Most relationships don't work, so what is one to do?

[ubercat]

I think it also depends on how they use social media. As scaramouche said the Chinese girls are amazing they constantly talk about their husbands and share cooking recipes. I am guessing that is not what the Western girls are talking about.

Also worth mentioning the elephant in the room. Quite often you have to compromise on looks when you are screening. Less relevant now we are old but my missus isn't the prettiest woman I've ever been with by a longshot. I have had live in LTRs with ex models. But she has her head screwed on straight wonderful personality and treats me like a king.

Anyway can't be complacent we are in the beginning of that seventh year. See how it goes.

 

[DonJuanjr]

having said all of this , I have no idea how to resolve this problem ,

Just wait for the collapse.. No more c0ck carousel. They'll be up shjt creek, and every average man will have a woman latching on to him for survival. Though guys will be able to be the choosy ones, as we don't need females to survive. They need us.

 

[Bigpapa]

Just wait for the collapse.. No more c0ck carousel. They'll be up shjt creek, and every average man will have a woman latching on to him for survival. Though guys will be able to be the choosy ones, as we don't need females to survive. They need us.

if This happens , it means that the civilization collapsed and you will have bigger problems than getting laid , like not dying of hunger or thirst

 

[DonJuanjr]

if This happens , it means that the civilization collapsed and you will have bigger problems than getting laid , like not dying of hunger or thirst

So just go celibate then? Those problems didn't stop humans throughout history.

 

[jnMissouri]

Sure, I bet many man would agree with you. I just think this poster seemed a little too concerned about not finding a more successful relationship. In my humble opinion, he would do well to make finding a lasting relationship less of a concern and finding a compelling mission a big concern.

Just my 0.02

T

I think a lot of people don't get the compelling mission thing is overrated. I'm a self made multi millionaire. I posted a picture of my verified net worth from one of the dating sites I'm on in a thread a while back. Life is made, I don't have the problems most people have and my mission was accomplished, I don't get excited by a new mission....

 

[Chuck Taylor]

Just enjoy the ride man. All the way until they put you in the fvckin dirt. Enjoy it.

 

[jnMissouri]

In my 30s, I gained the wisdom to realize that I wouldn't beat the odds on marriage. None of my relationships had gotten close to marriage but then I realized that marriage only works for a small percentage of people.

You're exactly correct that marriage has only about a 20% success rate. In 80% of marriage, AT LEAST ONE of the following 3 things will happen

• Divorce
• Affair
• Ongoing mediocre to subpar, soul killing relationship with minimal amounts of sex

Do you know when these 3 things tend to arise? When the relationship is more than 5 years old. The median marriage that fails has a duration of 7 years. If you add in the median amount of pre-marital time (around 3 years), you're talking about relationships typically failing around 10 years. The fat part of the bell curve (within 1 standard deviation of the mean) of total relationship duration (pre-marital + marriage relationship) in a marriage that fails is likely 7-14 years.

Knowing when relationships fail has made me believe that relationships have a shelf life of goodness of 5 years. I expect relationships to fail. I limit my downside risk. I have no kids and no failed marriages. Some might say that I have less baggage. That might be true. However, I've had trauma from "one date, no sex, no second date" type interaction, ghosting/flaking on apps, failed relationships, etc. I have made efforts to heal from this trauma.



You had a good run in your teens and early 20s, which is better than many. You're still getting women. That's good.

As I said above, the vast majority of relationships fail. You need to alter your expectations. Stop living in a Disney fantasy.



You had a 10 year relationship. That's an achievement. So was the 3 year long one. You can say that you've had LTRs. There are some men out there that can't say that.



I'm an introvert with no family in my area. It isn't easy. I have friends, but none of my local friendships are strong right now. We're in a similar place emotionally.

Unattached or marginally attached men in their mid 30s to mid 40s are not welcomed strongly in a lot of social circles. Most social circles are run by established couples. They tend to spend time with other established couples.

Being an introvert doesn't mean that you have to do swipe apps. Swipe apps are bad. You've actually done better than many with swipe apps. That could be a point of pride for you. Introverts can make in-person approaches in non-bar venues if they don't like bars. It would be possible for you to do mainly outdoor approaches (the best pandemic era strategy) or even approaches in gyms or grocery stores. Grocery stores still have a decent amount of masking going on, which is an obstacle.



You need to alter your expectations. If you want to get your dicck wet, you're going to need to participate in the mating environment in some way.

VERY good post, thank you! My last relationship ended so badly, I'm going to have severe trauma from it. Will take me a lot of time to get over it. Doesn't help that she was super hot, borderline and very much love bombed me in the beginning. Then used silence to punish and try to betaize me. It didn't work, but man she sure did a number on me and I should have left sooner.

