Not Invited to Social Circle Party Because I Hit on Girls

[CollegeMan22]

So I was at a house party a week ago and was having a good time and drinking. I wasn't heavily drunk, but definitely enough to get my game gears into overdrive. I was teasing girls and giving them a hard time. They were touching me and hitting my backward cap off.

Then I went to the couch and there were 2 girls sitting there. There was another girl standing. I was testing the 2 girls on the couch, both of which had BFs, asking if they did sports. They said they played badminton. Then I asked if they were winners or losers. They said losers. I pulled in standing friend and asked her too. She seemed pretty emotional and said "yeah, I'm a winner!". I proceeded to keep hard teasing her. We made heavy eye contact several times, after which I would move my arm to make her blink, telling her "you lose!". She was having a good time. One time we had a staring contest for 20 seconds and at the end she tried to make me blink but I was super stoic and didn't move a muscle. She was pretty surprised about that.

I didn't think I would pull her, but I just enjoy teasing girls. It was a fun time. When she left, I was facing away from her. She punched me in the arm and said "Aren't you going to say bye?". So she must have enjoyed my teasing.

So now it's a week later, and I hear there is a party next Saturday. But then my friend who let that slip out is immediately silent and doesn't give me any info. I see the girl in the hallway who's hosting it (I've gone out with her and kissed before) and I asked if I could come. She says "Oh, but will you hit on girls again?! There's my younger friends there and I don't want that happening". It seems like the girl crew gossiped and now they "know" about me. I didn't get to talk to her about it much more because she had class immediately after I saw her.

What's the best move here? What should I tell the host who doesn't want me hitting on girls?

 

[SW15]

Who needs social circle drama if you're solely going for shorter term sex and plate spinning? This social circle party is likely worth skipping.

Social circle is best for finding a medium to longer term exclusive girlfriend.

 

[jaymbrs]

How about stop flirting with all the girls at these parties, including the unavailable ones. From the sound of it, it's a party of friends, not a night club.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If there was a movie about a college student kicked out of school for a false rape allegation, you would have just written the first few scenes.

 

[Stanley]

Just tone it back Stiffler

It sounds like the read of the room came across as "this dude is just here to pull" and it was amongst friends. Pick your battles wisely. I'd avoid hitting on the majority of em less you want the impression of being the horny dude, it 'might' also come across as desperation...

That said it sounds like some of the girls had fun with you right? Don't read into to the whole thing too much. All it takes is one bad apple to say "this guy made me uncomfortable" and you're out. I'd just play it off like nothing and be cool. Don't press your 'friend' or the host about anything. Dial everything back a bit. You're bound to see some of these people again and if they're actual friends they'll eventually look past it. They probably deemed your behavior as inappropriate which it might've been from the sounds of it. No shame in trying to do your thing, I just wouldn't pull that unless your okay with the repercussions or have the ability to recover.

I agree with @SW15, social circle is good for relationships and just meeting people in general. From those circles opportunities may arise, but if you are looking for hookups i'd be more selective and look elsewhere. Also, getting involved with girls that are in the social group can be a can of worms and slippery slope. Let's say you bang one, she catches feelings, she wants more, you don't. Then you are ousted as an ******* and kicked from the group. Seen it happen time and time again and have been on the receiving end of it... Tread carefully

Then I went to the couch and there were 2 girls sitting there. There was another girl standing. I was testing the 2 girls on the couch, both of which had BFs, asking if they did sports. They said they played badminton.

LOL, this made me laugh

 

[Macadellic]

Host your own parties

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Don't clock anybody let them all clock you...
Don't be down with anybody let them all be down with you...
Stay self managed, self kept, self taught...
Be your own man don't be followed don't be bought...

 

[corrector]

You should bring your cousin or sister or friend to the party rather than looking like a desperate horndog. You do have some female contact you can bring along?

 

[CollegeMan22]

How about stop flirting with all the girls at these parties, including the unavailable ones. From the sound of it, it's a party of friends, not a night club.

Yeah I see your point. The problem is that all of the night game advice on here and in Game books tells you to be ballsy and flirtatious. So that’s what I did instead of sitting in the corner and drinking alone.

I personally don’t see a problem with it. After all, I think some of the girls had a fun time. But when some don’t, they gossip like crazy as girls tend to do.

The best response is obviously not to care. Do more cold approach. Admit that I ran social circle game too hard. Be a little more cautious next time and just get their number instead if we vibe well together.

I also tend to become super teasing and ******* to girls when drunk. That’s probably good in the bar but not at friends’ parties.

