I don't have friends

[BoostedArrow]

When I think about my life, then I realize no one really gives an f about me. I have a history of being bullied (bc. I was the smart kid), I got excluded and ridiculed in highschool and currently no one wants to have me around or even talk to me. (People often aks me something and when I answer and explain it to them, they cut me off and carry on with sth else. And this happens when I'm with 'friends' or even relatives) It feels like a curse tbh., bc. I can't explain it or the reasons for it rationally.

A year ago I started university and with my new RP knowledge I had new tools to apply. And I did pretty well back then: I made friends, we hung out in the gym, went to clubs and did stuff. I met new people everyday. I was able to improve myself socially.

(I already did a Self-Improvement run in 2019 where I worked on Charisma and that kind of stuff, where stuff also improved superficially.)
But somehow people still never really gave a f about me. They replace me with others, put me down socially, cut me off, ridicule me when I'm sad, etc.

They just don't care about me, they don't want me around. I get rarely invited to things, and then I just feels like 'pitty-inviting'. They don't want to listen to me, when I say sth. They don't want to sit next to me in class.

I really don't know what I can do to make it better.
But I want to do better.
Not just so I can get women, but to make sth. out of myself.
But also, bc. my chances getting with the desired girls are slim.
I have worked on game and social skills.

I think the solution is not sth. I actively have to do or have to think or whatever. Remember the phrase "Women just are, men must become". I think men have to become so that they just are as well. But I have no clue how to do that.
Hope you guys can give me some good input.

 

[Gamisch]

I went to the art academy as a " introvert hoodlum ". I felt like I was outta place, all these rich kids and there I was, straight from the street of...

I wished somebody would tell me back then that all that matters at this point are results. The other side of the spectrum could be you being hyper popular, and messing up your study by dealing with too much distractions.

It's a give and take game. You gotta provide value in order to get value from others. What value do you provide? Far as I know most universities/academies have lots of programs and activities. Futsal, squash boxing ect. Maybe chess. Maybe there is something you can teach others?

And by the way, true friendship is a rare commodity. You should also take initiative now and then. Dontwaitfor people to acknowledge you, acknowledge yourself first.

The goal is to get that paper. Chin up and go get it. Dont walk around depressed because you are not popular. Get that paper and enable yourself to become a high value man in society. Getting women is easy. Getting a university degree isn't.

 

[tightgrp]

... I realize no one really gives an f about me.

Congrats! You graduated into manhood. They never really will unless you offer some kind of value. Even then, consider it fleeting. What and who we value and are valued by will change your entire life. Never stop cultivating your value. Never focus on building someone else's value ... especially a woman.

 

[Kotaix]

You have to put in the time if you want to have a social circle, even if this means organizing your own events. If you sit back and wait for people to include you then you're in for a lot of disappointment.

Whatever you do, don't talk about red pill or complain when talking to others, that's a surefire way to get uninvited from everything

 

[SW15]

@BoostedArrow -- At 21, it is still worth having friends and trying to build a social circle. If you were 30+ and didn't have much in the way of friends, I'd tell you to focus on other things. Unattached and marginally attached men tend to be on the fringes of social circles after age 30.

 

[CoandaEffect]

I struggled a lot making friends when I was younger. I’ve changed in two ways.

1. I have accepted that I am not, nor will I ever be the guy that everyone likes. That’s ok with me, there are lots of people I don’t like either. If people want to be my friend, that’s great I’ll be theirs, otherwise I don’t sweat it.

2. I have discovered that men bond and make strong friends when they have similar passions and interests. I have a few good friends today and we are friends because we get together and do stuff that we enjoy. In my case that is motorbike touring, sailing and guitar playing.

The best way to make friends is take an interest in something that you really enjoy and meet people that share that interest.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

The older you get, the more intentional you will become with your social circle, if any. It is quite common for men over 30 to have few close friends if any. It is normal and ideal to start enjoying your own company. So spending alone time will happen more often and it is a good thing.

But, you do want some type of social circle you can find a support system and share common interests, passions, etc. We are social creatures so it is a matter of mental health to have people in your life you can feel valued, supported, loved, and needed by. But as another member stated, there will be people that won't like you and vice-versa. That is expected.

 

[logicallefty]

Congrats! You graduated into manhood. They never really will unless you offer some kind of value.

This^.

Women are valued because of what they ARE. Men are valued because of what they DO. Women can receive without giving because they ARE hot. But as men we have to DO something for people in order to get anything of value back.

