The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 330 (11 months)

1 more month till the end of my 12 months challenge!

It has been an incredible past month! I been keeping myself busy with plates and getting lays that really at this point, I am no longer fazed by the ex. I've met many beautiful women and had great sex with many of them. There were even a few times over the past weeks, where I had back to back hook-ups. Literally I'd get a hotel room for a few days and invite different girls over different nights. The sex has been fun with different women and it has been fun partying and just enjoying life, to a point where I started to get a bit tired. Too much hedonism. Currently trying to tone it down and recharge myself. It has been nice to feel the rush of spending time with different women and experiencing passion with them. Has also been fun just partying and spending night outs. There is a certain level of excitement of sleeping with different women that I've never really experienced in my past life with the ex.

I don't think I would trade my current life with my past life if given the chance. I was totally caged up being with her in that relationship. I can't believe how much I gave up for her. The more I spent time with different women and the more I looked at things through RP lenses, the more I realised how bad I had it back then.

Love does that to you. I was definitely a romantic and although I might have experienced the romance of being with my ex; but I realised it may all have been me. The reality was different from the rosy picture I had painted in my mind. So recently I've been thinking that romance is actually an impediment. Maybe a fiction invented to have you committed to a woman and let them get away with diminishing who you are as a man. Being in love feels like a great feeling, but after spending so much time with different women I realised, that you have to be careful who you fall in love with and although almost all women might seek your love, not all of them deserve your love. Its important to remain rational.

For my brothers who are just started NC, it does get better. And for those of my brothers who are hoping for breadcrumbs, I've received nothing over the past 11 months. They don't always come back, but you get to a point, as cliche as it sounds, where that doesn't matter anymore.

-James

 

[sickwithu]

Hello everyone!
Been dumped, said it's a relief if I block her. Seemed nice to hear, like I'm some kind of monster, I'm an introvert and I don't even chat much. She asked me to block her on Whatsapp. I said ok, it's your decision. Still have her on Facebook. I don't see a difference if I block her there or not, she doesn't care anyway. She has been ignoring me for a while saying she is too busy, blah blah so I've seen it coming. It hurt but that's how it goes. NC day 3 for me.

 

[Barrister]

Hello everyone!
Been dumped, said it's a relief if I block her. Seemed nice to hear, like I'm some kind of monster, I'm an introvert and I don't even chat much. She asked me to block her on Whatsapp. I said ok, it's your decision. Still have her on Facebook. I don't see a difference if I block her there or not, she doesn't care anyway. She has been ignoring me for a while saying she is too busy, blah blah so I've seen it coming. It hurt but that's how it goes. NC day 3 for me.

She ASKED you to block her? Definitely a drama queen/AW alert with this one. Wants to tell all of her friends she is blocked by you for extra attention. I would one-up her and just deactivate the account altogether. When she sees you completely gone from the social media scene she will probably panic.

Regardless, good luck with it, brother. You will find a lot of good stuff in this thread for dealing with this.

 

[sickwithu]

Been 2 years since my last serious NC.

There is a girl which gave me hard time since August. I did all the things that the man should not do:

• overreacted when she refused to come over to my place
• double texted
• kept chasing
• tried to fix stuff and reatract the girl

Today was the last drop. I had "the talk" with the girl when i texted - "are you going with me on the trip or I will block you and will never talk with you again?". It might sound weird but i don't wanna go deep in the context behind this text (the flaked ton of times on my invitations, did not respond on my text and played all sort of games). So she said "I really like to be with you....please do not block me" and in general that every time I ask her out she has stuff to do. I said "what are you doing tonight" - she sent me photo with her and friends having dinner, than "what about tomorrow" - she is going with friends somewhere again. I called her out and said - if the person wants to be with another person she will find the time, otherwise it is all BS. She replied that she tells true and it is not BS, she is a busy girl.

I blocked her number after that message, blocked IG. No Contact day 0.

She ASKED you to block her? Definitely a drama queen/AW alert with this one. Wants to tell all of her friends she is blocked by you for extra attention. I would one-up her and just deactivate the account altogether. When she sees you completely gone from the social media scene she will probably panic.

