Is it ok for a girlfriend to have male friends?

[CyrusTheGreat]

This is not a thread about girls I'm dating right now, but rather a reflection on past relationships I had. Almost in every relationship that the girl I was dating had male friends, the male friend or the fact of having male friends seemed to have directly (e.g. monkey branching or cheating) or indirectly (e.g. me having to enforce/explain my boundaries) contributed to the breakup.

Now that I'm trying to date around, I've noticed (again) that so many girls have male friends. Unfortunately having male friends seems like the norm in western, and even some eastern cultures. What do you DJs think is an acceptable level of having male friends when looking for LTR material? For example, if a girl has a few male friends, whom she sees once a couple of months, is that acceptable? What if she has to make a day trip to visit a male friend?

 

[derby1]

Western women have an insatiable thirst for male validation. theres no such thing as men and women being friends, men want to s*x your woman its as simple as that. you have to understand on the chance of probabilities the modern woman is a narcassist and her only interest is to be desired

Say nothing and introduce Mia lang into the equation, start hanging round with her a little.

when your girl brings it up ? you say "whats the problem honey i thought we agreed on friends of the opposite sex"

western women hate oriental chics because they know they cant compete with them on any level

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Western women have an insatiable thirst for male validation. theres no such thing as men and women being friends, men want to s*x your woman its as simple as that. you have to understand on the chance of probabilities the modern woman is a narcassist and her only interest is to be desired

Say nothing and introduce Mia lang into the equation, start hanging round with her a little.

when your girl brings it up ? you say "whats the problem honey i thought we agreed on friends of the opposite sex"

western women hate oriental chics because they know they cant compete with them on any level

This isn't just western women's problem. My last LTR was an east Asian girl who came from a small city with a fairly conservative background.

Also, I think playing such games with girls is a waste of time. It's again an instance of persuading an emotional creature through logic imo.

 

[Barrister]

This topic has come up many times on SS.

Sure, it is fine for women to have male friends. However, I would never date a woman who has "male friends." Normally, these "male friends" are just orbiters that want to fvck the woman. Never be fooled either - the woman is well aware of this fact. She keeps them around for validation and attention, and you can be sure that if you have an LTR with a woman who has "male friends" she will be using them to feed her validation every time you don't give her what she wants. It is a dangerous situation.

I have learned this the HARD way in an LTR I had a couple of years back. You can have fun with these women and date them - but do not do anything more than that. No serious relationships. You are asking for a major headache due to constant frame wars you will be fighting.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

This topic has come up many times on SS.

Sure, it is fine for women to have male friends. However, I would never date a woman who has "male friends." Normally, these "male friends" are just orbiters that want to fvck the woman. Never be fooled either - the woman is well aware of this fact. She keeps them around for validation and attention, and you can be sure that if you have an LTR with a woman who has "male friends" she will be using them to feed her validation every time you don't give her what she wants. It is a dangerous situation.

I have learned this the HARD way in an LTR I had a couple of years back. You can have fun with these women and date them - but do not do anything more than that. No serious relationships. You are asking for a major headache due to constant frame wars you will be fighting.

That is my experience too. It is near impossible to establish your frame with a woman who has male friends. Just being in a relationship with a girl who has guy friends is already entering her frame imo.

 

[skipfontaine22]

I think it sucks..
and most will want to bang the woman.

Withi that said, I do have women friends that I don't want to bang.

 

[derby1]

Also, I think playing such games with girls is a waste of time.

its not games, its making her "feel" ....children and women do not understand logical reasoning.

logic is explaining to her:
you "hey baby Im really uncomfortable with your male friends, you know they want sex with you right?"

she hears :"Blah Blah Blah"

you make women and children "feel" unease.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Nope. Male friends are unacceptable.

I always made it clear that exclusive relationship means all ex boyfriends and male friends must be deleted and blocked. Compliance is required. If she refused, she stayed as a plate.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

its not games, its making her "feel" ....children and women do not understand logical reasoning.

logic is explaining to her:
you "hey baby Im really uncomfortable with your male friends, you know they want sex with you right?"

she hears :"Blah Blah Blah"

you make women and children "feel" unease.

Sure, you make them feel why having male friends is inappropriate, and it will work for awhile. But when a woman is used to multiple male attention and a few years goes by and a new Kevin shows up, you have to introduce Mia Lang again, and the whole cycle repeats itself. The difference being this time the introduction of Mia Lang won't be as useful, because this time she knows the script.

