OLD - Agreed Upon Meetup, After Some Drag Time

[SH03C]

So I’ve found myself in unfamiliar territory here with OLD. I haven’t dated much in the last 2 years bc of my career focus and completing my grad degree. But last Saturday, a week ago, I jumped on Hinge and engaged with probably the first person I saw on the app, a fairly cute (8) 32 yo woman. She responded and we began to chat about living in the area and things we enjoy for fun. We have a great deal in common and she’s quite intelligent. Our texts from Saturday & Sunday were 3 or 4 exchanges each day and the conversation seemed genuine with 5-6 sentence paragraphs each exchange. Monday evening I decide to ask her out, and suddenly, she drops a few big questions about my desires and what I was looking to “get out of this”, “do you want kids one day?”.

Now, this came off a bit serious after speaking for only two or three days, but understanding her likely age related intention, I explained I was looking for something more serious being I’m 35 and now that my career has started to pay off (promotion, grad degree). After a similar response in which she indicated she was looking for marriage and kids, she then says “seems like we are looking for similar things, so yes I would like to meet up, but I am not sure I will be able to before I leave for Florida on Saturday. Maybe when I get back?”.

I responded with a casual, “Yeah that’d be great. I’ll plan out something nice. Which part of Florida are you headed to?”. We then began to continue our casual conversation.

Im finding my stint of 2 years and no dating to be challenging, at least in the OLD domain. My instincts are beginning to come back, even after a week of chatting with just this ONE girl. But I’m not back to 100 yet.

The challenge I am facing here is two fold. What level of engagement should I aim for over the next week while she’s in FLA, and for the next two weeks before there’s any potential to meet up? Lay low, or continue the same cadence? We have exchanged at least 2 messages each day since day 1 and I’d say it’s casual.

Also, given we’re still chatting through this app, at which stage should I ask for her number? She has agreed to a meet up, and my instincts tell me to continue chatting through the app so not to show any insecurity and to let it play out naturally. Some might say the number is a must prior to a meet up, but I’m not too convinced.

Overall, given my no recent dating stint, I believe the build up to any meeting in two weeks will be difficult as I know I need to maintain her interest and my recent experience is lacking. There also has been little banter as I’m not back into that level of game just yet.

Any insight would be much appreciated fellas. Also hope y’all are getting a good start to spring dating this year. Go get ‘em!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'd let her decide how much engagement there is while she is gone. Some women will want to get away from everything while others will want to continue like normal.

 

[2Rocky]

If she interests you get off the app and exchange phone#'s .

I had a 2 month lag between online hello and meeting up. The footwork I did in that time lead to a First Date Lay because the comfort was there...

 

[EyeBRollin]

Next.

This women is either structured or has low interest in dating you (you are a potential orbiter).

Stop texting and ask them out in the first 3-5 messages.

 

[Dr.Suave]

While she´s away just more or less mirror her response time and text length

 

[SH03C]

Next.

This women is either structured or has low interest in dating you (you are a potential orbiter).

Stop texting and ask them out in the first 3-5 messages.

Appreciate the response. Curious to know what would give the indication of being a potential orbiter.

Thanks for the insight.

 

[SH03C]

Update:

So she will be returning from Florida on Saturday after a week of being there, and in total Saturday will be two weeks of chatting via OLD.

We have chatted each day since I approached on Hinge. It began with 4-5 messages a day but over the last week with her on vacation it has been more less 2 messages each day. I’ve also opted not to ask for the number thus far as I’m operating under the notion that it may add a more confident impression, admittedly though I could be wrong, and plan to ask for it in order to coordinate our meetup.

Now she has agreed to meet Saturday although her response says “should be able to make that work” (see image). Of course it looks ok but I’m curious to know whether I should bend out of frame here to accommodate to her other evening plans at 7pm.

I’ve read quite a few threads that mention presenting a take it or leave it mindset, which would mean scrubbing the meeting altogether and giving her the .. "I'd love to meet you but If you can't commit to a specific time now, just get back to me when you know your schedule becomes clear and we can try again then."