 

[spred]

if This happens , it means that the civilization collapsed and you will have bigger problems than getting laid , like not dying of hunger or thirst

I disagree, I date 40-45 years old single without kids women and they are not latching to anybody. They are enjoying their lives and don't want to commit fast.
You must be talking about single moms.

 

[ubercat]

No reason to get a 40 year plus woman to commit. Why bother neither of u have the breeding game to play. And she isn't going to be so pretty that you need to lock down

 

[Scaramouche]

Hey Missouri," I'm a self made multi millionaire"....So what's that all about?....Bitcoin? or p'raps you found Montezumas lost Treasure digging in your Dads Spud patch?

 

[Grounded eagle]

This may sound cynical (I don't think so but some might) but there is no "the one," there is no "forever after," that's a Disney fairytale.

Welcome to the manosphere,lol.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Do what Dr. Suave said above. Do not expect women to make you happy. They won't. Pursue a passion or mission that makes you happy.
Women will come, and if they are adding to your life, you can allow them to stay. That's it.

Yeah... Never seek a relationship for the cause of making you happy, it will in most cases make you even more miserable because nobody is in charge of your happiness than yourself. You must be happy with yourself under your own terms BEFORE you enter a relationship. It is not their job to make you happy.

I you are not happy and love yourself, how can you expect others to be happy with you and love you too?
It always start with yourself first...

 

[SW15]

marriage has only about a 20% success rate. In 80% of marriages, AT LEAST ONE of the following 3 things will happen

• Divorce
• Affair
• Ongoing mediocre to subpar, soul killing relationship with minimal amounts of sex

Knowing when relationships fail has made me believe that relationships have a shelf life of goodness of 5 years. I expect relationships to fail. I limit my downside risk. I have no kids and no failed marriages. Some might say that I have less baggage. That might be true. However, I've had trauma from "one date, no sex, no second date" type interaction, ghosting/flaking on apps, failed relationships, etc. I have made efforts to heal from this trauma.

All relationships have a shelf life, even the ones that end in marriage which marriage turns into disaster 99.9% of the time after a certain amount of years.

Why not see it from that perspective, enjoy the journey you take with every woman and detach from the outcome?

This may sound cynical (I don't think so but some might) but there is no "the one," there is no "forever after," that's a Disney fairytale.

@catsmeow -- I'm impressed we said the same things. This is especially impressive given that you are a woman. How common do you think it is for women to acknowledge that relationships have a shelf life?

 

[IKO69]

When you've stumbled at various times in your life what did you do? You picked yourself up, brushed yourself off and kept going.

 

[SW15]

How common do you think it is for women to acknowledge that relationships have a shelf life?

Thank you @SW15 and to answer your question, it's totally uncommon!

Which is why I don't relate to how most women think and believe many are in denial, lost in a fairytale and disconnected from reality. Lol

Thank you for confirming what I perceived. I perceived that very few women perceive relationships that have a shelf life. I'd like to bring balance into the discussion and acknowledge that the majority of men struggle with the concept of relationships having a shelf life. It took me until my 30s to grasp the concept. It wasn't too late for me as I had never married or had children at the point of realization. Most men are beta males who also believe in fairy tale relationships and are disconnected from reality. I don't think men believe in the fairy tale as much as women. Men are the ones who propose marriage, often by getting down on one knee, so they believe it to some level. In the few years before the pandemic, there were multiple weddings in my social circle. People I know posted so many proposal/engagement photos and wedding day photos on Facebook and Instagram.

To some degree, I think men in longer term relationships think they have to propose marriage to keep her around longer. What they often don't realize is that a good portion of the shelf life of goodness of the relationship has already passed by the time they propose and the wedding day. Things might be good in the relationship at the moment the man decides to propose but that has no bearing on what the reality will be in the future.

I know that sounds mean but I come from another forum, mostly female, and am often shocked by how many women (not all) really just don't "get it."

For me, being here and relating to what you guys experience from many women, I aspire to the advice Steve Harvey gives to women, he even wrote a book about it - Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man."

I think I always did anyway, growing up around five very alpha brothers, a Marine dad, and my mom being very "feminine and proper" (she even sent me to Finishing School, lol) so it was a good mix of both.

That plus as a woman, and acknowledging we're not perfect, I'm able to own my shyt unlike many women I know who blame men.

I LIKE men and still learning about y'all which is why I'm here even though it's a men's seduction site, but I noticed a few women posting so thought I'd try it out.

I don't know anything about finishing school. You paint an interesting picture with a Marine dad and 5 brothers. Any sisters? Large family even without sisters.

