Should I completely cut this "mutual" friend out of my life?

[Sgthaytham]

Look @Sgthaytham

So why run home and tell you, her boyfriend? For what purpose?

She should have known it would wind you up, anger you, just as it did.

Why would a loving, caring girlfriend want to do that?

Especially since she handled it and didn't need you to do anything?

Ask yourself that question.

It wasn't a very kind or loving thing to do, imo.

And you're a mess now because if it.

So you think it'd be better for her not to communicate with me when these things happen?

Why is it such a big deal she decided it was best to tell me? Maybe because she trusts me, wants to be open with me, she decided it was the best way to go?

You're making incredible assumptions here.

 

[Sgthaytham]

I agree that op is likely screwed from him having his GF entangled in a toxic social circle group. My issue is that OP came on SS for help and people immediately went butt hurt toxic red pill male mode and started attacking the GF. Even if the girl is a 304, confronting the friend would’ve unraveled that anyway.

IDK about it being a 'toxic social circle'... all of them are good people, bar this insufferable prick.

I'm finding it hard to understand the deal with my GF choosing to come to talk to me about it.

If she hadn't, the very same people here would be saying "OMG she's cheating! Don't trust her!"

 

[Sgthaytham]

But this? Come on man get a hold of yourself, I'm actually feeling a little embarrassed for you right now, sorry.

Forget about it.

 

[Stanley]

Keep this exchange in the back of your mind.

Your girl told you about this right? So she is being forthcoming about it knowing fully well it would be a situation that would make you uncomfortable and maybe she's telling you because it made HER uncomfortable and she wants you to confront him, talk to her. If she's given you every reason to trust her thus far don't allow that seed of doubt to sprout, instead keep it in the back of your mind if cracks begin to show.

I agree with @stringpuller throughout here. It isn't necessarily controlling or manipulative to ask your girl to wait for you and not hang out with men when you're not there, that's a boundary. You decide if that's something you want, at the very least moving forward I would ask the girl to not be around this guy without you there. You need boundaries

I also agree with @Jake_Gyllenhaal69 and @Dr.Suave, don't feed too much into the negative **** here, again keep it in the back of your mind and be cautious. If the relationships is good and she is faithful then give her the benefit of the doubt, but only once. The second she betrays your trust genuinely would be a point of contention. This doesn't sound like that. This isn't a plate or fwb, this is a committed relationship and it should be handled as such.

If it was something significant like a sexual assault, that would of course be different.
But this? A slap/tap on the rear when both drinking at a social function?

Agree, it isn't that big a deal. I would be a bit weary of this guy and I personally would confront in a casual way, but make it clear that **** is not ok and if it happens again there will be a problem. Reassess your friend group at the very least, not your girl. Could she have prompted the response from this guy? Maybe??? but you know her better then us... so use your best judgment. I slap everybody's butt lol. If she is coming to you and telling you it happened I wouldn't worry about her. You've been suspicious of this guy for some time it seems and now you have reason to an extent. Let it known you didn't appreciate his actions. You don't have to be some macho man or self righteous ass in doing so.

Just have a conversation with him and move on.

That's it

 

[Bokanovsky]

Anyway, my GF mentioned to me that this guy had slapped her on the arse. I asked if she wanted me to have a word with him, but she said that she had talked to him about it. He might have slapped her beforehand, but she isn't sure, and said that it could have been him considered he did it later on during the night.

It's a little hard to follow what you're trying to say here. She is not sure whether he slapped her? Or she knows he slapped her ass once but suspects he may have also slapped it on an earlier occasion? If he did in fact slap her ass, it is highly inappropriate not only towards her but also towards you. It's an international act of disrespect. You should cut him out immediately.

 

[Sgthaytham]

It's a little hard to follow what you're trying to say here. She is not sure whether he slapped her? Or she knows he slapped her ass once but suspects he may have also slapped it on an earlier occasion? If he did in fact slap her ass, it is highly inappropriate not only towards her but also towards you. It's an international act of disrespect. You should cut him out immediately.

When she told me he slapped in her kitchen she also mentioned that someone slapped her earlier on when I wasn't there yet.

