Dating coach

[marlon792]

hi guys!

so this is my first post after reading a lot of your posts.... thanks to everyone for all these great comments and advices, it has really helped me a lot!

unfortunately, i do notice that i have a sticking point that i just cannot beat. i just notice that when i meet a girl that i am into and i go on a date with her, almost always she flakes/ghosts me after a couple of dates. sometimes it happens after 2-3 months.

I at times got a bit of feedback of the girls and some of them said that i was trying too hard. so i tried to change it.

I have done a lot of reading on this on SoSuave but also YouTube, but since it keeps happening... i need to change something.

I am thinking about hiring a dating coach that can help me beat my sticking point.... What you guys think about that?

I had a conversation with James Tusk and Lloyd Dixon, both look ok. You guys have any opinion on these coaches?

Sorry for asking you guys for this advice, but i am just a bit stuck and i cannot seem to figure it out myself apparantly.

You guys are the best, hope you guys are having a great day.

Best!

M

 

[SoSuave666]

You don’t need a dating coach. I’d consult with you for free.

if it works out I may start up the scheme these guys have to make money off AFCs.

stick around, read, learn. Internalize the lessons here. There is no quick fix to internal problems.

 

[Stuffnu]

some of them said that i was trying too hard. so i tried to change it.

You already have your answer. You’re not backing off enough and still projecting needy vibes.
Money saved…

 

[Dr.Suave]

Welcome bro.

I suggest focusing less on the girl and more on enojying the date itself. Go out on dates you would enjoy regardless of company. Maybe a restaurant you were actually craving, or a movie u actually want to see.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

hi guys!

so this is my first post after reading a lot of your posts.... thanks to everyone for all these great comments and advices, it has really helped me a lot!

unfortunately, i do notice that i have a sticking point that i just cannot beat. i just notice that when i meet a girl that i am into and i go on a date with her, almost always she flakes/ghosts me after a couple of dates. sometimes it happens after 2-3 months.

I at times got a bit of feedback of the girls and some of them said that i was trying too hard. so i tried to change it.

I have done a lot of reading on this on SoSuave but also YouTube, but since it keeps happening... i need to change something.

I am thinking about hiring a dating coach that can help me beat my sticking point.... What you guys think about that?

I had a conversation with James Tusk and Lloyd Dixon, both look ok. You guys have any opinion on these coaches?

Sorry for asking you guys for this advice, but i am just a bit stuck and i cannot seem to figure it out myself apparantly.

You guys are the best, hope you guys are having a great day.

Best!

M

Nothing changes if the way you think doesn't change. You can hire all the dating, nutrition, fashion, etc coaches that you want but if you deep down don't solidify who you are, what you stand for, and how your brain is wired nothing will make a sustainable difference.

This is why I became a mindset coach. I realized I wanted to attract something that was not on the same wavelength as I was. Whether that's financially, romantically, socially, etc, you need to be on the same wavelength as that which you visualize.

Feel free to DM me if you want me to elaborate or if you have questions. But to answer your question, save your money on dating coaches.


Modern Man Advice

 

[EyeBRollin]

You are turning them off. If you are playing a part instead of being a genuinely masculine man, it shows eventually.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I would skip the coaches. You can learn all you need to here for free.

We will need to know more to really diagnose what you are doing, but when a girl says you are trying too hard, what this means at the absolute highest possible level is that you view the girl as above you, as more powerful than you, as more valuable than you, as a prize that you must work to win. Women don't want that. Women want a man they feel is just out of their league, who they aren't sure if they can get and lock down, and who they are constantly anxious over because of this feeling.

When you view a woman as above you, and something you need to work to win, it colors EVERYTHING you do and say. It colors how often you contact her, how fast you reply, the things you say to her, how often you want to see her, the nice things you do for her, how you respond to various things she says. Each and every action you put forth will confirm this to the woman, and each time this happens, it reduces your value in her eyes and convinces her that you are below her, not deserving of her, and that she could do much better than you. She dries up and moves on to someone she thinks is higher value.

That is really it. Now, how do you change that? That's game. At first, you have to learn to emulate how a a masculine man with success with women acts. Then as you implement those behaviors and mindsets, you will evolve into that very man.

Start by asking yourself how a guy who could have any woman he wants would act in any given situation with a woman. Think of guys who have really good success with women and ask yourself in any given situation with a woman, what would they do? Would they shower a woman with praise, gifts, and act like they hope they like them? If one of those women acted bratty and made an unreasonable demand of them would they submit to them? If a woman disagreed with something they said would the man change his opinion so as not to offend her? If they asked a girl out on a date and she said "maybe" do you think they'd keep asking? Would he be afraid to walk away from a woman and never look back? A person could write an entire book on all the many ways a man covertly communicates his value to a woman. Sometimes a part of it is called "frame". Start searching for posts and conversations about it. And in the meantime, tell us specifics on how you have been operating with women - when you ask them out, how you ask them out, how they respond to you, how often you try to see them, what you expect of them, how quickly you sleep with them, etc. The more info we have, the more we can try to identify some things you could change.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

We need more specifics as to exactly what is happening. Hard to give any constructive advice with such generalizations that you have given us.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I at times got a bit of feedback of the girls and some of them said that i was trying too hard. so i tried to change it.

