****ed up with a girl, now doubting myself

[BrutalReality]

I got some action but let myself get played. She really love bombed/sold herself to me and it caused me to develop oneitis and act like a total AFC. Now i know my game/frame was an issue, but I cant help but feel like if i was better looking it would have lasted longer and I would have had more leverage. Im 22, 6' tall, 180lbs decently lean but I have an average face at best (prob below avg tbh) and she was like an 8, and I usually rate women pretty harshly. It's more motivation to bulk up but this case of oneitis is so strong i can barely eat.

In terms of the whole package (face, personality, body count, body) she is probably at the top for me. And I cant help but feel like I wont get anything as good or better (ideally) for a long time.

I know I need to stop being a ***** and go eat and train, carry on with my life...but its ****ing hard right now.
Blocked her last week btw, her time between texts got longer and longer and i knew by the way I was feeling that I wouldve ****ed things up out of emotion.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Sounds like you were able to mitigate the damage which is good. Keep going and find other women.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

OP, it’s tough. We’ve all been where you are at some point with someone. It’ll bug you for while, but you’ll be OK.

Welcome to the forum, read and learn.

 

[Barrister]

Take some pride in the fact you are handling this much better than a lot of guys would -- especially at 22 years old. You recognize the emotions you are feeling are not warranted given the situation. Also understand that your brain is going to play tricks on you because you are essentially coming off a drug -- this woman. You are going to see her as this beautiful angel that is incapable of wrong. This is not reality --- it is just what happens during a breakup as our brain tries to process no longer having sex/access to a woman we still want.

I can guarantee she doesn't look as good as you believe she does right now. You see her as a super model when, in fact, she is likely just above average. Not only should you focus on yourself right now, but realize you have a LONG time to find women. You will find better women than the one you just left behind. Every time you go through this you get better at understanding how it all works and it won't affect you with as severe a magnitude.

And stop talking about your "average" looks. This is self-limiting. You will get hotter women than this as long as you keep the focus on yourself -- men's SMV basically climbs each year from 21 to 45 so long as they are advancing their career and staying in good shape. You are on the up and up, brother.

 

[Stanley]

Now i know my game/frame was an issue, but I cant help but feel like if i was better looking it would have lasted longer and I would have had more leverage. Im 22, 6' tall, 180lbs decently lean but I have an average face at best (prob below avg tbh) and she was like

Don't give too much credence to the better looking part. Should you still strive to be more attractive physique? For sure, but what do you define as attractive and what are your fitness goals? 180 at 6ft puts you around a 25% bmi which is healthy, i'm sure you look fine. I'm currently 160 at 6ft lean and the attention I have gotten from attractive women is the highest its ever been. That said i'm still striving to get bigger for a plethora of different reasons. Your looks aren't just your physique though. Make sure you dress well, groom yourself, have a decent haircut etc...

Use this experience to grow, don't become bitter get better. Sublimation is key and taking negative feelings and thoughts and putting them towards something productive will build you as a man and your self esteem.

In terms of the whole package (face, personality, body count, body) she is probably at the top for me. And I cant help but feel like I wont get anything as good or better (ideally) for a long time.

This is all you man. You have this chick way WAY up on the pedestal, she's just some girl. You don't know her that well. As you achieve a higher sense of self worth you will realize you have options and shouldn't pine for this one girl. Acknowledge your shortcomings and where things could have gone better and cut the ****ing cord. Do not ruminate on this. Pop open a google doc and write/vent your frustrations, write her a 'letter' you'll never send, list her negative qualities and make moving on your personal mantra. Do not reach out to her and go no contact, just don't be butthurt if she gets in touch with you. Pretend it didn't affect you and leave her with love, she'll respect you and understand your a guy with options. Don't let her back in unless you've got some good reasons.

If you haven't read it yet I highly recommend the book of pook. It helped me immensely when understanding myself and women.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

It wouldn't have lasted longer if you had better looks. She liked your looks enough to bang you. You passed the looks test already. You lost her for the other reasons you already mentioned.

Girls want a guy who likes them, but could take it or leave it, and who doesn't stand for any of their tests. When a girls' response between texts gets slower and slower, your responses should be even slower yet, if at all. A man should have ZERO neediness toward women. Set a max of one date a week and unless she is begging for more, that's all you do. As soon as you are chasing the girl, it is over. The cat caught the mouse and they are no longer interested.

If you have any questions about how to operate, ask away.

As for not getting anything as good or better - what I have found is that each girl brings something unique. Maybe the next girl you date won't be as hot on the HB scale but she will be 10x better in bed, or your conversations will be better or you'll have more in common. The bottom line is, if you got this girl and you are new at game, you will get girls WAY hotter once you learn more game. So rest assured it will happen so long as you listen to what people tell you here and are willing to make changes.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

In terms of the whole package (face, personality, body count, body) she is probably at the top for me. And I cant help but feel like I wont get anything as good or better (ideally) for a long time.

THAT right there is your problem and why you fvcked up.
Stop putting girls on a pedistal dudebro.

At best women should only be a compliment to your life, not the focus of it.

