I don't have friends

[corrector]

and won't consider other possible views.

Such as?

 

[eli77]

This post hit pretty hard for me I had a circle of friends in high school that quickly diminished once I hit my late 20s my problem was confusing seniority with loyalty very few of my guy friends at 18 while I was in high school knew about red pill blue pill or this forum most of them are on their second divorce and have a kid that their are forced to pay child support for my best tip for anyone between the age of 18 and 25 choose your circle carefully it has been scientifically proven that you are who you hang around with

 

[MtmVaott]

Such as?

Thats the question.
'Women like me because it's me.', 'Women like to share their time with me.', 'I like my kindness.', 'Women are humans with different life experiences.', 'I am awesome'
If you believe these, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women conform to these beliefs, even if they don't have them themselves. These women will be weeded out sooner or later. Same for male acquaintances.
And you get treated how you treat others. At least for a very large part. You also receive the kind of energy you give out back.
You can really mold your reality to your liking. You make your male existence worth living. No one else is doing this for you. Certainly not society. However, there are believes missing to the above, the above lack selfishness. That's also crucial. Maybe RP is good for that

 

[BoostedArrow]

This post hit pretty hard for me I had a circle of friends in high school that quickly diminished once I hit my late 20s my problem was confusing seniority with loyalty very few of my guy friends at 18 while I was in high school knew about red pill blue pill or this forum most of them are on their second divorce and have a kid that their are forced to pay child support for my best tip for anyone between the age of 18 and 25 choose your circle carefully it has been scientifically proven that you are who you hang around with

Well if you hang out with nobody, are you a nobody?

Scientifically? Got any studies on that mate? xD

You can go out to night spots alone and pull. You must be extremely confident though. Living across the street from some bars is plausible deniability about being out alone. In general, non-bar approaching is better suited for the lone wolf guy. I'm a lone wolf guy myself which is why the lone wolf is my avatar here.

"extremely confident", if it would be that easy lol. That's a good point about the p.d. I've also thought to use the fact,that my mates from engineering are not keen on going out (introvert stereotype). Here in switzerland social proof is quite important, so that's a disadvantage, also it's not very common to do game outside of clubs.

I think most men who have some life experience are good mentors. You'll need a hobby to find one, or university program, or maybe even here.
If your university subject is not a passion, or at least interesting, you'll have a hard time connecting with your peers in uni. Besides bigger issues. Engineering students are very different from social science students for example. Personality-wise, and hobby-wise.

Black and white thinking means to either evaluate something as 100% negative, or 100% positive. Examples:
'Every woman is evil.', 'All women are the same.', 'Men are evaluated by looks, money, status.', 'Women want men to get at their resources.', 'There are Betas, and there are Alphas.', 'I am 'Alpha'.', ...
Look at how ridiculous these statements are. And now remember, you become what you think. You will look for validation of these statements, and you will view situations in the way of these statements, and won't consider other possible views. Then you end up with people who evaluate you for LMS, gold diggers, narcissists, mysoginists, ...

I am interested in my field. But tbh. I'm struggling with it. (a lot are, but yea) Also we don't have that many hobbies, since studying takes away a lot of time.

I struggled with connecting in High-School, the military, my sports club and now university. I was never a part of the group there.

 

[2Rocky]

As a loner in grade school and High School, it was college before I found a group of guys I could relate to and even then it was only 25% of the 40 or 50 guys I lived with. But I knew a lot of people. I eventually learned that everyone you meet has a place in your life, and vice versa. Some people you will share ideals, others you will share interests,and some you will share a common bond of mutual respect.

https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/relationships/how-not-to-be-disappointed-with-your-friends/

 

[eli77]

Check out any YouTuber with the PhD in psychology or self-help expert or simple Google search or show you that you are who you hang around with are you going to tell me that you have to sum of the people you surround yourself with?

 

[corrector]

Thats the question.
'Women like me because it's me.', 'Women like to share their time with me.', 'I like my kindness.', 'Women are humans with different life experiences.', 'I am awesome'
If you believe these, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women conform to these beliefs, even if they don't have them themselves. These women will be weeded out sooner or later. Same for male acquaintances.
And you get treated how you treat others. At least for a very large part. You also receive the kind of energy you give out back.
You can really mold your reality to your liking. You make your male existence worth living. No one else is doing this for you. Certainly not society. However, there are believes missing to the above, the above lack selfishness. That's also crucial. Maybe RP is good for that

Noted. In terms of life-coaches and even the type of content I look at, I completely agree with what you are saying. I guess its easier to dwell on the negative than the positive based on how we are wired. You can't control outcomes but you can control your own self-dialogue or thoughts to some extent, choosing to voice the positive and ignore the negative.

