Girl breaks gifts

[jaymbrs]

I hear a little tinge of frustration in your tone, maybe a little frustration with past women? Do you want to talk about it?

Na. Just saying everyone reaches a breaking point. Maybe he reached his and didn't want to "talk about it" anymore.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Her actions are nothing more than attention getting mechanisms.

When you walked out (despite her tantrum) you demonstrated that you're the man of the relationship.

Your calmness to the situation will speak more about your manhood, than reacting to her behavior. In the end, she'll respect you for being the man.

 

[rjc149]

Na. Just saying everyone reaches a breaking point. Maybe he reached his and didn't want to "talk about it" anymore.

We were given no context by the OP of what the fight was actually about, how she was behaving, whether this was recurring behavior and he's getting fed up, etc.

If it's recurring behavior and she refuses to heed calm but assertive and clear communication that it's unacceptable, he needs to figure out what the cost/benefit analysis looks like of staying with her, or dumping her.

From what I gathered, the OP gave her the silent treatment. She even made an attempt to reconcile, which he ignored. If he was still stewing, the proper response would have been "I'm actually still pretty pissed off at you, and you need to give me a little time to clear my head. I'll let you know when I want to talk, okay?"

He's giving her the silent treatment, she's breaking sh!t -- it just sounds like a toxic situation. Clear communication will either resolve these issues, or clarify that they are not resolvable.

Silent treatment and passive-aggressiveness is weak behavior. Men should not be afraid to confront someone and communicate clearly. They should not sulk and mope and leave it up to the girl to squash the beef.

 

[Alvafe]

Dude how about just dont have bytches like this in our homes. Have some standards. Dont be afraid of calmly asking her to leave.
Any guy that puts up with temper tantrums from a girl is already the problem. Seriously.
I girl who breaks the stuff you bought her is the same girl that will revenge fck your coworkers.

if that was the case, he wouldn't have asked, I know I wouldn't and possible you, but each to his own, some love to take a stray and try to teach then to behave, I sure don't have the patience to do so

 

[Willie Naylor]

I'm all about silence when needed, but I'm probably the biggest advocate for communication in a relationship.

It's not feasible to live your life just giving ev1 the silent treatment when you're upset.

 

[rjc149]

A while back there was a big long thread discussing how to respond when a woman behaves 'inappropriately' and the majority of men replied "silence." Everyone agreed. That silence is the best response, it speaks volumes. Way more than any words could.

As a woman, I admit I use silence too when a man disrespect me or behaves 'inappropriately'.

Silence as a response is quite effective versus losing my shyt because it allows him time to reflect on his behavior. No need for me to say a word. Same when tables are turned like here in OP's sitch.

So now I'm confused because you're saying silence is weak and manipulative?

I think they were both wrong. Clearly, this wasn't a one off. For her to become that unhinged, there was a build up. Op sounds detached in general, and this was just the last straw.

But for her to destroy his gifts? That goes beyond the pale imo. I think remaining silent at that moment was the best response. Allow them both time to chill. Discuss later when they've cooled off.

I disagree with "silence treatment" being the initial response for inappropriate or disrespectful behavior from a woman. By "silent treatment" I mean deliberately not communicating your grievances, and ignoring or rebuffing attempts from the other party to communicate or reconcile the issue, as "punishment." It's manipulative because it attempts to be punitive.

When you feel disrespected, you confront the offending party immediately make that immediately clear. You don't sulk and mope and be passive-aggressive, hoping the other party can "figure it out for themselves" and "feel sorry" so that they eventually come groveling back for your validation.

When women give me the silent treatment, it literally does not affect my mood or disposition in any way. I'm my same old cheery, charming self, with my same old enthusiasm for life. When passive aggressive women realize that the silent treatment has absolutely zero effect on me, it angers them, and then they begin to communicate properly like they should have done to begin with.

 

[rjc149]

I don't sulk and mope, I step back which allows us both time to reflect and circle back later and discuss rationally like two adults. Nothing to do with seeking validation.