 

[derby1]

Sure, you make them feel why having male friends is inappropriate, and it will work for awhile. But when a woman is used to multiple male attention and a few years goes by and a new Kevin shows up, you have to introduce Mia Lang again, and the whole cycle repeats itself. The difference being this time the introduction of Mia Lang won't be as useful, because this time she knows the script.

then you kick the woman to the kerb , you arent a correctional behaviour officer.

I sense you have a woman causing you these problems?

 

[pipeman84]

I look at it like this: if you want to eat some fine cuisine, you go to a restaurant known for serving such things. You don't print off a bunch of recipes from the internet and then go to your local fast food joint and convince them to cook it for you.
In other words, some women just aren't the monogamous relationship type... you can either accept this fact of life or ignore it and complicate your life.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

In terms of male friends, my rules for women are:
1. No hanging out with men 1:1 (meaning, just her and the guy)
2. No regular communication with male friends, via text, phone, DMs

#2 is difficult to enforce and monitor. You'll never TRULY know how many guys a woman is texting/DMing with. All you can do is explain your boundary, hope she honors it, and then pay attention to what you are able to see and hear her do. When she leaves her phone on the table and she gets a text, do you see a guy's name? But some women set their phone so you can't see the name unless you unlock the screen, and some women never leave their phone sitting out. Does she talk about guys - share stories with you about what's going on in their lives? Then she has been talking to them.

Reality makes it even more complex. Guys from her past can reach out to her out of the blue and she isn't doing anything wrong if they do this. If she engages with them, then yes she is doing something wrong. But, this situation can be used as an excuse any time you happen to be fortunate enough to notice a guy's name pop-up on her phone either via incoming call or text - she can claim she hasn't heard from them in ages etc. You can then either trust her or ask to see her phone and doing the latter has issues of its own.

I have learned through a lot of experience that women with a lot of guy friends and very few female friends is a huge red flag and you'll never want to LTR a woman like this. During early dating, you should be inquiring about her female friends and her male friends to get an idea of her social circle. A woman with few female friends is almost certainly BPD or NPD. Filter them out early.

Do not debate with a woman about it your boundary. It is ok for you to explain why this is a rule for you, and explain that you follow the same rule with female friends once you are in a committed LTR, but if she wants to debate the fairness of it, you simply say, "I hear you. It seems we feel differently about it. I'm not going to change my mind on this boundary and if it's not acceptable to you, we can either go our separate ways or we can continue seeing each other without exclusivity," or don't give her the last option, depending on what you are looking for.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

then you kick the woman to the kerb , you arent a correctional behaviour officer.

I sense you have a woman causing you these problems?

Nope, I'm happily single right now...

As I briefly mentioned in my first post of this thread, I'm reflecting on past relationships and trying to figure out what I need to do in future relationships.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

In terms of male friends, my rules for women are:
1. No hanging out with men 1:1 (meaning, just her and the guy)
2. No regular communication with male friends, via text, phone, DMs

#2 is difficult to enforce and monitor. You'll never TRULY know how many guys a woman is texting/DMing with. All you can do is explain your boundary, hope she honors it, and then pay attention to what you are able to see and hear her do. When she leaves her phone on the table and she gets a text, do you see a guy's name? But some women set their phone so you can't see the name unless you unlock the screen, and some women never leave their phone sitting out. Does she talk about guys - share stories with you about what's going on in their lives? Then she has been talking to them.

Reality makes it even more complex. Guys from her past can reach out to her out of the blue and she isn't doing anything wrong if they do this. If she engages with them, then yes she is doing something wrong. But, this situation can be used as an excuse any time you happen to be fortunate enough to notice a guy's name pop-up on her phone either via incoming call or text - she can claim she hasn't heard from them in ages etc. You can then either trust her or ask to see her phone and doing the latter has issues of its own.

I have learned through a lot of experience that women with a lot of guy friends and very few female friends is a huge red flag and you'll never want to LTR a woman like this. During early dating, you should be inquiring about her female friends and her male friends to get an idea of her social circle. A woman with few female friends is almost certainly BPD or NPD. Filter them out early.

Do not debate with a woman about it your boundary. It is ok for you to explain why this is a rule for you, and explain that you follow the same rule with female friends once you are in a committed LTR, but if she wants to debate the fairness of it, you simply say, "I hear you. It seems we feel differently about it. I'm not going to change my mind on this boundary and if it's not acceptable to you, we can either go our separate ways or we can continue seeing each other without exclusivity," or don't give her the last option, depending on what you are looking for.

