Get mad because I didnt answered her (attention) properly

[Blacksheep]

The girl Im dating made a drama game today. Since yesterday I was a bit more busy than usual at night, I was talking to her all whenever I could on text message, but I wasnt talking too much.

She then became weird, and every morning she sent me message of good morning and saying that she arrived at her stage work. We agreed that because there was a weird guy assaulting and harassing people on streets here. So I ask her to always tell me when she arrived at places/home for safety.

I was worried If something happened and called her. She answered and told she doesnt even look at her phone today. Then after some talk she said she was nervous because I didnt texted her properly last night. So she basically made a drama.

Is that a red flag? Cause she could have asked me if theres something wrong, instead of doing that. And me as a idiot, was worried if something happened and called her... I should not gave a fck.

In my view, small lies can become big ones... And based on that simple situation who made her mad... I dont doubt she can use that lack of attention idealized by her and use it as excuse to cheat. Because "Im not talking properly."

Yeah, I was studying.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

We agreed that because there was a weird guy assaulting and harassing people on streets here. So I ask her to always tell me when she arrived at places/home for safety.

If you're not BF/GF and in a LTR then you shouldn't do that. It is not your job to keep her in check/safe everyday by phone/text several times a day etc.

 

[Blacksheep]

If you're not BF/GF and in a LTR then you shouldn't do that. It is not your job to keep her in check/safe everyday by phone/text several times a day etc.

We are on a LTR. And youre right, if I wasnt on a ltr I wouldnt care that much.

But based on her lie and refused to prove her arguments (she told she even texted her mom but doesnt want to show me the conversation) I will not even give a sh1t for her explanation.She said she knows she is telling the truth and that if I dont trust her, there is no reason to send.

I can't tolerate those things. Maybe just keep as a plate, but I cant keep my conscious clear lying or playing with her.

 

[The Duke]

I think you will see more drama from her as time goes on. Good luck.

 

[Blacksheep]

I think you will see more drama from her as time goes on. Good luck.

How could I analyze it to decide if its worth keeping this girl? I know most women like to make some drama... But idk how to understand what is a acceptable limit for that.

 

[bat soup]

The girl Im dating made a drama game today. Since yesterday I was a bit more busy than usual at night, I was talking to her all whenever I could on text message, but I wasnt talking too much.

She then became weird, and every morning she sent me message of good morning and saying that she arrived at her stage work. We agreed that because there was a weird guy assaulting and harassing people on streets here. So I ask her to always tell me when she arrived at places/home for safety.

I was worried If something happened and called her. She answered and told she doesnt even look at her phone today. Then after some talk she said she was nervous because I didnt texted her properly last night. So she basically made a drama.

Is that a red flag? Cause she could have asked me if theres something wrong, instead of doing that. And me as a idiot, was worried if something happened and called her... I should not gave a fck.

In my view, small lies can become big ones... And based on that simple situation who made her mad... I dont doubt she can use that lack of attention idealized by her and use it as excuse to cheat. Because "Im not talking properly."

Yeah, I was studying.

It sounds to me that she is being manipulative by trying to blame you for her behaviour.

She wants to control you by insisting on regular texts but when she feels like it she "forgets that she has a phone" the whole day.

Yeah, right. Women are on their phones every 10 seconds.

 

[Blacksheep]

It sounds to me that she is being manipulative by trying to blame you for her behaviour.

She wants to control you by insisting on regular texts but when she feels like it she "forgets that she has a phone" the whole day.

Yeah, right. Women are on their phones every 10 seconds.

I'm analyzing it quite hard since I spotted this behavior. She got made because of one specific message that after we rolled on the whole conversation I saw that it took me about 55 min to answer her. And that was the part she said I took so long to answer.

I asked her about the times she also took more time to answer me, and that I didn't get mad at it. She then said that it was because she was on college working in internship. And I said: "So why I could not be busy at night? You justify yourself when you took 1 hour or more to text me, but you can't understand when I'm the one who might be busy doing something?"

She kinda thought I was free at night and would be 100% free to talk with her all the time. And in that case I was really busy studying crypto and analyzing charts. The only time after my job I can do that. And she also knew about that because I told I was learning and studying a lot on that.

