Conflict after 3 months

[WarMachine]

I (bf 31) have met this girl (27) 3 months ago. There was a big chemistry since day one and we started dating. She is giving, caring, generous but has a strong personnality. After a couple of weeks of dating, she seemed so enthusiastic about the relationship that she was texting all day long, showing a lot serious interest and care. I felt she wanted me part of her life. She also started to introduce me to her friends. I tried to manage to see her not more than 2 times a week.
Things were going really smooth until recently.

3 weeks ago, she told me about going to this party that is organised by one of her friends at a bar, but she did not invite me.
Eventually, she went there without me and called me from there to see what I'm doing that night. I said I was out with some friends. And I asked why she did not invite me. She said that I am welcome if I wanted to join her. I said no it's too late because she did not want me there in the first place.

At the end of the night, she called me at 2am to say that she got home.

The following days, I did not contact her. And she did not try to reach out neither. Now, we're going into the third week without contact.

What do you think about this situation ? Do I need to contact her to discuss the situation or do I wait for her call knowing that if she's not reaching out, I would just accept that it is over.

 

[member160292]

Is this the first time she didn't invite you out with her friends?
You might have been a little abrasive by telling her you weren't coming because she didn't invite you. People also have their own social lives outside of the relationship.

Why did you wait 3 weeks to have her reach out to you?

 

[WarMachine]

Is this the first time she didn't invite you out with her friends?
You might have been a little abrasive by telling her you weren't coming because she didn't invite you. People also have their own social lives outside of the relationship.

Why did you wait 3 weeks to have her reach out to you?

She has her own social circle that she meets regularly without me. And I have no problem with that.

Here, it was like a special party at a bar on a Saturday night. I got upset because I understood that she did not want me there, and she did not give any explanation on the reasons why. So I assumed that if she's trying to check out from the relationship, I should not contact her anymore

 

[Bigpapa]

I (bf 31) have met this girl (27) 3 months ago. There was a big chemistry since day one and we started dating. She is giving, caring, generous but has a strong personnality. After a couple of weeks of dating, she seemed so enthusiastic about the relationship that she was texting all day long, showing a lot serious interest and care. I felt she wanted me part of her life. She also started to introduce me to her friends. I tried to manage to see her not more than 2 times a week.
Things were going really smooth until recently.

3 weeks ago, she told me about going to this party that is organised by one of her friends at a bar, but she did not invite me.
Eventually, she went there without me and called me from there to see what I'm doing that night. I said I was out with some friends. And I asked why she did not invite me. She said that I am welcome if I wanted to join her. I said no it's too late because she did not want me there in the first place.

At the end of the night, she called me at 2am to say that she got home.

The following days, I did not contact her. And she did not try to reach out neither. Now, we're going into the third week without contact.

What do you think about this situation ? Do I need to contact her to discuss the situation or do I wait for her call knowing that if she's not reaching out, I would just accept that it is over.

you act like women do

you should have told her that you felt weird for not being invited and just explain Your view on why is that

anything else is just drama insecurity ( what you did)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So let me get this straight...you are not her boyfriend but you think anytime she goes out she has to invite you?

She has rightfully sussed out you have a weak frame. Good luck.

 

[Bigpapa]

So let me get this straight...you are not her boyfriend but you think anytime she goes out she has to invite you?

She has rightfully sussed out you have a weak frame. Good luck.

he became jealous , thinking that if she goes alone in a club she will meet or bang other dudes

 

[jaymbrs]

So let me get this straight...you are not her boyfriend but you think anytime she goes out she has to invite you?

She has rightfully sussed out you have a weak frame. Good luck.

To BITG78'S point, guys are quick to assume that if a girl is showing a lot of interest, that it automatically translates to being exclusive. Until that conversation about being exclusive is had, assume she's texting you as much as another guy.

You're also being a little sensitive *****. You showed weak frame even more by not responding to her text after she got home. Assume she's completely put off by you and she has moved on.

I've made this mistake before and was unable to recover. Just some direct advice.

 

[WarMachine]

To BITG78'S point, guys are quick to assume that if a girl is showing a lot of interest, that it automatically translates to being exclusive. Until that conversation about being exclusive is had, assume she's texting you as much as another guy.

You're also being a little sensitive *****. You showed weak frame even more by not responding to her text after she got home. Assume she's completely put off by you and she has moved on.

I've made this mistake before and was unable to recover. Just some direct advice.

Actuallly, she asked me to be exclusive with her. And we did have this conversation.

It was a call and I answered it. She said that she got home. She asked me if I'm still out. I said yes and we said good night.

 

[jaymbrs]

Actuallly, she asked me to be exclusive with her. And we did have this conversation.

It was a call and I answered it. She said that she got home. She asked me if I'm still out. I said yes and we said good night.

Well it doesn't seem like you are exclusive. Just FYI.

 

[ubercat]

4 years jnr isn't young enough for a keeper. Plate status.

 

[Gamisch]

You kinda dug a hole here imo.

Jaw dropped when I read 3 weeks. 3 months, even tho they can be intense,is never long enough to make solid judgements .

Here is the thing;sometimes we men tend to copy behaviours from women , especially when you deal with her regularly. But that's a absolute no go. You CANNOT EVER act like her Whether its crying at the movie or giggling to much. Frame is highly important.

