Any tip for how to deal with sadness after break up?

[Blacksheep]

There is this mess of emotions, asking what went wrong, that maybe I was the wrong one and fck up the relationship. I start to lose control of my thoughts and feel guilty.

When I'm alone here without nothing to do or talk my mind take me into dark places. I try playing games, tried to talk to someone but it doent seems to work.

I liked that girl very much. And I think I failed in that relationship being too emotional and reacting emotionally when I should be cold and calm.

I can also remember that I had a good life while single and I didn't had to deal with all those confusions in those 3 months I stayed with her. I know I have issues to deal with about past traumas and I'm aware that this can be a problem dealing with relationships and feelings.

I'm working really really hard to be better, but sometimes I think I'm getting crazy and my mental health is deteriorating since I don't feel able to build a good relationship and intimacy. And every time I hurt someone or I got hurt and one more failure to the score.

I judged her by what she said and did... But I'm not perfect too and I make mistakes the same way she does.

 

[bmp2cpm]

If I was in your shoes, I would work out a lot.

Also find a few fun things from your childhood to revisit, eg favorite tv shows/movies, things you did with your best friends.

Set some goals for finances/career.

Listen to some motivational audio programs, like the classic jim rohn.

Also, never ever judge someone by what they say, only by what they do via their actions.

Good luck!

 

[EyeBRollin]

Sorry to hear that OP. For mental health, I recommend seeing a professional therapist. They provide an objective sounding board and strategies to work through your personal issues. Remember gentlemen:, your plates, girlfriends, and wives are not your therapist.

As for getting past this- double down on your goals. Set some PRs in the gym, kill it at work, and force yourself to meet new women. The best way to get over a girl is to bang a hotter one.

 

[Blacksheep]

If I was in your shoes, I would work out a lot.

Also find a few fun things from your childhood to revisit, eg favorite tv shows/movies, things you did with your best friends.

Set some goals for finances/career.

Listen to some motivational audio programs, like the classic jim rohn.

Also, never ever judge someone by what they say, only by what they do via their actions.

Good luck!

Thanks man! Its a very good advice!

Im gonna plan some stuffs to do and keep myself busy. I think working out is a good way to help with dopamine and mood.

Gonna check this motivational guy. I used to listen a lot of David goggins.

 

[Blacksheep]

Sorry to hear that OP. For mental health, I recommend seeing a professional therapist. They provide an objective sounding board and strategies to work through your personal issues. Remember gentlemen:, your plates, girlfriends, and wives are not your therapist.

As for getting past this- double down on your goals. Set some PRs in the gym, kill it at work, and force yourself to meet new women. The best way to get over a girl is to bang a hotter one.

Thanks man!

Im seeing a therapist, its being really good. Its a long path to cure everything as Im observing... But it definitely makes a huge difference.

I hope I can date another girl fast enough. It might ease this negative feeling and maybe I could even find someone and realize this one could have more genuine desire than her.

 

[Krueg]

You will know when you met the right one, Everything will just come natural, minimal to no arguments and trust. Dont settle for Less!

Edit: how to take your mind off things. Time helps, meeting new people - women, focusing on YOU!

Some of my hobbies/interests outside of work.. Hunting, camping, fishing, target shooting, guitar, weightlifting, build model cars, BBQing... all kinds of things to do or try.

 

[TheProspect]

@Blacksheep, I recently went through a breakup, so I feel you.

You are going to be in a generally low state for at least a few weeks, especially if you really liked the chick and even more if you felt she was of a higher quality. During this period, time slows down as you ruminate & identify with thought patterns, and you won't feel motivated to go through the motions of life, but you need to just go through them anyway and allow time to pass as you withdrawal from this person. Every couple of days you'll feel yourself feeling marginally better.

Allow yourself time to feel and process your emotions fully – Accept them. What you fight, you strengthen. What you resist, persists.

Remind yourself that on the other side of every painful experience lies a lesson to be learned. This lesson will become more clearer to you as time passes. The intensity of the sadness you feel now will serve to solidify this lesson in your psyche, and your newfound wisdom will benefit you in future situations. The sadness you feel now HAS meaning -- for you to become a stronger version of yourself when you heal.

