Girl breaks gifts

[_sideways_]

We had a fight last night. I wanted to go out. She didn't want me to.
She pushed and pushed.
I still went out. Came home like at 8p.m.
So all day today I sayer in bed. Didn't say one word to her.
She comes in with breakfast. It's still sitting on the table.
Later at night.... I think I hear her crying. Then 30 minutes later I hear like smashing.
It's the nail polish I buy her from time to time, and a pair of sandals cut to pieces. She throws it in my room.
Still haven't said one word.
Why break perfectly good items that she can sell or gift them to her friend?

 

[Plinco]

It's like a toddler making a statement.

 

[Atom Smasher]

She’s frustrated and feels powerless. Sounds to me like she’s reacting to your detached attitude. She’s doing this in order to get you to express caring, even if it’s anger.

 

[_sideways_]

She’s frustrated and feels powerless. Sounds to me like she’s reacting to your detached attitude. She’s doing this in order to get you to express caring, even if it’s anger.

Explain this further please

 

[mjb3617]

Explain this further please

She's throwing a tantrum and looking for a reaction out of you, either positive or negative. She's doing this to assess your commitment to her and her feelings. Don't go full beta and assuage her and DON'T apologize.

You're best bet is to say to something like, we can talk about what's bothering you when you are more calm. You acknowledge her emotions and show that you care (if you do) but you don't play into the tantrum either.

 

[Dash Riprock]

We had a fight last night. I wanted to go out. She didn't want me to.
She pushed and pushed.
I still went out. Came home like at 8p.m.
So all day today I sayer in bed. Didn't say one word to her.
She comes in with breakfast. It's still sitting on the table.
Later at night.... I think I hear her crying. Then 30 minutes later I hear like smashing.
It's the nail polish I buy her from time to time, and a pair of sandals cut to pieces. She throws it in my room.
Still haven't said one word.
Why break perfectly good items that she can sell or gift them to her friend?

You're probably a young guy but the whole being silent and passive-aggressive technique you're using is childish.

Next time, man up and be the one to talk with her and let her know that going out solo with your friends is important to you and encourage her to do the same. Take charge.

My ex gf was VERY passive aggressive and it was the demise of a 9 yr relationship. The woman *could not* communicate to save her life.

Be the bigger person. Give her an opportunity to communicate with you and if she can't, then consider moving on.

You're both equally to blame here.

 

[PRW63]

You're probably a young guy but the whole being silent and passive-aggressive technique you're using is childish.

Next time, man up and be the one to talk with her and let her know that going out solo with your friends is important to you and encourage her to do the same. Take charge.

My ex gf was VERY passive aggressive and it was the demise of a 9 yr relationship. The woman *could not* communicate to save her life.

Be the bigger person. Give her an opportunity to communicate with you and if she can't, then consider moving on.

You're both equally to blame here.

This ^^^^

Nothing more annoying to witness then a guy who just sits there non-responsive in a middle of a situation that isn't that hard to understand and isn't that hard to deal with. Then combine that with an apparent total lack of understanding of female nature it can be maddening. His non-responsiveness and lack of understanding is exactly why she is brought to tears trying in vain to get any kind of response from him. When you understand women's emotionally driven nature and need for attention,...it all makes perfect sense.

I'm sure there is a lot of psyche stuff here to analyze, but the gift from the guy represented to her his feelings for her. But she dosen't feel his actions are congruent with caring about her, so smashing the gift is saying the meaning behind the gift isn't real. She is saying the gift is a lie and that he doesn't really feel anything for her,...and to an emotionally driven being that is devastating. So she tearfully "devastated" the "gift" to communicate that. To a woman, the meaning behind the gift is more important than the gift.

 

[EyeBRollin]

We had a fight last night. I wanted to go out. She didn't want me to.
She pushed and pushed.
I still went out. Came home like at 8p.m.

Women don’t want you to go out. They never do. The question is why are you in a relationship?

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

Question OP. Why is there a women in your house breaking shyt. Why not ask her to leave? Or have her removed?

He stays with her for sex. The same reason any guy tolerates childish nonsense from females.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

We had a fight last night. I wanted to go out. She didn't want me to.
She pushed and pushed.
I still went out. Came home like at 8p.m.

Were you planning to come home at 8 all along?

Did you tell her this when you decided to go out?

Or, did you feel upset, conflicted or maybe angry, and came home earlier than anticipated, and then gave her the silent treatment because you blamed her for your indecision?

If that's the case, she probably has no idea why you're giving her the silent treatment.

So she tried to fix things by bringing you breakfast which didn't work, since you were still in "butt hurt" mode.

No wonder she's pissed.

All this could have been avoided by having a rational discussion before you went out.

Or having a rational discussion when she reached out and brought you breakfast.

I see you at more fault here than her.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

We had a fight last night. I wanted to go out. She didn't want me to.
She pushed and pushed.
I still went out. Came home like at 8p.m.
So all day today I sayer in bed. Didn't say one word to her.
She comes in with breakfast. It's still sitting on the table.
Later at night.... I think I hear her crying. Then 30 minutes later I hear like smashing.
It's the nail polish I buy her from time to time, and a pair of sandals cut to pieces. She throws it in my room.
Still haven't said one word.
Why break perfectly good items that she can sell or gift them to her friend?

