Want to upgrade to something serious

[FlexpertHamilton]

I've been seeing a girl for 2 months. I banged two girls shortly before her and two after, one of which has become something of a side chick. In addition I've also planned a trip to Spain with some blonde chick who's probably a legit 9/10. I say all this to provide context so no one claims I have onentis.

Anyway, I told this girl from the start that I didn't want to jump into something serious, and that should both see other people. Well here I am 2 months later and my other options kind of pale in comparison to her and I genuinely have no desire to get any side ***** at this point. I find it exhausting and expensive to see multiple women at once and I really just don't think it's suitable for me.

It's been a long time since i've been in an LTR but I am thinking it would be worth it with her. What's the best way to make a relationship more intentionally "serious" ? Or do you think it's best to just let it happen naturally over time and not place expectations or labels on it?

 

[Murk]

That's the whole point of spinning plates, so when you do find a girl you want more with, it's from a place of clarity/abundance.

You need to gauge whether this girl wants more, you might get replaced by one of her plates if you wait too long considering you suggested to her you see other people.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

That's the whole point of spinning plates, so when you do find a girl you want more with, it's from a place of clarity/abundance.

You need to gauge whether this girl wants more, you might get replaced by one of her plates if you wait too long considering you suggested to her you see other people.

I'm quite sure she does. In fact from the start she kind of expected that we were going to progress into a normal relationship, and I had to explain why we should see other people at first. We have a great time together and we've already planned out trips months from now, so getting into an LTR with her seems natural. We've also started banging without a condom and she's not even on BC...so there's that too.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Hey, congratulations.
It's been a few years since a woman has inspired me to think in these terms. Glad to read that you found one.

Considering that you initially laid out some groundwork on you both being free agents, it's probably not a bad idea casually say something.

It could be as simple as...

"hey, I've been thinking. I like the way that things seem to be flowing with us and I'd like it if we didn't see other people."

Good luck.

 

[bat soup]

I've been seeing a girl for 2 months. I banged two girls shortly before her and two after, one of which has become something of a side chick. In addition I've also planned a trip to Spain with some blonde chick who's probably a legit 9/10. I say all this to provide context so no one claims I have onentis.

Anyway, I told this girl from the start that I didn't want to jump into something serious, and that should both see other people. Well here I am 2 months later and my other options kind of pale in comparison to her and I genuinely have no desire to get any side ***** at this point. I find it exhausting and expensive to see multiple women at once and I really just don't think it's suitable for me.

It's been a long time since i've been in an LTR but I am thinking it would be worth it with her. What's the best way to make a relationship more intentionally "serious" ? Or do you think it's best to just let it happen naturally over time and not place expectations or labels on it?

A good way to make a relationship more serious is to tell her about your STDs.

 

[The Duke]

I've been seeing a girl for 2 months. I banged two girls shortly before her and two after, one of which has become something of a side chick. In addition I've also planned a trip to Spain with some blonde chick who's probably a legit 9/10. I say all this to provide context so no one claims I have onentis.

Anyway, I told this girl from the start that I didn't want to jump into something serious, and that should both see other people. Well here I am 2 months later and my other options kind of pale in comparison to her and I genuinely have no desire to get any side ***** at this point. I find it exhausting and expensive to see multiple women at once and I really just don't think it's suitable for me.

It's been a long time since i've been in an LTR but I am thinking it would be worth it with her. What's the best way to make a relationship more intentionally "serious" ? Or do you think it's best to just let it happen naturally over time and not place expectations or labels on it?

Just stick with being a guy. Let the chick bring up topics like this. It's a man's job to drag his feet. Woman's job to label it. All stuff like this does is lower her anxiet. Doesn't help you at all.

 

[typical]

I've been seeing a girl for 2 months. I banged two girls shortly before her and two after, one of which has become something of a side chick. In addition I've also planned a trip to Spain with some blonde chick who's probably a legit 9/10. I say all this to provide context so no one claims I have onentis.

Anyway, I told this girl from the start that I didn't want to jump into something serious, and that should both see other people. Well here I am 2 months later and my other options kind of pale in comparison to her and I genuinely have no desire to get any side ***** at this point. I find it exhausting and expensive to see multiple women at once and I really just don't think it's suitable for me.

It's been a long time since i've been in an LTR but I am thinking it would be worth it with her. What's the best way to make a relationship more intentionally "serious" ? Or do you think it's best to just let it happen naturally over time and not place expectations or labels on it?

Ahhh the AFC has returned with the age old "Shes amazing" and "I'm tired of playing the game".

The game does not stop and I think you should consider improving your "Life" instead of settling with this girl just because shes better than any other prospects you've had.

 

[BuckledWheel]

Just let the relationship progress naturally my friend. You’ve already told her about seeing other people, which is a double edged sword & never a good idea. Don’t backtrack now. Watch & observe her actions over the next few months. Maintain your frame even if your not seeing other chicks. If she says she has a date or talks about someone else in the future it’s blown. Be cool about it all. This is what you told her. The game must continue otherwise all of your eggs are in one basket. Her actions after the holiday will be interesting. Never ever tell a chick you’re seeing other girls & never give her permission to do what you’re doing, it spells disaster.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Ahhh the AFC has returned with the age old "Shes amazing" and "I'm tired of playing the game".