Regardless, good luck with it, brother. You will find a lot of good stuff in this thread for dealing with this.

Thanks for the support.. i dont really think she even has real friends.

 

[sickwithu]

Day 4. Hurts like hell. I know NC is there for us to heal. I don't know why I felt some kind of hope that she will change and contact me. I'm an idiot. Phases go around circles, from denial, anger, hate to sadness. The acceptance will come, just don't know when. I hope soon. I'm a complete mess at the moment, and it's not my first time. But it's always hard as it can be.

 

[indiff]

Day 4. Hurts like hell. I know NC is there for us to heal. I don't know why I felt some kind of hope that she will change and contact me. I'm an idiot. Phases go around circles, from denial, anger, hate to sadness. The acceptance will come, just don't know when. I hope soon. I'm a complete mess at the moment, and it's not my first time. But it's always hard as it can be.

Yea, it sucks man. Even though you know what needs to be done and this feeling is only temporary, for some reason, your body didn’t seem to get the memo, putting you through this roller coaster of emotions. Hang in there and take care.

 

[sickwithu]

Day 1.. yeah the idiot broke NC. we did some talk and apparently she says I love you. 2 days after , she holds the grudge for the fight when i say to her "**** you" lol. still dont want anything.. just stupid excuses. i'm so dumb. Ok day 1 and day ****ing forever because there is no turning back ever again..

 

[Barrister]

Day 1.. yeah the idiot broke NC. we did some talk and apparently she says I love you. 2 days after , she holds the grudge for the fight when i say to her "**** you" lol. still dont want anything.. just stupid excuses. i'm so dumb. Ok day 1 and day ****ing forever because there is no turning back ever again..

Continuing to have additional "talks" with her does nothing. She has made up her mind. You are giving her a validation rush every time you reach out to her. Likewise, when you get a big blowup from one of these talks that also fuels her validation because she sees that she is able to affect you so strongly.

Bottom line -- talking to her only makes you feel worse and her feel better. Her little breadcumbing comments of "I love you" are just that. She is trying to keep you hooked while she looks elsewhere. Don't keep doing this to yourself.

 

[The Diver]

I realized it may all have been me. The reality was different from the rosy picture I had painted in my mind.

False evaluation creates distorted reality, which creates artificial qualities that were not there in the first place.
This is where many fail, even the experienced ones : fail to eliminate the "Love" which clouds our judgment to see true reality.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys

I’m back

after five years

tldr

dated for five years
She broke up with me 01/24, last Monday
I still wanna be your friend lotus. I said no
She messaged me the next day 01/25
I said let’s talk
We spoke in person 01/27
I’ve said let’s try again.
She said no. I cried.
She said I have to change. But not together
I said either you see me change together or you won’t see me at all. She said she wanted to part ways
I said I will not contact you ever again

And now here I am. Day 02
Some damage done. But what’s done is done

she is not the first
She is not the second
I thought she was the one. Guess I was wrong

NC all the way guys!

cheers

 

[sickwithu]

Hey guys

I’m back

after five years

tldr

dated for five years
She broke up with me 01/24, last Monday
I still wanna be your friend lotus. I said no
She messaged me the next day 01/25
I said let’s talk
We spoke in person 01/27
I’ve said let’s try again.
She said no. I cried.
She said I have to change. But not together
I said either you see me change together or you won’t see me at all. She said she wanted to part ways
I said I will not contact you ever again

And now here I am. Day 02
Some damage done. But what’s done is done

she is not the first
She is not the second
I thought she was the one. Guess I was wrong

NC all the way guys!

cheers

Support bro, be strong.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Support bro, be strong.

tks mate!

Quick status update:

she just messaged me this morning

saying Gooood Mooorniiiing!



I hate this kind of thing

she dumps.
she says she don’t want to try again
Go out on the weekend
And then Wake feeling sad on a Sunday morning and message me saying good morning as if nothing happened

to hell

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys

status update.