Would enjoy hearing some other perspective on this situation and whether I should proceed with working around her plans. Also I think it’s worth mentioning that she recently updated her Hinge profile, which can be indicative of wanting to seek out new options. Furthermore our text frequency has dropped quite a bit over the last two days, with now only about 1 message each day. I’m getting the impression she’s playing the field, which I guess should have been assumed from the beginning.

 

[biggoal]

I would never meet unless I have a number. I usually ask after a few days. If they don't wanna text then they're not serious.

Also, for OLD getting a cell number is great. You can do reverse search and see their full name and then look them up on facebook and see their real photos. This has saved me tons of times from wasting gas money and time on dates when the chick in newer photos is 25lbs heavier or used very old pics.

 

[RobbyDog]

Update:

So she will be returning from Florida on Saturday after a week of being there, and in total Saturday will be two weeks of chatting via OLD.

We have chatted each day since I approached on Hinge. It began with 4-5 messages a day but over the last week with her on vacation it has been more less 2 messages each day. I’ve also opted not to ask for the number thus far as I’m operating under the notion that it may add a more confident impression, admittedly though I could be wrong, and plan to ask for it in order to coordinate our meetup.

Now she has agreed to meet Saturday although her response says “should be able to make that work” (see image). Of course it looks ok but I’m curious to know whether I should bend out of frame here to accommodate to her other evening plans at 7pm.

I’ve read quite a few threads that mention presenting a take it or leave it mindset, which would mean scrubbing the meeting altogether and giving her the .. "I'd love to meet you but If you can't commit to a specific time now, just get back to me when you know your schedule becomes clear and we can try again then."

Would enjoy hearing some other perspective on this situation and whether I should proceed with working around her plans. Also I think it’s worth mentioning that she recently updated her Hinge profile, which can be indicative of wanting to seek out new options. Furthermore our text frequency has dropped quite a bit over the last two days, with now only about 1 message each day. I’m getting the impression she’s playing the field, which I guess should have been assumed from the beginning.

Pls don’t take this the wrong way bc I’m just trying to help, but you sound kind of wishy washy. If this is your mindset, you’ll be subconsciously communicating this to her. My advice:

1. While not paramount to success, I personally always go for the phone number within the first few messages. You’re WAY overthinking this BTW. Any woman who outright refuses to give their number is a time waster. Some will say they want to chat a bit longer to increase comfort, which is a red flag but not a dealbreaker. What I’ve done subsequent to asking once, is exchange a few more messages then give her my number and tell her to text me. Thats me saying “I asked you once nicely and I’m not asking again. comply with me now, take it or leave it”. If she doesn’t text you, there’s your answer about her IL.

2. Of course she’s playing the field. You need to act like the dominant, decisive man she desires.

3. As for the date, it would be better if she didn’t have plans after, so if it goes well you'll have more time to have more drinks, escalate to a make out, etc. You don’t want the date to feel rushed. You should certainly never accept anything less than a resounding YES from her…a MAYBE is the same as a NO. That being said, this girl is just making you aware that she already has plans that night, but she’s open to seeing you prior to, which you wouldn’t be wrong in accommodating. Myself, I’d hit the ball back over the net with something like “sounds like you’re already pretty busy Sat, why don’t we do it another night that you don’t already have plans”. Chances are she’ll propose another night when she’s completely free.

 

[Bigpapa]

Update:

So she will be returning from Florida on Saturday after a week of being there, and in total Saturday will be two weeks of chatting via OLD.

We have chatted each day since I approached on Hinge. It began with 4-5 messages a day but over the last week with her on vacation it has been more less 2 messages each day. I’ve also opted not to ask for the number thus far as I’m operating under the notion that it may add a more confident impression, admittedly though I could be wrong, and plan to ask for it in order to coordinate our meetup.

Now she has agreed to meet Saturday although her response says “should be able to make that work” (see image). Of course it looks ok but I’m curious to know whether I should bend out of frame here to accommodate to her other evening plans at 7pm.

