Get mad because I didnt answered her (attention) properly

[rjc149]

She never went sleep without saying good night, and it was obvious I would be waiting for her. I wait for about 50 or 60 min before calling her. I called her, she answered with sleepy voice and said she was already sleeping. I got very mad at that, because we didn't finished that and I'm 100% sure she did that knowing that I would be waiting. Her response to that was: "I thought we were over the conversation and I was just tired, then I went to sleep.".

You come off here as needy, insecure, reactive and controlling. Your emotional state depends on her. Not only that, but you actually get angry when she doesn't text you 'good night.'

1.2 - During the conversation that night, every time I asked her a direct question it seems she tried to answer with something ambiguous or like being irrational and subjective. That made me very stressed.

Going from above. You are way too reactive to her. You are not calm, centered, and stable. Women are emotional, and emotions are not logical or rational. That's never something that should stress you out (unless you're married to her without a prenup). A woman's emotions are something you should nurture, but never be controlled by. Your mood, your disposition, your path and purpose in life, should never cater to woman. It should always be your own.

2 - A day when she saw my contacts and I deleted some girls with her, just to clean it as we had agreed on. I also deleted a lesbian friend (I don't believe on opposite-sex friends, but gay or lesbian we agreed it was not a problem). But she showed that she wanted me to delete that. I deleted.

This sounds totally toxic. Agreeing to delete people from your life as a condition of the relationship will obviously result in disputes, resentment, and more toxicity. A relationship needs intimacy. Intimacy needs trust. Trust needs freedom. If you want a woman to stay, she must feel free to leave. You will never compel woman to stay with you by monitoring her. If you think she's going to stray, that's either your own insecurity, or a gut check telling you this girl is a drifter. Either way, it doesn't make for a healthy relationship.

 

[Blacksheep]

just a reminder.

she is the master(mistress) of emotions. it is her realm and she rules it. do not play in her realm, just stand on the side(in your own mind) and watch. do not allow yourself to melt... you can be responsible and kind, but do not melt.

look, watch, listen. do not internalize.

if your not sure what I mean, ask about it.

you can enjoy her and her you, but in your own mind stay as a king, do not meet her half way in the mind because you have no defense for the storm. she might cheat or not, watch for that based on actions and what she tells but do not let either reach your core. you are a single point of light that shines out. it is so bright that her darkness can not.

Good points.

I think Im worrying too much about those things women do and thinking there is any logic explanation to that.

In the end its more simple than I imagine. Just have to stop getting involved into those things.

Gonna keep those ideas in mind. Thanks for that.

 

[xplt]

I think you will see more drama from her as time goes on. Good luck.

I‘ve made that experience.
She wanted to communicate constantly over IM. I don‘t do that, I‘ve no time for being on the phone constantly. I explained it to her, that I don’t forget her, if I don‘t text right away. She blew up every 2-3 weeks. By time it was totally predictive, when she would create drama. It went so far, that she checked the messenger if I was online and when I was online and didn‘t text, her hamster went in overdrive. I‘ve never made someone unintentionally so obsessed with me, but it was unbearable

 

[The Diver]

I asked her about the times she also took more time to answer me, and that I didn't get mad at it. She then said that it was because she was on college working in internship. And I said: "So why I could not be busy at night? You justify yourself when you took 1 hour or more to text me, but you can't understand when I'm the one who might be busy doing something?"

F that. Why are you tolerating this kind of b-shi%?
Tell her you were busy. End of story.
Don't let her drag you into her dramas.

 

[Blacksheep]

I‘ve made that experience.
She wanted to communicate constantly over IM. I don‘t do that, I‘ve no time for being on the phone constantly. I explained it to her, that I don’t forget her, if I don‘t text right away. She blew up every 2-3 weeks. By time it was totally predictive, when she would create drama. It went so far, that she checked the messenger if I was online and when I was online and didn‘t text, her hamster went in overdrive. I‘ve never made someone unintentionally so obsessed with me, but it was unbearable

This sounds bad... I can see that happening with me and now I'm more observing those days without getting into those dramas anymore. It was not being good for me and I was losing my mind with that.

I'm evaluating if its worth keeping this relationship, cause I had less headaches alone. And as I like her, those dramas and things she do kind make me feel bad. Cause I wouldn't do those things she do.

 

[Blacksheep]

You come off here as needy, insecure, reactive and controlling. Your emotional state depends on her. Not only that, but you actually get angry when she doesn't text you 'good night.'


