Discussion: You catch your GF/Wife texting another man at midnight

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

lmao good luck finding women who have NO male friends. Sounds super insecure too.

From my experience, a girl drops all of her friends for a guy she likes

 

[EyeBRollin]

From my experience, a girl drops all of her friends for a guy she likes

That’s one possibility.

However, more important is why she has so many guy friends to begin with. My last four girlfriends none of them kept guy friends around prior to even meeting me. Women that do this are not suitable for relationships. They are broken. Your attention will never be enough for them long term.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing.”

Men, she has to already be worth committing to. Get it?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I’ve always been very at ease around males and have had close male friends all my life.

My fiancé also has two close female friends. One of whom he dated for two years and one he has never dated. He introduced me to both women just as I have introduced him to my male friends. In fact last night I was chatting with the one he used to date for an hour and a half. She’s a cool girl, educated & smart and hilarious. We get on great. They were never in love and their relationship ended by deciding to be friends so each person could find someone they love. Even so he doesn’t go to dinner with her or go over to see her when I’m away on business because he feels it’s poor optics and just not respectful to me.

Similarly he does not appreciate me being out alone with someone I’ve previously been involved with for the same reason. That’s easy. Simple.

Two of my closest male friends are engaged and I get on great with their respective ladies. In fact one of those girls knows how good a friend I am to her man because she and I were out together while they were fighting and we ran into my playboy buddy, who proceeded to hit on her. I told him straight up to back off, because of my friendship with her guy…and she didn’t want his attention anyway, which she made clear as well…but once she & my friend got things sorted he called me & told me how she said “BE is a REAL friend to you….”

If friends of the opposite gender cannot or do not respect the relationship then I agree it’s best to cut ties. But if there is respect? No worries.

I mean seriously you always have to watch same gender friends too. I’ve had male buddies of men I am with hit me up on the downlow more times than I can count over my life, and women will sometimes try and poach a gal pal’s man. So really it all comes down to character. Yours and the other persons.

You guys that think opposite sex friends are unreasonable better never marry. Then you’ll be expected to build couples friendships where you are friends with both partners in the couple…policing your spouse gets very old very fast. You need to be with someone who you trust and who has character worth trusting.

I do not have male friends for validation or back up. I have male friends for the same reason I have female friends. I like them, enjoy them as people and am interested in their lives. They are great people.

Exactly...anytime I hear stuff like this it tells me they haven't been in long term relationships where they do things together with other people regularly.

Not only would it get old, it would get kinda weird also.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You're the most conservative member of this forum you just don't know yet

Sounds like he would be perfect for Islam and living in the Middle East. Next thing is he will be telling them they have to be covered head to toe with only their eyes showing so no guys can look at them.

Funny how those women still cheat routinely even tho they are so controlled

 

[EyeBRollin]

You're the most conservative member of this forum you just don't know yet

You guys rationalize insufficient relationship boundaries. Relationships in the west have normalized a lot of inappropriate female behavior. If she wants to be for sale while in a relationship, she is for the streets. (Fvck her and move on)

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

One experience I've had is when my boyfriend at the time (now ex) and I were friends with another couple, we hung out together, even traveled together once.

The man's wife (my friend who I worked with at the time) went traveling for business, and her boyfriend called me and asked me out to dinner. Alone without my boyfriend.

At first, it sounded innocent however I still declined the invite.

After that it was Valentine's Day and I came into work and discovered a red teddy bear, flowers with a card on my desk.

They were from him!

We stopped hanging out with them after that, way too weird for me and again a PITA I just don't need in my life.

I made a topic about the men women deal with and this is your classic beta male orbiter that seems the least threatening, but is actually the most because guy will sacrifice his life to have a chance at bedding your wife. Also, these are the guys to pull the Death by Simp execution on your butt.

 

[Bokanovsky]

lmao good luck finding women who have NO male friends. Sounds super insecure too.

