when a girl says "yeah just text me"

[Stanley]

great post thank you. You seem super smart.

I am not lol

So I know you said that texting won't seem "over eager", but in this scenario (I said we should get dessert actually), it would be better to text her Saturday for Sunday, rather than tomorrow (Friday) for Sunday?


And by excuses, you mean, if she says no.. then try again in a couple weeks or so and if its still no then drop it?

Rest assured if a girl is telling you to hit her up then you are sitting pretty. You don't need to be so concerned with outcome

I think for you, just text her the night before (saturday evening) and hopefully her response puts you at ease. If she says no to the meetup and gives a valid reason give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she offers to reschedule. If she gives some excuse about being tired, busy or whatever else do not take it personally. Just leave the ball in her court at that point and keep on keeping on. Sometimes people have things come up that have nothing to do with you and people can genuinely just be tired even though they are interested.

That is why you give her one pass and no more and leave it up to her to reschedule so you avoid being strung along.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

I am not lol


Rest assured if a girl is telling you to hit her up then you are sitting pretty. You don't need to be so concerned with outcome

I think for you, just text her the night before (saturday evening) and hopefully her response puts you at ease. If she says no to the meetup and gives a valid reason give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she offers to reschedule. If she gives some excuse about being tired, busy or whatever else do not take it personally. Just leave the ball in her court at that point and keep on keeping on. Sometimes people have things come up that have nothing to do with you and people can genuinely just be tired even though they are interested.

That is why you give her one pass and no more and leave it up to her to reschedule so you avoid being strung along.

ok... yeah if it doesn't work out this weekend I'll probably play more long term and just do group meetups for 2-3 weeks and then see where things are.

But yes the thing with the "group dynamic" is she seems to be good at stringing a lot of guys along at once. Like 2-3 guys are always going up to her to talk and she's super friendly etc w them... that's why I want to try to just get it 1 on 1 with her to either see if there is chemistry or not, and avoid all this extra stuff.

Not sure what you mean by one pass? So if she declines or whatever just leave the ball in her court rest of time? OR ask her out 1 more time in a couple weeks and if still no then drop it.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP "yeah just text me" is an invitation to GAME her. How good is your text game?

 

[PlatoPacks23]

OP "yeah just text me" is an invitation to GAME her. How good is your text game?

not great? lol I was just planning to ask her out since she said that

 

[Stanley]

ok... yeah if it doesn't work out this weekend I'll probably play more long term and just do group meetups for 2-3 weeks and then see where things are.

But yes the thing with the "group dynamic" is she seems to be good at stringing a lot of guys along at once. Like 2-3 guys are always going up to her to talk and she's super friendly etc w them... that's why I want to try to just get it 1 on 1 with her to either see if there is chemistry or not, and avoid all this extra stuff.

Not sure what you mean by one pass? So if she declines or whatever just leave the ball in her court rest of time? OR ask her out 1 more time in a couple weeks and if still no then drop it.

She likes attention, all women do.

How do you not become one of those orbiter guys? By having initiative and not putting up with wishy washy behavior.

By allowing yourself to hang onto her for "2-3 weeks" you firmly plant yourself in the orbiter/friend zone.

You like her? want to date her? smash? You need her on a date. If she bails/flakes then you give her one pass, as in you let it go. BUT you do not reschedule, she does. That is leaving the ball in her court.

A hypothetical:

You "Hey, you wanna meetup today" ?

Her "Sorry! I'm really tired after last night out with friends, i'm gonna need a raincheck"

You "No prob! feel better"

And go about your day. if she doesn't offer a reschedule you need to cut your losses. Less you want to be strung along by a spontaneous attention seeking girl. Express no bitterness and DO NOT OFFER TO RESCHEDULE on your end. The ball is now in her court to make plans with you if she wants to.

Also, if you dig this girl and want to be more then friends be weary of being apart of this group where you claim she strings guys along. Toxicity will be a plenty

 

[PlatoPacks23]

She likes attention, all women do.

How do you not become one of those orbiter guys? By having initiative and not putting up with wishy washy behavior.

By allowing yourself to hang onto her for "2-3 weeks" you firmly plant yourself in the orbiter/friend zone.

You like her? want to date her? smash? You need her on a date. If she bails/flakes then you give her one pass, as in you let it go. BUT you do not reschedule, she does. That is leaving the ball in her court.

A hypothetical:

You "Hey, you wanna meetup today" ?

Her "Sorry! I'm really tired after last night out with friends, i'm gonna need a raincheck"

You "No prob! feel better"

And go about your day. if she doesn't offer a reschedule you need to cut your losses. Less you want to be strung along by a spontaneous attention seeking girl. Express no bitterness and DO NOT OFFER TO RESCHEDULE on your end. The ball is now in her court to make plans with you if she wants to.

Also, if you dig this girl and want to be more then friends be weary of being apart of this group where you claim she strings guys along. Toxicity will be a plenty

yeah definitely likes attention haha.

