Reasons why you did not get a second date

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

As said before, a lot of the women on OLD and other websites are just timewasters. They've got 1000 other guys in their inbox and they're probably there for a reason in the first place.

It's one of those strange things in life, that it seems that the absolute worst places to meet a potential partner are those set up for that purpose.

If it wasn't for OLD then I would've never gotten a girlfriend and more than likely have 5 or less sexual encounters under my belt. Not everyone is privileged to be put in a situation around single women and even one that is single that we both find each other attractive. I am also not doing some stupid hobby on the sole purposes on wanting to meet a girl, I'll do whatever hobbies I want to fvcking do lol.

 

[SW15]

I called a girl recently out on this. She told me she didn't feel a romantic connection on our first date, and I basically told her she was an idiot to expect a deep connection in the first date which would make her vulnerable to sadistic psychopaths ha. I didn't care because she was pump and dump material in my eyes lol.

More men need to call more women out on this. Sadly, I do not think that will happen.

 

[bat soup]

If it wasn't for OLD then I would've never gotten a girlfriend and more than likely have 5 or less sexual encounters under my belt. Not everyone is privileged to be put in a situation around single women and even one that is single that we both find each other attractive. I am also not doing some stupid hobby on the sole purposes on wanting to meet a girl, I'll do whatever hobbies I want to fvcking do lol.

These swipe apps wouldn't be in buisness if people actually found partners and got off the app. The goal is to keep them on the app forever like a gambling addict wasting his hard earned cash on the slot machine.

Yes, it's a bunch of BS really. The swiping apps are even worse than the old dating apps because now they make you wade through the swamp of fatties and undesirables. Plus most of the hot women are only there to collect instabore followers.

 

[Steno]

Its shocking to me that a lot of guys struggle so much getting 2nd dates. To me the most difficult part is everything that has to be done BEFORE actually girls to come out on a date, like approaching her and having to keep in contact with her etc. I personally get 2nd dates from at least 95% of my 1st dates, that is assuming I actually like the chick and want to see her again.

But to answer your question, here are some things I have messed up on:

• Nervous energy: This happened to me on the first 2 dates I went on after not being on one for years due to being in a LTR. They can sense the nervous energy and it will turn them off
• TMI on previous relationships: Its best to not talk about any of ur previous relationships/hookups or dating experiences etc. If she asks give short generic answers and smoothly redirect the topic. Its ok to ask her about her past relationships but DO NOT DISCUSS YOURS
• "Wrong" answers to her screening questions: Most girls don't screen but some will ask a bunch of questions fishing for specific answers, they usually revolve around dating and past relationships
• Not leading: You should know when to end the date or move her to a different setting. When I was still new to dating, there was a few dates where things were dying down and instead of ending the date I let it drag for 15 more minutes because I felt awkward ending it. Usually after 1-2 drinks or if ur eating then after ur done eating u should take that as a queue to wrap up the date

For 1st dates I think the only thing you should focus on is being good with casual "getting to know you" talk. Avoid triggering, judgmental, deep, polarizing, and negative topics such as politics, religion, etc. Also maintain strong eye contact.

Oh and lastly, she should have a good perception of who you are by the end of the date. She should know what ur job occupation is, where your from and where you grew up, what are some hobbies ur passionate about etc..

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Its shocking to me that a lot of guys struggle so much getting 2nd dates. To me the most difficult part is everything that has to be done BEFORE actually girls to come out on a date, like approaching her and having to keep in contact with her etc. I personally get 2nd dates from at least 95% of my 1st dates, that is assuming I actually like the chick and want to see her again.

