My Top, No.1 oneitis from 10 years ago seems to be motioning for something

[hardboiled85]

We were from the same small town, both 21 - she was killer hot in my opinion - 89% my type - she really wanted me and after being her top alpha and me and her smothering each other in all ways, I started to get very beta, worshipped her, told her how she is the best etc.
She still really wanted me and then wanted us to settle down, I would always say I'm not a house and picket fence guy, at least not now.
After two years she started to see other guys and ended up leaving me for him - she married quickly and had kids.

I moved away, city to city, chasing life/career blah blah - but the stinger of all this is I was really pining for her a lot, she never left my mind much sexually..
I then had some personal problems, and it lead to a f__king bad deserted 7 year dry spell.

Nitty gritty TLDR part = start having some luck with women again, covid happens and I move back to my home town.
I see her a few times, driving or eye contact far away.
And then out of the blue, after 10 years she has added me on Instagram. Which is really random for her unless its 'serious'
What move could I take next? assuming I want or am curious at something developing
Regards

 

[bmp2cpm]

Her value has dropped significantly and continues to decrease. Your value has significantly increased and continues to increase.

Get used to this. You will find women that you couldn’t get or couldn’t keep, you now can.

But choose wisely.

You did not mention if she is divorced. If she divorced, it means she cannot keep her man. If she didn’t divorce, then do you really intend to make her your woman and take care of her kids?

Des’ high score theory comes into play here, I think. But I think you have better options than this girl. Escalate if you want, but I would not spend much effort in this one.

Good luck!

 

[Stuffnu]

She got married with kids? This is a NONEitis for me.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

The fact you care what a girl from a decade thinks or does means you dun goofed. #cucked

In case you didn't know the milk goes bad with time.

 

[devilkingx2]

And then out of the blue, after 10 years she has added me on Instagram. Which is really random for her unless its 'serious'
What move could I take next? assuming I want or am curious at something developing
Regards

DM her and see what happens.

 

[Robert28]

These women are coming out the woodwork for me and it honestly pisses me off. Every single one of them has absolutely NO sexual appeal left whatsoever. Few had a little bit left that they were losing and it’s like they waited til they completely lost it and then decided to give me a shot. I’m their prime I get, I was never a Chad, but the fact that they had a little bit of looks left and still thought they could do better never sat well with me.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I usually don't talk much about recycling ex's or rekindling an old spark. On this forum, it's frowned upon (and I can see why) but I've done more than my share. Probably more than anyone on this forum.

I get it. There's someone from your past and to be able to revisit and 'fix' something is very alluring. Just be sure that you're honest with yourself. Part of this is victory and part is reclaiming something of your past (I've been just as guilty and this isn't criticism).

I don't mention the above to rain on a parade. I bring this up because once you are honest with yourself, you will 'arrive' with less anxiety and more confidence. Also, keep in mind that ten additional years on a female can also humble them as well.

Considering that there's a past familiarity, I'd play it cool. What I mean is... don't shun her or anything, but at the same time, don't project an image of being eager or too available. It's okay if you are anxious (keep that here on the forum and don't show this side to her).

When she reaches out, be friendly, but let her initiate.
I don't know anything about Instagram (I'm older and it has no appeal). I'm guessing that you can comment on her photos or writings? If so, don't do it. You've accepted her request. This in itself will show that you aren't completely unavailable. However, at the same time, you want her to wonder about you.

This isn't going to happen over night, but if and when it does, do not (if this is through the internet) immediately respond/react. Personally, I wouldn't lift a finger for at least thirty days (unless she initiates). This might seem like a long time, but this is the window where you can gauge her intention/interest.

If you don't hear back after thirty days, you can do something subtle. The good part to this is that this will be in February and women are subjected to Valentine commercials, Valentine talk among her friends etc... There's no 100% guarantee on any advice given here, but your distance and upcoming Valentines day will work to your advantage.

 

[hardboiled85]

She got married with kids? This is a NONEitis for me.

Lol did you just coin a new phase?

 

[hardboiled85]

I usually don't talk much about recycling ex's or rekindling an old spark. On this forum, it's frowned upon (and I can see why) but I've done more than my share. Probably more than anyone on this forum.

I get it. There's someone from your past and to be able to revisit and 'fix' something is very alluring. Just be sure that you're honest with yourself. Part of this is victory and part is reclaiming something of your past (I've been just as guilty and this isn't criticism).