You're correct that a lot of women don't get it. Interpersonal, romantic relationships are difficult. I think the quality of interactions between the sexes has diminished in recent decades. There would be a lot of reasons for that and possibly a long thread on its own.

Owning your own shiit is good.

 

[Bigpapa]

We live in societies and cultures that actively encourage atomisation and separation between Men and Women. And even write Laws to enable and even incentivise it.

We live in a giant social engineering experiment that has decided for us that Family Formation is no longer hip. And by the way, gender doesn’t exist anymore - Enshrined in Law. If you don’t agree you can be arrested.

There’s no reason for men and women to form relationships anymore, because according to those who rule is, Gender doesn’t exist anymore and it’s better to be gay anyway.

being gay it is even incentivized

in the uk for example you get a tax deduction if you declare that you are gay , and no one can counter you saying that because this would mean that they will brake your right to privacy

 

[SW15]

We live in societies and cultures that actively encourage atomisation and separation between Men and Women. And even write Laws to enable and even incentivise it.

We live in a giant social engineering experiment that has decided for us that Family Formation is no longer hip. And by the way, gender doesn’t exist anymore - Enshrined in Law. If you don’t agree you can be arrested.

Yes, family formation is no longer hip. I don't think USA white women have had a fertility rate above replacement level since the 1980s.

With a potential ‘baby bust’ on the horizon, key facts about fertility in the U.S. before the pandemic

In 2019, there were 58.3 births for every 1,000 women ages 15 to 44 in the United States, down from 59.1 in 2018.

www.pewresearch.org

5.8 Million Fewer Babies: America’s Lost Decade in Fertility

Fertility rates have fallen around the world over the last decade—even in countries with generous social welfare states, which experts had long expected to be holdouts in the face of fertility declines. But while demographers often talk about this change in terms of “fertility rates” or “births...

www.aei.org

There’s no reason for men and women to form relationships anymore, because according to those who rule is, Gender doesn’t exist anymore

Relationships can be formed for extended access to sex. I could agree with the statement for "relationships with the illusion of permanance".

it keeps us preoccupied with our genitals, while we forget about all those men pulling strings at the top with a shrouded hand.

Yes, there is genital preoccupation. I've been preoccupied with mine.

My parents' marriage was a disaster, they had no business being married, there was no love and they only married because of 'societal pressures,' which is how it was back in the day in the area they lived.

My parents' marriage was also a disaster. Their marriage was 20 years and their total relationship time was about 23 years. This is a relationship that had no business lasting more than 6-12 months. My dad was a very flawed individual. My mom made a poor choice in remaining in that relationship.

The major difference in our formative experiences is that my parents' marriage occurred mainly during the 1980s & 1990s. There were no 'societal pressures' then. My parents separated when I was 15 and finalized the divorce when I was 16.

My father was mainly absent from my life other than earning & providing money.

I have a non blood-related step sister after my dad remarried but.we're not close.

After my mom's divorce when I was 15/16, she did not start dating until after I was in college and not living at home. Technically, she never dated as a single mom. My mom is currently remarried. Her current marriage started when I was in my mid 30s in the late 2010s. The man she is not married to has children from previous relationships. I do not acknowledge them as step siblings because I did not meet them until my mid-30s. I would prefer not to interact with them at all. It's a cordial but distant relationship. I interact with them at the bare minimum level and when they initiate first.

interpersonal/romantic relationships are difficult but can be rewarding as well for as long as they last.

One day, one week, one month, one year or perhaps even till death but no matter how long (or short), embrace and cherish every moment. Learn from the experience, improve from it.

That's my philosophy anyway, it stems from Eastern culture and Buddhist beliefs.

It's changed my life for the better once I adopted those beliefs.

This makes a lot of sense. It's close to my behavior in more recent times. In the past, I had some unrealistic expectations about relationships of permanance. It's good that none of my relationships resulted in marriage nor had they been close to it. I feel relieved not to be a divorced guy or a divorced guy with kids. I've seen one of my cousins be a divorced guy with kids. His ex is a royal pain too. She's quite uncooperative from what I've been told. Forced interactions with an ex for 10+ years at a bare minimum sounds like a really bad idea.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi SW15,
"...men in longer term relationships think they have to propose marriage to keep her around longer. What they often don't realize is that a good portion of the shelf life of goodness of the relationship has already passed by the time they propose and the wedding day. Things might be good in the relationship at the moment the man decides to propose but that has no bearing on what the reality will be in the future.".....Absolutely right....says it all really.

 

[DonJuanjr]

the short version is finishing school is a school for young women that focuses on teaching social graces and "upper-class" cultural rites as preparation for entry into society.

Did you have to walk around with books on your head?