 

[Mike32ct]

Less is more. Focus on the one or two people that are accepting of you, and don’t worry about the other clique-y people.

I can get along with almost anybody in real life. But maybe 1 in 20 (at best) will actually “get” me. That’s totally fine.

 

[BoostedArrow]

It's a give and take game. You gotta provide value in order to get value from others. What value do you provide? Far as I know most universities/academies have lots of programs and activities. Futsal, squash boxing ect. Maybe chess. Maybe there is something you can teach others?

Congrats! You graduated into manhood. They never really will unless you offer some kind of value. Even then, consider it fleeting. What and who we value and are valued by will change your entire life. Never stop cultivating your value. Never focus on building someone else's value ... especially a woman.

You have to put in the time if you want to have a social circle, even if this means organizing your own events. If you sit back and wait for people to include you then you're in for a lot of disappointment.

Whatever you do, don't talk about red pill or complain when talking to others, that's a surefire way to get uninvited from everything

I struggled a lot making friends when I was younger. I’ve changed in two ways.

1. I have accepted that I am not, nor will I ever be the guy that everyone likes. That’s ok with me, there are lots of people I don’t like either. If people want to be my friend, that’s great I’ll be theirs, otherwise I don’t sweat it.

2. I have discovered that men bond and make strong friends when they have similar passions and interests. I have a few good friends today and we are friends because we get together and do stuff that we enjoy. In my case that is motorbike touring, sailing and guitar playing.

The best way to make friends is take an interest in something that you really enjoy and meet people that share that interest.

Well I don't really believe in this whole value stuff. As an example: My appartment is right next to area where all the clubs and night venues are. So what I did was providing a space to meet up, leave bags and stuff, be safe if something happens (like alcohol overdose) and start drinking (drinks that I learned to do myself, you can look up Planter's Punch for an example). I provided this as a value, in my opinion this is quite a ressource to have. But still people weren't eager to come to me.


Also I was for a while in the national squad of my martial art club (it was right before the pandemic hit), we we're training for an european championship at the time. So I spent a lot of time with those guys there and even doing sth high profile as that together. They also didn't care that much about me.

@BoostedArrow -- At 21, it is still worth having friends and trying to build a social circle. If you were 30+ and didn't have much in the way of friends, I'd tell you to focus on other things. Unattached and marginally attached men tend to be on the fringes of social circles after age 30.

What would you advise me to do then? Bc. I have no idea what to do about it. I've tried things. On paper my life doesn't look so bad, but it still doesn't work.

 

[corrector]

Well I don't really believe in this whole value stuff. As an example: My appartment is right next to area where all the clubs and night venues are. So what I did was providing a space to meet up, leave bags and stuff, be safe if something happens (like alcohol overdose) and start drinking (drinks that I learned to do myself, you can look up Planter's Punch for an example). I provided this as a value, in my opinion this is quite a ressource to have. But still people weren't eager to come to me.


Also I was for a while in the national squad of my martial art club (it was right before the pandemic hit), we we're training for an european championship at the time. So I spent a lot of time with those guys there and even doing sth high profile as that together. They also didn't care that much about me.



What would you advise me to do then? Bc. I have no idea what to do about it. I've tried things. On paper my life doesn't look so bad, but it still doesn't work.

Be careful exposing yourself to the public or be too eager. You might get marked by criminal elements or someone jealous of you.

Dont try too hard. Heard a bad story from a local media outlet a decade or two ago and it burned into my mind.

 

[Bokanovsky]

What would you advise me to do then? Bc. I have no idea what to do about it. I've tried things. On paper my life doesn't look so bad, but it still doesn't work.

Simply put, you are not a charismatic person. People don’t see you as someone who is interesting, cool or fun to be around. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or lack intelligence. In fact, decent and intelligent people are often “boring”.

The good news is that you can change how people perceive you. The bad news is that there is no quick solution. There is nothing that you can do that will produce immediate or quick results. Basically, you have to change your entire personality. That’s going to be a slow and unpleasant process based largely on trial and error. And you’re going to have to do it all on your own.

 

[MtmVaott]

As you think, you shall become.

When you were bullied and excluded back then, if not already before, you built beliefs and expectations like no one wants you, s.th. is wrong with you, you have to make people like you, you are not allowed to respect yourself, people will always exclude you, etc pp.