The only way to bring up someting like not being invited is in a jokingly manner. Playfully mention it , still making sure she doesn't sense you are feeling left out. And even that type of sarcasm is a slippery slope with women.

To get back to the feminine behaviour; ignoring her for 3 weeks is basically breaking up. 3 days would've send the message. Context matters, and after such an argument having no contact = moved on.

At least have some pride and wait for her to reach out. If she ever does, I wouldn't hold my breath until she did tho..
When she does don't even mention what happened, will only bring you back into argue mode.

Learn from this, and by that I mean fond out what were your motives to act this way might be something deeper than you think at first sight.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

4 years jnr isn't young enough for a keeper. Plate status.

Glanced at this comment and positively nodded in silence. At 27 years old a girl has more miles than a salvage car at the junkyard. Plate status until hard proven otherwise

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Ima do you a solid, brother.
If there is no exclusivity then she can do whatever she wants and that means going to the bar without your consent or without inviting you. she can talk to other dudes which she probably most likely is since she doesn't seem to care for the 3 week silence.
She definitely aint losing any sleep over your disappearance, my man.

If she was really infatuated with you and afraid of losing you then she would have already reached out to you way sooner to try patch sh!t up.
She is playing with her options and you are at the bottom of the pecking order due to that weak move you pulled.
Lets set the record straight.

Remember she is 27 and she had a life before she met you. She was talking to other guys before she met you. She was going to the bar before she met you.

You said " I felt she wanted me part of her life"

No, she wanted for you to make her feel good for a part of her life.

But I understand your emotions and your pride in this.
Since you banged her already a few times you thought she was yours and that she has to invite you to her bar missions etc
Never put money on that thought.

She didn't invite you alright fvck it cool.
You go out and do your thing.
If she stays or she leaves your toes stay tappin.

I wouldn't bother contacting her anymore unless she contacts you then hit her back up depending on what she says.
For whatever reason don't bring up that bar sh!t situation. nip it in a bud.
Her 3 week silence though would demote her to plate material.
Keep walking for own sanity.

 

[member160761]

At the end of the night, she called me at 2am to say that she got home.

The following days, I did not contact her. And she did not try to reach out neither. Now, we're going into the third week without contact.

What do you think about this situation ? Do I need to contact her to discuss the situation or do I wait for her call knowing that if she's not reaching out, I would just accept that it is over.

It is over. She went to this party with the intention of cheating on you, likely had a backup guy prior to this. She checked on and "invited" (then rejected) you out of guilt and thought to herself that you are not hanging out with your friends but probably cheating on her as well.

As a reminder, no girl is and does the following if she is LTR material:

• drinking out with her friends
• going to a party without you
• not asking for permission
• in her late 20s
• shows high interest from the get-go (you are not the first)

Thank you for your attention.

 

[Bigpapa]

It is over. She went to this party with the intention of cheating on you, likely had a backup guy prior to this. She checked on and "invited" (then rejected) you out of guilt and thought to herself that you are not hanging out with your friends but probably cheating on her as well.

As a reminder, no girl is and does the following if she is LTR material:

• drinking out with her friends
• going to a party without you
• not asking for permission
• in her late 20s
• shows high interest from the get-go (you are not the first)

Thank you for your attention.

man , no offense … but you said that you only slept with 2 girls

why do you think that you are an expert in LTR screening ?

your view is very extremist and makes no sense , and you would known this if you had a lot of field experience

 

[Dr.Suave]

OP lost frame + 3 weeks of NC = He´s better off deleting her number and finding a younger/hotter girl.

 

[member160761]

man , no offense … but you said that you only slept with 2 girls

why do you think that you are an expert in LTR screening ?

your view is very extremist and makes no sense , and you would known this if you had a lot of field experience

How do you define when you are experienced enough to say something credible? Should I have ****ed 100+ sloots, had 10 relationships minimum? My view makes sense to anybody whose last braincells are not fried by cooming and giving into sensual pleasures like it is the last goal to reach. I have men, *****mongers like you, who come to me for advice and doing mistakes I avoid just by thinking a little and not being a coombrain. Talk to any Muslim and they tell you exactly the same, ask your father or grandfather and he'd tell you exactly the same. These issues are not complicated, they are black and white.

 

[Bigpapa]

These issues are not complicated, they are black and white.

Rookie way of seeing things

nothing in life is black or white . Everything is different shades of grey

Wisdom - the ability to make good judgmentsbased on what you have learned from your experience

 

[Bigpapa]

Spot on analysis of how they think

bro , you are in a dark place lately . Watch out not to become one of these whiners

snap out of it !

 

[Modern Man Advice]

She said that I am welcome if I wanted to join her. I said no it's too late because she did not want me there in the first place.

That's what a girl would say to her guy. You messed up there.

In the greater scope of things, she has shown plenty of interest, effort, and consistency. She did not invite you this one time, and you get all defensive? And worse confront her? Nope, man.

You simply should not be phased, and if you can't help to be phased at least don't show it.

At this point, it's a tug-of-war of pride to see who reaches out first and "gives in". You are the one in the wrong and I would be the bigger person and reach out but play it cool. Don't even bring it up again.


Modern Man Advice