But to answer your question, here are some things I have messed up on:

• Nervous energy: This happened to me on the first 2 dates I went on after not being on one for years due to being in a LTR. They can sense the nervous energy and it will turn them off
• TMI on previous relationships: Its best to not talk about any of ur previous relationships/hookups or dating experiences etc. If she asks give short generic answers and smoothly redirect the topic. Its ok to ask her about her past relationships but DO NOT DISCUSS YOURS
• "Wrong" answers to her screening questions: Most girls don't screen but some will ask a bunch of questions fishing for specific answers, they usually revolve around dating and past relationships
• Not leading: You should know when to end the date or move her to a different setting. When I was still new to dating, there was a few dates where things were dying down and instead of ending the date I let it drag for 15 more minutes because I felt awkward ending it. Usually after 1-2 drinks or if ur eating then after ur done eating u should take that as a queue to wrap up the date

For 1st dates I think the only thing you should focus on is being good with casual "getting to know you" talk. Avoid triggering, judgmental, deep, polarizing, and negative topics such as politics, religion, etc. Also maintain strong eye contact.

Oh and lastly, she should have a good perception of who you are by the end of the date. She should know what ur job occupation is, where your from and where you grew up, what are some hobbies ur passionate about etc..

If you are cold/warm approaching, I can understand how getting a first date is harder because most of the time the girl is just too scared to say no. OLD, it's much harder to get a second date than first because of the type of women that are on it and it's a swipe app.

 

[sangheilios]

Who the hell cares if you do or don't get a 2nd date. Let's say you get some number off of social media, dating app or some random chance occurrence in public. Women in this situation are still strangers and a number might not even mean anything. Let's say you do actually get her out on a date, many women will go on a first date type setting with men they are luke warm towards for a host of reasons. Disregarding very specific and identifiable mistakes you made, she at some point may have decided she was not interested in going out on a 2nd date for whatever reason. You'll make yourself go insane trying to figure something like this out, at the end of the day you barely even know this person and shouldn't care if she wants to continue seeing you or not. I guarantee there is nothing unique or special about these women, too many men that care too much about stuff like this are often coming from an emotional place of scarcity.

I haven't asked a woman out in over 3 years and I cringe upon looking back on the effort I put in trying to meet/connect with women. Most women feel little to no interest in men that they cross paths with, if she isn't making herself available for a 2nd date or is making things difficult the correct frame of mind is "Why am I wasting my time on this woman when I have a ton of better things going on in my life to focus on". Get hobbies, interests, etc. and you won't care about women at all.

 

[sangheilios]

Its shocking to me that a lot of guys struggle so much getting 2nd dates. To me the most difficult part is everything that has to be done BEFORE actually girls to come out on a date, like approaching her and having to keep in contact with her etc. I personally get 2nd dates from at least 95% of my 1st dates, that is assuming I actually like the chick and want to see her again.

But to answer your question, here are some things I have messed up on:

• Nervous energy: This happened to me on the first 2 dates I went on after not being on one for years due to being in a LTR. They can sense the nervous energy and it will turn them off
• TMI on previous relationships: Its best to not talk about any of ur previous relationships/hookups or dating experiences etc. If she asks give short generic answers and smoothly redirect the topic. Its ok to ask her about her past relationships but DO NOT DISCUSS YOURS
• "Wrong" answers to her screening questions: Most girls don't screen but some will ask a bunch of questions fishing for specific answers, they usually revolve around dating and past relationships
• Not leading: You should know when to end the date or move her to a different setting. When I was still new to dating, there was a few dates where things were dying down and instead of ending the date I let it drag for 15 more minutes because I felt awkward ending it. Usually after 1-2 drinks or if ur eating then after ur done eating u should take that as a queue to wrap up the date

For 1st dates I think the only thing you should focus on is being good with casual "getting to know you" talk. Avoid triggering, judgmental, deep, polarizing, and negative topics such as politics, religion, etc. Also maintain strong eye contact.

Oh and lastly, she should have a good perception of who you are by the end of the date. She should know what ur job occupation is, where your from and where you grew up, what are some hobbies ur passionate about etc..