The game does not stop and I think you should consider improving your "Life" instead of settling with this girl just because shes better than any other prospects you've had.

AFC? Lmao dude this isn't 2006 anymore How is liking a girl in a state of abundance in any way "AFC" behavior?

I never said the game stops, nor did imply in any way that I was going to settle into mediocrity with some girl and stop living my life.

You old school PUA types from the Rollo days really just say the same **** over and over and don't evolve or adapt or gain any nuance.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Just let the relationship progress naturally my friend. You’ve already told her about seeing other people, which is a double edged sword & never a good idea. Don’t backtrack now. Watch & observe her actions over the next few months. Maintain your frame even if your not seeing other chicks. If she says she has a date or talks about someone else in the future it’s blown. Be cool about it all. This is what you told her. The game must continue otherwise all of your eggs are in one basket. Her actions after the holiday will be interesting. Never ever tell a chick you’re seeing other girls & never give her permission to do what you’re doing, it spells disaster.

I get your point. However if I set the rules from the start, why can I not also change them?

Until I decide what to do I will continue to maintain frame and keep doing what works. I have seen zero indication of any fading interest/attraction (in fact the opposite) so it's probably a good idea to keep doing what I'm doing as long as it's working.

It makes me think of an old RooshVForum post that I screenshotted before the forum died. It's stuck with me ever since and seems highly relevant here...

 

[BuckledWheel]

I get your point. However if I set the rules from the start, why can I not also change them?

Until I decide what to do I will continue to maintain frame and keep doing what works. I have seen zero indication of any fading interest/attraction (in fact the opposite) so it's probably a good idea to keep doing what I'm doing as long as it's working.

It makes me think of an old RooshVForum post that I screenshotted before the forum died. It's stuck with me ever since and seems highly relevant here...

Good luck bro.

 

[typical]

AFC? Lmao dude this isn't 2006 anymore How is liking a girl in a state of abundance in any way "AFC" behavior?

I never said the game stops, nor did imply in any way that I was going to settle into mediocrity with some girl and stop living my life.

You old school PUA types from the Rollo days really just say the same **** over and over and don't evolve or adapt or gain any nuance.

You've missed the entire point mate. You've dated this girl for 2 months .... 2 MONTHS. No one shows their true colour's in the first few months that's basic human psychology.

You say it's been a long time since you were in a LTR ...... I ask you why do you need to be in a monogamous LTR ?? Do you not have educational or career goals to chase down instead of worrying about playing "Lets settle down" games ??

Why do nearly all boys and men that come to this website have this "Need" to end with a stable relationship with a 9 or 10 as if there are no other goals to accomplish ?

What has she done that merits your undivided time attention and finances ? On that topic what have you done ? Traveled to more than 50 countries ? built a business ? Become a professional level player in your chosen sport or hobby ?

If more men actually worried about accomplishing something of merit with their lives the less men would be falling into traps of settling early or rushing into things and then regretting it later on.

At the end it's your choice ...... just don't come back when she suddenly changes in a few months and wonder what happened

 

[AureliusMaximus]

That's the whole point of spinning plates, so when you do find a girl you want more with, it's from a place of clarity/abundance.

You need to gauge whether this girl wants more, you might get replaced by one of her plates if you wait too long considering you suggested to her you see other people.

Yeah the whole spinning plates is vetting and filtering process in itself to find girl that really fits the bill.
Well that is kind of the idea at least to some degree.

Although some guys get cough in the spin process though and cannot stop because it is sort of an real addictive ego boost element to it.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

You've missed the entire point mate. You've dated this girl for 2 months .... 2 MONTHS. No one shows their true colour's in the first few months that's basic human psychology.

You say it's been a long time since you were in a LTR ...... I ask you why do you need to be in a monogamous LTR ?? Do you not have educational or career goals to chase down instead of worrying about playing "Lets settle down" games ??

Why do nearly all boys and men that come to this website have this "Need" to end with a stable relationship with a 9 or 10 as if there are no other goals to accomplish ?

I am well aware of that. I don't need to be in an LTR - I have thoroughly enjoyed being single but I have felt no emotion towards almost every women I've interacted with for the past ten years, so at some point I have to ask if I'm missing out by sticking with only casual things.

What has she done that merits your undivided time attention and finances ? On that topic what have you done ? Traveled to more than 50 countries ? built a business ? Become a professional level player in your chosen sport or hobby ?

If more men actually worried about accomplishing something of merit with their lives the less men would be falling into traps of settling early or rushing into things and then regretting it later on.

At the end it's your choice ...... just don't come back when she suddenly changes in a few months and wonder what happened

For me being in an LTR isn't a sacrifice nor is it "settling down" - I prefer to see them one day per a week and I don't even do sleepovers. I still very much care about my own personal goals and life and typically spend as much time with my friends (and myself) as with them. I do not see how being in an LTR is mutually exclusive from achieving your goals/dreams.

