Opinions - Female Friend approached me about a cheating friend last night

[B80]

Hi all,

Interested to know how you guys see this situation.

A female friend I;ve known for years contacted me a minute ago, really upset about something that happened last night.

She was out with female friends only from social group at ****tail bar. One of the women there was flirting with a man and then disappeared. The owner of the bar came to them a while later upset saying he'd kicked the woman and man out after they found together in the toilets.

Female friend of mine said shes known the woman for years and isn't friends as such with her, its more her husband is good friends with this cheating womans husband. They;ve known each other for 15 years, the cheating woman has 11 year old kid.

My friend had to pay the bill as most others had gone home by now so had to contact the cheating woman earlier. My friend didn;t directly mention last night, the cheating woman said she got so drunk and can;t remember anything (usual crap basically).

My female friend says she doesn;t intend on telling her husband, but considering whether to mention it to the cheating woman. Not sure what that would achieve and could make dynamics around social circle weird, depending on how woman reacts to knowing others knew for sure she had cheated.

I asked if she has any idea if this woman may have cheated before and she says some have suggested she has, but doesn;t have solid evidence as such.

From my perspective its a tough one to call and advise on. Obviously if it gets out, could destroy the family (if its not on tender hooks already), but on other hand feel sorry for husband and so does she. Also the element of not getting involved in other peoples business. Apparently husband really nice bloke and she feels sorry for him. She is really upset and may just be telling me as we're pretty close and feels she needs to tell someone about it.

I did ask her if this friend was actually her, but she said she'd tell me if it was her and I believe her as we have relationship where nothing is taboo and honest with each other about loads of personal stuff in the past.

 

[SW15]

You know about some married woman having an affair and having sex in the restroom of a coccktail bar.

The married woman will deny it ever happened. Your female friend (a mere acquaintance of the married woman) isn't going to say anything either. It's possible one of the other women from that group confronts the cheating married woman's husband.

Also, women usually don't want advice on how to solve their problems. They usually prefer just to tell someone about their stuff and get some commiseration.

 

[B80]

You know about some married woman having an affair and having sex in the restroom of a coccktail bar.

The married woman will deny it ever happened. Your female friend (a mere acquaintance of the married woman) isn't going to say anything either. It's possible one of the other women from that group confronts the cheating married woman's husband.

Also, women usually don't want advice on how to solve their problems. They usually prefer just to tell someone about their stuff and get some commiseration.

Yes thats what I gleaned from it, wanted to be able to tell someone, look for understanding more than anything as she seems rattled by it, rather than a solution like men to offer a lot of the time.

Funny thing was I was busy earlier and missed a load of her messages asking if I was free to talk about something on her mind. When I didn;t respond she said she'd send me pics of herself if I responded... which I've never asked for, but shes sent willingly of her own accord before .
So not like shes whiter than white herself!!

She just text to say her 'friend' wants to pop by later to give her cash for bar bill my friend had to pay. Apparently her bank, ewallet app of whatever she uses isn;t working so has to give cash. Expect she wants to see her in person to see how my friend is lol.

 

[SW15]

Funny thing was I was busy earlier and missed a load of her messages asking if I was free to talk about something on her mind. When I didn;t respond she said she'd send me pics of herself if I responded... which I've never asked for, but shes sent willingly of her own accord before .

Naked pics? Is this a friends with benefits situation?

She just text to say her 'friend' wants to pop by later to give her cash for bar bill my friend had to pay. Apparently her bank, ewallet app of whatever she uses isn;t working so has to give cash. Expect she wants to see her in person to see how my friend is lol.

I guess the cheating married woman wants to cover her tracks.

 

[Striker_93]

What's new, happens everyday lol
Tell your friend to stay out of other people's business. That's the best advice

 

[B80]

Naked pics? Is this a friends with benefits situation?



I guess the cheating married woman wants to cover her tracks.

No not naked, but suggestive ones. Not that I'm, or was a 'player' at any point in my life, but this feels like closest thing to 'alpha widow' situation I've been involved with. 15 years or so ago we used to sleep with each every few weeks - went on for a year or 2. usually I'd call her when drunk after night out and would go to hers (before she was married/met her now husband). In the end I called it off as started seeing someone else and told her that. We then started chatted again a few years ago and things started escalating, but only over text. She;s not happy in her marriage, sounds completely flat etc. Shes indicated a few times about leaving her husband for me as still has strong feelings that she hasnt felt before, apparently. Still, don;t feel proud of my participation in it as haven't always discouraged her, but at same time not prepared to go out of my way to meet her as its pretty clear what would happen and I'm not interested in more than sex on that odd occasion with her.

Think shes all over the shop right now as shes just said if I can order her some food she'll send me naked pics lol - feel like some kind of dirty old man entertaining a request like that, so won;t be dignifying it by agreeing. Shes never made deals/offers like that before. She did indicate a few months ago, she'd be up for doing fun stuff with me on side, and somehow keep it separate from family life. Defo cheating on an emotional level going on.

I think situation with her friend has made her feel all funny again about her situation with husband tbh. Probably some weird jealousy underneath the upset shes portraying to me.