Going from above. You are way too reactive to her. You are not calm, centered, and stable. Women are emotional, and emotions are not logical or rational. That's never something that should stress you out (unless you're married to her without a prenup). A woman's emotions are something you should nurture, but never be controlled by. Your mood, your disposition, your path and purpose in life, should never cater to woman. It should always be your own.


This sounds totally toxic. Agreeing to delete people from your life as a condition of the relationship will obviously result in disputes, resentment, and more toxicity. A relationship needs intimacy. Intimacy needs trust. Trust needs freedom. If you want a woman to stay, she must feel free to leave. You will never compel woman to stay with you by monitoring her. If you think she's going to stray, that's either your own insecurity, or a gut check telling you this girl is a drifter. Either way, it doesn't make for a healthy relationship.

I'm gonna just observe those days and try to see if its worth keeping. I really became insecure because I have past traumas that make me feel like that.

I also do not feel ready for a relationship for what it triggers to me. But my therapist said I could only learn it if a try. But I always end up on those emotional games women do when I have feelings for the person. It's like they are testing, playing and making drama because its pleasurable to them.

I should literally dont care with that. I was just lost trying to find a reason for all that, but it seems to be simple.

 

[Blacksheep]

F that. Why are you tolerating this kind of b-shi%?
Tell her you were busy. End of story.
Don't let her drag you into her dramas.

I asked the same question. If I doesn't have feelings for her I would just enjoy spending time, ignore those dramas and then just move forward withou getting into a LTR.

But I understand what I did wrong and definitely I'm gonna stop getting into her dramas. Cause I've already spotted some stuffs she did just to create those situations and mess with my emotions.

 

[rjc149]

I'm gonna just observe those days and try to see if its worth keeping. I really became insecure because I have past traumas that make me feel like that.

I also do not feel ready for a relationship for what it triggers to me. But my therapist said I could only learn it if a try. But I always end up on those emotional games women do when I have feelings for the person. It's like they are testing, playing and making drama because its pleasurable to them.

I should literally dont care with that. I was just lost trying to find a reason for all that, but it seems to be simple.

It sounds like you're on the path to self-improvement, seeing a therapist to manage your trauma and anxiety. This is essential if you want to have healthy relationships.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How I…

Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking bo…

www.goodreads.com

I strongly recommend you read this book. I read it and it was full of "Aha! That's me!" moments. If you understand what the games and drama are all about, and how they are often emotional bids -- efforts to become closer -- you'll be able to deal with them constructively.

 

[Blacksheep]

It sounds like you're on the path to self-improvement, seeing a therapist to manage your trauma and anxiety. This is essential if you want to have healthy relationships.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How I…

Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking bo…

www.goodreads.com

I strongly recommend you read this book. I read it and it was full of "Aha! That's me!" moments. If you understand what the games and drama are all about, and how they are often emotional bids -- efforts to become closer -- you'll be able to deal with them constructively.

Yep, it's not being easy at all but I'm trying to improve some things.

Thanks for that book recommendation, gonna read that for sure.

 

[xplt]

This sounds bad... I can see that happening with me and now I'm more observing those days without getting into those dramas anymore. It was not being good for me and I was losing my mind with that.

I'm evaluating if its worth keeping this relationship, cause I had less headaches alone. And as I like her, those dramas and things she do kind make me feel bad. Cause I wouldn't do those things she do.

For me, I end a relationship when it‘s destroying my inner peace. I also start to lose focus on the important things like work. A relationship should never make you worse.
But I tend to stay longer than I should and try to work things out...

 

[mjb3617]

For me, I end a relationship when it‘s destroying my inner peace. I also start to lose focus on the important things like work. A relationship should never make you worse.
But I tend to stay longer than I should and try to work things out...

Well said

 

[rjc149]

For me, I end a relationship when it‘s destroying my inner peace. I also start to lose focus on the important things like work.

A relationship that fvcks with your focus and inner peace are the hardest to walk away from, because those are the women who are the hardest to replace.

 

[Blacksheep]

For me, I end a relationship when it‘s destroying my inner peace. I also start to lose focus on the important things like work. A relationship should never make you worse.
But I tend to stay longer than I should and try to work things out...

It happens to me too.

What I'm trying to understand is at each point this is being my fault. I know I have trust issues and past traumas that makes relationships harder for me.