 

[MtmVaott]

Noted. In terms of life-coaches and even the type of content I look at, I completely agree with what you are saying. I guess its easier to dwell on the negative than the positive based on how we are wired. You can't control outcomes but you can control your own self-dialogue or thoughts to some extent, choosing to voice the positive and ignore the negative.

Yes...to see things in a different light. And you influence the outcomes. If you go out on the street with a very positive, confident mood, instead of a sad and bitter one, you will behave differently and cause different situations.
Controlling outcomes is a result of believing people won't comply and respect your wishes and needs.

The typical RP-coaches provide (sincere) advice for people with a negative belief system, on top of the system as a cope.
On the other hand, Anti-Dump gave dating advice not to get results despite the negative beliefs, but to go into friction with them. That would open room for other beliefs to build. The intention is completely different, just take a look at his strict 5 days no calling rule, no matter how hot the woman is. You will loose a lot of opportunities, and it's intended.

 

[BoostedArrow]

Check out any YouTuber with the PhD in psychology or self-help expert or simple Google search or show you that you are who you hang around with are you going to tell me that you have to sum of the people you surround yourself with?

Yes and Jordan Peterson a *Doctor* AND Professor in clinical Psychology and the one of the most quoted psychologist in the whole world. (Source for that: https://www.vox.com/world/2018/3/26/17144166/jordan-peterson-12-rules-for-life)
Yet still he says to keep a woman you need to be a good provider and whatnot. (So basically the Beta-Bux Side of Hypergamy)

I'm not flaming on you, but for sth. like this I'd like something precise.

Anyway, I'm kinda acting with this in the back of my head.

Thats the question.
'Women like me because it's me.', 'Women like to share their time with me.', 'I like my kindness.', 'Women are humans with different life experiences.', 'I am awesome'
If you believe these, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women conform to these beliefs, even if they don't have them themselves. These women will be weeded out sooner or later. Same for male acquaintances.
And you get treated how you treat others. At least for a very large part. You also receive the kind of energy you give out back.
You can really mold your reality to your liking. You make your male existence worth living. No one else is doing this for you. Certainly not society. However, there are believes missing to the above, the above lack selfishness. That's also crucial. Maybe RP is good for that

Idk. Sounds kinda like "Law of Attraction" BS to me. It's certainly useful to manipulate your mind into the positive, but tbh. I can't take it serious, bc. I know that everyone is kinda out for themselves and don't give a fck about you.

I try to work on a more "positive" mindset with affirmation videos and affirmation flash cards, that I put together. But there is still cynicism there, especially bc. I know better thanks to the RedPill.

As a loner in grade school and High School, it was college before I found a group of guys I could relate to and even then it was only 25% of the 40 or 50 guys I lived with. But I knew a lot of people. I eventually learned that everyone you meet has a place in your life, and vice versa. Some people you will share ideals, others you will share interests,and some you will share a common bond of mutual respect.

https://www.artofmanliness.com/people/relationships/how-not-to-be-disappointed-with-your-friends/

Thanks I'll check it out.

Yes...to see things in a different light. And you influence the outcomes. If you go out on the street with a very positive, confident mood, instead of a sad and bitter one, you will behave differently and cause different situations.
Controlling outcomes is a result of believing people won't comply and respect your wishes and needs.

The typical RP-coaches provide (sincere) advice for people with a negative belief system, on top of the system as a cope.
On the other hand, Anti-Dump gave dating advice not to get results despite the negative beliefs, but to go into friction with them. That would open room for other beliefs to build. The intention is completely different, just take a look at his strict 5 days no calling rule, no matter how hot the woman is. You will loose a lot of opportunities, and it's intended.

What do you mean by friction? I'm trying to observe thoughts and challenge them, when I believe them to not be helpful.

 

[MtmVaott]

" I know that everyone is kinda out for themselves and don't give a fck about you. "
That's what I mean. Is everybody out for themselves for 100%, is ruthless to 100% and you are not important to him/her to 100%?
If you expect people to be caring, you will behave accordingly and show interest in other people FIRST. Even if they didn't care to 100%, they now care to 60% as a reaction for your interest towards them. Quit showing interest, they won't care again. But it's always conditional.
Women get interest and respect for free, but actually it depends on their physical attractiveness (which can fade).
There will always be people who are incompatible to you. There are those who are really completely desinterested in you. And some just don't like your nose. You will know it when they don't reciprocate. These people are not important for you anyway.

" I try to work on a more "positive" mindset with affirmation videos and affirmation flash cards, that I put together. "
Great idea. I might give the flash cards a try as well.