I'd say that's a pretty big red flag being waved there. She can't regulate her emotions and is displaying destructive/violent behavior for something that is quite small.

Proceed with caution.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Alvafe]

everyone here saying all this when its over after atom said it, like a small child or a pet, she does a destrutive behavior to get attention, from her guy, because he is not saying anything, also "silent treatment" is annoying as hell, I tend to ignore such thing and ignore even more(with most often annoys the person who loves to do so even more).

for the op, I follow the whole going out alone is normally a big no unless if still earlier, right after work, and before you ask I don't impose this rule, I just go for if she does, I will not take her serious, anything night time out alone is refused as ltr material

 

[DonJuanjr]

Remember, this is the pool house guy. It's not his property.

 

[rjc149]

Giving someone the silent treatment is what weak, manipulative people do. It's intended to be punitive, as a one-up power play to force the other person to cow into submission before validation is re-earned and restored. This is what women do, my weak b!tch beta male boss does this sh!t too. Cut it out.

As a man, you don't react to women. You respond to them. Ask her calmly, "can you explain to me why my going out with friends is upsetting to you? I want to get to the bottom of this. I have a social life with friends, and we can't have conflicts like this when I want to go out with friends."

Listen to her. Validate her concerns. Suggest reasons for her "is it because you feel like I'm neglecting you? Or that I'm unconcerned with your feelings? Maybe you feel that I'm prioritizing my friends over you?" Watch her immediately disarm and say "yes! I feel like you this this and that etc."

When a woman feels like you are hearing her and understanding her, and letting her state her piece, you strengthen your emotional bond with her. This increases her compliance and attraction for you. Don't listen to the AMS wannabes here telling you "nevuh, evuh, validate no wahmun." If you want her to stick around, you have to validate her feelings.

If she's too upset to be reasonable in the moment, then disengage. Tell her "I want to discuss this when you're calmer" and go out.

My next move -- "It wasn't right of me to ignore you like I did yesterday. It was sweet of you to make me breakfast and I was a douche about it. I'm sorry. But breaking things in my house in unacceptable. You cannot do that. Can you tell my why you were so upset?" And just listen.

 

[jaymbrs]

You're probably a young guy but the whole being silent and passive-aggressive technique you're using is childish.

Next time, man up and be the one to talk with her and let her know that going out solo with your friends is important to you and encourage her to do the same. Take charge.

My ex gf was VERY passive aggressive and it was the demise of a 9 yr relationship. The woman *could not* communicate to save her life.

Be the bigger person. Give her an opportunity to communicate with you and if she can't, then consider moving on.

You're both equally to blame here.

Not disagreeing but after awhile this gets tiring. If he's spoken to her multiple times calmly and she still reacts like this, then not saying anything is the next thing, which will eventually lead to breaking up. It's happened to me.

 

[jaymbrs]

Giving someone the silent treatment is what weak, manipulative people do. It's intended to be punitive, as a one-up power play to force the other person to cow into submission before validation is re-earned and restored. This is what women do, my weak b!tch beta male boss does this sh!t too. Cut it out.

As a man, you don't react to women. You respond to them. Ask her calmly, "can you explain to me why my going out with friends is upsetting to you? I want to get to the bottom of this. I have a social life with friends, and we can't have conflicts like this when I want to go out with friends."

Listen to her. Validate her concerns. Suggest reasons for her "is it because you feel like I'm neglecting you? Or that I'm unconcerned with your feelings? Maybe you feel that I'm prioritizing my friends over you?" Watch her immediately disarm and say "yes! I feel like you this this and that etc."

When a woman feels like you are hearing her and understanding her, and letting her state her piece, you strengthen your emotional bond with her. This increases her compliance and attraction for you. Don't listen to the AMS wannabes here telling you "nevuh, evuh, validate no wahmun." If you want her to stick around, you have to validate her feelings.

If she's too upset to be reasonable in the moment, then disengage. Tell her "I want to discuss this when you're calmer" and go out.

My next move -- "It wasn't right of me to ignore you like I did yesterday. It was sweet of you to make me breakfast and I was a douche about it. I'm sorry. But breaking things in my house in unacceptable. You cannot do that. Can you tell my why you were so upset?" And just listen.

My hat's off to you if you can play psychologist with all your women, all the time.

 

[rjc149]

My hat's off to you if you can play psychologist with all your women, all the time.

I hear a little tinge of frustration in your tone, maybe a little frustration with past women? Do you want to talk about it?

 

[PRW63]

When a woman feels like you are hearing her and understanding her, and letting her state her piece, you strengthen your emotional bond with her. This increases her compliance and attraction for you. Don't listen to the AMS wannabes here telling you "nevuh, evuh, validate no wahmun." If you want her to stick around, you have to validate her feelings.

Yes,...exactly

 

[PRW63]

My hat's off to you if you can play psychologist with all your women, all the time.

It is not playing psychologist when you understand how women function, what makes them tick. It is just second nature, you don't have to figure it out, you just automatically know what is going on and how to deal with it the best way for the best results.

 

[Willie Naylor]

telling you "nevuh, evuh, validate no wahmun." If you want her to stick around, you have to validate her feelings.

Validate, but in waves. Have to keep her on a rollercoaster.