I’ve read quite a few threads that mention presenting a take it or leave it mindset, which would mean scrubbing the meeting altogether and giving her the .. "I'd love to meet you but If you can't commit to a specific time now, just get back to me when you know your schedule becomes clear and we can try again then."

Would enjoy hearing some other perspective on this situation and whether I should proceed with working around her plans. Also I think it’s worth mentioning that she recently updated her Hinge profile, which can be indicative of wanting to seek out new options. Furthermore our text frequency has dropped quite a bit over the last two days, with now only about 1 message each day. I’m getting the impression she’s playing the field, which I guess should have been assumed from the beginning.

1) she is not that hot . A 6 maximum

2) you are sinking in her frame . That is not the place to be ever

3) you are over thinking

4) it is about investment . Your objective is to make her invest as much as possible . Getting her phone number is her investing

5) you are setting the wrong expectations from the get go . Most likely she is more interested in getting married with someone , then to be happy with someone . This means that most likely she will marry almost any guy that has decent smv that is willing to marry her

 

[tkazansky]

[QUOTE="Bigpapa,

5) you are setting the wrong expectations from the get go . Most likely she is more interested in getting married with someone , then to be happy with someone . This means that most likely she will marry almost any guy that has decent smv that is willing to marry her
[/QUOTE]

I think there is gold here from Bigpapa.

This chick has run the carousel for too long and she has to settle down...now. I would say women 27--35 are in this danger zone. Her interest level may seem higher than it actually is, because she can't afford to let a decent prospect go and risk starting over to find another.

She starts off with kids immediately? You haven't even met her in person? This is a red flag to me. If she likes you, she will go full court press on marriage quickly, and if she doesn't, she will next you maybe before you are able to "get it in." To me, this seems like a lot of work for little in return...and maybe a trap in return.

T

 

[Modern Man Advice]

So I’ve found myself in unfamiliar territory here with OLD. I haven’t dated much in the last 2 years bc of my career focus and completing my grad degree. But last Saturday, a week ago, I jumped on Hinge and engaged with probably the first person I saw on the app, a fairly cute (8) 32 yo woman. She responded and we began to chat about living in the area and things we enjoy for fun. We have a great deal in common and she’s quite intelligent. Our texts from Saturday & Sunday were 3 or 4 exchanges each day and the conversation seemed genuine with 5-6 sentence paragraphs each exchange. Monday evening I decide to ask her out, and suddenly, she drops a few big questions about my desires and what I was looking to “get out of this”, “do you want kids one day?”.

Now, this came off a bit serious after speaking for only two or three days, but understanding her likely age related intention, I explained I was looking for something more serious being I’m 35 and now that my career has started to pay off (promotion, grad degree). After a similar response in which she indicated she was looking for marriage and kids, she then says “seems like we are looking for similar things, so yes I would like to meet up, but I am not sure I will be able to before I leave for Florida on Saturday. Maybe when I get back?”.

I responded with a casual, “Yeah that’d be great. I’ll plan out something nice. Which part of Florida are you headed to?”. We then began to continue our casual conversation.

Im finding my stint of 2 years and no dating to be challenging, at least in the OLD domain. My instincts are beginning to come back, even after a week of chatting with just this ONE girl. But I’m not back to 100 yet.

The challenge I am facing here is two fold. What level of engagement should I aim for over the next week while she’s in FLA, and for the next two weeks before there’s any potential to meet up? Lay low, or continue the same cadence? We have exchanged at least 2 messages each day since day 1 and I’d say it’s casual.

Also, given we’re still chatting through this app, at which stage should I ask for her number? She has agreed to a meet up, and my instincts tell me to continue chatting through the app so not to show any insecurity and to let it play out naturally. Some might say the number is a must prior to a meet up, but I’m not too convinced.

Overall, given my no recent dating stint, I believe the build up to any meeting in two weeks will be difficult as I know I need to maintain her interest and my recent experience is lacking. There also has been little banter as I’m not back into that level of game just yet.

Any insight would be much appreciated fellas. Also hope y’all are getting a good start to spring dating this year. Go get ‘em!

