LTR - Not sure how to handle this issue.....

[Gddi]

My friend what you need to deploy is SILENCE AND DISTANCE. Let her go but don't be available when she gets back. If you call her out on her behavior now, your insecurities will show.
When she's gone on her trip with her gay wingman because that's what he is: a wingman, don't call her or text her while she's on her trip, if she reaches out keep the calls and texts short. Stay busy during this period. When she's back don't be readily available to meet with her for dates. Tell her you're working on a project with a deadline if you must. Why are you doing this? You're doing it to gauge her interest level. If she's still into you, she'll become increasingly eager to see you, because her emotions are spiked at this point she'll initiate texting and calls more. Let this run for a week, after which you take her out on a date. Do NOT bring up her trip during the date as this shows you were thinking about her when you were supposed to be busy in her absence. Keep it fun, if she tries bringing it up during the date, switch topics. Her hamster will spin really hard and this gets her aroused because she doesn't know where she stands with you. Now cut the date short and lead her to your bedroom, after sex she'll open up about her trip because she's been dying all night to talk about it. At this point all you have to do is keep your ears open and she'll tell you everything. Now if during her trip she doesn't reach out and she comes back from her trip and she still doesn't reach out. Stay silent and stay distant, she's gone, her interest died out.

 

[Free_Agent]

I think we can all agree with this. Why is op still dealing with her? Scarcity mentality?

Pretty much. Sucks living in a smaller city with no options within 4 hours.

 

[Free_Agent]

This is not a good advise for someone in his situation, you're taking a general "raise interest" advise like is this is a new girl, this is his LTR who has done $hitty things to him (he allowed it).

Don't follow this guy's advise, dump her it hurts but it has to be done. Hit the gym and make money while you're healing from the breakup and your mind starts to get used to the oxytocin depletion.

I was thinking the same when I read it. We live together ( but I still maintain my own paid for place ).

I appreciate your and others straight up no BS approach to dealing with this. Like I mentioned previously, everything in my life is good. Pretty much unlimited freedom ( outside of the week I have my kids every month), money, wealth...I dress well and am in good to great shape for a 46 year old guy. Waiting on blood panels to see if I do TRT. Things are good. It's only this relationship that gives me problems.

But like you said, it's the oxytocin mixed with scarcity and oneitus. It feels pathetic but I'm sure most have been in this position at one point of another.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

TRT will change your life for the better. I've been on it for a year now, start6when I was 32, my test levels where low 300s, they only regret is not doing it earlier in life when my levels were around 500s

Not entirely related to this topic, but why do you think doing TRT earlier would have been a good idea?

I've been hearing advice that it's best to start it later in mid 40s as that's when the t level falls bellow the level that you can keep up the good physic and back to back erection.

 

[Free_Agent]

Not entirely related to this topic, but why do you think doing TRT earlier would have been a good idea?

I've been hearing advice that it's best to start it later in mid 40s as that's when the t level falls bellow the level that you can keep up the good physic and back to back erection.

Well in my situation I'm 47 and have been noticing the following :

• Fatigue
• Reduced lean muscle mass
• Irritability
• Unable to concentrate/focus
• Symptoms of depression
• Lower energy level, endurance and physical strength
• Poor memory
• Difficulty with finding words to say
• Poor focus

 

[Bokanovsky]

You aren't going to demote a 2.5yo LTR girl to a plate. You might be happy with that, but she won't go for that.

Is this gay guy a solid friend of hers? Have you hung out with him?

Has she asked you to go? What if you hinted that you wanted to go, would she be ok with that?

You have to determine if this gay guy is just like another one of her female friends. If yes, then I don't see any issue.

If you don't trust her, then you don't have a relationship.

Forgot about the the "gay" guy (who I bet is actually bisexual) for a second. You would be okay with your LTR going to a Puerto Rican equivalent of Spring Break without you?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Thanks

She’s a hard read. I swear I’m dealing with a red pilled woman. Everything I’ve ready here and elsewhere she’s gaming me with. Plate…it’s funny we joked about it yesterday . She wants commitment from me. I wouldn’t mind it but I also don’t like other men ****ing my woman .

Trust has been compromised.

To complicate this more is one of the red flags she’s displayed is keeping the ex on the back burner. About 8 months in I found her lying to me and going out to dinner with him. About a year later caught her still txting him and deleting txt history. During our hiatus - she went away with this guy - paid for her, her sister and sisters BF to go to Bahamas for 4 days.

I’m torn thinking this guy alpha widowed her or he’s beta duck who she’s using him. We’re both successful entrepreneurs. Successful. Made. I have almost unlimited freedom outside of when I have my kids. She and I fly business anywhere we want when we want so she’s treated well.

Sex is almost always initiated by her and she’s willing to do mostly anything. I **** her2-5x a week on average and she organisms multiple times so I don’t think I’m falling short there

Gay friend I’ve heard her mention Him a few times . Never met him. She says she knows him from HS / Church. Lately I’ve been wondering if she’s going away with the ex.