Insightful response, thanks for sharing it!

 

[In2theGame]

IMO, it's as clear cut as this...

• If your girlfriend is attractive, her male friends will want to fvck her given the opportunity. Maybe not ALL but at minimum, 1 or 2.
• Even if the male friend(s) are "Beta", they will STILL try to get in her panties.

You as a Man, understand how other Men think, therefore you know the deal.

 

[Gamisch]

Men are masters at disguising their true intentions. Woman are naturally more socially active, and as long as there is no clear sign of attraction any male female dynamic is platonic . Even when there's attraction there are many levels to it. Hence the term " workfloor BF. "

It's way harder for a man to have a few Mia's in his life without gaming them also. Mia might like you, but notice after a while you don't respond to her seduction and move on to a man that does. Mia might ALSO find a man that tells her to cur all contact with male friends. Still its adviced to keep a few Mia's around when you are in a LTR .

It's impossible to get a woman to Ditch all her male friends. Like I said, most men will disguise their intention for years. All the way from high school, or a job she had years ago . There will be friends of friends ect.

Male friends are no issue as long as there are no issues in your relationship. When it does go south , its infuriating to know she can monkeybranche and to know that you were right about Mark all the time. Its infuriating to remember how Mark was acting around your girl when you've met him. She just monkeybranches while you will need 3 to 6 months to replace her.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Men are masters at disguising their true intentions. Woman are naturally more socially active, and as long as there is no clear sign of attraction any male female dynamic is platonic . Even when there's attraction there are many levels to it. Hence the term " workfloor BF. "

It's way harder for a man to have a few Mia's in his life without gaming them also. Mia might like you, but notice after a while you don't respond to her seduction and move on to a man that does. Mia might ALSO find a man that tells her to cur all contact with male friends. Still its adviced to keep a few Mia's around when you are in a LTR .

It's impossible to get a woman to Ditch all her male friends. Like I said, most men will disguise their intention for years. All the way from high school, or a job she had years ago . There will be friends of friends ect.

Male friends are no issue as long as there are no issues in your relationship. When it does go south , its infuriating to know she can monkeybranche and to know that you were right about Mark all the time. Its infuriating to remember how Mark was acting around your girl when you've met him. She just monkeybranches while you will need 3 to 6 months to replace her.

My interpretation from your response is that it's not ok for a gf to have guy friends.

My reasoning is that every relationship is eventually gonna hit a rocky patch, and when it does, you really don't wanna have Steve, Mark, and Chad around, lol.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Nothing you can do about it. Just have your own female friends

Is it because you think almost all women have close male friends that they will not let go of when they are in a relationship?

 

[Gamisch]

I heard a theory that the ultimate RP man actually pushes her to have male friends. He wont care. Being RP in itself means you understand female nature. So theoretically a RP man knows the answer to why she has male friends already.

He wants her to have orbiters and fans. Let them do all the work, he'll just reap the benefits. Let her talk to Mark how her day was and how her boss is a A hole. Let her complain about her female friend . Beta bob will bring her to the airport at 4,30 .At the end of the day she spreads her legs for RP guy.

This man won't get into fights about , or even with other men because of her " lack of boundaries ". If the one who cares less is the emperor of the LTR, then it's a good place to be. Now SHE might become the one who wants HIM to cut Mia out of his life.

Ofcourse this is theory, and extremely difficult to fo in practice for most men. If she has (like the famous Hotel California line) " alotta pretty boys, that she calls friends " it's even harder to BELIEVE you are her best option.

Looking back at it I personally was always in a BLUE pilled frame when I felt the need to demand from her she'll cut out her male friends . And it never happened and always backfired . If the male friend was somewhat sosuave my frustration probably gave him more leverage over her.

My interpretation from your response is that it's not ok for a gf to have guy friends.

My reasoning is that every relationship is eventually gonna hit a rocky patch, and when it does, you really don't wanna have Steve, Mark, and Chad around, lol.

It's not oke depending on the POV of your frame. Bleu; not oke. Red; m kay.

Its indeed uncomfortable to see her next ship waiting at the docks while you are still invested in her. But does it matter? She would get another D anyway after she left you.

 

[Mike32ct]

A true friendzone guy is zero threat.

But you might not know for sure that he’s truly friendzoned.