" What do you mean by friction? I'm trying to observe thoughts and challenge them, when I believe them to not be helpful. "
If you do that you are on the right path.
This post explains how AD's advice could help: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-inner-struggle-of-the-dj-student.15922/post-128214

 

[BoostedArrow]

" I know that everyone is kinda out for themselves and don't give a fck about you. "
That's what I mean. Is everybody out for themselves for 100%, is ruthless to 100% and you are not important to him/her to 100%?
If you expect people to be caring, you will behave accordingly and show interest in other people FIRST. Even if they didn't care to 100%, they now care to 60% as a reaction for your interest towards them. Quit showing interest, they won't care again. But it's always conditional.
Women get interest and respect for free, but actually it depends on their physical attractiveness (which can fade).
There will always be people who are incompatible to you. There are those who are really completely desinterested in you. And some just don't like your nose. You will know it when they don't reciprocate. These people are not important for you anyway.

" I try to work on a more "positive" mindset with affirmation videos and affirmation flash cards, that I put together. "
Great idea. I might give the flash cards a try as well.

" What do you mean by friction? I'm trying to observe thoughts and challenge them, when I believe them to not be helpful. "
If you do that you are on the right path.
This post explains how AD's advice could help: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-inner-struggle-of-the-dj-student.15922/post-128214

I don't know, I tried the route of 'being interested' and 'active listening' and all that crap, but ppl just forgot me. (I think I mentionned that before) Plus there are people that want to put me down maliciously. Maybe I come off as weak or sth. idk, but this happens too often. So I can't just jump to other people even though I'd like. I was able to do that at the beginning of uni when most ppl came into class, but now some dropped out and a lot don't go into lectures, so I'm kinda limited there.


Yeah I thought to get those "good thoughts" properly into my head I should study them like we did with the vocabulary of another language.

Alright I'll read into that.

OP welcome to earth. I got good news for you. Humanity is flawed and thays ok.
No one gives a real crap about anyone really unless its in a combat situation and even then you want to save your brother because it will also save your azz.
So that being said stop worrying about who likes you and you will become likable.

Sure, but I'm mostly not even considered in social groups, which is bad for opportunities of any kind.


Btw. would anyone be down for a discord call?

 

[MtmVaott]

I don't know, I tried the route of 'being interested' and 'active listening' and all that crap, but ppl just forgot me. (I think I mentionned that before)

I can only make assumptions. You may have been incongruent, maybe scared and 'shy' about being interested in them. So they were sceptical.

Plus there are people that want to put me down maliciously. Maybe I come off as weak or sth. idk, but this happens too often. So I can't just jump to other people even though I'd like.

You could have done something to offend them but are not aware of it. Or you project something from your past into these people and frame their actions as malicious (I do this often). Or you have problems saying no and they take advantage.
Could be all three together.

Alright I'll read into that.

There isn't much to read actually. The belief thing is what's most important. I'd suggest a therapist for that.
You have to realize this is a seduction forum for the majority of users...Seduction is the consequence of 'I'm not worthy of love' and guys who are fine and want to have fun banging as much girls as possible. You are in the first category, so you will have a hard time here to gather useful advice to change yourself. And on top, the actual changing part has to be 100% individual. The believes have to be your believes like you would say them in your language with your personality, not like I say them.
I developed into opposition to seduction, I advocate self respect > female validation under all circumstances. Only my satisfaction with life matters, what women do and don't do is not my concern. Maybe take a look at DonQuixote's postings, he developed this position months before me and now deactivated his account and moved on (https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/relationships-expose-your-inner-demons.276261/post-2988664, https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/stop-simping-for-sex.276185/post-2985818, https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/stop-simping-for-sex.276185/post-2987149).

 

[BoostedArrow]

I can only make assumptions. You may have been incongruent, maybe scared and 'shy' about being interested in them. So they were sceptical.

You could have done something to offend them but are not aware of it. Or you project something from your past into these people and frame their actions as malicious (I do this often). Or you have problems saying no and they take advantage.
Could be all three together.

There isn't much to read actually. The belief thing is what's most important. I'd suggest a therapist for that.
You have to realize this is a seduction forum for the majority of users...Seduction is the consequence of 'I'm not worthy of love' and guys who are fine and want to have fun banging as much girls as possible. You are in the first category, so you will have a hard time here to gather useful advice to change yourself. And on top, the actual changing part has to be 100% individual. The believes have to be your believes like you would say them in your language with your personality, not like I say them.
I developed into opposition to seduction, I advocate self respect > female validation under all circumstances. Only my satisfaction with life matters, what women do and don't do is not my concern. Maybe take a look at DonQuixote's postings, he developed this position months before me and now deactivated his account and moved on (https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/relationships-expose-your-inner-demons.276261/post-2988664, https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/stop-simping-for-sex.276185/post-2985818, https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/stop-simping-for-sex.276185/post-2987149).