Most men are struggling with getting 2nd dates because a significant number of women are actively entertaining multiple men at any given point in time. All of this is a result of social media and dating apps, where the sheer access they have with men potentially interested in them is something that has never happened before in human history. Prior to these inventions, women were limited to men that were in their immediate geographical area and those that they crossed paths with in some form or another. Most women met men through church, school, work, through friends/family and maybe the occasional random chance occurrence in public. The number of matches women get in a week on a dating app would be what they'd end up meeting perhaps in a lifetime. It's not hard to see why this has created such an issue for men.

I can personally cite 2 women that are quite overweight and unattractive that literally had DOZENS of matches from tinder or whatever app they were using. These men were in their rotation of those they were entertaining and they clearly had their pick. Can you imagine what it's like for women that are more average or even attractive?

 

[Steno]

If you are cold/warm approaching, I can understand how getting a first date is harder because most of the time the girl is just too scared to say no. OLD, it's much harder to get a second date than first because of the type of women that are on it and it's a swipe app.

I usually don't like talking in absolutes, but stuff like "it's much harder to get a second date than first because of the type of women that are on it and it's a swipe app" is completely inaccurate. I can say with 100% certainty that for guys who are struggling to get 2nd dates its because they are 100% doing something wrong on the 1st date, its probably something minor too which makes it difficult to pin-point.

Sometimes I wonder if I live in a different planet than a lot of members on this forum because my experiences are completely different. To me its EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to get women from dating apps out on a 1st date. When a chick actually shows up to a 1st date I consider it a gigantic deal because 99% of them disappear before that. I can say without question that if a woman from OLD comes out on a 1st date that shes extremely high interest, the only exception is if the dude is leading with money, status, or simp-antics.

I would say that at bare minimum 70% (and that is still very low percentage, ideally 85% or higher) of 1st dates should lead to 2nd dates, with the exception being guys who are purposely running high risk game or experimenting with something. If anyone is struggling to get 2nd dates then send me a PM and I could try and diagnose what could be going wrong. There's like a million things that could go wrong.

 

[MatureDJ]

Let's see if I can inference from a comment one gal gave me ...

(Laughing) I didn't know you were short.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I usually don't like talking in absolutes, but stuff like "it's much harder to get a second date than first because of the type of women that are on it and it's a swipe app" is completely inaccurate. I can say with 100% certainty that for guys who are struggling to get 2nd dates its because they are 100% doing something wrong on the 1st date, its probably something minor too which makes it difficult to pin-point.

Sometimes I wonder if I live in a different planet than a lot of members on this forum because my experiences are completely different. To me its EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to get women from dating apps out on a 1st date. When a chick actually shows up to a 1st date I consider it a gigantic deal because 99% of them disappear before that. I can say without question that if a woman from OLD comes out on a 1st date that shes extremely high interest, the only exception is if the dude is leading with money, status, or simp-antics.

Getting them out on the first date is easy fvck. You might have a system where you filter out a lot of girls and the very few that make it through the funnel are a match vs when you get a lot of first dates, most of the girls are trash or going to reject you because of "no spark"

 

[The Duke]

Its shocking to me that a lot of guys struggle so much getting 2nd dates. To me the most difficult part is everything that has to be done BEFORE actually girls to come out on a date, like approaching her and having to keep in contact with her etc. I personally get 2nd dates from at least 95% of my 1st dates, that is assuming I actually like the chick and want to see her again.

But to answer your question, here are some things I have messed up on:

• Nervous energy: This happened to me on the first 2 dates I went on after not being on one for years due to being in a LTR. They can sense the nervous energy and it will turn them off
• TMI on previous relationships: Its best to not talk about any of ur previous relationships/hookups or dating experiences etc. If she asks give short generic answers and smoothly redirect the topic. Its ok to ask her about her past relationships but DO NOT DISCUSS YOURS
• "Wrong" answers to her screening questions: Most girls don't screen but some will ask a bunch of questions fishing for specific answers, they usually revolve around dating and past relationships
• Not leading: You should know when to end the date or move her to a different setting. When I was still new to dating, there was a few dates where things were dying down and instead of ending the date I let it drag for 15 more minutes because I felt awkward ending it. Usually after 1-2 drinks or if ur eating then after ur done eating u should take that as a queue to wrap up the date

For 1st dates I think the only thing you should focus on is being good with casual "getting to know you" talk. Avoid triggering, judgmental, deep, polarizing, and negative topics such as politics, religion, etc. Also maintain strong eye contact.