There is a difference between male acquaintances and orbiters (which nearly every attractive woman has) and actual "friends" that she frequently spends time with. The former is unavoidable while the latter is unacceptable.

 

[EyeBRollin]

There is a difference between male acquaintances and orbiters (which nearly every attractive woman has) and actual "friends" that she frequently spends time with. The former is unavoidable while the latter is unacceptable.

All are bad. Male “acquaintances” is commonly male co-workers / church / community colleagues. Those are tolerable, again provided there are no one on one food outings. Such is common sense. Good women naturally operate this way, so there isn’t pushback or objection.

Plus, I have no desire to hang with them anyway. It always ends up getting awkward and uncomfortable for me as explained in previous post.

I've come to the conclusion that I am very atypical and weird in this regard however.
That most women do have make friends, orbiters, however we wish to label.

No @catsmeow you are not atypical. All the woman I’ve been seriously involved with operate the same way. I almost never have to even bring up how to act regarding other men. Some women just “get it.”

 

[Bokanovsky]

Hmmm, I thought "orbiters" were male friends a woman hangs out with and uses for attention, validation or anything else she needs. Similar to "white knights."

An orbiter can be any dude you know (whether in real life or online) who wants to fvck you. He's not necessarily a "white knight", although he could be. He could be a close "friend" or just some guy who likes your pictures on instagram.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Well, firstly it's having the opposite effect that you think it is. Anytime a human is told "don't do something" or "you are forbidden to do this", psychologically it makes them MORE likely to want to do it. Just look at the Bible to see that. Eve was told not to eat the apple. What did she do? Yup...she ate the apple.

Secondly it makes you look about as insecure as you could possibly be. You think you are preventing her from cheating but all you are doing is making yourself look insecure in her eyes. If a woman wants to cheat she is going to do it whether she has male friends or not.

Honestly, it just seems comical to me.

1000% this.

 

[Sgthaytham]

If a woman is insecure and/or has low integrity, she'll cheat, and there's nothing you can do about it.

It's her loss.

You'll eventually meet someone better, someone loyal and someone you'll mean the world to.

When you tell a woman who has lots of male friends that she isn't allowed to, or you won't date her because she has so many male friends, you're communicating that you don't feel worthy of her love and attention. You're conveying your insecurity to her, which will make her attraction and comfort for you plummet.

If you have a good woman, and you treat her right, she'll treat you right. If your woman tells you about some guy who flirted with her, she's proving she's loyal. If you act jealous, needy, and insecure, she'll lose the comfort of telling you and won't want to deal with your insecurity.

Bottom bar: Women have male friends, get over it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

When you tell a woman who has lots of male friends that she isn't allowed to, or you won't date her because she has so many male friends, you're communicating that you don't feel worthy of her love and attention. You're conveying your insecurity to her, which will make her attraction and comfort for you plummet.

If you have a good woman, and you treat her right, she'll treat you right. If your woman tells you about some guy who flirted with her, she's proving she's loyal. If you act jealous, needy, and insecure, she'll lose the comfort of telling you and won't want to deal with your insecurity.

Bottom bar: Women have male friends, get over it.

No. Women have male “friends” as part of their mating strategy to keep replacement suitors in waiting. A woman off the market does not need a for sale sign. Wake up, mate. Why would you want a relationship with a woman that actively talks to guys trying to fvck her?

As Myron Gaines puts it- I could buy my dream Lamborghini and equip it with the best locking system in the world. Does that mean I should now go park it on the street in the worst crime-infested neighborhood?

 

[Sgthaytham]

No. Women have male “friends” as part of their mating strategy to keep replacement suitors in waiting. A woman off the market does not need a for sale sign. Wake up, mate. Why would you want a relationship with a woman that actively talks to guys trying to fvck her?

Read what I said again.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Read what I said again.

I did. It’s imprudent.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Again I know I am weird, but thanks @EyeBRollin for thinking I am typical, but judging from my female friends and what I read here and other forums, I don't think I am.