I’ve spoken to several friends of mine, some of them have great experience DJing, some have great experience breaking up, and two girls.

bottomline

I’ve decided to reply her good morning, 12 hours after receiving the message, following the advice from these guys, plus the directive given in the NC challenge itself

If you are seeking reconciliation, then it depends on what the ex says when they contact you.
If they are calling for a ‘catch up’, politely tell your ex that you were serious about NC and that they must respect your decision. This call may come after a few days, a few weeks or a few months. Don’t get into any discussions about yourself and what you’re up to – keep it short, and make it clear to your ex that NC isn’t just a whim….you are serious about it. Remind them, if it comes up, that friendship is not an option.

Make it clear that you are respecting their decision to end the relationship, and now they have to respect your decision to end contact.
If you are seeking reconciliation, you also have every right to question your ex about their intentions if they contact you. Do so at the beginning of the interaction – there’s no point having a great conversation with the ex and getting your hopes up only to find out at the end of the call that nothing has changed. Save yourself the trouble and find out at the start - if their motivation for calling you is anything short of what you are after, terminate the conversation politely…but quickly.

So I’ve politely replied to her:

“hey, how are you
Your message caught me off guard, wasn’t expecting it.

I wanted to understand why you’ve messaged me.
if you messaged me bc you thought about what I’ve said last Tuesday then I’m more than open to talk

or

if you messaged me just because you wanted to chit chat?

if is the second option then I’m sorry. I understand that you might be missing me somehow, but since I’ve respected your decision to end things you must respect my decision to not talk to you. Talking to you will only hurt me, specially if I know we are not getting back together.

now if it’s the first option let’s talk. I know we can work things out

you don’t need to reply now
See ya”

In about 30 minutes she replied.
With this:

“ “

sooo
Here we are again

back in day 1

I really think it was a rude and immature reply, considering everything. So I decide following what I’ve said 30 minutes earlier, and not reply.

but even being an immature response, I’ve got what she meant.

for me it was good drawing a line, even though I’ve said to her personally when she broke up with me last Monday that I have no interest in messaging or being friends. And saying it again makes me look weak.

At least I know that now she understood that I won’t reply to her anymore.

I just have one question for you guys:
Should I message her two brothers and her mother thanking them for the last 5 years?

I had a great relationship with them and I think it’s not the manly thing to just vanish, considering that they treated me as family

cheers

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 360 (12 months) My Last Entry Here

Can't believe we are finally here! I've been documenting my NC journey for the past 12 months. My ex broke up with me on January 21st, 2021. At the time I literally felt like the colours of my life have disappeared. I remember how low I felt. At times I could not breathe. I was so down and beaten. It was truly one of the worst pains I've ever experienced in life. I felt like I discovered what the definition of melancholy was at the time.

12 months later, I can strongly say I no longer feel this way. The deep pain and sense of suffocation has gone. Because the break up led me to discover SS and the RP truths of women. It made me realize how irrational I was. How weak I was. How I have lost my own sense of happiness, excitement for life and passion and given it entirely/had it entirely dependent on a woman. The pain spurred me to a path of self-improvement and since, I have reclaimed back my life and independence. In many ways, the pain turned me into a better man.

Since the break up, I've had a lot of adventures. I've met many hot women. I've had a lot of s3x. I lost weight. I rebuilt myself. I bought myself a sports car. I became confident. Literally I became a different person. My journey has been very memorable.

Through the months, the pain eventually started to dissipate. It does go away. Funnily, in many ways the momentum of my self-improvement has also declined with the lack of pain, pain is a great fuel to push you. It is a blessing in disguise in that way. So working on myself for the sake of myself rather than pain is something I aim to do this year.

The ex never contacted/breadcrumbed me at all in the 12 months. The idea that they will come back is not always true. After having discovered SS and the RP truths; I've realised she had a lot of red flags. She was a very self-centered, attention seeking girl who had a lot of issues and because of that there is just no way she will ever come back. I have just been misled by myself to see the relationship for something that it wasn't. I was living in the clouds and became a weak man. And if the breakup were never to happen and in some hypothetical world we were still together, I'd become a lesser and lesser man. She was totally diminishing me. The universe works in mysteriously ways, it was a blessing that it ended. It wasn't clear to me at the time but very very clear to me now. The girl was a good f'ck, but that WAS it. Not GF material for sure.