Do you feel this is a fair criticism? If you were to look at the situation objectively, do you come across as a thirsty pvssy beggar?

 

[marlon792]

You don’t need a dating coach. I’d consult with you for free.

if it works out I may start up the scheme these guys have to make money off AFCs.

stick around, read, learn. Internalize the lessons here. There is no quick fix to internal problems.

thanks a lot man! that is so great of you to offer. i am open minded, i just feel that i am very happy with the man that i am and i can accomplish things when i set my mind to it. i dont feel i have deep internal problems. i just feel that perhaps there are certain specific habits that i have picked up that i need to change... i just need to figure out what specifically. interested to hear your thoughts !

thanks for the great tip sir

 

[marlon792]

You already have your answer. You’re not backing off enough and still projecting needy vibes.
Money saved…

hahaha , thanks stuffnu. perhaps you are right indeed. I do feel that i have significantly changed that as i became of it a few years ago, but there is perhaps room for improvmeent. thanks for your help!

 

[marlon792]

Welcome bro.

I suggest focusing less on the girl and more on enojying the date itself. Go out on dates you would enjoy regardless of company. Maybe a restaurant you were actually craving, or a movie u actually want to see.

that is a great idea. i am at times maybe too focused on whether the girl likes that date, instead of focusing on myself having a great time! thanks Dr. Suave!

 

[marlon792]

Nothing changes if the way you think doesn't change. You can hire all the dating, nutrition, fashion, etc coaches that you want but if you deep down don't solidify who you are, what you stand for, and how your brain is wired nothing will make a sustainable difference.

This is why I became a mindset coach. I realized I wanted to attract something that was not on the same wavelength as I was. Whether that's financially, romantically, socially, etc, you need to be on the same wavelength as that which you visualize.

Feel free to DM me if you want me to elaborate or if you have questions. But to answer your question, save your money on dating coaches.


Modern Man Advice

Thanks a lot Modern Man Advice! i do feel that i have no significant internal problems, and in all honesty I am happy with the man that i am. I know what i want in life and i am comfortable with myself. Very interested to hear your further thoughts!

 

[marlon792]

You are turning them off. If you are playing a part instead of being a genuinely masculine man, it shows eventually.

Thanks for the advice mate! i do feel that i am always being myself, and not play a part. however, maybe i am not showing that enough. thanks man

 

[marlon792]

I would skip the coaches. You can learn all you need to here for free.

We will need to know more to really diagnose what you are doing, but when a girl says you are trying too hard, what this means at the absolute highest possible level is that you view the girl as above you, as more powerful than you, as more valuable than you, as a prize that you must work to win. Women don't want that. Women want a man they feel is just out of their league, who they aren't sure if they can get and lock down, and who they are constantly anxious over because of this feeling.

When you view a woman as above you, and something you need to work to win, it colors EVERYTHING you do and say. It colors how often you contact her, how fast you reply, the things you say to her, how often you want to see her, the nice things you do for her, how you respond to various things she says. Each and every action you put forth will confirm this to the woman, and each time this happens, it reduces your value in her eyes and convinces her that you are below her, not deserving of her, and that she could do much better than you. She dries up and moves on to someone she thinks is higher value.

That is really it. Now, how do you change that? That's game. At first, you have to learn to emulate how a a masculine man with success with women acts. Then as you implement those behaviors and mindsets, you will evolve into that very man.

Start by asking yourself how a guy who could have any woman he wants would act in any given situation with a woman. Think of guys who have really good success with women and ask yourself in any given situation with a woman, what would they do? Would they shower a woman with praise, gifts, and act like they hope they like them? If one of those women acted bratty and made an unreasonable demand of them would they submit to them? If a woman disagreed with something they said would the man change his opinion so as not to offend her? If they asked a girl out on a date and she said "maybe" do you think they'd keep asking? Would he be afraid to walk away from a woman and never look back? A person could write an entire book on all the many ways a man covertly communicates his value to a woman. Sometimes a part of it is called "frame". Start searching for posts and conversations about it. And in the meantime, tell us specifics on how you have been operating with women - when you ask them out, how you ask them out, how they respond to you, how often you try to see them, what you expect of them, how quickly you sleep with them, etc. The more info we have, the more we can try to identify some things you could change.

Thhis is really great advice, thanks oldmanofthesea. i notice that on a date with a cute girl, i am constantly checking whether she is liking me, how i think the date is going etc.... Gradually, as i date more, i become more relaxed and the feeling of having more options is helping with that.