Oh and lastly, she should have a good perception of who you are by the end of the date. She should know what ur job occupation is, where your from and where you grew up, what are some hobbies ur passionate about etc..

I hope some of you that struggle to get 2nd dates read this. It's solid stuff.

 

[RangerMIke]

It's always the woman isn't feeling any chemistry. Nothing you can do about that but move on. If she is felling chemistry unless you've made a complete mess of things, you'll get a 2nd date.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

It's always the woman isn't feeling any chemistry. Nothing you can do about that but move on. If she is felling chemistry unless you've made a complete mess of things, you'll get a 2nd date.

These girl's aren't even worth fvcking tbh. They will just bring you unnecessary immature drama. Last, they will always be single, so don't act like you lost the one.

 

[Steno]

Getting them out on the first date is easy fvck. You might have a system where you filter out a lot of girls and the very few that make it through the funnel are a match vs when you get a lot of first dates, most of the girls are trash or going to reject you because of "no spark"

Ur an outlier because ur a chad. For most of us its like trying to throw an 80 yards hail marry to get these chicks out. I decided to carry out an experiment on dating apps, when I have time I will make a detailed post about the results. I remember PMing you a while ago because a lot of ur experiences with dating apps were EXPONENTIALLY different from mine and now I understand why that is the case.

It's always the woman isn't feeling any chemistry. Nothing you can do about that but move on. If she is felling chemistry unless you've made a complete mess of things, you'll get a 2nd date.

Its not that difficult, lack of chemistry just means you failed to do one or more of the following things (I placed them in order from most important to least important):

1. Being a fun, engaging conversationalist who is able to CONNECT WITH HER. WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT MATTERS, if your having fun conversations but the conversation doesn't lead to getting to know each other then its pretty much a waste of time. The whole point is to spend time getting to know each other and having fun doing so. Ask a lot of questions, be genuinely curious about her etc.

2. Project masculinity and confidence. This is done by giving her STRONG eye contact, projecting ur voice, confident body language etc. If possible I try to set dates where its easy to be in close proximity to her because it will strengthen the effect of the strong eye contact. Let me reiterate, STRONG EYE CONTACT is super important.

3. Do not come across as a **** boy. I noticed that women are extremely over analytical about 1st dates. DO NOT flirt, kino, sexualize, or go for a kiss on 1st dates or she might lump u into the **** boy category. Keep the vibe of the 1st date very casual, it should feel like shes talking to a very confident and masculine male friend who put her on the friend zone . I recently broke a super long streak of getting a 2nd date by experimenting with this, I had a VERY LIGHT make-out with a girl towards the end of a 1st date and gently squeezed her booty. She clearly liked it and she held my hands for like 3 minutes afterwards. That same night she was texting me like crazy but the next day she was being weird through text (taking ages to respond) and 2 days after she completely ghosted me. This is very weird but I get very unusual results when things get spicy on 1st dates so save that stuff for 2nd date on-wards.

 

[corrector]

This is insightful and a good argument for not doing tech-assisted dating. The swipe apps are the worst form of tech-assisted dating because women maximize their options on the swipe apps and get more entitled and unreasonable from the attention/validation.

Most men are better off not using swipe apps to arrange dates. Swipe apps will result in more quantity of dates than approaching strangers in a lot of cases. However, the quality of swipe app dates tends to be lower and there's a much higher risk of "one date, no sex, no second date" type dates.



Coffee dates are a waste of time. This is a bad choice for swipe app arranged dates.