Your life on paper looks indeed very good, you have I solid base I suppose. Like Bokanovsky said, it's not easy to change. You need more accepting persons, or a mentor, but I would NOT get 'rid' of the unaccepting persons, since they will be useful for you and you don't want to loose connection to your university peers under any circumstances (depends on how anonymous your uni is).
Also, focus on developing passions, and discard the Red Pill black and white thinking, it's of no service. About women: Befriend the <5 HB, those are the only ones who could even provide any value if any for you in your current situation.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You didn't get bullied because you were smart, more likely because you were socially awkward.

Plenty of smart kids are also popular kids, it's not some mutually exclusive thing where if you are dumb you are a jock and if you are smart you are bullied.

You are finding out the truth about people. Most of them really don't give a F about you or anyone else other than themselves.

All these people who claim they have tons of "friends"? It's mostly BS. Very few of them are more than acquaintances. Very few of these so called "friends" will be there for them if they need them. They are there for the good times but will be nowhere to be found when things are bad.

I have two friends I have known since childhood that have been there with me through thick and thin and the same with me for them...I trust them with pretty much anything and I know they have my back.

These are hard to come by and most people will never have more than 3 in their entire life.

Everyone else is a superficial friend. That's life.

 

[Travel memoir21]

The guys here are right, when it comes to friends, it's all about quality not quantity.

If it's 2 or 3 guys you can count on, then that's something. If you want to experience more social activity I suggest you volunteer or go join up a Church if that's what's you're looking for. Go to old people's homes and make their day. Go to a hospice and make some friends with those who are near death and learn from them, go help out a food bank or a homeless shelter etc. You're in college man, make sure to join a gym if you're not already in one, take up No Fap, stop looking at porn if you are - This stuff works, it will make you more charismatic.

Like I said, quality over quantity, when it comes to friendships.

 

[SW15]

You didn't get bullied because you were smart, more likely because you were socially awkward.

A lot of high IQ people are socially awkward. In the K-12 years, a lot of bullying too is a result of relocations. First year in a new school can be brutal for transplanted children, especially K-8.

What would you advise me to do then? Bc. I have no idea what to do about it. I've tried things. On paper my life doesn't look so bad, but it still doesn't work.

My appartment is right next to area where all the clubs and night venues are. So what I did was providing a space to meet

You are well situated for getting one night stands from approaching in night venues.

Simply put, you are not a charismatic person. People don’t see you as someone who is interesting, cool or fun to be around. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or lack intelligence. In fact, decent and intelligent people are often “boring”.

The good news is that you can change how people perceive you. The bad news is that there is no quick solution. There is nothing that you can do that will produce immediate or quick results. Basically, you have to change your entire personality. That’s going to be a slow and unpleasant process based largely on trial and error. And you’re going to have to do it all on your own.

@BoostedArrow -- This is the solution.

You have to put in the time if you want to have a social circle, even if this means organizing your own events. If you sit back and wait for people to include you then you're in for a lot of disappointment.

Whatever you do, don't talk about red pill or complain when talking to others, that's a surefire way to get uninvited from everything

All true. I can't talk about the red pill in great detail with my main social group of friends, though that main group is sort of falling apartment due to relocations and babies.

 

[BoostedArrow]

Simply put, you are not a charismatic person. People don’t see you as someone who is interesting, cool or fun to be around. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or lack intelligence. In fact, decent and intelligent people are often “boring”.

The good news is that you can change how people perceive you. The bad news is that there is no quick solution. There is nothing that you can do that will produce immediate or quick results. Basically, you have to change your entire personality. That’s going to be a slow and unpleasant process based largely on trial and error. And you’re going to have to do it all on your own.

I mean yeah probably. During highschool and while I was training in the squad I got into 'self-improvement' on Quora where I read about confidence and charisma and all that stuff. I wanted to be popular. The things actually worked, but only in the situation, afterwards I was forgotten again, and that crushed my morale. I know I can thrive in certain situations, but the problems are a) the effects are very limited in the shortterm and b) I can't keep up the energy over a longer period of time.

Yeah, I'm doing way better than a year before personally. I'm working on the long-term thing now.

As you think, you shall become.

When you were bullied and excluded back then, if not already before, you built beliefs and expectations like no one wants you, s.th. is wrong with you, you have to make people like you, you are not allowed to respect yourself, people will always exclude you, etc pp.

Your life on paper looks indeed very good, you have I solid base I suppose. Like Bokanovsky said, it's not easy to change. You need more accepting persons, or a mentor, but I would NOT get 'rid' of the unaccepting persons, since they will be useful for you and you don't want to loose connection to your university peers under any circumstances (depends on how anonymous your uni is).
Also, focus on developing passions, and discard the Red Pill black and white thinking, it's of no service. About women: Befriend the <5 HB, those are the only ones who could even provide any value if any for you in your current situation.