 

[SW15]

It sounds like the read of the room came across as "this dude is just here to pull" and it was amongst friends. Pick your battles wisely. I'd avoid hitting on the majority of em less you want the impression of being the horny dude, it 'might' also come across as desperation...

From those circles opportunities may arise, but if you are looking for hookups i'd be more selective and look elsewhere. Also, getting involved with girls that are in the social group can be a can of worms and slippery slope. Let's say you bang one, she catches feelings, she wants more, you don't. Then you are ousted as an ******* and kicked from the group. Seen it happen time and time again and have been on the receiving end of it... Tread carefully

They probably deemed your behavior as inappropriate which it might've been from the sounds of it. No shame in trying to do your thing, I just wouldn't pull that unless your okay with the repercussions or have the ability to recover.

Women in Gen Z (the age cohort of @CollegeMan22 and his peers) are super sensitive about this sort of stuff. It's a long term trend, as I saw this sort of stuff get frowned upon in Millennial social circles many years ago.

I agree with @SW15, social circle is good for relationships and just meeting people in general

If a man is a good enough approacher, he doesn't need to be bothered with social circles. Guys more interested in shorter term stuff are better off focusing on swipe apps and in-person approaching than social circle stuff. Social circle stuff does make finding a girlfriend easier in the shorter term. Most social circles are ideologically blue pill in their approach to romantic relationships. Social circles get pissed at men who continually exchange girlfriends without marriage or babies, even if the relationships are semi-long (1-4 years). After 2 or so instances of medium term relationships, the social circle will run dry.

@CollegeMan22 will likely form new social circles if he relocates after college to a different city. If he stays in the same city as his college after graduation, then his college social circle might remain relevant if enough people he knows also stay in that same city.

 

[Stanley]

Women in Gen Z (the age cohort of @CollegeMan22 and his peers) are super sensitive about this sort of stuff. It's a long term trend, as I saw this sort of stuff get frowned upon in Millennial social circles many years ago.

As the oldest of the Gen Z's I'd agree. This generation is incredibly cliquey and very opposed to this sort of thing at large. Lack of social calibration and the pandemic I think played a part in it, but I think it is primarily rooted in the increased use of social media which in turn is conditioning and turning people into drones more then ever before, especially young women. They are so 'plugged' into a feminist narrative on a consistent basis that i've heard so many young women say things like "men should never approach" and "Hitting on girls is wrong" among other things. Whack

 

[Gamisch]

How about stop flirting with all the girls at these parties, including the unavailable ones. From the sound of it, it's a party of friends, not a night club.

I agree . You gotta keep this exact same energy and implement it in night life. You've learned what many of us been through at some point. That's the lesson that a Don Juan is a danger to other men and is NOT appreciated. You gotta know when to be stealthy, and when to be the loudest on the room. Its social calibration.

I would laugh this off. You've made your mark. Now you can even isolate the women when you see a chance and take it from there.

 

[SW15]

As the oldest of the Gen Z's I'd agree. This generation is incredibly cliquey and very opposed to this sort of thing at large. Lack of social calibration and the pandemic I think played a part in it, but I think it is primarily rooted in the increased use of social media which in turn is conditioning and turning people into drones more then ever before, especially young women. They are so 'plugged' into a feminist narrative on a consistent basis that i've heard so many young women say things like "men should never approach" and "Hitting on girls is wrong" among other things. Whack

I'm amongst the earliest Millennials. As I see it, Gen Z is currently accelerating all the bad social trends that became more prominent in the Millennial generation.

Millennials were the first to become socially stunted. When I was in college (2001-2005), early Millennials were using AOL Instant Messenger as a precursor to texting. It was the same general idea. It was a form of avoiding interpersonal interaction, which later evolved into text messaging and Snapchat.

Facebook was founded in my junior year of college and MySpace got really big in my senior year of college (2004-2005).

There was the sexual assault narrative on campuses back then.

In-person approaching wasn't frowned upon back then but there some cliquey behavior then too.



From this chart, you can see how long term couple formation in college started dropping off in the 2000, which is when the earliest Millennials started getting to college. From the 1970s-1990s, as more Boomers and Gen Xers went to college, they were forming more longer term relationships at college. The Boomers and Gen Xers were raised in a less technological environment and had more actual social skills. Millennials were the first large generation to get a lot of the socially stunting technologies and the woke cultural elements became stronger with them.

I know some Millennial women born in the late 1980s (the middle of the generation) who are quite socially inept. I've seen it with my friends' wives.

 

[kavi]

I think the responses here are all wrong, though I could be wrong myself.

It looks to me like standard female game-playing.