Despite some of the unmotivational advice you've gotten here (some of which are not wrong per se). But life comes to a choice, right? It is your choice how to view this. You either overcomplicated, overanalyze it, and stress about it or enjoy yourself and take whatever positives/negatives from it for you to learn and grow.

The bottom line is after 2 years of focusing on yourself, you will probably want to enjoy yourself and get your game on. This takes time and practice. I am not saying use her as a guinea pig, but this is a good opportunity to practice and get out there.

Hope this helps.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Atom Smasher]

She may well be walking bowl-legged after her trip to FL. It would have been nice to have seen her before she went down there.
A lot of guys quote one of my lines here on SS because it’s an immutable law:
If she’s interested, she will move mountains to see you.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Why is a 32-year-old going to Florida during Spring break? Also, she doesn't seem THAT interested. I'd say pull back a bit and see what happens and DO IT NOW; unless she's already there now, if so well...you do the math.

 

[SH03C]

Why is a 32-year-old going to Florida during Spring break? Also, she doesn't seem THAT interested. I'd say pull back a bit and see what happens and DO IT NOW; unless she's already there now, if so well...you do the math.

Good catch. I also had some reservations due to this girl being in Florida during spring break.

FWIW - She says has mom lives in Boynton Beach, FL during the winters and she was going down to visit. She’s returning this morning and the plan is for us to meet for drinks at 5pm.

 

[SW15]

Next.

This women is either structured or has low interest in dating you (you are a potential orbiter).

Stop texting and ask them out in the first 3-5 messages.

All accurate. Best thing is to not be on the swipe apps in general.

1) she is not that hot . A 6 maximum

2) you are sinking in her frame . That is not the place to be ever

3) you are over thinking

4) it is about investment . Your objective is to make her invest as much as possible . Getting her phone number is her investing

5) you are setting the wrong expectations from the get go . Most likely she is more interested in getting married with someone , then to be happy with someone . This means that most likely she will marry almost any guy that has decent smv that is willing to marry her

Agree about her dictating frame and how that is bad. Making women invest is good.

Women that marry any guy with decent SMV willing to marry is a formula for a not so good marriage experience.

Why is a 32-year-old going to Florida during Spring break? Also, she doesn't seem THAT interested. I'd say pull back a bit and see what happens and DO IT NOW; unless she's already there now, if so well...you do the math.

It is unknown whether she went to the common spring break destinations in FL. There are some spots in Florida that are serene. It's an important detail to know where in FL she went.

A 32 year old childless woman going to a Spring Break area in FL is a bit unusual. If that's the case, she was going to Spring Break to fucck.

 

[Bigpapa]

Agree about her dictating frame and how that is bad. Making women invest is good.

Women that marry any guy with decent SMV willing to marry is a formula for a not so good marriage experience.

The way I see it , based on real life observations , is that women do not really care if you are married or not if she really likes who you are and not what you are

the only time when they start caring About marriage is when a couple of years have passed and she wants to settle down and have a family

anything else should be taken as a red flag , as marrying a woman that is desperate about getting married is a recipe For disaster , as she is more interested in aspects that have nothing To do with whom you are as a person

the sole purpose of a relationship is companionship , not sex or whatever down this line .

relationship = sex is the basis of a transactiona relationship

 

[RobbyDog]

Good catch. I also had some reservations due to this girl being in Florida during spring break.

FWIW - She says has mom lives in Boynton Beach, FL during the winters and she was going down to visit. She’s returning this morning and the plan is for us to meet for drinks at 5pm.

let us know how it goes

 

[SH03C]

let us know how it goes

Will def do. Curious to know what level of text interaction you go for on the day of the meetup?

Should I keep it to texting for planning/arrivals, or do you send a msg earlier in the day saying you’re looking forward to meeting?

Thanks!

 

[RobbyDog]

Will def do. Curious to know what level of text interaction you go for on the day of the meetup?

Should I keep it to texting for planning/arrivals, or do you send a msg earlier in the day saying you’re looking forward to meeting?

Thanks!

No texting, assuming the time and place is already hashed out (which it should be by now).