 

[SW15]

No not naked, but suggestive ones. Not that I'm, or was a 'player' at any point in my life, but this feels like closest thing to 'alpha widow' situation I've been involved with. 15 years or so ago we used to sleep with each every few weeks - went on for a year or 2. usually I'd call her when drunk after night out and would go to hers (before she was married/met her now husband). In the end I called it off as started seeing someone else and told her that.

It's good that you aren't an emotional tampon for her. You did get to enjoy her vagina in the mid to late 2000s. Based on your profile, I'm guessing you're now early 40s as is she, so doing that in her mid-20s would have been fun.

What happened in the mid to late 2000s is more alpha than beta. Most beta males are dumped and/or the woman ceasing things. 13-14 years ago, you ended things on your own terms and then all contact was ceased for about 10 years.

She;s not happy in her marriage. Shes indicated a few times about leaving her husband for me as still has strong feelings that she hasnt felt before. I'm not interested in more than sex on that odd occasion with her. She did indicate a few months ago, she'd be up for doing fun stuff with me on side, and somehow keep it separate from family life. Defo cheating on an emotional level going on.

I think situation with her friend has made her feel all funny again about her situation with husband tbh. Probably some weird jealousy underneath the upset shes portraying to me.

She's not happy in her marriage now and it is doubtful that her marriage is salvageable. She has emotionally cheated with you. She will physically cheat soon. If she doesn't cheat physically with you, it will be with someone else. She's fine with having occasional sex with you and cucking her husband. You have first priority for extramarital sex.

I think you're correct that her married acquaintance/lower level friend having an affair created an emotional reaction for her. This reminded her about how she wants to take her emotional cheating to a physical level with you. Sex with a 40 year old married woman if she's in shape has the potential to be exciting. Women in their late 30s/early 40s tend to be quite horny and she's been waiting for some different penis for a while. Women are good at having affairs and not getting caught. There's a case to be made that they are better at it than men.

She's in a position right now where she can't tell her husband about her lower level friend/acquaintance having an affair. If she said something, she realizes she'd be hypocritical because she's emotionally cheating and has an interest in physically cheating.

 

[B80]

It's good that you aren't an emotional tampon for her. You did get to enjoy her vagina in the mid to late 2000s. Based on your profile, I'm guessing you're now early 40s as is she, so doing that in her mid-20s would have been fun.

What happened in the mid to late 2000s is more alpha than beta. Most beta males are dumped and/or the woman ceasing things. 13-14 years ago, you ended things on your own terms and then all contact was ceased for about 10 years.



She's not happy in her marriage now and it is doubtful that her marriage is salvageable. She has emotionally cheated with you. She will physically cheat soon. If she doesn't cheat physically with you, it will be with someone else. She's fine with having occasional sex with you and cucking her husband. You have first priority for extramarital sex.

I think you're correct that her married acquaintance/lower level friend having an affair created an emotional reaction for her. This reminded her about how she wants to take her emotional cheating to a physical level with you. Sex with a 40 year old married woman if she's in shape has the potential to be exciting. Women in their late 30s/early 40s tend to be quite horny and she's been waiting for some different penis for a while. Women are good at having affairs and not getting caught. There's a case to be made that they are better at it than men.

She's in a position right now where she can't tell her husband about her lower level friend/acquaintance having an affair. If she said something, she realizes she'd be hypocritical because she's emotionally cheating and has an interest in physically cheating.

Good writeup, appreciate your time/input.

Shes a bit older than me so just past mid 40's, another reason I'm hesitant as although she goes to gym a lot and not in bad shape, the idea of going out of my way for someone who's married and past their best isn;t appealing. If I somehow bumped into her on night out when drunk I'd no doubt sleep with her though. Chances of that are pretty non existent though in reality.

But yes, she was quite candid about meeting up and doing allsorts. once when I was out of hand as really drunk texting last year and was saying all kinds of extreme stuff I'd like to do with her, but she kept texting following week saying she thjought about what I said and was up for it... wasn;t scared off.

But yes, found her offer of food for pics 'interesting' as if she really was not seeing me as provider/beta at all now i'd expect her to send pics regardless. Although I guess she could be using that as excuse to send them - ASD, rather than just sending them at her own accord. Justifies it as 'I sent them as he did xyz for me first, I wouldn;t have done it otherwise'. I'm pretty confident I could get her to send nude pics if I pressed harder/said the right things. Obviously fine line between encouraging her and coming across as slimey/creepy, or making her uncomfortable. But no doubt more margin for error as interest clearly there on her part.

 

[Stuffnu]

Dude, don’t be so naive - it’s her.
She confides in you and not her friends, because she’s the guilty party.
She‘s conflicted and trying to gauge your reaction to prepare herself for theirs.
By your admission, she’s in an unhappy marriage - think about it.
My 2 cents anyways.

 

[B80]

Dude, don’t be so naive - it’s her.
She confides in you and not her friends, because she’s the guilty party.
She‘s conflicted and trying to gauge your reaction to prepare herself for theirs.
By your admission, she’s in an unhappy marriage - think about it.
My 2 cents anyways.