So you're saying if she flakes, then just ignore her in classes from now on? bc currently we do a lot of partner stuff together etc, but I see your point I think.

And for the bolded part, I agree. Already have guys giving me daggers whenever I talk to her, and I totally feel like I'm "competing" w them for her attention, hence why I want to go out w her 1 on 1 sooner than later lol.

But I could see this as an example below:

Example: I could see her flaking on this thing but inviting me to group outings with her "toxic group" lol so not sure how I would approach that, would appreciate your thoughts on that if this ended up being the scenario. she had mentioned that on the initial meet up that there would be more group things in future (I couldn't make it bc of work tomorrow), and then I asked her weekend schedule and mentioned stuff to do and she said "yeah text me"

 

[Stanley]

So you're saying if she flakes, then just ignore her in classes from now on? bc currently we do a lot of partner stuff together etc, but I see your point I think.

Nope! Act like nothing happened and that her flaking didn't phase you (even if it did). You don't need to ignore her, in fact that would make you come across as bitter and butthurt. Instead, accept things as they are and do not pursue. If she comes onto you or invites you out then by all means if you want to go, then go. Otherwise just pull back and be cool.

And for the bolded part, I agree. Already have guys giving me daggers whenever I talk to her, and I totally feel like I'm "competing" w them for her attention, hence why I want to go out w her 1 on 1 sooner than later lol.

You are always competing. Know your competition and size em up. Don't give into a state of comparison, but acknowledge that this girl has options. If she likes you and chooses you, you should be flattered, but remain in your frame. Know that even in a committed relationship an attractive women (or man) has options and you need to be on your game when your with em. Doesn't mean you need to be on high alert or anything of the sort, more like keep it in the back of your mind.

Example: I could see her flaking on this thing but inviting me to group outings with her "toxic group" lol so not sure how I would approach that, would appreciate your thoughts on that if this ended up being the scenario.

If you are content being friends and wanting to be apart of the group then go for it.

Let's say things fizzle out with her? Well maybe you get chummy with the group and new opportunities arise for social outings and meeting new women. She 'might' (slim chance) want to feel you out more in the comfort of a group, but then you should reassess if it is worth the effort/wait to begin with. It rarely ever is.

How old is this girl?

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Nope! Act like nothing happened and that her flaking didn't phase you (even if it did). You don't need to ignore her, in fact that would make you come across as bitter and butthurt. Instead, accept things as they are and do not pursue. If she comes onto you or invites you out then by all means if you want to go, then go. Otherwise just pull back and be cool.



You are always competing. Know your competition and size em up. Don't give into a state of comparison, but acknowledge that this girl has options. If she likes you and chooses you, you should be flattered, but remain in your frame. Know that even in a committed relationship an attractive women (or man) has options and you need to be on your game when your with em. Doesn't mean you need to be on high alert or anything of the sort, more like keep it in the back of your mind.


If you are content being friends and wanting to be apart of the group then go for it.

Let's say things fizzle out with her? Well maybe you get chummy with the group and new opportunities arise for social outings and meeting new women. She 'might' (slim chance) want to feel you out more in the comfort of a group, but then you should reassess if it is worth the effort/wait to begin with. It rarely ever is.

How old is this girl?

Ok act like all is well got it.

That's a good point about always competing. I guess I notice it less at bars, etc where I don't see same people again vs. a social circle like thing. She 100% has options, it's too bad honestly there aren't other attractive girls in group too with her. That's a good point about it all.

I guess the problem is that I truly don't give a **** about anyone else in her group of friends.. some of them are nice people and chill etc but obviously I don't need more friends lol. And in the group, no other attractive (single) woman. That's an interesting part about "feeling you out for comfort" more, I've only known her like 2 weeks or so, so it could be that. But already, I feel like soo much effort has gone into this. Not to mention her group does things like 4-5x a week (I only go twice a week) which is already exhausting for me.. so yes not quite sure if effort is worth it. Maybe once or twice at most go out and see if anything gets changed, but my main concern is spending 2-3 months on this establishing myself in the group just to end up not getting it, which would suck and be such a time waste.

Girl is early 20's, kinda immature ("spontaneous"), but really nice friendly.

 

[Stanley]

Ok act like all is well got it.

Act as if, but get to the point where it isn't actually a big deal.

I guess the problem is that I truly don't give a **** about anyone else in her group of friends.. some of them are nice people and chill etc but obviously I don't need more friends lol. And in the group, no other attractive (single) woman. That's an interesting part about "feeling you out for comfort" more, I've only known her like 2 weeks or so, so it could be that. But already, I feel like soo much effort has gone into this. Not to mention her group does things like 4-5x a week (I only go twice a week) which is already exhausting for me.. so yes not quite sure if effort is worth it. Maybe once or twice at most go out and see if anything gets changed, but my main concern is spending 2-3 months on this establishing myself in the group just to end up not getting it, which would suck and be such a time waste.

