Pick from those who pick you

[BeExcellent]

Perhaps this is a statement of the obvious but for each person out there right now there is a group of women you appeal to. Might be a large group, might be a small group. But it exists. This is true of men and women. I’m hot, but not everyone thinks so. That’s fine. I do not entertain men who don’t choose me.

Now. If you do not appeal to the subset of potential partners that you would like to attract? Well. Time to take a long hard look at yourself. What are you bringing to the table as far as fitness, looks, act togetherness and social calibration. Are you skinny fat or dad bod? Do you have a beer belly? Are you 40 and living with Mom or Dad? Those are obviously areas that require improvement if you wish to improve the pool you appeal to.

You appeal to someone. If you don’t like the pool you appeal to then you have work to do. If you are allergic to the work necessary then choose from what is available to you.

The biggest difference between men & women is that by and large men need to do the initial approach. Women typically are the responders not the initiators, Typically but not always.

I’ve always chosen from among those who first choose me (to approach). Now obviously not everyone who chooses me appeals to me. But enough do that I have options at any given time.

This is an efficient and pragmatic way to sort for women who are into you. Aim high as you like, but make an honest and objective as possible assessment of your SMV. This creates the greatest chances for success, whatever your short or long term sexual strategy happens to be.

Interest level is everything. There are potential partners interested in each of us.

Cheers to your success in 2022.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Gold

 

[Black Widow Void]

For those that are unmotivated or suffering a low self-esteem, I suppose that sticking to a 'class-system' dating style is acceptable.

I don't deny that during dry spells, I did take women out because they liked me first (there was nothing extraordinarily appealing about them, but also nothing disqualifying). However, I certainly wouldn't advise a fellow man to limit his aspirations to such unchallenging mediocrity.

 

[SW15]

For many men, it can be difficult to realize which women comprise the most receptive target market.

I think there are men out there who can do this exercise and realize that their viable options stink. They'd need to shelve dating for a while, fix the problem areas, and then go out again and find a more viable target market.

 

[metalwater]

This is the most simple and direct advice. Just do what op tells in this and no more problems.

If you want to be selected by more attractive women, then become more attractive.

Red Pill ideas tell you to improve yourself.
-body
-mind
-money
-game(mind)

And then demonstrate.

This works every time, all the time.

If you want a shortcut or how to get a ons or short-time ltr with a higher SMV, then study PUA and some subsets of games such as dark triad. It works. This is a system designed to trick higher SMV into choosing you. Again, it works but usually is temp and you will have to do it again with another and then another until your SMV falls and you can not.

If you chase up, know that your target is also chasing up. You might catch them, but they did not catch you because they only see above. Almost all of the time, when I talk with women out of the band and not try to date them what I find out is that they compare and want to learn all about anyone above them, men or women. No woman is interested in someone below them. You might catch her, but her interest level is looking up, above you. You might install boundary or you might not, either way, your mind will not be at peace.

When you pick from those that choose you, you will always have more similar choices and never stuck. If you catch one above you, you will not have other choices because all energy was used to catch the one. All the time that one was is chasing up.

Often very successful men have a mate that is SVM below while being above in quality. If your woman helps you, your chances go way up for success. If she doesn't help you and keeps looking up and past you, then your screwed.

 

[BadBoy89]

Now. If you do not appeal to the subset of potential partners that you would like to attract? Well. Time to take a long hard look at yourself. What are you bringing to the table as far as fitness, looks, act togetherness and social calibration. Are you skinny fat or dad bod? Do you have a beer belly? Are you 40 and living with Mom or Dad? Those are obviously areas that require improvement if you wish to improve the pool you appeal to.

These are good points. A man should bring something to the table.

Other than being fertile, what does a woman bring to the table?

 

[roaming shark]

One of the most underrated things discussed in this space is really knowing when to “settle”. You get one life, a few decades. Know what’s most important to you, find a girl who matches most of this and consider picking her.

And yes, burning desire is a pre requisite.

 

[Don Dark Horse]

I have posted this book before but it lines up nicely with what hot old lady is saying. For the young guys that struggle with what OP is saying. This book is a decent start.

Thanks, stringpuller ser.

 

[lost_blackbird]

Hah! I've never felt a burning desire for anybody. Like never even once. Maybe I haven't let myself?
Who knows? I can notice attractiveness, but the sort of girls that make my eyes pop out like in the
cartoons would never want a freak like me so I dont have the conversation with myself in the first place
to possibly consider any kind of approach. I already feel pretty worthless, MORE rejection is the very
last thing I need. Being at odds with what the world expects of me already has me living like a recluse
only leaving the house to go to work and get groceries. The last thing I need to accompany the divorce
papers that arrived today is a further vivid reminder that I am largely unacceptable to women, have virtually
zero attractive qualities and no skill in reading the emotions and actions of others. WHAT A CATCH!

 

[SW15]

These are good points. A man should bring something to the table.

Other than being fertile, what does a woman bring to the table?

Women have markers of fertility more so than actually being fertile. A large percentage of women are on birth control. In the last 15-20 years, I've mostly had sex with women on birth control, though there have been a few exceptions of women not on any birth control while we were having sex.