Yeah, I certainly considered that angle, as mentioned in previous post.

Seems odd why she was anxious to talk to me earlier, sending messages, missed calls etc. Never chat on phone and how its 'upset' her does seem a bit extreme imo.

When my friends have cheated on nights, never been a massive deal to me. May have mentioned it to my now ex wife, but nothing more than passing conversation. Certainly no drama or upset lol. Maybe as I didn;t know their proper partners particularly well.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Funny thing was I was busy earlier and missed a load of her messages asking if I was free to talk about something on her mind. When I didn;t respond she said she'd send me pics of herself if I responded... which I've never asked for, but shes sent willingly of her own accord before .
So not like shes whiter than white herself!!

She just text to say her 'friend' wants to pop by later to give her cash for bar bill my friend had to pay. Apparently her bank, ewallet app of whatever she uses isn;t working so has to give cash. Expect she wants to see her in person to see how my friend is lol.

Wouldn’t surprise me if your “friend” is using you to complement her daily dose of male attention. This whole thing is a total waste of time and mind space.

 

[bat soup]

Hi all,

Interested to know how you guys see this situation.

A female friend I;ve known for years contacted me a minute ago, really upset about something that happened last night.

She was out with female friends only from social group at ****tail bar. One of the women there was flirting with a man and then disappeared. The owner of the bar came to them a while later upset saying he'd kicked the woman and man out after they found together in the toilets.

Female friend of mine said shes known the woman for years and isn't friends as such with her, its more her husband is good friends with this cheating womans husband. They;ve known each other for 15 years, the cheating woman has 11 year old kid.

My friend had to pay the bill as most others had gone home by now so had to contact the cheating woman earlier. My friend didn;t directly mention last night, the cheating woman said she got so drunk and can;t remember anything (usual crap basically).

My female friend says she doesn;t intend on telling her husband, but considering whether to mention it to the cheating woman. Not sure what that would achieve and could make dynamics around social circle weird, depending on how woman reacts to knowing others knew for sure she had cheated.

I asked if she has any idea if this woman may have cheated before and she says some have suggested she has, but doesn;t have solid evidence as such.

From my perspective its a tough one to call and advise on. Obviously if it gets out, could destroy the family (if its not on tender hooks already), but on other hand feel sorry for husband and so does she. Also the element of not getting involved in other peoples business. Apparently husband really nice bloke and she feels sorry for him. She is really upset and may just be telling me as we're pretty close and feels she needs to tell someone about it.

I did ask her if this friend was actually her, but she said she'd tell me if it was her and I believe her as we have relationship where nothing is taboo and honest with each other about loads of personal stuff in the past.

Personally I wouldn't get involved unless I was friends with the husband. It's their business what they get up to.

 

[SW15]

Shes a bit older than me so just past mid 40's, another reason I'm hesitant as although she goes to gym a lot and not in bad shape, the idea of going out of my way for someone who's married and past their best isn;t appealing. If I somehow bumped into her on night out when drunk I'd no doubt sleep with her though. Chances of that are pretty non existent though in reality.

interest clearly there on her part.

If you're 41 and she's 45-47, that's not an appealing sex partner. You did get her vagina when she was in her early 30s, which was better. It's good that she's stayed in shape post-marriage and post-children.

It seems like she's one of those married, suburban women who lives a bland married existence focused around her children's acitivities, such as soccer games or musical lessons/performances. I've had some female co-workers like that over the years. If the interest is there on her part, she will make it easy for you get sex from her. I think she already is making it on the easier side to get it.

 

[B80]

If you're 41 and she's 45-47, that's not an appealing sex partner. You did get her vagina when she was in her early 30s, which was better. It's good that she's stayed in shape post-marriage and post-children.

It seems like she's one of those married, suburban women who lives a bland married existence focused around her children's acitivities, such as soccer games or musical lessons/performances. I've had some female co-workers like that over the years. If the interest is there on her part, she will make it easy for you get sex from her. I think she already is making it on the easier side to get it.

Spot on! Her life does seem to revolve around her sons tennis, which ibthibk is admirable. She hasn't for a while now, but used to comment how her husband had no interest/always had excuse to not be involved with their 2 kids stuff.

 

[B80]

My read:

She wants to see how you react to the story, whether it was her in the bathroom or her friend. She's testing your zone to see if it's judgment-free for a romp. As stated above if you don't go for it she'll find another dude who will. (Not saying you should - just that you are probably her first choice since you know each other.)

Last week she reached out again and with little persusian sent through half a dozen pics throughout the day/evening. Started off full clothed but posing. The last 2 were in bed just wearing her underwear lol.

Went quiet after that for another week until this evening. She sent some meme about what yiur ex would say yiur bad points are. After some joking about she said she really wants to know what I thought of her and why I ended it all those years ago.

A few texts later she said she'd like to see me and give it another try but things are complicated. She then straight out said she wants to come to mine after work tomorrow and see what happens lol.

Crazy really seeing it unfold.