---

Russell Brand, of all people, actually insightfully broke down how to get over a breakup in 5 steps:

1 - Accept that the break up is the right thing and that it has happened

2 - Accept that you cannot control nobody except yourself

3 - Realize that you cannot invest your well-being in the perception of another person

4 - Learn to let go and move on

5 - Trust that the future is going to be OK for you

---


... and finally, I leave you with a quote from the Buddha,

"In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

 

[Blacksheep]

You will know when you met the right one, Everything will just come natural, minimal to no arguments and trust. Dont settle for Less!

Edit: how to take your mind off things. Time helps, meeting new people - women, focusing on YOU!

Some of my hobbies/interests outside of work.. Hunting, camping, fishing, target shooting, guitar, weightlifting, build model cars, BBQing... all kinds of things to do or try.

Thanks man!

This thing of when we meet the right one is true. Even I not finding the right one yet I've met some girls in past that I didnt feel this way with that actual... Even not being together them, it made me realize that I had experiences that I felt more trust and genuine desire, and this thing we feel naturally. Its kind a gut thing... And I just think my gut was telling me something was wrong.

Im thinking to start krav maga and Im gonna also find another hobbies to do. I have almost no hobbies lately. Only videogames. Have to put more nice hobbies in my life like you said.

 

[Blacksheep]

@Blacksheep, I recently went through a breakup, so I feel you.

You are going to be in a generally low state for at least a few weeks, especially if you really liked the chick and even more if you felt she was of a higher quality. During this period, time slows down as you ruminate & identify with thought patterns, and you won't feel motivated to go through the motions of life, but you need to just go through them anyway and allow time to pass as you withdrawal from this person. Every couple of days you'll feel yourself feeling marginally better.

Allow yourself time to feel and process your emotions fully – Accept them. What you fight, you strengthen. What you resist, persists.

Remind yourself that on the other side of every painful experience lies a lesson to be learned. This lesson will become more clearer to you as time passes. The intensity of the sadness you feel now will serve to solidify this lesson in your psyche, and your newfound wisdom will benefit you in future situations. The sadness you feel now HAS meaning -- for you to become a stronger version of yourself when you heal.

---

Russell Brand, of all people, actually insightfully broke down how to get over a breakup in 5 steps:

1 - Accept that the break up is the right thing and that it has happened

2 - Accept that you cannot control nobody except yourself

3 - Realize that you cannot invest your well-being in the perception of another person

4 - Learn to let go and move on

5 - Trust that the future is going to be OK for you

---


... and finally, I leave you with a quote from the Buddha,

"In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

I feel for you too man! I hope youre feeling better now!

Gonna keep all that in mind! Thank you so much for that!!

 

[Alvafe]

things to do after, working out, go out with friends, do anything you want to do really, you are free, alwyas think like this i'm free to do whatever I want

ah yes and never take a woman back always find a new one, she lost her chance

 

[Bokanovsky]

Yes, I have a tip that works 100% of the time. Start meeting new women...ASAP. Once you start dating girls who are comparable or higher on the looks scale, your sadness will wash away quickly.

If you think about, sadness is really just a product of regret and fear of missing out. You start thinking that maybe you'll never meet anyone as good as her again. That makes you feel said. So the obvious solution is to start proving yourself wrong.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I know it hurts like a b1tch right now. I had a ltr of 4+ years who broke up with me last summer. She took a flight out of town without telling me and then broke up with me over text. It was brutal.

I went No Contact but I fell so sad for days. I remember at the time, I would have said or done anything to get back with her. Someone in the forum told me something along the lines of "Lets assume you get back with her. If she broke up with u once, isnt she capable of doing this again in a few years?"

Bro, that got to me. U never go back to an ex.

Days later I was reading some Rollo Tomasi. He said u never go back to an ex because going back to an ex is like going through your own garbage.

I started to work on myself. The rest u already know: Dates I actually wanted to do while triple booking.

Guess what? My ex did me a favor by leaving me. I found someone younger and whom I like way more than all my previous exes combined.

So cheer up because u gonna come back stronger from this.

 

[Striker_93]

The same way you deal with anything else in life, you just do it, ignore negative thoughts, perception is everything, change the way you view the situation, other than that, just let time do the rest and you will be back to normal in no time, understand that life has plenty more stuff to throw your way so toughen up while you can.

Life's not for the weak, only the strong survive, you will be fine.

 

[Ricky]

First a cliche: You have survived 100% of your days so far, you will survive this

If you can read, read
If you can exercise, exercise
If you can socialize, socialize

If you can do all 3 you will really recover quickly.

Also remember the easiest way to get her back is to move on. I've had several women from my past call me.