Not a problem, this is good. You know what you want and its the girl. So you go for her and get out on a date alone. Don't play the social circle game if there aren't any other girls worth looking at and you don't care for the people. Do not waste time and especially not months, drop the sniper mentality all together.
_______________________________________________________________________________
To go full circle
-Ask her to meetup sunday
(-If she flakes do not reschedule, let her )
-Remove the outcome dependent mindset
-Your only goal should be have a good time
-Get out of your head and the realm of anxiety
-Accept that things might not go as planned or workout and be at peace with that

We do not need to read into it any further.

Update the thread when things progress

 

[Divorced w 3]

Sunday is tough. I personally would choose a different day, maybe call her Sunday evening and set something up for a weeknight

 

[SW15]

try to meet up in a larger group setting?

No, one-on-one dates only.

I then asked her what she was doing this weekend and she said she was dog-sitting on saturday and pretty free sunday. I sadi there's a smootihe place I like if she'd want to hang sunday and she said, "yeah just text me"

Seems low interest and a high probability of a flake.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Maybe you are giving her "just friends" vibes. Maybe next time a girl says she´s "pretty free on x day" say something like: Great, Im gonna take you out on a date. Wear something sexy.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

No, one-on-one dates only.



Seems low interest and a high probability of a flake.

so it's not even worth asking?

 

[PlatoPacks23]

In general you should never make a date from one day to the next, because you should have plans already in place.

Hit her up Tuesday to go out Friday for drinks, or Wednesday to go out Saturday, only one on one interaction, never group dates if she says she can't, tell her to let you know when she's available and never text her again and move to another woman.

If she has high interest she will make it easy for you, if not there will be a bunch of excuses and you'll not be a high priority.

well todays Friday and plans (in theory) were for Sunday so better to text today than tomorrow then?

 

[dude99]

ok so would it be weird to message her on Friday afternoon about it for Sunday afternoon?

Just ask. Be direct. Be to the point. Avoid groups be one on one. Groups will do nothing but k0ck block you.

"Hey let's hang out Sunday. Let's grab a smoothie. I'll pick you up at XX- oclock."

Her answer will tell you everything you need to know.

 

[Stanley]

so it's not even worth asking?

No, still ask and find out. Is better to fail and have an answer then dwell in regret. Just hit her up

 

[PlatoPacks23]

No, still ask and find out. Is better to fail and have an answer then dwell in regret. Just hit her up

thought you were saying things were looking good? this other guy's saying the opposite

 

[Stanley]

thought you were saying things were looking good? this other guy's saying the opposite

Yes, I think if a girl is telling you to hit her up that is a good thing. As for interest level that is on you to assess. All we have is speculation from what you tell us. Only you can get the answers in real life. If you chose not to initiate you simply accept defeat and never realize what could have been leading to regret. So hit her up. She might flake since you said she is "spontaneous", but she might not. You won't know until you try

Again, if a girl is telling you to hit you up that is a good thing, not bad. Whether it be a platonic relationship or romantic someone telling you quite literally to interact with them is a good thing and shows a degree of interest.

 

[Gamisch]

thought you were saying things were looking good? this other guy's saying the opposite

You must be able to think for yourself bro...different members will have different opinions. You collect them all and than form your own.

Otherwise you should introduce this girl to @Stanley , so he can do all the texting, ahum ,"on your behalf".


Could you PLEASE text her now and get it over with? I hope you are not as anxious around this girl bro...i understand you dont wanna mess it up, but understand me that this fear to say or do something wrong is extremely unattractive.

Who the F cares if she doesn't respond how you'd like her to? Its just a freaking woman. There are ar least 4 billion of them. That's 4,000,000,000,000. You decide to chase a girl you go to class with, so now you want a foolproof waterproof method to feck her, while you know there's always a "risk " you'll get rejected.

If anything I advice you to leave her alone and focus on what need to be done in class. Teach yourself to be a professional who isnt controlled by his D. Get women from other places.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You must be able to think for yourself bro...different members will have different opinions. You collect them all and thab form your own.

Otherwise you should introduce this girl to @Stanley , so he can do all the texting, ahum ,"on your behalf".


Could you PLEASE text her now and get it over with? I hope you are not as anxious around this girl bro...i understand you dont wanna mess it up, but understand me that this fear to say or do something wrong is extremely unattractive.

Who the F cares if she doesn't respond how you'd like her to? Its just a freaking woman. There are ar least 4 billion of them. That's 4,000,000,000,000. You decide to chase a girl you go to class with, so now you want a foolproof waterproof method to feck her, while you know there's always a "risk " you'll get rejected.

If anything I advice you to leave her alone and focus on what need to be done in class. Teach yourself to be a professional who isnt controlled by his D. Get women from other places.

OP needs to see an escort and then resume gaming afterwards.