There is not a sexual vibe in any coffee house. A woman will walk away from any coffeehouse date not feeling any sort of romantic connection, which means no first date. Most women on swipe apps are chasing that immediate spark and you won't get it in a coffeehouse. If the date was arranged from a stranger approach in-person, those women are slightly less entitled and unreasonable but even they are quick to dismiss a prospect, especially if they are running an app on their phone, which you'd never know when you approached them in person. With first dates arranged from stranger approaches in-person, swipe apps, or Instagram DM's, you're going to need to create a spark fast to get a second date and a coffee house is too neutral of a venue to create that spark. Alcohol and other stimuli helps with that spark creation. Swipe app participant females need that spark fastest.



Many times when you don't get the second date, it has little to do with the game that you run on the date. You'll never know the reasons why you didn't get a second date, which is frustrating for process improvement. Women generally ghost with little to no explanation. The few explanations you may get would be so general and unhelpful at all. 90%+ will be ghosts/flakes with 0 explanation.

Yeah, having a coffee date, especially in the middle of the day, is very neutral.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Yeah, having a coffee date, especially in the middle of the day, is very neutral.

if it’s that late, I’ll just have bobba tea or something. My current girl, we met through a coffee date lol. I don’t like these two plus hour adventure first dates because you never know if the girl is just wasting your time or not.

We had 3 hours of rabbit sex and making love on our second hangout. The next day she came over and we had sex again but she told me she went on an ice cream date earlier and didn’t want to flake on the guy lol. Sucks to suck for him but dude is lucky it was a 30 minutes and ice cream lol.

 

[SW15]

Its shocking to me that a lot of guys struggle so much getting 2nd dates.

If you are cold/warm approaching, I can understand how getting a first date is harder because most of the time the girl is just too scared to say no. OLD, it's much harder to get a second date than first because of the type of women that are on it and it's a swipe app.

I am shocked that @Steno is shocked.

When I was using the swipe apps and the dating websites before swipe apps, my #1 biggest problem was the "one date, no sex, no second date" problem. The second biggest problem was the quantity of matches. My match percentage of my right swipes was likely under 1%. That's complete shiit. I want to focus on the "one date, no sex, no second date" problem.

In stranger approaching, it is more difficult to get the first date. Getting a woman's attention can be a challenge in park and path approaching due to earbuds. The general gym floor is a toughie too because of the earbuds. Grocery stores and malls got tougher due to indoor masking and I think there's still a slight hangover from 2 years of indoor masking. Even before the pandemic, grocery stores and malls were not all that easy either.

Most men are struggling with getting 2nd dates because a significant number of women are actively entertaining multiple men at any given point in time. All of this is a result of social media and dating apps, where the sheer access they have with men potentially interested in them is something that has never happened before in human history. Prior to these inventions, women were limited to men that were in their immediate geographical area and those that they crossed paths with in some form or another. Most women met men through church, school, work, through friends/family and maybe the occasional random chance occurrence in public. The number of matches women get in a week on a dating app would be what they'd end up meeting perhaps in a lifetime. It's not hard to see why this has created such an issue for men.

This quote is a truth bomb. Every woman using swipe apps today has an abundance mentality. If you're meeting women off of swipe apps, her swipe and queue is at least hundreds deep. This has raised her expectations to stratospheric levels. She must have "all the feelz" to have a 2nd date. I have personally experienced dates very similar dates in the mid-2000s compared to 2015-present. In the mid-2000s, that date would have warranted a 2nd date. 2015-present, that same quality date results in a ghosting or a flaking simply because of female abundance.

A female doesn't even need to be on swipe apps to have abundance. If she's active on any social media platform, her DMs have a lot of date offers. It's understandable why men would try to slide in to DMs on Instagram or Twitter. However, even LinkedIn is full of men DM'ing women for dates and sexual favors.

An average looking, childless 30 something year old woman today has more penis options than a 19-22 year old supermodel did in 1988.

Who the hell cares if you do or don't get a 2nd date. Let's say you get some number off of social media, dating app or some random chance occurrence in public. Women in this situation are still strangers and a number might not even mean anything. Let's say you do actually get her out on a date, many women will go on a first date type setting with men they are luke warm towards for a host of reasons.