I have found reacting in the moment escalates an already volatile situation, and causes unnecessary drama.

But if reacting in the moment has worked for you and your girlfriends, more power to ya.

Just giving my opinion as to what has effectively worked for me and my partners.

You and I are clearly going on different definitions of "silent treatment."

Reacting emotionally in the moment is never what I advocated. If you need to disengage before responding, then that's always the best way to go about dealing with a conflict. Just say "Look, I'm pretty angry and I need some time to cool down. When I'm ready to discuss this, I'll circle back."

In the past, I simply get in her face, lean in, and in an even, assertive tone, say "That was disrespectful, don't ever do that again." I've found that usually gets the message across. I usually find that she immediately backs down and apologizes, and the cool-down period is not necessary.

"Silent treatment" is the petulant, punitive behavior when one party does try to circle back and discuss, after the volatility has cooled, and the other party continues to ignore them. Literally, not even responding or saying anything. When prodded for a response, they simply shrug their shoulders and mumble "I don't know" or some other passive-aggressive bullsh!t. They are clearly still upset, but refuse to communicate their feelings until they feel the other party has demonstrated enough contrition and submission to restore a dialogue.

 

[corrector]

 

[rjc149]

Fair enough and yeah clearly our words had gotten lost in translation.

Thanks for the clarification I agree.

I remember I was with a girl I was dating, and we were out one night. I said something that "offended" her, or at the very least, something she strongly disagreed with. She went silent. I was still being chatty, suggesting we go to this bar, that place, etc. She was just shrugging. She wanted me to say "what's wrong? Is everything okay? I'm sorry if I offended you." But I wouldn't. We went to an Italian restaurant and I just kept chattering away about my love for eggplant parm and laughing at my own dumb jokes.

At the point in time she realized that I would never submit to her frame and validate her petulant behavior, she finally spoke up "I'm angry with you right now." I asked her why, and it turned out to be a bullsh!t reason. I responded "aww c'mon, that's really gonna spoil your night?" and nudged a glass of wine on her arm. She cracked a smile. Then it was like nothing ever happened.

A lot of times, women will use the silent treatment as a way to take frame. It's subtly manipulative. But when people communicate their issue, it takes it off their chest. It gets acknowledged, dealt with, and it often will then simply go away.

 

[rjc149]

his very serious drinking problem (which he later went into rehab for) and he called me a bytch and a c*nt.

So I left the scene.

I hope you left that relationship. The right way to handle an addict who is verbally abusing you is pretty straightforward.

 

[biggoal]

Dude how about just dont have bytches like this in our homes. Have some standards. Dont be afraid of calmly asking her to leave.
Any guy that puts up with temper tantrums from a girl is already the problem. Seriously.
I girl who breaks the stuff you bought her is the same girl that will revenge fck your coworkers.

Then she'll make some sh*t up to the police and of course the guy gets arrested.

 

[rjc149]

Yes after we cooled down, we talked and I decided it best to leave the relationship a few weeks later as difficult as that was. He entered rehab after I left.

Interesting that it took my leaving for him to seek treatment, but it was all for the best. This was many years ago, I have come a LONG way since then.

Yes sometimes we need a wakeup call, and sometimes a woman leaving is that wakeup call. It's definitely been for me. Sounds like a good ending.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Another dude who wants Jerry Springer drama in his life for some unknown reason.

 

[bat soup]

We had a fight last night. I wanted to go out. She didn't want me to.
She pushed and pushed.
I still went out. Came home like at 8p.m.
So all day today I sayer in bed. Didn't say one word to her.
She comes in with breakfast. It's still sitting on the table.
Later at night.... I think I hear her crying. Then 30 minutes later I hear like smashing.
It's the nail polish I buy her from time to time, and a pair of sandals cut to pieces. She throws it in my room.
Still haven't said one word.
Why break perfectly good items that she can sell or gift them to her friend?

I had a girl like that once. I kicked her out of my house the same day and never let her come back (except for the occasional bang).