 

[BrutalReality]

Don't give too much credence to the better looking part. Should you still strive to be more attractive physique? For sure, but what do you define as attractive and what are your fitness goals? 180 at 6ft puts you around a 25% bmi which is healthy, i'm sure you look fine. I'm currently 160 at 6ft lean and the attention I have gotten from attractive women is the highest its ever been. That said i'm still striving to get bigger for a plethora of different reasons. Your looks aren't just your physique though. Make sure you dress well, groom yourself, have a decent haircut etc...

Use this experience to grow, don't become bitter get better. Sublimation is key and taking negative feelings and thoughts and putting them towards something productive will build you as a man and your self esteem.



This is all you man. You have this chick way WAY up on the pedestal, she's just some girl. You don't know her that well. As you achieve a higher sense of self worth you will realize you have options and shouldn't pine for this one girl. Acknowledge your shortcomings and where things could have gone better and cut the ****ing cord. Do not ruminate on this. Pop open a google doc and write/vent your frustrations, write her a 'letter' you'll never send, list her negative qualities and make moving on your personal mantra. Do not reach out to her and go no contact, just don't be butthurt if she gets in touch with you. Pretend it didn't affect you and leave her with love, she'll respect you and understand your a guy with options. Don't let her back in unless you've got some good reasons.

If you haven't read it yet I highly recommend the book of pook. It helped me immensely when understanding myself and women.

I dress well, have a nice haircut, am well groomed. I think the looks part is the blackpill getting to me. She herself said she finds me "extremely attractive" but I am always cautious with what women say.

She is just some girl but she was relatively inexperienced, decent upbringing, no social media - these were some of the things that drew me in. Still no excuse to pedestalize her.

As far as no contact goes I had her blocked but today she shared her lyft location with me, I guess in an effort to get back in contact. I've since unblocked her but I have no idea if I should message her or not.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The blocking was way too overboard. The panic guys get into with text time responses is mind blowing to me. It's irrelevant.

Just mirror what they do and add on some time here and there.

Blocking someone due to them taking too long to text is a new one on me.

All of the things guys do to screw themselves over with women come from the same cause...insecurity.

 

[BrutalReality]

The blocking was way too overboard. The panic guys get into with text time responses is mind blowing to me. It's irrelevant.

Just mirror what they do and add on some time here and there.

Blocking someone due to them taking too long to text is a new one on me.

All of the things guys do to screw themselves over with women come from the same cause...insecurity.

it definitely was overboard. still salvagable?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

it definitely was overboard. still salvagable?

Does she know she was blocked?

 

[BrutalReality]

Does she know she was blocked?

I'd wager she did yeah, considering she reached out today by sharing her lyft location.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'd wager she did yeah, considering she reached out today by sharing her lyft location.

Try hitting her up like nothing happened and see how it goes.

 

[Stanley]

I dress well, have a nice haircut, am well groomed. I think the looks part is the blackpill getting to me. She herself said she finds me "extremely attractive" but I am always cautious with what women say.

She is just some girl but she was relatively inexperienced, decent upbringing, no social media - these were some of the things that drew me in. Still no excuse to pedestalize her.

As far as no contact goes I had her blocked but today she shared her lyft location with me, I guess in an effort to get back in contact. I've since unblocked her but I have no idea if I should message her or not.

I know what you mean. i was going to make a comment about black pill, but I didn't want to bring it up. it messed me up back in my teens man...

Took a long time to get over it. Incel forums and **** like that really ****s your worldview in the worst of ways. I really REALLY think you should check out book of pook man. It isn't any pill, its just philosophy on life and women, its free. As for blocking her I don't know if that was necessary unless you need to heal. You can just let her go and show you're not butthurt by simply not reaching out. Go no contact on your end, but if she reaches out just play it off like nothing happened, although again ask yourself if you should even bother with this girl at this point?

Ask yourself why you feel this way?

What brought you here to make this post? What do you genuinely hope to gain?
To me this sounds like this is an issue with you and your security or lack thereof and I get it. How is your life going right now? In an upwards trajectory, a lull, downwards? What are you doing to build your self confidence actively? Where do you fall short in life? Is there lingering traumas you need to address? Are you repressing your feelings? These are all questions you should ponder so you can grow as a man. First stage is awareness, then acceptance, then change (hopefully positive).
The best way for many is to undergo a period of extreme self improvement. Focus on you and you alone. I don't subscribe to the celibate 'monk mode' necessarily, but having a set amount of time to close off certain toxic aspects and vices in your life to focus on you can be an incredible decision.

Prioritize yourself.
Self care, lifting, breaking away from losers, focusing on your goals, cutting out vices, limiting time idle, reading and changing mental schema (frame), raising your status, make some money etc.... You will also notice when you get on your grind women will be more attracted to you. It doesn't mean you need to pursue them, but it should hopefully motivate you to keep trucking forward. As you grow and improve so will your mood and confidence. You will notice push back from peers, friends and family in some capacity as you break the mold they've placed you in. Don't allow crab mentality to bring you down, just keep going.
If you would like to read something in this regard check out Rich Coopers unplugged alpha. Is it redpill? Yes, but it is very palpable and focuses heavily on self improvement. Worth a shot.