as a human being and I was kind. He took advantage of this and milked it until I acted. He didn’t even bother to hire an attorney.

I divorced him quickly and never looked back. He got a job. Makes little. I did not want my kids seeing me stay with a defeated man. Not the right example to set for our children. The kids are older now. They love their father but they also see the situation now accurately.

They understand exactly why I left. I am now engaged to someone else. Someone ambitious self reliant and neat. Qualities my first husband sorely lacked. But I didn’t know that til after we married.

You need to move yourself forward.

She will never trust you to lead the relationship.

Read that ^ again.

For THAT reason you are done. And of course she is telling you there is nobody else. She doesn’t want to deal with the additional conflict that creates. I’d bet she is seeing others. She would be nuts not to.

 

[MulteMach]

Listen OP. Plenty of men come here because of whack situations. The guys get it.

Your situation is particularly whack. Here’s why.

You mooched off her for 2 years essentially. Nobody likes that. Over time she realized something. That she was actually enabling your laziness by letting you stay. You can bet your ass that all the other self sufficient adults in her life (family, friends etc.) were in her ear about this and frankly they were right.

I know this type situation well. I was married to a man who had a business, got screwed by a partner, had no real skills & degree to fall back on, and no assets and no drive to figure something out for our family. So guess what. I had a business and hoisted the breadwinner responsibility onto my own shoulders. He was a stay at home dad 10 years (for our children). He was lousy at being a house spouse. Lazy, messy, irresponsible and depressed. Nothing I said or did changed him. Until I filed for divorce 5 years after I explained X, y, and Z must change or I’m outta here.

As you might imagine while this continued I lost all respect for him as a man; as my husband. I felt sorry for him as a human being and I was kind. He took advantage of this and milked it until I acted. He didn’t even bother to hire an attorney.

I divorced him quickly and never looked back. He got a job. Makes little. I did not want my kids seeing me stay with a defeated man. Not the right example to set for our children. The kids are older now. They love their father but they also see the situation now accurately.

They understand exactly why I left. I am now engaged to someone else. Someone ambitious self reliant and neat. Qualities my first husband sorely lacked. But I didn’t know that til after we married.

You need to move yourself forward.

She will never trust you to lead the relationship.

Read that ^ again.

For THAT reason you are done. And of course she is telling you there is nobody else. She doesn’t want to deal with the additional conflict that creates. I’d bet she is seeing others. She would be nuts not to.

So theres no chance at all of salvaging this even if she sees me doing better? Btw I was lazy around the house but I always paid for half of the rent and paid for all the groceries. I was also going to college full time while I was unemployed to better myself. I am proud I got a degree out of that time

 

[BeExcellent]

So theres no chance at all of salvaging this even if she sees me doing better? Btw I was lazy around the house but I always paid for half of the rent and paid for all the groceries. I was also going to college full time while I was unemployed to better myself. I am proud I got a degree out of that time

It’s good you got your degree. It’s good you got employment. Those are certainly positive things.

The real problem is how she perceives you.

The problem is that perception is reality on an individual scale. Unless she perceives you differently your positions in relation to one another will not change.

Example. I went to high school with this guy. A classmate of mine. Kinda geeky & kinda non descript. Always cool but not a standout. Also quite average looking. Nobody much paid attention to the dude. Well. He went out and became one of the most prestigious real estate brokers in the city. Married a gorgeous woman, is a high influence high status man everywhere he goes. He’s made it.

Obviously he elevated himself. But here’s what else changed: people’s perception of him.

Nobody much cared what he said or thought about things then. But now? People pay attention. Among our class mates? The guy is a big deal now.

The only thing that can change perception from her perspective is time & distance in combination with tangible results.

So this is the seminal reason you need to focus on yourself. I don’t care what motivates you, if the idea of her motivates you? That’s fine. But you must continue and habituate to the actions that create the results. And if she fades from your life in the meantime? So what? You create of yourself a man who is desirable to someone else.

Right now you need to get your habits right, work on yourself as top priority. Withdraw from her some while you do this. People don’t see change easily incrementally, think of a kid you see who you don’t see often. Suddenly that kids all grown up.

Perception. Her perception of you is the problem here. Only time & results can change that. And she may fade away.

 

[jaymbrs]

You all are being trolled so hard, it’s hilarious.

 

[Stuffnu]

You all are being trolled so hard, it’s hilarious.

Finally! Stop feeding the troll.
Either that or someone has arisen from mama’s basement.

 

[MulteMach]

You all are being trolled so hard, it’s hilarious.

and you are WRONG!!! Ive been here since 2008 under another name...Yeah back in the Rollo days. Something you probably know nothing about

 

[MulteMach]

I saw the thread, and with all due respect,there is nothing the best posters here could do for you.It’s a bad situation all around and it only ends up with you being the loser.

Let’s look at the tape.

You dedicated 8 years of your life to a woman who had someone else’s child.That’s already one strike against you.

You,at some point,lacked independence,so much so that you had no job and had to live with her.Doesn’t take a genius to guess what she thought about you from that point.That’s two.

She kicked you out and gave you a list of requirements to fulfill before you could be allowed back into her life.Tacked on some excuse about her son not liking you to boot.That’s three.

Basing off what you told us,this woman has no respect for you.Heck,you have no respect for you,otherwise why would you be fighting so hard to salvage an unsalvageable situation?Why do you want to?

Women see men through the eyes of others.Her dad doesn’t like you,she’s hiding you from her friends, and even her son doesn’t like you.What do you think this means?Would she do what she’s done to a guy she respects?


Whether or not she’s seeing someone else doesn’t even matter,she doesn’t want you anymore because she doesn’t respect you anymore. You need to come to terms with that and move on,because quite frankly you have much bigger problems than making this disaster of a situation work.

Blaming the mods won’t fix this.Only you can and that starts with you fixing yourself.

Fix myself how?

 

[Grounded eagle]

Fix myself how?

Change your attitude.Change the way you think about life and change the way you think about yourself.

You want to know what to change about yourself?It’s not hard to figure out.Look at yourself,look at your life.EVERYTHING needs to change.

Deep down you must know that that’s true.