I no longer miss her but I'll admit, I do miss some of our moments together. Its more so about my own experience than the girl. Perhaps because of how I felt back then, when I was still a BP beta guy who believed in romance and lived in the relationship through rosy lenses. As much as it isn't realistic and good for me; there was a naivety that made those moments special. I no longer feel this way for the many girls I've met. I've become very rational and invested less in encounters. So in many ways, I've not gone deep into many of the encounters I've had so far; but I guess I just have not met the one that is worth it now that I have my options.

Overall, I've become a much more happier person. I am no longer hurting. I have had a lot of amazing adventures spurred by the break up and NC.

I hope my brothers who are now embarking on this journey can take something away from mine.

If anyone needs some tips/advice from me, just PM me. I'll get back to you.

-James

 

[spred]

I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.

 

[dude99]

I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.

Keep your head high.

I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.

Use the NC to heal. It sounds like she has already moved on to someone else. Going cold for no reason tells you everything you need to know about her true nature.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Hey guys

status update.

I’ve spoken to several friends of mine, some of them have great experience DJing, some have great experience breaking up, and two girls.

bottomline

I’ve decided to reply her good morning, 12 hours after receiving the message, following the advice from these guys, plus the directive given in the NC challenge itself



So I’ve politely replied to her:

“hey, how are you
Your message caught me off guard, wasn’t expecting it.

I wanted to understand why you’ve messaged me.
if you messaged me bc you thought about what I’ve said last Tuesday then I’m more than open to talk

or

if you messaged me just because you wanted to chit chat?

if is the second option then I’m sorry. I understand that you might be missing me somehow, but since I’ve respected your decision to end things you must respect my decision to not talk to you. Talking to you will only hurt me, specially if I know we are not getting back together.

now if it’s the first option let’s talk. I know we can work things out

you don’t need to reply now
See ya”

In about 30 minutes she replied.
With this:

“ “

sooo
Here we are again

back in day 1

I really think it was a rude and immature reply, considering everything. So I decide following what I’ve said 30 minutes earlier, and not reply.

but even being an immature response, I’ve got what she meant.

for me it was good drawing a line, even though I’ve said to her personally when she broke up with me last Monday that I have no interest in messaging or being friends. And saying it again makes me look weak.

At least I know that now she understood that I won’t reply to her anymore.

I just have one question for you guys:
Should I message her two brothers and her mother thanking them for the last 5 years?

I had a great relationship with them and I think it’s not the manly thing to just vanish, considering that they treated me as family

cheers

Hey Lotus, your reply to her was way too much and too deep. You should be playing it cool and showing indifference.

The reply made you seem to eager to find resolution in order to ease your pain. I get it, I used to do that. I just couldn’t resist back then.

A simple “Good morning” would have started filling her with mystery and uncertainty. It would be better to minimize conversation and let things unfold at a natural pace.

 

[spred]

Day 2/60
Things are well, started to forget.
Interesting how the mind ****s with you, start the day with no negative stuff, then she comes back into mind one time, two times, then constantly. After a few hours on my mind, the illusion of actions becomes obvious, the little devil on the shoulder wants me to check out messages, her social media,....
Is almost funny

 

[dude99]

Day 2/60
little devil on the shoulder wants me to check out messages, her social media,....
Is almost funny

This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.

 

[Barrister]

This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.

Most women go out of their way to make their life look extra wild and crazy following a breakup. Usually with some bullsh1t tags like "#livingmybestlife" or some other equivalent nonsense. It is all a smokescreen and not remotely accurate. Also many times intentionally including some random guy in a picture with them to elicit a response from us as the ex. It is all so predictable. In sum - you are absolutely correct that there is no reason to look and may as well just block them.