I've seen women successfully obtain long term relationships and get a wedding ring solely on the strength of having a sexually desirable body.

There are potential partners interested in each of us.

How many men can identify their target market with precision? I've thought about this and even I might struggle with the exercise. I have thought about who might find me most attractive based on what I offer. With that idea in place, I've identified places where I believe those women would be accessible in person and done approaches. Putting thought to one's target market isn't an easy exercise.

 

[Glassguy]

If you do not appeal to the subset of potential partners that you would like to attract? Well. Time to take a long hard look at yourself. What are you bringing to the table as far as fitness, looks, act togetherness and social calibration. Are you skinny fat or dad bod? Do you have a beer belly? Are you 40 and living with Mom or Dad? Those are obviously areas that require improvement if you wish to improve the pool you appeal to.

You appeal to someone. If you don’t like the pool you appeal to then you have work to do. If you are allergic to the work necessary then choose from what is available to you.

Good post.

Fact is some men appeal to/attract only 2-5% of their dating population. Some men appeal to/attract 90% of their dating population. By dating population I mean the age, race, etc of the people in their dating preferences.

The greater one improves in health (physical, mental, emotional), career/finances, social calibration/strong social circles, personality (witt, charisma, confidence) and overall happiness with a purpose, the higher the options and more abundance the man has in that dating pool.

That's the hang up for most men. It takes work. They have to show up at the gym. They have to self motivate. Take a long hard look in the mirror. Honestly, most men dont have a strong enough frame to acknowledge their weaknesses AND do something about it.

You and I have had enough interaction with each other to understand why we both have not only an abundant mindset, but actual abundance in our options. Some people think they have abundance but they only have false abundance. They are validators to women who want attention but cannot get dates. For people like us, we could schedule different dates for every night of the week if time and other factors would allow it, but we understand what we are looking for and screen accordingly to not waste our time on something we truly are not interested in. But those options are real and still exist to us.
If I only appealed to/attracted 10% of my dating pool, I would not have abundance. It takes real work of getting up early every day and driving to my business to face the daily grind every day. Going to the gym when I am already tired and dont want to go. Self examination when things do not go as planned so I dont make the same mistakes over and over and find a better way to do things.

That takes work, time and effort. Frankly, most men cannot do that because they dont accept the challenge and act upon it to better themselves.

Some men dont date single moms. Some dont date X, Y and Z. She didnt text back in 10 minutes so she is excluded also. Before the man knows it, his 5% of women now becomes 2%. And he wonders why he cannot get dates, have women pursuing him, etc.

Such a vicious circle.

 

[Barrister]

I agree with the overall principle that the more value you have the better your dating prospects get. I also agree that improving yourself, in general, will typically give you more options in dating. However, a man shouldn't be improving himself just to get better dating prospects. That should be done because he should desire to be the best version of himself he can - independent of women.

I do think this mindset prescribed in the OP runs the risk of suggesting that men should "settle" for whoever is in this "pool" of candidates who are willing to date them at any given time. No man should ever "settle" because ultimately that leads to unhappiness. Just because you have girls A, B, C to choose from and no one else at the time does not necessarily mean you should choose any of them. And ultimately, our decision to choose someone should be completely independent from our drive for self-improvement -- IMO.

 

[manfrombelow]

Good piece, OP.

I have unconsciously learnt the same thing a long time ago: The secret of seduction is all about only investing in those who ALREADY HAD HIGH INTEREST LEVEL IN YOU.

Most inexperienced rookies make the mistake of "chasing after" the women that didn't have enough IL in them to begin with, thinking (wrongfully) they can "make" someone like them.

 

[Bandolero]

Throw location and social media in the conversation and Nothing applies anymore.

 

[BeExcellent]

What Im suggesting is being real and/or getting real with yourself. Be brutally honest. It’s tough, I know. Look I do the same thing. I must also take honest inventory of myself and keep atop my game. That means I skip soda and other unhealthy foods, I maintain my skin, hair & teeth, I work out regularly and I tend to business.

I LOVE me. I really do. Guess what? That shows and it radiates out. People are attracted to that.

Im a single mom with teens at home. Some guys are a hard pass on that situation for example. Some men in their 40s & 50s prefer to date considerably younger women. Those men typically are not in my pool…but keeping my appearance up, staying thin & fit, being bright and spunky and having a positive attitude levels the playing field substantially.

Men really like me when they meet me. REALLY like me. The more they get to know me the more attractive I become. So much so that I often become an exception to their typical criteria. My last Ex BF strongly prefers Latinas. He fell hard for me, a white girl. He talked about that all the time. My current BF is 45 and heads swivel when women see him walk into a room with his long hair & lean physique. He looks like a thinner Fabio, but his face is better looking. He didn’t want to date someone with kids. Yet here we are. He typically dates younger, but here we are. Why?

Because irrespective of looks confidence and a great attitude are massively attractive. Who wouldn’t want a fun, cheery, encouraging partner? And If such a person is into you? How cool is that?