I also realized I cannot run from the problem forever, so I'll stay with the current people. I wish I had a mentor, but I don't know where I could find sb. that could teach me those things and is at least not too much bluepilled.
I'm starting with reading the bood 'Mastery' by Robert Greene now, I hope I'll find sth. that suits me as a passion.

What do you mean by black and white thinking

The guys here are right, when it comes to friends, it's all about quality not quantity.

If it's 2 or 3 guys you can count on, then that's something. If you want to experience more social activity I suggest you volunteer or go join up a Church if that's what's you're looking for. Go to old people's homes and make their day. Go to a hospice and make some friends with those who are near death and learn from them, go help out a food bank or a homeless shelter etc. You're in college man, make sure to join a gym if you're not already in one, take up No Fap, stop looking at porn if you are - This stuff works, it will make you more charismatic.

Like I said, quality over quantity, when it comes to friendships.

Those things sound lovely, but how much time do you think I have? I'm studying in the MIT of my country in a difficult engineering field. Also I'd like to do things with the people here.
Gym yes, already go, I fap sometimes (I just did NNN here on SS), I don't really watch porn. Those things are good, but I don't see how they do anything with charisma.

A lot of high IQ people are socially awkward. In the K-12 years, a lot of bullying too is a result of relocations. First year in a new school can be brutal for transplanted children, especially K-8.

You are well situated for getting one night stands from approaching in night venues.

I don't know, when I started with school I was dumb as fck, the teachers thought I was mentally tardy. Then my mom let me being tested, and it turned out I was quite smart, just a lil bit behind in my 'vocal developement'. The bullying started right there btw. Later it turned into this "let's flame the nerd" or whatever.

Yes you're right, I've been thinking going out alone. I will def. do that once the next exams are over. I'm scared tbh., bc. going out alone implies the exact opposite of social proof, and that'd make cold approaching even harder.

 

[MtmVaott]

I also realized I cannot run from the problem forever, so I'll stay with the current people. I wish I had a mentor, but I don't know where I could find sb. that could teach me those things and is at least not too much bluepilled.
I'm starting with reading the bood 'Mastery' by Robert Greene now, I hope I'll find sth. that suits me as a passion.

What do you mean by black and white thinking

I think most men who have some life experience are good mentors. You'll need a hobby to find one, or university program, or maybe even here.
If your university subject is not a passion, or at least interesting, you'll have a hard time connecting with your peers in uni. Besides bigger issues. Engineering students are very different from social science students for example. Personality-wise, and hobby-wise.

Black and white thinking means to either evaluate something as 100% negative, or 100% positive. Examples:
'Every woman is evil.', 'All women are the same.', 'Men are evaluated by looks, money, status.', 'Women want men to get at their resources.', 'There are Betas, and there are Alphas.', 'I am 'Alpha'.', ...
Look at how ridiculous these statements are. And now remember, you become what you think. You will look for validation of these statements, and you will view situations in the way of these statements, and won't consider other possible views. Then you end up with people who evaluate you for LMS, gold diggers, narcissists, mysoginists, ...

 

[SW15]

Yes you're right, I've been thinking going out alone. I will def. do that once the next exams are over. I'm scared tbh., bc. going out alone implies the exact opposite of social proof, and that'd make cold approaching even harder.

You can go out to night spots alone and pull. You must be extremely confident though. Living across the street from some bars is plausible deniability about being out alone. In general, non-bar approaching is better suited for the lone wolf guy. I'm a lone wolf guy myself which is why the lone wolf is my avatar here.

 

[tightgrp]

Well I don't really believe in this whole value stuff. As an example: My appartment is right next to area where all the clubs and night venues are. So what I did was providing a space to meet up, leave bags and stuff, be safe if something happens (like alcohol overdose) and start drinking (drinks that I learned to do myself, you can look up Planter's Punch for an example). I provided this as a value, in my opinion this is quite a ressource to have. But still people weren't eager to come to me.


Also I was for a while in the national squad of my martial art club (it was right before the pandemic hit), we we're training for an european championship at the time. So I spent a lot of time with those guys there and even doing sth high profile as that together. They also didn't care that much about me.

Validated value. Just because you value something doesn't mean many others will. If you're paying attention, people will show you exactly what they value and don't.