She knows about the time in the kitchen, and this leads me to believe he did it to her before.

But anyway, yeah I'm cutting him out from hereon

 

[Barrister]

I agree that op is likely screwed from him having his GF entangled in a toxic social circle group. My issue is that OP came on SS for help and people immediately went butt hurt toxic red pill male mode and started attacking the GF. Even if the girl is a 304, confronting the friend would’ve unraveled that anyway.

I guess I don't interpret what we all said, myself included, as "butt hurt toxic red pill mode." I have nothing to gain by OP experiencing pain in his relationship. Nor do I relish anyone having a bad experience in a relationship just because I have in the past. People here are free to disagree with me. I haven't made a post in awhile, but when I have, I always expect the guys here to shoot straight with me. And I have been naive myself in the past and been put on the right path by the advice I get here by some of the older guys. It wasn't always something I wanted to hear but was something I needed to hear. This is no different and OP needs to be cognizant of this.

You and others can say that this is "jaded" but really you will set yourself up for failure by buying in 100% to any relationship. Always be vigilant.

 

[Dr.Suave]

That's a boundary. You decide if that's something you want, at the very least moving forward I would ask the girl to not be around this guy without you there. You need boundaries

This 100%

 

[Bokanovsky]

A guy, who has had multiple run-ins with other women who have claimed he has touched them inappropriately and/or made unwanted remarks, slaps my GF on her ass, and she comes to me to tell me... and I'm supposed to wonder if my GF is being sincere or not? Question whether I can even trust what she says??

If this guy is known for being a sexual harasser, why are you and your girlfriend hanging out with him? What am I missing?

 

[Sgthaytham]

If this guy is known for being a sexual harasser, why are you and your girlfriend hanging out with him? What am I missing?

I guess this is true...

I personally now have a better understanding of who he truly is, maybe my GF'll take a little more time idk...

 

[Barrister]

If this guy is known for being a sexual harasser, why are you and your girlfriend hanging out with him? What am I missing?

Odd. Also interesting that this fact about the transgressor wasn't specifically mentioned in OP's original post but only came out when people started to give him advice he didn't like hearing.

 

[Stanley]

I guess this is true...

I personally now have a better understanding of who he truly is, maybe my GF'll take a little more time idk...

Just remember to breathe man. Its good to vent this **** out, but don't let people's responses fuel the fire in you. Get composed then go from there. You'll know what to do

 

[Sgthaytham]

Odd. Also interesting that this fact about the transgressor wasn't specifically mentioned in OP's original post but only came out when people started to give him advice he didn't like hearing.

How can I ever take advice from someone who can't read.

" Many people women I know have mentioned his behaviour before and how it's made them feel uncomfortable. I've had my eye on him, too, because he gets really tactile. I never mentioned anything to my GF because I trust her and I know she would tell me if she felt uncomfortable (which she did in this case). " in the OP

 

[Sgthaytham]

Just remember to breathe man. Its good to vent this **** out, but don't let people's responses fuel the fire in you. Get composed then go from there. You'll know what to do

You're right. It's still kind of raw today, but I'll move on from it. Thanks.

 

[Barrister]

How can I ever take advice from someone who can't read.

" Many people women I know have mentioned his behaviour before and how it's made them feel uncomfortable. I've had my eye on him, too, because he gets really tactile. I never mentioned anything to my GF because I trust her and I know she would tell me if she felt uncomfortable (which she did in this case). " in the OP

I guess I was supposed to know "tactile" means he goes around slapping other people on the ass?

 

[Sgthaytham]

I guess I was supposed to know "tactile" means he goes around slapping other people on the ass?

Yup...

 

[Dr.Suave]

X

I disagree. Just joking, Im not sure what you meant.

 

[Stanley]

Yup...

Assert dominance and slap his ass even harder with tactile force.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Believe me, I have had way WAY more inappropriate shyt said and done to me in my life.

I believe you girl. Tell us all about it anyway, in detail.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Lol, another time, another place.

Of course. I sure hope its soon cause I´ve been waiting for you since 2022: "Long story, if you're interested, I could share with you sometime "