I do try to do a bit of daygame and i get some numbers from a few dates. i really like doing this. i feel that i am comfortabel in appraoching girls and can hold up a conversation. the girls mostly start flaking when i am into her... perhaps they notice it and it reduces their interest a bit. it is very frustrating though... have you had this as well?

 

[marlon792]

James is legit. He is friends with Troy Francis. If you can afford it and can travel. Go to london and book with Troy Francis. If you cant he has a bunch of books. He wont get you tripped up on the OLD crap.
Any of the Rule Zero podcast guys are good.
Relationship navigation I would follow Rian Stone on YT.

Thanks mate! will definitely check that out! thanks for the help

 

[marlon792]

We need more specifics as to exactly what is happening. Hard to give any constructive advice with such generalizations that you have given us.

Hi BackInTheGame78, thanks for help.

i feel that i am comfortabel in appraoching girls and can hold up a conversation. the girls mostly start flaking when i am into her... perhaps they notice it and it reduces their interest a bit. it is very frustrating though...

I am comfortable in my own skin and i am happy with the man that i am. it is just this sticking piont in my life that is at times frustrating.

I have had dates where i thought they went really well, as we opened up to each other, talked about passions, books we love, spirituality etc. we held hands, we kissed ... so i thought the dates go well, but then they flake later.

perhaps it comes across as it is obvious i am into her (which i am), and the mystery is gone... or the tension is not there.

on dates with a girl i like, i do notice that i check whether she is liking the date, whether she likes me... stuff like that.

but i know that on the dates the girls have a good time as i am playful , flirty and do a bit of banter....

at the end of the day, it remains a bit of a mystery to me . hope you can help

 

[marlon792]

Do you feel this is a fair criticism? If you were to look at the situation objectively, do you come across as a thirsty pvssy beggar?

not so much to be honest. in the past i was a bit too obsessed at times with a girl, but i have significantly changed that after i got this feedback. perhaps, there is still some neediness in me though.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Thhis is really great advice, thanks oldmanofthesea. i notice that on a date with a cute girl, i am constantly checking whether she is liking me, how i think the date is going etc.... Gradually, as i date more, i become more relaxed and the feeling of having more options is helping with that.

I do try to do a bit of daygame and i get some numbers from a few dates. i really like doing this. i feel that i am comfortabel in appraoching girls and can hold up a conversation. the girls mostly start flaking when i am into her... perhaps they notice it and it reduces their interest a bit. it is very frustrating though... have you had this as well?

Yes absolutely. After my divorce while still blue pilled, my dating success was like you described. I seemed to do well on online dating (I had not learned about cold approaching at that point) in terms of getting dates with good looking girls, and not all but the majority of them would be into me on the first date, but if I liked them and chose to continue dating them, eventually whether it was the 2nd date, 3rd date, or 2nd month into dating, I would get dumped. Every single time. And it is for the very reasons I mentioned in my previous post, but also because I often wouldn't escalate quickly enough which is something I learned to do later. What was worse was that I'd see the guys they'd date immediately after me. These guys were like 3-5 points below my SMV in looks. But they must have had more game than I did back then.

I found it helpful to follow a script at first. Scripts are not ideal because each situation is nuanced and you have to read the situation to know exactly what to do. But when you are first starting out or if you find that you are uncalibrated, how can you properly read the situation with uncalibrated radar? You can't, which is why you go with scripts. The scripts will fail you on occasion, but they will succeed more often than not, and more importantly, they go against what your inner voice keeps telling you to do and you need that in order to change your behavior and recalibrate yourself - you need to do something you don't think will work while that inner voice keeps telling you to do what you normally do, and then once you see the script working, you realize that inner voice has been misguiding you. Some examples of scripts are: Never setup another date while on a date or immediately after, wait 3-5 days after a date before texting the girl (it's ok to reply if she initiates texting with you), if she is slow to respond to your texts then you should be as slow if not slower to respond to hers, use texting 90% to setup dates and 10% to keep dialogue open (most guys do the opposite), don't let her know your whole life story - dole it out slowly over many dates and instead focus more on her, don't be afraid to disagree with her. Those are just a few things - there are many more.

 

[BadBoy89]

I have had dates where i thought they went really well, as we opened up to each other, talked about passions, books we love, spirituality etc. we held hands, we kissed ... so i thought the dates go well, but then they flake later.

perhaps it comes across as it is obvious i am into her (which i am), and the mystery is gone... or the tension is not there.

Im guessing you are dating women around your own age and not 18 years olds. And if that’s the case, women around your age don’t want to talk about “passions” and “books”, they want get f*cked hard. They want to know they are still attractive at their age.

33 year old women? She’s likely been f*cked by 12 guys in last little while, and “suddenly“ she wants to talk about “books.” while her stock is crashing, lol.