Man I’m a mess

This woman is not LTR material by any stretch.

 

[Free_Agent]

Forgot about the the "gay" guy (who I bet is actually bisexual) for a second. You would be okay with your LTR going to a Puerto Rican equivalent of Spring Break without you?

Exactly. And of course she tried to flank me by offering me to come with knowing that I'd have to choose between her and seeing my kids.

Then, I called her bluff and said ok I'll come and bought tickets. Shortly after that she's like, ohh, xyz isn't going to come and we need to find a hotel room then.

I'm going to go see my kids. We'll see what she chooses.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Exactly. And of course she tried to flank me by offering me to come with knowing that I'd have to choose between her and seeing my kids.

Then, I called her bluff and said ok I'll come and bought tickets. Shortly after that she's like, ohh, xyz isn't going to come and we need to find a hotel room then.

I'm going to go see my kids. We'll see what she chooses.

Damn bro. Im so glad you called her bluff. But I got a little lost, is xyz the "gay" friend?

 

[SW15]

Forgot about the the "gay" guy (who I bet is actually bisexual) for a second. You would be okay with your LTR going to a Puerto Rican equivalent of Spring Break without you?

I would not be ok with that.

 

[Free_Agent]

Damn bro. Im so glad you called her bluff. But I got a little lost, is xyz the "gay" friend?

Yes xyz is the gay friend.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Yes xyz is the gay friend.

Ok, so what are the possibilities? From least likely to most likely:

- The guy had a legit reason to bail on the trip
- The guy isnt really gay, so when he heard you were going, he bailed.
- The guy doesnt even exists, she made him up.

Is there another one Im missing?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Yes, the gay guy was actually her EX and since OP called her bluff and took him up on his offer, obviously the current plan with ex wasn't gonna fly and the EX had to bail.

Yes, that would be the most likely one. Im a little jealous of you. "Call her bluff and say you are going on the trip", "The gay guy was actually the Ex all along". I wish I could take credit for those.

 

[Free_Agent]

Ok, so what are the possibilities? From least likely to most likely:

- The guy had a legit reason to bail on the trip
- The guy isnt really gay, so when he heard you were going, he bailed.
- The guy doesnt even exists, she made him up.

Is there another one Im missing?

Either that or maybe he really is a gay friend and decided not to be the third wheel? I know this person at least exists. I've seen a picture of him, and he could be gay. Other than that who knows.

 

[Dr.Suave]

@Free_Agent what´s the plan here? Are you gonna break up with her? I think most (if not all) feel you should. If you decide no to break up with her, we still wish you the best.

 

[Stanley]

I hope you bought her ticket....to the curb.
Drop her, xyz is probably just the x and she used the gay guy as a placeholder. This is done.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Wow this hurts even to read as a bystander. OP: listen to @catsmeow2

It’s brutal, but true. She’s for the streets man. Before calling it off tell her why - use cat’s post as a framework so you can annihilate her. Damn it still smarts. But we’ve all been victims of this at one point or another, it’s a rite of passage. Learn and move on.

 

[Free_Agent]

If it is her gay friend, why would he care if you go or not? He can do his own thing, hit on guys whatever. I mean he's already purchased the tickets and all.

Sorry but your girl is hiding something. Like the trip was with her EX.

Given her previous deceptive actions like having dinner with him and lying to you about it, deleting their text messages, and the fact they've taken two previous trips to tropical islands together, one during a two week hiatus from your relationship and the other while you were IN the relationship, not sure why it hasn't occurred to you she's lying about this too.

Now, you called her bluff and took her up on her offer and suddenly this so called "gay friend" bailed out.

IDK, to me it's so obvious she was actually going with her EX, but if it hurts too much to believe that then carry on believing what you want.

You said there aren't many other options in your area, so you cling to this relationship with a woman who lies and possibly cheats.

What about self-respect?

Does that enter into your thought process at all?

In any event, I echo @Dr.Suave , wish you the best whatever path you choose to follow.

Thanks catsmeow2.

According to her, he works for the airlines so from my understanding they're able to travel pretty freely without buying tickets or making reservations.

All the rest I , and everyone else agree with you on. I hear you on the self respect. Not exactly sure why when it comes to this particular circumstance, a relationship with a woman I'm in such a terrible shape.

On a separate note Pedrito0906 - My lab results came back and I have total T level of 105.

 

[Stanley]

Thanks catsmeow2.

According to her, he works for the airlines so from my understanding they're able to travel pretty freely without buying tickets or making reservations.

All the rest I , and everyone else agree with you on. I hear you on the self respect. Not exactly sure why when it comes to this particular circumstance, a relationship with a woman I'm in such a terrible shape.

On a separate note Pedrito0906 - My lab results came back and I have total T level of 105.

woah hold on, 105 nanograms? that would be crazy low T

 

[Free_Agent]

I'm assuming. Am I interpreting it right?