My fear, and would like to know your opinion on that: is that this behavior can lead to justified cheating like "My bf doesn't give me attention, I felt alone and that's why I cheated..."

One last situation: one time we were discussing, and in the middle I just said her that was time to get her meds so she could not forget it. She said ok, took her pills and just went sleep without even saying to me. As we were in the middle of a conversations (on whatsapp) and as she always sent me a good night message, I kept waiting for her to come back for like an hour before I called her. When I called her, she said she went sleep... I got quite mad with that, because I'm 100% sure she did that on purpose. But she pretended to be like a fool girl, and that she was very tired and thought we were done the conversation. Since obviously we were not done.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Just usual female nonsense testing you out

i don't over analyse these stupid games anymore because i don't care if she wants to play she gets minimum 2X the punishment

One of my plates took 2 hours to reply to me last night , she was then left on read for 12 hours

Good behaviour gets rewarded, bad behaviour gets punished.

 

[Blacksheep]

Just usual female nonsense testing you out

i don't over analyse these stupid games anymore because i don't care if she wants to play she gets minimum 2X the punishment

One of my plates took 2 hours to reply to me last night , she was then left on read for 12 hours

Good behaviour gets rewarded, bad behaviour gets punished.

That's a good point. Maybe its just that case of not feeling bad about those things.

If she play something like that, just make her prove the same thing she did a bit worse.

I just don't know if it worth keep a LTR with a woman like that. Wouldn't that be better to just be single, and just date girls as plates without getting to emotionally involved?

 

[rjc149]

She answered and told she doesnt even look at her phone today.

This, along with "my phone died" is always a lie. Women have their phones attached to their hands at all times. Their phones do not go uncharged for more than 15 minutes unless they are stranded in the wilderness.

I dont doubt she can use that lack of attention idealized by her and use it as excuse to cheat. Because "Im not talking properly."

If you feel this way about her, then you should have a foot out the door.

Some women are very needy, and need constant communication and reassurance in the connection. Small lapses will send them into an anxious panic. I advise you read up on attachment styles. Your girlfriend has an anxious attachment style. Needy women are, as your gut instinct is telling you, more likely to soothe their anxiety with the most available source of validation -- whether that's you, or someone else giving them more attention.

 

[Blacksheep]

This, along with "my phone died" is always a lie. Women have their phones attached to their hands at all times. Their phones do not go uncharged for more than 15 minutes unless they are stranded in the wilderness.


If you feel this way about her, then you should have a foot out the door.

Some women are very needy, and need constant communication and reassurance in the connection. Small lapses will send them into an anxious panic. I advise you read up on attachment styles. Your girlfriend has an anxious attachment style. Needy women are, as your gut instinct is telling you, more likely to soothe their anxiety with the most available source of validation -- whether that's you, or someone else giving them more attention.

That's quite interesting! Thanks for that feedback.

Gonna give a read on those attachment styles.

Some stuffs that happened was to obvious she was trying to piss me off and I felt really disrespected with that. And lately I'm being quite serious about that, cause I've already tolerated to many bullsh1ts with past experiences and I don't wanna feel stupid accepting such behaviors.

 

[rjc149]

That's quite interesting! Thanks for that feedback.

Gonna give a read on those attachment styles.

Some stuffs that happened was to obvious she was trying to piss me off and I felt really disrespected with that. And lately I'm being quite serious about that, cause I've already tolerated to many bullsh1ts with past experiences and I don't wanna feel stupid accepting such behaviors.

I would be curious to hear some examples of this behavior from her. Some of it may be disrespect (low attraction), some of it may be confidence testing (high attraction), some of it may be emotional bidding (need for reassurance that you're connected with her).

 

[Blacksheep]

I would be curious to hear some examples of this behavior from her. Some of it may be disrespect (low attraction), some of it may be confidence testing (high attraction), some of it may be emotional bidding (need for reassurance that you're connected with her).