Social media, dating apps, or random stranger approachers are how SoSuave forum members would meet men. Men with solid social circles never find their way to a seducers internet forum.

Female abundance of options is the number 1 reason why most men don't get 2nd dates. Yes, there are men that do dumb things on 1st dates. However, there's also an abundance of information online about what not to do on an early stage or 1st date and most men have read those articles or watched those YouTube videos within a few years of starting dating. Most men know what pitfalls to avoid. 2nd dates come down to female options in most cases. Women have stratospheric expectations now for first dates if they use a swipe app or social media, regardless of the method you use to meet her. If she doesn't have "all the feelz" and she likes the unknown that exists in her DMs on social media or her inbox/swipe queue on an app, then you're finished as a man.

You'll make yourself go insane trying to figure something like this out, at the end of the day you barely even know this person and shouldn't care if she wants to continue seeing you or not. I guarantee there is nothing unique or special about these women, too many men that care too much about stuff like this are often coming from an emotional place of scarcity.

No man will ever know the reasons for sure why he is having too many "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions. There are interactions that are so bad that a man won't want to offer a 2nd date, but those are the minority. The more common occurrence is the man remaning interested, offering a 2nd date, and having the woman ghost or flake on the interaction.

Men are coming from scarcity due to increasing rates of sexlessness, difficulty getting attention offline (especially in daygame for those brave enough to try daygame), and the time suck of the dating apps.

If you're using swipe apps and experiencing too many "one date, no sex, no second date" interactions, the best option is to leave swipe apps.

 

[Veréngárda]

She said the wrong thing on the wrong day and my reaction convinced her I'm not "safe" or whatever.

 

[RangerMIke]

1. Being a fun, engaging conversationalist who is able to CONNECT WITH HER. WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT MATTERS, if your having fun conversations but the conversation doesn't lead to getting to know each other then its pretty much a waste of time. The whole point is to spend time getting to know each other and having fun doing so. Ask a lot of questions, be genuinely curious about her etc.

2. Project masculinity and confidence. This is done by giving her STRONG eye contact, projecting ur voice, confident body language etc. If possible I try to set dates where its easy to be in close proximity to her because it will strengthen the effect of the strong eye contact. Let me reiterate, STRONG EYE CONTACT is super important.

3. Do not come across as a **** boy. I noticed that women are extremely over analytical about 1st dates. DO NOT flirt, kino, sexualize, or go for a kiss on 1st dates or she might lump u into the **** boy category. Keep the vibe of the 1st date very casual, it should feel like shes talking to a very confident and masculine male friend who put her on the friend zone . I recently broke a super long streak of getting a 2nd date by experimenting with this, I had a VERY LIGHT make-out with a girl towards the end of a 1st date and gently squeezed her booty. She clearly liked it and she held my hands for like 3 minutes afterwards. That same night she was texting me like crazy but the next day she was being weird through text (taking ages to respond) and 2 days after she completely ghosted me. This is very weird but I get very unusual results when things get spicy on 1st dates so save that stuff for 2nd date on-wards.

IMO you can not control attraction. She is either feeling it or she isn't... not a darn thing you can do if she isn't physically attracted to you. You can increase the probability she will be attracted to you by taking care of yourself by keeping fit, cleaning yourself properly, and not dressing like a slob.

Everything you mentioned is important and I completely agree with all of it especially number 3, many guys watch too many PUA videos and think behaving like a horny jack@ss works, but really that is just not fvcking up a situation where there is already at lest some chemistry. If she is attracted to you she will let you know when to start grabbing at her, and she will let you do it as long as you are smart enough to read this signs.

To many guys go into dates with the attitude that of "I want to get laid"... well duh no sh1t, what man doesn't. But your attitude should be "Do I want this chick," She'll pick up on this and if she likes you then you will get signals to make a move... then you better.