Now i'd had alot of marriage troubles recently and need to take my own advice. I don't want to move on per se and get divorced, but i've had to kind of do my own thing for now..

 

[Modern Man Advice]

There is this mess of emotions, asking what went wrong, that maybe I was the wrong one and fck up the relationship. I start to lose control of my thoughts and feel guilty.

When I'm alone here without nothing to do or talk my mind take me into dark places. I try playing games, tried to talk to someone but it doent seems to work.

I liked that girl very much. And I think I failed in that relationship being too emotional and reacting emotionally when I should be cold and calm.

I can also remember that I had a good life while single and I didn't had to deal with all those confusions in those 3 months I stayed with her. I know I have issues to deal with about past traumas and I'm aware that this can be a problem dealing with relationships and feelings.

I'm working really really hard to be better, but sometimes I think I'm getting crazy and my mental health is deteriorating since I don't feel able to build a good relationship and intimacy. And every time I hurt someone or I got hurt and one more failure to the score.

I judged her by what she said and did... But I'm not perfect too and I make mistakes the same way she does.

Based on interacting with you in the past and your previous posts, I have to say I am surprised to hear you like this.

You are trying to escape the inevitable. You are not allowing yourself to grow from this experience. You need the pain. You don't deal with it, and worse by engaging in meaningless vices like video games, you embrace it and allow it to show you a new version of yourself.

You are effectively choosing to only view the negatives. That is a path you do not want to go down.

Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Be wise about how you view this experience.

PS: In my experience, when this has happened to me, being coupled up inside made it worse. Spend time outside (hikes, walks, road trips, travel, sports, etc, etc). In other words, be active.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Blacksheep]

things to do after, working out, go out with friends, do anything you want to do really, you are free, alwyas think like this i'm free to do whatever I want

ah yes and never take a woman back always find a new one, she lost her chance

I just start to have that good feeling when I was single before meeting her. My life was good, and this is helping me realize that there is no need to keep suffering like that for someone who didnt show to care that much.

Thanks for your support man

 

[Blacksheep]

Yes, I have a tip that works 100% of the time. Start meeting new women...ASAP. Once you start dating girls who are comparable or higher on the looks scale, your sadness will wash away quickly.

If you think about, sadness is really just a product of regret and fear of missing out. You start thinking that maybe you'll never meet anyone as good as her again. That makes you feel said. So the obvious solution is to start proving yourself wrong.

I have to say that this is working. Started to talk to some girls and its being good. Also making some exercises make my modd way better.

Today I can say that this sadness is very low. Hope it keeps that way.

Im just remembering how I was happy when I was single, and there is no need to feel that bad for someone that in the end doesnt even care.

 

[Blacksheep]

I know it hurts like a b1tch right now. I had a ltr of 4+ years who broke up with me last summer. She took a flight out of town without telling me and then broke up with me over text. It was brutal.

I went No Contact but I fell so sad for days. I remember at the time, I would have said or done anything to get back with her. Someone in the forum told me something along the lines of "Lets assume you get back with her. If she broke up with u once, isnt she capable of doing this again in a few years?"

Bro, that got to me. U never go back to an ex.

Days later I was reading some Rollo Tomasi. He said u never go back to an ex because going back to an ex is like going through your own garbage.

I started to work on myself. The rest u already know: Dates I actually wanted to do while triple booking.

Guess what? My ex did me a favor by leaving me. I found someone younger and whom I like way more than all my previous exes combined.

So cheer up because u gonna come back stronger from this.

Big true man! Thanks so much for your support!

 

[Blacksheep]

The same way you deal with anything else in life, you just do it, ignore negative thoughts, perception is everything, change the way you view the situation, other than that, just let time do the rest and you will be back to normal in no time, understand that life has plenty more stuff to throw your way so toughen up while you can.

Life's not for the weak, only the strong survive, you will be fine.

Makes sense man! Thanks for your support!

 

[Blacksheep]

First a cliche: You have survived 100% of your days so far, you will survive this

If you can read, read
If you can exercise, exercise
If you can socialize, socialize

If you can do all 3 you will really recover quickly.

Also remember the easiest way to get her back is to move on. I've had several women from my past call me.

Now i'd had alot of marriage troubles recently and need to take my own advice. I don't want to move on per se and get divorced, but i've had to kind of do my own thing for now..

Sorry to hear that you are having marriage problems man! Hope you can solve that soon.

And thanks for your support!