I don't mention the above to rain on a parade. I bring this up because once you are honest with yourself, you will 'arrive' with less anxiety and more confidence. Also, keep in mind that ten additional years on a female can also humble them as well.

Considering that there's a past familiarity, I'd play it cool. What I mean is... don't shun her or anything, but at the same time, don't project an image of being eager or too available. It's okay if you are anxious (keep that here on the forum and don't show this side to her).

When she reaches out, be friendly, but let her initiate.
I don't know anything about Instagram (I'm older and it has no appeal). I'm guessing that you can comment on her photos or writings? If so, don't do it. You've accepted her request. This in itself will show that you aren't completely unavailable. However, at the same time, you want her to wonder about you.

This isn't going to happen over night, but if and when it does, do not (if this is through the internet) immediately respond/react. Personally, I wouldn't lift a finger for at least thirty days (unless she initiates). This might seem like a long time, but this is the window where you can gauge her intention/interest.

If you don't hear back after thirty days, you can do something subtle. The good part to this is that this will be in February and women are subjected to Valentine commercials, Valentine talk among her friends etc... There's no 100% guarantee on any advice given here, but your distance and upcoming Valentines day will work to your advantage.

Ok well I already messaged her before I read this, a bit of back and forth messaging just 'rembember when'-ing and talking life stuff, her kids..
I sexualised it here and there to test the waters, usual fake resistance 'omg I can't talk about that'

Yes, everyone is mostly right, she is 10 years older, back then it was her in her top prime, me at my lowest but her only ****buddy, boy toy, - until she met a nice stable beta-ish guy - call him a good man (well off parents) who will provide for her / him
I'm not high value or high SMV in my opinion, but now she's probably bored to death - got all the security and money, and wants excitement again. I don't want to GF her, just ****/plate.

Would be quite the irony - she was with me, branch swung to him cheating, married, and then cheats on him with me - haha

 

[bat soup]

We were from the same small town, both 21 - she was killer hot in my opinion - 89% my type - she really wanted me and after being her top alpha and me and her smothering each other in all ways, I started to get very beta, worshipped her, told her how she is the best etc.
She still really wanted me and then wanted us to settle down, I would always say I'm not a house and picket fence guy, at least not now.
After two years she started to see other guys and ended up leaving me for him - she married quickly and had kids.

I moved away, city to city, chasing life/career blah blah - but the stinger of all this is I was really pining for her a lot, she never left my mind much sexually..
I then had some personal problems, and it lead to a f__king bad deserted 7 year dry spell.

Nitty gritty TLDR part = start having some luck with women again, covid happens and I move back to my home town.
I see her a few times, driving or eye contact far away.
And then out of the blue, after 10 years she has added me on Instagram. Which is really random for her unless its 'serious'
What move could I take next? assuming I want or am curious at something developing
Regards

The hot young girl that you once knew is gone forever and has been replaced by a worn-out middle-aged women with baggage. You should add her to Instagram just to see how much she has declined and laugh at the poor smuck that got stuck with her.

 

[SW15]

This type of thing will never happen to me due to frequent relocations. When I was 16-25, I dealt with women either my age or 1-2 years younger. Now, these women would all be pushing 40, like I am. I have relocated a few times since these women were in their primes and none of them are chasing me down.

 

[hardboiled85]

Update - LOL, we had a bit of a chat over Instagram over 1 day, and today she has already unfollowed me, whomever said women can fall out of love overnight was right, fickle creatures indeed!!.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@hardboiled85
When a woman follows you, it means fuuck all. Maybe she wants to keep tabs on you, maybe she's friend collecting, maybe she wants to be a part of your life, it really doesn't matter. Imagine you had 10 women follow you, are you going to message each one and prod and try to flirt with them all? By doing so it's like screaming to the universe 'I NEVER GET ATTENTION FROM WOMEN THIS IS RARE FOR ME'.

I can understand wanting to say hi and catch up, but to then push for something sexual over text before anything actually happens is something a teenager would do.

Guess what happens when you act like women giving you attention is rare? The universe obliges your request, and their attention becomes rare.

 

[hardboiled85]

@hardboiled85
When a woman follows you, it means fuuck all. Maybe she wants to keep tabs on you, maybe she's friend collecting, maybe she wants to be a part of your life, it really doesn't matter. Imagine you had 10 women follow you, are you going to message each one and prod and try to flirt with them all? By doing so it's like screaming to the universe 'I NEVER GET ATTENTION FROM WOMEN THIS IS RARE FOR ME'.