I mean during the situations themselves I got good feedback, people were definitively talking, laughing with me. It just never led to anything. And that was in multiple social environments. It also worked with girls in Highschool quite well. Like I got some IOIs from some.

I definitvely had problems saying no and asserting myself, so that probably led them to pushing me around. I worked on that by watching Jordan Peterson's videos about shadow integration, that helped me a lot. I think I improved a lot in that regard. I don't know if I do things that offend others, I'll observe that. Projecting? Yes no, Idk. I mean people usually make me look bad and I label it as them being out for themselves. Like taking the opportunity to look good for once.

I tried therapy twice already. It ****ed me up really badly. (I wanted to kill myself afterwards.) Finding a good therapist here is very difficult.
I'd say I'm in both categories. (I'd also like to bang as much girls as possible lmao) I know my issue here is not really the main point of this forum, but it's still a problem for me, it limits my opportunities at life AND in getting girls. Bc. without a good social circle, I'm handicapped in getting girls.

That's why I really want to solve it.
I just don't know how. I already tried things that don't work.

I'm working on my headspace, but it takes time and difficutlt to do.

 

[eli77]

I don't know, I tried the route of 'being interested' and 'active listening' and all that crap, but ppl just forgot me. (I think I mentionned that before) Plus there are people that want to put me down maliciously. Maybe I come off as weak or sth. idk, but this happens too often. So I can't just jump to other people even though I'd like. I was able to do that at the beginning of uni when most ppl came into class, but now some dropped out and a lot don't go into lectures, so I'm kinda limited there.


Yeah I thought to get those "good thoughts" properly into my head I should study them like we did with the vocabulary of another language.

Alright I'll read into that.


Sure, but I'm mostly not even considered in social groups, which is bad for opportunities of any kind.


Btw. would anyone be down for a discord call?

Where are you located?

 

[eli77]

Validated value. Just because you value something doesn't mean many others will. If you're paying attention, people will show you exactly what they value and don't.

I'm a firm believer in keeping a tight circle

 

[BoostedArrow]

Where are you located?

Switzerland.

I'm a firm believer in keeping a tight circle

Same, but I had to adopt the principle of Plate spinning to any kind of relationship.
I mean what good does it do to me if I only hang with the same people and run the risk that they push me out?

 

[MtmVaott]

I mean during the situations themselves I got good feedback, people were definitively talking, laughing with me. It just never led to anything. And that was in multiple social environments. It also worked with girls in Highschool quite well. Like I got some IOIs from some.

I experience this myself.

You know, there is a difference between talking and talking to get something.

The first is only good to find topics to the second. Also called small talk.
Jokes are great, irony is great, in most cases.

But what 'leads to more' are the discovered opportunities to get something out of the other, and vice versa.

So what do you need? What do you want?

Most people are ordinary, normal people. Both you and me are ordinary people. So there are a lot of topics to go after, from how to clean your room over which christmas presents to get to where to get best xyz-food.

And then there are bigger goals: I can think of goals for hobbies and carreer.
But those are also just goals. If you go into a sport club, you can't just go there and play. You need some aim, e.g. to get into the competitions, get the next belt, catch more fish, etc. Later a goal becomes to teach.


I have a experience where I was heavily depressed and started a travel with a ticket to drive in most of my continent (you might know where I live). In the second city I couln't get a hostel in the city centre and just sat at the train station after 18pm. I didn't care for anything anymore.
After hours of just sitting there I took my travel guide and looked into it. Couldn't decide for a destination. And then came a talk with myself which included 'what do I want?' and 'I don't like the cold here', so I dicided to completely leave the current country, overstep another and go more south. I missed two beautiful countries, but it was not an option to stay, because I freezed. And this turned my travel into reaching the southern sea of my continent, over a route of what I considered 'dangerous' and unknown countries.
So with more and more days, I became more and more assertive. Made plans what to visit, and went for it. Thought about the next destination along my route, made plans to get there, got tickets and preparations. At the end of the travel, I wasn't depressed anymore. That came back at home.

So as you see, getting out a map from time to time and thinking what currently is going on with you might lead to good outcomes.
I think I did this over and over again during my travel and kind of automated it. But the travel had an end.
But the intensity of the goal was 'appropriate'. Imagine an everyday life where you sprint to get the metro to not miss a minute of your sport club training and go all lengths to get to your uni class on time. You'd have a lot to achieve, and a lot of routes to let people travel with you.