Gonna try to resume some:

1 - We were discussing on whatsapp, then comes a time that she had to took her contraceptive pill (she asked me to help her remember that), I stopped during the conversation and said she should take the pill. She took the pill, went sleep without telling me and without finishing the conversation. She never went sleep without saying good night, and it was obvious I would be waiting for her. I wait for about 50 or 60 min before calling her. I called her, she answered with sleepy voice and said she was already sleeping. I got very mad at that, because we didn't finished that and I'm 100% sure she did that knowing that I would be waiting. Her response to that was: "I thought we were over the conversation and I was just tired, then I went to sleep.".

1.2 - During the conversation that night, every time I asked her a direct question it seems she tried to answer with something ambiguous or like being irrational and subjective. That made me very stressed.

2 - A day when she saw my contacts and I deleted some girls with her, just to clean it as we had agreed on. I also deleted a lesbian friend (I don't believe on opposite-sex friends, but gay or lesbian we agreed it was not a problem). But she showed that she wanted me to delete that. I deleted. Then when we saw her phone, there was 2 hetero guys she said that she wanted to keep. Her justify was: one was a college friend that helped her a lot. The second an old friend from childhood. I got more mad at it because I asked her: "Do you think those guys are an exception based on what we talked about?", she didn't answer, gave some more explanations and then just said she was going to delete. It sounded weird to me. She agreed one time and said "That thing of opposite-sex really doesn't exist." and then just gave me an explanation trying to keep them.

Also, I said that I didn't want to force someone to be more restricted on opposite-sex friendships, otherwise I would like to find a woman that would have the same belief so we could follow the same path without hurting each other trying to impose something. This one I think I was not sufficiently mature to deal with this situation. I should not care too much. But asking me to delete a lesbian friend and then justify 2 straight guys... It seems a bit of hypocrisy.

To add to that, I rented a soundbox to a woman to use on her sallon party... She went with me to deliver that. Then she got jealous about the way that woman said "Hi" to me and didn't want me to rent that sound to her again. So, she can justify keeping some contacts and made me feel like I'm a stupid jealous when asking her things. But when the situation changes, everything is different for her and she can feel and have reason about that. It's very nonsense to me, and it doesn't seem fair.

 

[Bingo-Player]

That's a good point. Maybe its just that case of not feeling bad about those things.

If she play something like that, just make her prove the same thing she did a bit worse.

I just don't know if it worth keep a LTR with a woman like that. Wouldn't that be better to just be single, and just date girls as plates without getting to emotionally involved?

No but as men we have a natural urge for these these pretty deadly creatures we call females

we like protecting them , owning them and fvcking them so as a result we have to endure some of the sh1t that they come with

No man is immune to this crap some girls ARE better than others and wont behave badly but they are still women and are prone to emotional / logical malfunction

As a man quite literally all you can do is not react to it and yes that can mean remaining emotionally distant .......when her brain resets from its malfunction i would like to think logical thought will return to her

With my current main plate she is only 20 years old , she is beautiful and i want her to be mine

But i am also perfectly aware the second i go too deep into the quicksand with her she has the ability to destroy me

So what you must do is learn to balance that emotion you feel for her with that logical control when you get too that point you will feel that nothing she does bothers you

when she feels that vibe from you she will usually calm down her antics or she will leave

either way you win.

 

[Blacksheep]

No but as men we have a natural urge for these these pretty deadly creatures we call females

we like protecting them , owning them and fvcking them so as a result we have to endure some of the sh1t that they come with

No man is immune to this crap some girls ARE better than others and wont behave badly but they are still women and are prone to emotional / logical malfunction

As a man quite literally all you can do is not react to it and yes that can mean remaining emotionally distant .......when her brain resets from its malfunction i would like to think logical thought will return to her

With my current main plate she is only 20 years old , she is beautiful and i want her to be mine

But i am also perfectly aware the second i go too deep into the quicksand with her she has the ability to destroy me

So what you must do is learn to balance that emotion you feel for her with that logical control when you get too that point you will feel that nothing she does bothers you

when she feels that vibe from you she will usually calm down her antics or she will leave

either way you win.

That's very interesting!

That's why people tend to say that men are the rational and women more emotional. And we as men have to be more cold in order to balance that. Otherwise we can get crazy with those things.

I have to become more aware of those things and improve it in myself.

That's a very helpful tip man. Thanks a lot!