Historically there have been ugly men who slay. Some famously physically unattractive examples are Henry Kissinger and Lyle Lovett and Geoffrey Chaucer. Obviously these were accomplished men. Accomplishment begets power and power is seductive. So is charm or wit. If a man has accomplished something in life he is going to have a certain moxy as a natural byproduct. That moxy is attractive. I know of some men in my social environs who are very good with women but who I cannot see as physically attractive no matter what other attributes they have. Other women are attracted to them as I have seen, and they constantly have attractive female companions.

So I’m not necessarily advocating “settling” per se, but if a man is lazy? Won’t stay fit, dress well, accomplish something? What desirable (to most men, the 7’s and up) is going to accept that when her pool is men who care about these things to a greater degree? And the 8s are more choosy, the 9s even more and so forth. So if a man is a lazy, sloppy, negative complainer who happens to have a beer gut? No. Victoria’s Secret models are not reality as a dating prospect.

Guys here complain about women’s ridiculous standards. Fat girls and 4’s thinking they can lasso Chad for a relationship because he fvcked them once on the down low while drunk. That isn’t reality either, but men do the same thing.

As far as figuring out who you appeal to @SW15 its a valid question and an inexact science. Pay attention to who pays attention to you, put yourself in settings that contain prospects that you find appealing, and approach women you like. You cannot know the alchemy of exactly what about you specifically is going to attract a particular woman. It is mysterious and unpredictable so there is no set formula. Just don’t waste time on women who are not receptive/do not make it easy.

If some chick offers you her IG when you ask for her number the self respecting response is “Nevermind”. She’s not into you. She didn’t want ketchup with her fries. Don’t be butt hurt and get your knickers in a twist, don’t sulk.

Next set.

Your time is precious. Don’t waste it. Men and women who have real abundance & actual appeal DO NOT sweat it when they get shot down or turned away. They move on and don’t think twice about it. Too many others are out there showing interest to waste energy on someone who isn’t.

Hone yourself into the best version of yourself. For you. Love yourself. Accept yourself. Be honest with yourself.

What can a woman offer besides fertility @BadBoy89 ? A lot. Warmth, encouragement, positivity, insight, support, love, intimacy, respite, perspective, fun, laughter and mischief as examples. But she isn’t bringing all those desirable things to a man she doesn’t find appealing.

What’s your appeal? Figure that out and you’ll figure out who you appeal to.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

This is how Tinder works.

 

[Robert28]

What if the ones picking you aren’t the ones you want?

 

[bat soup]

Perhaps this is a statement of the obvious but for each person out there right now there is a group of women you appeal to. Might be a large group, might be a small group. But it exists. This is true of men and women. I’m hot, but not everyone thinks so. That’s fine. I do not entertain men who don’t choose me.

Now. If you do not appeal to the subset of potential partners that you would like to attract? Well. Time to take a long hard look at yourself. What are you bringing to the table as far as fitness, looks, act togetherness and social calibration. Are you skinny fat or dad bod? Do you have a beer belly? Are you 40 and living with Mom or Dad? Those are obviously areas that require improvement if you wish to improve the pool you appeal to.

You appeal to someone. If you don’t like the pool you appeal to then you have work to do. If you are allergic to the work necessary then choose from what is available to you.

The biggest difference between men & women is that by and large men need to do the initial approach. Women typically are the responders not the initiators, Typically but not always.

I’ve always chosen from among those who first choose me (to approach). Now obviously not everyone who chooses me appeals to me. But enough do that I have options at any given time.

This is an efficient and pragmatic way to sort for women who are into you. Aim high as you like, but make an honest and objective as possible assessment of your SMV. This creates the greatest chances for success, whatever your short or long term sexual strategy happens to be.

Interest level is everything. There are potential partners interested in each of us.

Cheers to your success in 2022.

I agree that interest level is everything. But a man generally needs to take the initiative because most women are totally passive and make almost zero effort to meet or speak to anyone.

 

[bat soup]

What if the ones picking you aren’t the ones you want?

That's where masturbation comes in.

 

[BeExcellent]

What if the ones picking you aren’t the ones you want?

This is when you take inventory of yourself and your expectations and your goals. If who you want and who wants you are completely incongruous then something is up. The most likely thing is that the women you desire do not desire you.

So then the next question is why? Why would that be? This is the take honest inventory part.

My impression based on some of your content is a negatively leaning attitude. This is something that as Robert Green would say in Art of Seduction is anti seductive. A bad attitude is so off putting that even in circumstances where a man has a certain appeal or physical attractiveness a negative attitude or outlook can literally chase others away.

People don’t like Debbie or Danny Downer. Negative attitudes are repugnant and repel others like a strong stinky stench. Life is hard enough in an objective sense. Negative attitudes and complaining contribute nothing to others around you. Negative people are tolerated where required, like at work. But those are not the folks who garner a large social footprint.

Perhaps I am off base. Read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. The language and times are perhaps antiquated, but the commentary on the human condition is spot on. Technology has evolved since Carnegie’s day, human nature? Not so much.