No sex yet after 5 dates

[Bigrig]

This follows a post I made a few weeks ago:

Advice after second date

First time poster. Recently discovered the Rational Male and Rollo's content has really resonated with me. After living the oneitis life I've recently begun plate spinning and changing my mindset is working wonders for me. Anyway the reason for this post is to get opinions/confirm my...

www.sosuave.net

So I've been continuing to see her and we've been making out but when I try escalate further she gets awkward and doesn't seem to want to take it further.

I think she's the slow burner type but I know she is interested. On the fourth date she asked if we were exclusive which is very early in my opinion to be mentioning that especially before sex. I deflected. She is also catholic and goes to church so maybe that's a factor, I'm not religious myself but I know being catholic can mean different things depending on the person.

I feel that sex should've happened by now and don't know how much longer it will take and if I want to wait for that long.

Any advice on what to do? It seems she is in it for the long haul which I am open to but would like more benefits along the way.

 

[Murk]

How old is she and whats her relationship history? Unless she is a virgin, or you're going to be number 2, I wouldn't put up with this. I've ghosted girls who play hard to get after date 2/3.

 

[Bigrig]

26 and got out of a major ltr I think a couple years ago, maybe 1 year minimum. She also said "I don't really know what I'm doing" and that she was out of the market for a while until recently. Don't know how many people she's been with but it seems low

 

[threeforfree]

It's a judgment call, and depends on what you are looking for. Are you looking for, and would be completely up for, a suitable LTR? Or are you looking for quick lays? Don't ask her body count... but if you're in the field for LTR, you know that lower body count is better and you're not gonna find that with someone who gives it up in the first several dates. A true good girl will hold that back until she's sure. The problem is that you don't know if she's playing you or if she's REALLY a good girl, true good girls are few and far between nowadays.

And if she is a true good girl and you just want a lay, be honest with her and don't unnecessarily boost her body count under false pretenses. There's plenty of easy lays out there without helping to ruin girls that are trying to do the right thing, IMO.

 

[RBK]

26 and five dates no sex? Your paddling hard into the friend zone territory. Ive banged 21 year olds that night.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

5 dates is too many to wait. I can understand holding off on the 1st or 2nd but 5 dates is too long. Has she made every single guy she's ever been with wait that long?

 

[threeforfree]

Don't listen to any if this guy's advise

It all depends on what you're looking for. All I'm saying is to be honest about your intentions, not every girl out there is a 304. But they can be turned into one eventually. Are you saying that you should misrepresent your intentions to bed a girl that is looking for something other than hookups? So many women out there are OK with hookups, I see no need to misrepresent my intentions if that's what I'm looking for.

Should you go for it? Sure. But be aware that you might actually be dealing with someone who doesn't just give it away easily, and you shouldn't be dishonest.

Guys love to complain about women being broken, yet are often all about taking part in breaking them just for fun.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She would get one more chance from me and the second she stops the escalation I'd very calmly stop and tell her she has made it clear that she isn't into you in that way and that you wish her the best and hope she finds what she is looking for but that you don't have any more time to give her.

Then calmly get up and leave or ask her to leave if she is at your place.

If she has any interest in you whatsoever she will fvck the hell out of you after that.

 

[FinallyAlpha]

She would get one more chance from me and the second she stops the escalation I'd very calmly stop and tell her she has made it clear that she isn't into you in that way and that you wish her the best and hope she finds what she is looking for but that you don't have any more time to give her.

Then calmly get up and leave it ask her to leave if she is at your place.

If she has any interest in you whatsoever she will fvck the hell out of you after that.

This is the play here, OP ^^^

 

[threeforfree]

Yeah after 5 dates with no s3x him saying "yeah I just wanna have s3x with you" that will get him what he wants sure.

Nobody forces nobody to get laid, a guy doesn't have to feel guilty for following his desires, women do it willingly.

You're saying woman withholding s3x after 5 dates, gets weird when he makes a move, but then him paying for dates, dinners and stuff is not a broken woman, but a great one? Typical Madonna/wh0re complex.

Both are broken the woman for dangling the carrot and the man for being a moron that allows all that to happen and who is getting all those breadcrumbs, instead of him cutting his loses.

I was him at some point in the past, I know what I'm saying.

He doesn't need to be paying for dates, dinners, etc. If she's truly into him she'll be happy spending time with him without those $$ dates. Stop going out on expensive dates if you're not getting s3x. You'll know then what she is interested in... dating for dollars, or you as a person.

I am NOT saying that he should not attempt sex, or not move on if he's not getting it if that's all he's looking for. I'm saying that there is the chance that she is not giving it away to anyone easily, and if that is the case he should either move on or understand that she MAY be a rare one. But... don't lie about it.

There are so many women out there for s3x, I don't feel like I have to be dishonest to get laid. As a matter of fact I'm seeing someone now with a body count of 3. And I've been completely honest about it... she knows I am open from anything from short term to whatever, and that I'm extremely selective should I ever decide to go longterm. I never sold myself as wanting LTR with her... so I can do whatever with a clean conscience.

Pretending that you're interested in a LTR when you have no serious intentions of that just to pump and dump is pretty low behavior and I stand by that. Just say you're open to LTR but that comes much later, after you see how things go.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Keep this girl in your life, put her on the bench for now.. Girls like this can be solid plates later on -- Not every girl is a hoe homie..

If your're lookin for sex focus on other chicks but see where this goes.. if shes completely boring tho, dont waste your time and dont lead her on.