 

[EyeBRollin]

Stop texting.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

The girl Im dating made a drama game today. Since yesterday I was a bit more busy than usual at night, I was talking to her all whenever I could on text message, but I wasnt talking too much.

She then became weird, and every morning she sent me message of good morning and saying that she arrived at her stage work. We agreed that because there was a weird guy assaulting and harassing people on streets here. So I ask her to always tell me when she arrived at places/home for safety.

I was worried If something happened and called her. She answered and told she doesnt even look at her phone today. Then after some talk she said she was nervous because I didnt texted her properly last night. So she basically made a drama.

Is that a red flag? Cause she could have asked me if theres something wrong, instead of doing that. And me as a idiot, was worried if something happened and called her... I should not gave a fck.

In my view, small lies can become big ones... And based on that simple situation who made her mad... I dont doubt she can use that lack of attention idealized by her and use it as excuse to cheat. Because "Im not talking properly."

Yeah, I was studying.

As @PowerQuest said, I was wondering if you were in an LTR. Cause it sure sounds like an LTR interaction. You don't go to those extends with a girl you are simply dating. So keep that in mind.

As far as your point, I would even go as far as saying that even in an LTR that type of argument over something so pity is a bit of a red flag. Perhaps, rooted in trust issues or possesiveness.

We have talked about this before, but as a reminder to men in relationships out there (and men in general if I am being honest) it is important to establish and reinforce personal and interpersonal boundaries.

Having said that, I do get the part of genuine care for the wellbeing of each other, but that should be the extend of it. You are each your own person. Reinforce that.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Blacksheep]

As @PowerQuest said, I was wondering if you were in an LTR. Cause it sure sounds like an LTR interaction. You don't go to those extends with a girl you are simply dating. So keep that in mind.

As far as your point, I would even go as far as saying that even in an LTR that type of argument over something so pity is a bit of a red flag. Perhaps, rooted in trust issues or possesiveness.

We have talked about this before, but as a reminder to men in relationships out there (and men in general if I am being honest) it is important to establish and reinforce personal and interpersonal boundaries.

Having said that, I do get the part of genuine care for the wellbeing of each other, but that should be the extend of it. You are each your own person. Reinforce that.


Modern Man Advice

Thats a good advice man! Thanks for that! =)

 

[Blacksheep]

She's a narcissist

Can you give me more ideas why you think that?

Cause I'm afraid I had attracted to myself the same kind of relationship I had with my perverse narcissist father. As I know it can happen with people who went through that. But I was afraid of just being delusional (also my therapist sometimes are saying that and advicing me to take some anti-psychotic pills).

If that is true, I have to question myself about my therapist. Cause I talked to her about those things and exposed also my feelings about those things and why for example I don't believe in opposite-sex friends.

She then said that this is too rigorous and I should be careful because outside people could relate that to misogyny or macho. But as she knows me, she understands that it's only based on my fears and traumas.

It's based on my fears, traumas, experiences and patterns I've learned during my life that I can use to avoid making a bad choice. And patterns tend to repeat. Based on that logic I prefer no to take some risks that could lead to the same problems I had on the past.

So I question myself: is that really wrong to choose not to have LTR with women with multiple guys friends? Cause the way she said that to me, it sounds to me that this kind of belief is very controlling. But isn't it my right to decide or not stay with someone based on her beliefs and the same is equal for a woman when she will choose me?

Cause I always try to be open with a woman about that when there is a desire for both to get on a committed relationship: I have this belief, this is very important and this is how I chose to follow my life. If the person doesn't believe that or follow different paths I'm open enough to say that we should not be together. Cause it would not be fair for both since one would always be doing something that he/she doesn't believe. And it could possibly hurt someone.

 

[metalwater]

just a reminder.

she is the master(mistress) of emotions. it is her realm and she rules it. do not play in her realm, just stand on the side(in your own mind) and watch. do not allow yourself to melt... you can be responsible and kind, but do not melt.

look, watch, listen. do not internalize.

if your not sure what I mean, ask about it.

you can enjoy her and her you, but in your own mind stay as a king, do not meet her half way in the mind because you have no defense for the storm. she might cheat or not, watch for that based on actions and what she tells but do not let either reach your core. you are a single point of light that shines out. it is so bright that her darkness can not.