Being alone is way easier, but my therapist insisted with me that I should try and practice to have a romantic relationship. So I'm giving a try again, but I'm not that good at it.

 

[xplt]

A relationship that fvcks with your focus and inner peace are the hardest to walk away from, because those are the women who are the hardest to replace.

I can somehow understand your point, but not really relate. My best relationships were the ones that went smooth.
Getting rid of a woman, that demands constant attention and creates drama when she doesn't get it, or when you not behave the way she wants you to, is not really a loss for me.

 

[rjc149]

I can somehow understand your point, but not really relate. My best relationships were the ones that went smooth.
Getting rid of a woman, that demands constant attention and creates drama when she doesn't get it, or when you not behave the way she wants you to, is not really a loss for me.

My best relationships were also the smooth relationships. They were not the most exciting relationships. They were not the relationships where we had sex 9-10 times per weekend. They were not the relationships that burned my a$$ and filled my recycling bin full of empty bourbon bottles.

 

[Thor’s hammer]

This woman is not a child and you are not her father. It is not your responsibility to remind her on her pills. She is being unreasonable with her demands. You are also too emotionally dependent on her. If she brings up the fact that you didn’t answer her immediately via text, tell her that you are not a man who constantly checks his phone and if she wants someone who’s available 24/7 she needs to find someone else. Do not argue or blame her for her past behavior. Remember, you can’t win an argument. Even if you win, it will create resentment and she is going to bring that up later when she finds it suitable to serve her needs.


Why does she need to inform you that she got to work? If something happens it is already too late and if there is someone assaulting or harrassing people the cops should handle it.


If she continues to be unreasonable, you have to ask yourself, do you want to be with a person with unrealistic demands the next five years? Or ten years? You pick the timeframe. I’m going to repeat what Modern Man Advice already told: establish and reinforce your boundaries. If you are deep in this relationship, the dynamic has already been created and if you wish to change it, expect a lot of resistance. Typically, if females ask you to do something for them, even something minor (like reminding her to take her pills), it will soon be your obligation and if she forgets to take them, she will blame you for it. Then they will have more demands on you. Do not get into this good boy behavior.

 

[xplt]

My best relationships were also the smooth relationships. They were not the most exciting relationships. They were not the relationships where we had sex 9-10 times per weekend. They were not the relationships that burned my a$$ and filled my recycling bin full of empty bourbon bottles.

Ok, now I can relate. I tend to go after extroverted girls, because they are much more fun at first, but they often turn out crazy. Did you make the same experiences?

 

[Blacksheep]

This woman is not a child and you are not her father. It is not your responsibility to remind her on her pills. She is being unreasonable with her demands. You are also too emotionally dependent on her. If she brings up the fact that you didn’t answer her immediately via text, tell her that you are not a man who constantly checks his phone and if she wants someone who’s available 24/7 she needs to find someone else. Do not argue or blame her for her past behavior. Remember, you can’t win an argument. Even if you win, it will create resentment and she is going to bring that up later when she finds it suitable to serve her needs.


Why does she need to inform you that she got to work? If something happens it is already too late and if there is someone assaulting or harrassing people the cops should handle it.


If she continues to be unreasonable, you have to ask yourself, do you want to be with a person with unrealistic demands the next five years? Or ten years? You pick the timeframe. I’m going to repeat what Modern Man Advice already told: establish and reinforce your boundaries. If you are deep in this relationship, the dynamic has already been created and if you wish to change it, expect a lot of resistance. Typically, if females ask you to do something for them, even something minor (like reminding her to take her pills), it will soon be your obligation and if she forgets to take them, she will blame you for it. Then they will have more demands on you. Do not get into this good boy behavior.

Those are good points man! Thanks for your feedback.

I took a time to think about all those situations and put my mind in order. Have to change some things and those points you said I have to work on. Im not remembering her about the pills anymore.

And some drama she did Im just ignoring or making fun. That was a big mistake of getting emotionally involved on her dramas. That happened because there was a long time I didnt felt in love for someone and that destabilized me a bit.

Hopefully this post helped me to see that and clear my mind. So I can stand up again and behave on a better way!

 

[rjc149]

Ok, now I can relate. I tend to go after extroverted girls, because they are much more fun at first, but they often turn out crazy. Did you make the same experiences?

I tend to go for introverted girls who often turn out to be little hoes in sheep’s clothing.