Sometimes when you come across too strong, women can be intimidated, or even if it is not too strong, they will see a guy with confidence, and they will realise that you are the energy of the party, you may have done eveything good and positive, but women, due to their insecurities and game-playing nature, will attempt to block, exclude, belittle you etc.

It is very very common for women to act negatively towards guys who bring positive and attraction energy. Often times I do good and positive things and just get negative responses from women.It is just a defense mechanism for them.

This just looks like game-playing ie trying to control you and gain the upper hand in the social interaction. It makes them feel good that they have the power to exclude a confident social person from their group, that gives them power, this is the kind of low-level crap that women get off on. Using low-level manipulation to overcome your masculine confidence, the only way weaker women can win over stronger men.

You just have to be unaffected and wait it out or wait and see.

 

[kavi]

What I'm saying, this is the kind of thing women do to each other alot. Its all politics and female nature. If there is a social group and new woman comes into it, gets all the attention from guys, becomes the life of the party, doesnt respect the existing social 'order' then they will just treat her in the same way, exclude, belittle, backbite etc.

But you are not a female, your a guy. That means you have got into their heads and they wanna play you. They are making plans to play you and affect you, one hinting to you theres a party, and then another one letting you know you arent invited, just to get your feelings hurt and manipulate you to defeat your masculine energy with female guile, lower your confidence and make you feel you did something wrong.

Ofcourse parties and social circles require social calibration and flirting, relationships etc need to be handled with care.

Clearly all the girls here have talked about you and see you as a confident male. Thats not a bad thing, women will talk about high-value guys not low-value guys. You already have status now, just wait and see, slow it down, be nice and then you can work your way back in the group, now with higher status, but as others have said, these social groups may not provide what you want so its up to you whether you wanna play this game.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are doing an equivalent of going out to the buffet with a bunch of friends and eating all the food.

Social tact goes a long way in these situations.

Stop giving off the vibe you are so thirsty you'd fvck the first girl that is interested. I mean we've all seen the dude at parties hitting on every woman there and then making out with the 350 lb whale at the end of the night since she is the only one interested in quenching your thirst.

Don't be this dude.

 

[Knight of Roses]

A few things

OP can you clarify if you’ve dated or banged any of these girls or you’ve just hit on them? The difference may seem subtle but it has drastic different consequences.

If it’s a party of just friends, and you’re just hitting on them all, you seem like a horn dog. That’s a bad look because it makes you seem like you’re desperate and trying too hard with everything.

If you’ve actually slept with a few of them and broken hearts, you’re the player. Both styles will eventually get you negated in the end however the latter will allow you to isolate and pull single girls in different situations. The reason is that every girl is intrigued by the bad boy that’s gona break her heart.

If it’s the former, you don’t have much option here. I’d suggest taking time away from this particular group and then re position yourself into it later. Next you go to the party, just focus on one girl.

 

[Knight of Roses]

What I'm saying, this is the kind of thing women do to each other alot. Its all politics and female nature. If there is a social group and new woman comes into it, gets all the attention from guys, becomes the life of the party, doesnt respect the existing social 'order' then they will just treat her in the same way, exclude, belittle, backbite etc.

But you are not a female, your a guy. That means you have got into their heads and they wanna play you. They are making plans to play you and affect you, one hinting to you theres a party, and then another one letting you know you arent invited, just to get your feelings hurt and manipulate you to defeat your masculine energy with female guile, lower your confidence and make you feel you did something wrong.

Ofcourse parties and social circles require social calibration and flirting, relationships etc need to be handled with care.

Clearly all the girls here have talked about you and see you as a confident male. Thats not a bad thing, women will talk about high-value guys not low-value guys. You already have status now, just wait and see, slow it down, be nice and then you can work your way back in the group, now with higher status, but as others have said, these social groups may not provide what you want so its up to you whether you wanna play this game.

I disagree, girls talk about low value guys all the time. “Remember the creep from last night”? Yeah, don’t wanna be that guy

 

[kavi]

I disagree, girls talk about low value guys all the time. “Remember the creep from last night”? Yeah, don’t wanna be that guy

Thats not talking, that is just mentioning facts and moving on.

Women really are not gonna be talking about low-value guys, they will state basic facts like you say and then move on, just to warn others etc. Women do not talk amongst themselves about guys other than guys they consider high-value, cos low-value guys mostly just dont exist to them.

I have heard men say, you dont wanna be the guy a woman talk about in their whatsapp group etc? Why? You dont wanna be Alpha?

Whether you wanna be the one being talked about or not, it isnt the point, the point is which type of guy they talk about, it is the guy they deem worthy to discuss and talk about.

 

[kavi]

And i dont think OP is poorly socially calibrated in general, from some other posts seems he does ok with women.