I can understand wanting to say hi and catch up, but to then push for something sexual over text before anything actually happens is something a teenager would do.

Guess what happens when you act like women giving you attention is rare? The universe obliges your request, and their attention becomes rare.

Regardless, following me out of the blue after 10 years and then unfollowing me within 2 days is just bizarrely fickle.

 

[bat soup]

Regardless, following me out of the blue after 10 years and then unfollowing me within 2 days is just bizarrely fickle.

I knew a girl that did exactly the same thing. Women change their minds every 10 seconds.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Regardless, following me out of the blue after 10 years and then unfollowing me within 2 days is just bizarrely fickle.

No not regardless, it's not fickle because in those two days you started to creep her out lol. Next time don't act like such an incel.

 

[manfrombelow]

Her value has dropped significantly and continues to decrease. Your value has significantly increased and continues to increase.

This.

OP, the fact she's beginning to desire you does not mean you must choose her.

I know you used to desire her, but at any given moment in time, the man should always be wise when it comes to choosing a partner for a relationship.

However, if you would like to have a taste, you could give her a chance to be your plate, while still dating other women.

 

[hardboiled85]

This.

OP, the fact she's beginning to desire you does not mean you must choose her.

I know you used to desire her, but at any given moment in time, the man should always be wise when it comes to choosing a partner for a relationship.

However, if you would like to have a taste, you could give her a chance to be your plate, while still dating other women.

Actually I think deep down I just wanted the satisfaction of ****ing her once, making her cheat on the guy she cheated on me with - "AWW you're jealous I found someone better" I believe is what she said back in 2011 upon branch swinging.
How Ironic lol she wants me now



this message was this morning ("followed you" on instagram )-2 hrs later I was sitting in my car at the park and she pulls up 2 cars down taking her kids to play (no hubby around), I deliberately ignored her just to twist the knife knowing she is not happy and playing dumb, but wants my love again.

 

[manfrombelow]

Actually I think deep down I just wanted the satisfaction of ****ing her once, making her cheat on the guy she cheated on me with - "AWW you're jealous I found someone better" I believe is what she said back in 2011 upon branch swinging.
How Ironic lol she wants me now

View attachment 7732

this message was this morning ("followed you" on instagram )-2 hrs later I was sitting in my car at the park and she pulls up 2 cars down taking her kids to play (no hubby around), I deliberately ignored her just to twist the knife knowing she is not happy and playing dumb, but wants my love again.

Buddy, I would never have written such a message to her if I were you.

You sounded butthurt, childish, and immature.

After all, she is not your enemy, so you don't need to treat her like one.

Yes, one can safely assume with high certainty that due to hypergamy nature, she - being a woman - might be having some problems with her marriage with the guy named Brad, and now after seeing you all grown and successful, she started to desire you, and began to move closer to you. But it doesn't mean you have to insult her via texts like that.

It's never wise to burn bridges and make enemies out of people.

I don't think she's gonna try to contact you ever again after this conversation, because - through her words - she wanted you guys to be "amicable and civilised adults", which you obviously refused to comply. So now you're the bad guy here, buddy. And you have destroyed every chance to fvck her - if that's what you wanted.

 

[hardboiled85]

Buddy, I would never have written such a message to her if I were you.

You sounded butthurt, childish, and immature.

After all, she is not your enemy, so you don't need to treat her like one.

Yes, one can safely assume with high certainty that due to hypergamy nature, she - being a woman - might be having some problems with her marriage with the guy named Brad, and now after seeing you all grown and successful, she started to desire you, and began to move closer to you. But it doesn't mean you have to insult her via texts like that.

It's never wise to burn bridges and make enemies out of people.

I don't think she's gonna try to contact you ever again after this conversation, because - through her words - she wanted you guys to be "amicable and civilised adults", which you obviously refused to comply. So now you're the bad guy here, buddy. And you have destroyed every chance to fvck her - if that's what you wanted.

Wait you sound white knight here - how did I insult her exactly? asking a girl for clarity as to why after 10 years she contacted me?
"I don't date girls over 30" omg!!!! don't assualt that women that literally cheated on behind my back =
The ultimate slight to the tribe (ala I found another strong tribe leader and ****ed him when you were hunting, so I don't need you now)

But like I said, as luck had it we were literally meters from each other 2 hrs later, her trying to my attention = look at her actions not her words.