If she does change, so be it, I'll walk. I've walked away from relationships before and I'll do it again.

 

[Murk]

Cuz

Do you not have educational or career goals to chase down instead of worrying about playing "Lets settle down" games ??

All of my role models whether business, family, life, all married and raised children while working on their purpose. Family life gave them the push to go out and attack the world. I believe it’s not one or the other, but both at the same time.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Update on this - went with my gut have not done any sort of "exclusive" talk. I've just been doing the same thing since day 1 because I know it works. But I need some input.

The last few weeks have been a bit odd. A few curveballs:

1) She talks about other guys often, usually very subtly, other times overtly. For instance: mentioning a couple guys hitting on her/asking her out, mentioning getting flaked on at x location (tried to say it was from months ago), and even mentioned being dissatisfied with the way a guy had sex with her (kept it incredibly vague as to when/who it was with). I believe I've handled all of these **** tests quite well; whenever she talks she about the guys it's with disdain, but I play them up and take their side instead, and don't really show much interest (and deep down I really don't care very much).

2) A couple weeks ago she cancelled on our weekly Sat hangout (hung out Sunday instead) to spend the night somewhere with her friend at the beach (she said "my friend" not "a friend" and of course slipped it in casually that it was a girl). Totally could have been a dude, who knows. The next day she was super affectionate and the sex was still great. Whatever.

3) Her texts also seem a bit less enthusiastic, though that may just be her style, only for the first month did she convey much excitement through via text. Either way, I'm probably responding too her too much. And last night she edged away from me to the other side of the bed after sex instead of cuddling up to me and she left fairly briskly without kissing me after she left. She also seems to be too comfortable to laugh or poke fun at me, though I still tease her a lot too so it's not really one sided like that. Either way I'm not really letting her chase enough and am probably too available; and I still feel a constant battle to maintain frame and deal with occasional **** tests.

Otherwise things are good. Sex is fantastic (raw doggin every time and she's not even on BC) and she's affectionate and cooks me things. Asks me to join her for future events. Good conversations. Still very much enjoy spending time with her. I've also had a cute side chick this whole time and did just bang a cute thick blonde girl last week and am still talking to new women etc. And still have a Spain trip planned with a legit 9/10 Eastern European chick.

Anyway - I cannot really tell if there is another guy in the picture of if she's just testing me (or both). At first I thought she was growing tired of being "strung along" and me not committing and actually thought I was being too aloof/distant, but her recent behavior obviously suggests otherwise. I can tell something is wrong in my gut.

Here's my predicament: I reserved a hotel for a short trip next week and it's too late to cancel. If this behavior gets worse, that's the last thing I'd want to do is reward her. Any suggestions on what to do from now till then? Thinking about pulling back a lot, might even cancel on our weekend hangout tomorrow. I've also already mentally accepted the possibility of walking away and come up with good, legit reasons she's not right for me.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I can tell something is wrong in my gut.

Isn't this the tell-tale sign of possible monkey branching attempts about to happen?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Isn't this the tell-tale sign of possible monkey branching attempts about to happen?

It can be, yes. Or it can just be a sign that they're not acting right, which you need to fix.

Honestly I wouldn't have even made this post were it not the fact that we have a trip planned with the nice hotel already paid for. If things don't change soon, that is the last thing I'll want to do.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

In most situations I would say never initiate exclusivity talk, but in this case you do need to move fast. If you wait too long the limerance will fade totally and then why should she even consider limiting her options then? Tell her you've been thinking about going official. Then let her guide the conversation.

Have been in this situation a few times.

There were a few times last month where I kind of felt like I should have this talk in a tactful way soon because our situation is a bit different. And she is actually different than most women (she's foreign for one) so the same rules might not apply to to her as some typical slutty thot.

Thing is I don't want to demand exclusivity if it's out of fear. I would only do it if I genuinely see this going somewhere, which I did up until recently. The issue I have is that I hate telling women what they can and cannot do. The only way to control women is to not attempt to control them. So demanding exclusivity seems counter productive.

I suppose at the least I can keep it vague and say I'm ready to make this more serious. I know she's annoyed at my refusal to label us a couple.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

And this right here is the source of all your problems. This is why she is frantically testing you and it is going over your head. You have completely lost the frame to the point where she is branch swinging. She literally told you this.

The man sets the expectations in the relationships. This is not controlling, this is leading. She wants you to lead her. This is biology.

A man “agrees” to be in a relationship and sets the expectations, eg what he gets out of it, what he is willing to commit to sharing. In exchange, the woman provides s*x, female social skills, and hopefully domestic skills, cleaning and obtaining food for her man.

You go into relationships without leading or setting expectations, this is the problem. Stop worrying about being too controlling and start leading your women.

I do not think I have lost frame; I've been good about it. She still does whatever I want and I control the interactions, and I doubt she's full on ready to monkey branch. However she is clearly not acting right.

I simply do not think a man is supposed to have "the talk". And I am simply not convinced that telling a women what to do will make her do it. They rebel by nature. Women cannot function when you're indifferent.

I get your point however and I respect that perspective to lead them every step of the way.

Why delete post?