I been with every type of girl you can imagine.. and rarely are good looking women a complete waste of time. they all have different purposes/value.

p.s. you might not be able to crack her, but i prob can. the thing is, diff levels of game, and it all boils down to chemistry. if you can make her feel comfortable and sexual, she'll open up.. any girl will. ofc, some girls are just more modest and it takes time. with that comes some real quality traits.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She clearly is interested in you and not a whvre. If you are looking for a wife, the choice will be if you wish to proceed with this girl. If you want a more casual relationship, you should have ejected this girl already two dates ago.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of relationships/exclusivity.

This sounds like a power struggle and you are losing. She is low-key leading how things are going, you are not.

Having said that, I would pull back and focus on other girls and/or your hobbies.

 

[The Duke]

What are her views on sex out of marriage/relationships? What has she done in the past? Is she a diehard committed Catholic? Most Catholics drink and have premarital sex. I am one!

My gut tells me she is delaying sex because she isn't that into you.

 

[BadBoy89]

He doesn't need to be paying for dates, dinners, etc. If she's truly into him she'll be happy spending time with him without those $$ dates. Stop going out on expensive dates if you're not getting s3x. You'll know then what she is interested in... dating for dollars, or you as a person.

I am NOT saying that he should not attempt sex, or not move on if he's not getting it if that's all he's looking for. I'm saying that there is the chance that she is not giving it away to anyone easily, and if that is the case he should either move on or understand that she MAY be a rare one. But... don't lie about it.

There are so many women out there for s3x, I don't feel like I have to be dishonest to get laid. As a matter of fact I'm seeing someone now with a body count of 3. And I've been completely honest about it... she knows I am open from anything from short term to whatever, and that I'm extremely selective should I ever decide to go longterm. I never sold myself as wanting LTR with her... so I can do whatever with a clean conscience.

Pretending that you're interested in a LTR when you have no serious intentions of that just to pump and dump is pretty low behavior and I stand by that. Just say you're open to LTR but that comes much later, after you see how things go.

The girl is 26 and not a virgin.

Once she is not a virgin, she loses all leverage. Even if she wants a LTR, which is fine, she has give it up to keep him. 4th date she asks if they were exclusive and no sex? Come on.

I took this 37 year divorced women out for several times. After maybe the 4th date she asked “where are we?” I said ”what? You want a ring?” She said “I don’t know, I don’t know.” I said “honey, we havent DONE anything yet.” She dropped it.

Cant be a feminist Monday Wednesday Friday and a traditional girl Tuesday Thursday,

 

[Dr.Suave]

I said “honey, we havent DONE anything yet.”

D@mn, bro. That was a great answer. Did she eventually opened her legs?

 

[Stanley]

All that matters is what you want. (No i'm not advocating for you to use her in anyway)

If this girl is asking for exclusivity it means she likely won't sleep with you until that point. That isn't a bad thing necessarily and if you wanted a relationship I'd say that bodes well for a more 'quality' kind of girl. That said it has been some time since your last post and while you say you are open to things, it isn't clear what it is you want. I get the having your cake and eating it too vibe with the comment about wanting more 'benefit's. She knows you want to sleep with her and she will hold sex over you to see if you commit and aren't going to run for the hills after sleeping with her. It is the anti pump and dump defense mechanism.

If you are just looking for a lay then pop her on the backburner, if you dig her and want to see where things go you'll have to be patient, but you are likely to give this girl more power over you through sex. The best way to combat that power dynamic is to not care about the lay and outcome. If you are seeing other girls and getting your 'needs' met then you will care less about sleeping with this girl.

I disagree with this girl not being into you.

Going on dates for weeks on end and pushing for exclusivity is a definite sign of interest in the now and long term. I agree with you though that at your ages 5 dates is pretty quick for exclusivity. There is nothing wrong with these slow burn girls and they tend to be of better quality with stronger morals and ethics, but again if your aim is really the sexual component then it is never worth the wait.

Also if you think this girl has her head on straight and isn't messed up like most then don't make her broken like the rest.

 

[DonJuanjr]

If this girl is asking for exclusivity it means she likely won't sleep with you until that point.

Which is funny because that's from a desperate point of view. Wanting to be monogamous that quick would be a turn off to women, if coming from a guy... The funny thing is, "okay, we're exclusive... We have sex. Oh, we're not sexually compatible, so this isn't going to work". It doesn't really prevent anything...

 

[Stanley]

Which is funny because that's from a desperate point of view. Wanting to be monogamous that quick would be a turn off to women, if coming from a guy... The funny thing is, "okay, we're exclusive... We have sex. Oh, we're not sexually compatible, so this isn't going to work". It doesn't really prevent anything...

If it were the man pushing for exclusivity this early on (or at all frankly) than that would be an indicator of desperation and a lack of options no doubt. Assuming this girl is decent looking and she is in her 20s she very likely could have other options at the drop of a hat. Her wanting exclusivity could also be her attempt at locking op down as quickly as possible and taking him off the market. Her delaying sex could also be built on her upbringing and the conditioning she experienced. All we have is conjecture

Sexual compatibility can take time to foster. Not every girl is 304 who has spread her legs for some guy off tinder. Some people need to actually like one another and feel comfortable in their skin before they jump into bed with them. She could also be a girl who is 'reformed' (lol) and is now doing the classic -withold sex so I come across as a 'good girl' maneuver-

Personally after 5 dates I would move on or at least put this girl aside, but everyone is different and what you want changes with time.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Which is funny because that's from a desperate point of view. Wanting to be monogamous that quick would be a turn off to women, if coming from a guy... The funny thing is, "okay, we're exclusive... We have sex. Oh, we're not sexually compatible, so this isn't going to work". It doesn't really prevent anything...

I’ve met girls that operated this way. One girl in particular tried to do this to me. I ejected after the second date (wasn’t into her enough). She had a whole boyfriend just a couple weeks later. Then broke up with him less than a month later. He just accepted, then got his nut off and was cheating most likely. Her little monogamy rule didn’t change the inevitable.