Most men in the west have not had positive relationship experiences. I’ve only committed to high interest women whose default was the same level of respect. As much as I talk about boundaries and discipling women for poor behavior, it is rarely necessary to do this with a woman that truly values her man. There is nothing atypical about a happily taken woman not having male friends.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

This is only my opinion and could be wrong about this. But in my experience, a "platonic" friendship between a male and a female tends to be conditional, most times on the male side.

Having said that, I'd tread carefully. It could be nothing on her end but could be something on his end. I just simply don't believe in genuine and unconditional intergender friendships. Ultimately, it is up to her to create those boundaries but in your case, texting a male friend that late at night can be a red flag. I just wouldn't make a fuss about it, just be alert.

If it happens to develop into a pattern, then that is something you need to draw the line on as it does undermine you as a man. As well as speaks about her ability to create boundaries which is a standard for me in women.

My two cents.

Modern Man Advice

 

[member160292]

I disagree with this. When a chick tells her boyfriend about some bozo who flirted with her, wants to fvck her, whatever, she's trying to evoke a reaction and intentionally trying to make him jealous. It's a shyt test all the way, and I am a woman saying this!

My exes have never put themselves in a position to flirt or be approached. One did tell me a guy said she was so beautiful while pumping gas. I'd admit that's stupidly bold to say to someone.

 

[Gamisch]

Gotta agree with @EyeBRollin on this one.

You can accept a woman having male friends, and just enjoy the ride for as long as it lasts. Once it's over and you disappear, you'll find out that the" good friend " is now her BF. Funny how she convinced you not to worry ain't it?

This is where we men go wrong. It's a thin line between being insecure and standing on your ground . We men are now conditioned to accept all kinds of ugly behaviors. Dressing slvtty, male friends, girls nights out ect ect. Soon as you slam your fist on the table your fellow men will tell you to " take it easy, how you ever gonna date of you think like this?".

It's just a cope for most men. Ofcourse, nowadays anybody can have IG or FB and low key stay in touch with all their ex lovers( whatever the exact role was). But to actually stay talkative ect...and then again, is this superficial contact ,once a month hi and bey? What's even the point of doing that( from a male perspective beside putting p00n in the fridge)??.

IME women will drop you when the interest is gone. Could be disinterest from your side, either way the relationship will bleed to death. All it takes is one dude with Alpha frame who she really likes to teach a woman how men really view male female bonds. Or its from her side, where she demands you as a man stop talking to your female friends so both parties bargaining terms to create their ideal relationship. Funny thing is when women demand these things everybody understands it.

If you let go of one boundary, the cycle doesnt stop . It starts with these small things ,and she can ultimately cheat on you and you will still be able to move your goal post and justify her cheating. Gotta nip it in the bud quickly.

 

[2Rocky]

She says he's just a friend and that's it. Do you do anything about it or just let it be?

It can happen anywhere though. I get approached in supermarkets, or even just walking to the supermarket or to work.

Unless a woman stays cooped up at home all day, if she's attractive she's gonna get approached, have men say things occasionally.

The thing to do is to shut it down, don't entertain it. For me, if they give me a compliment, I say thank you and walk away.

A couple of days ago I had one man literally follow me around the store! I did nothing to encourage this.

It's a fairly standard thing in my experience. I don't mention it to my boyfriend, it's irrelevant, a non-event as far as I'm concerned.

I would hear from my gf about a guy hitting on her at work. My response always is : "Hey why would I date a woman who was not friendly and attractive enough that men would be hitting on her? That just comes with the territory." It happened a couple times over the years.
One time when it was I added "If it is becoming a problem for you and you want my help in putting a stop to it, then I will."

 

[Bokanovsky]

I disagree with this. When a chick tells her boyfriend about some bozo who flirted with her, wants to fvck her, whatever, she's trying to evoke a reaction and intentionally trying to make him jealous. It's a shyt test all the way, and I am a woman saying this!

This is exactly right. There is no reason to bring this up except to make you feel jealous. The girl should automatically lose points for doing this.