jamesfromhouston
Senior Don Juan
Hey gents.
Back again, with my monthly NC update! Nice to touch base.
Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for at least 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
NC 270 (9 months)
As some of you bros know I was in a dark place in the past 2 months. Originally I was doing better but then I moved to a place that had some serious Covid restrictions which imprisoned me at home most of the time. I was unable to go out, meet and spin plates. It was probably one of the worst periods of the NC journey, almost on the same level as the first months of NC. I was feeling very miserable and lonely. Its really funny at times like that when you're going through a dry spell, your mind starts to rationalise how bad it is and exaggerates it. I literally became very desperate and tried OLD but I just had no luck. Desperation attracts desperation. During this time, my negative feelings about my ex came back, I was thinking about my ex loads.
GOOD NEWS is that the restrictions have gone. My life has been back to normal over the past couple of weeks. I immediately jumped on the opportunity to spin new plates and meet girls. I've met a lot since. Had a lot of fun. There was one recent and memorable week, I went out every single night and ended up making out with my first dates back to back every single time. I plan to lay some of those dates now. They've now become plates so let's see how I play it. This is a stark contrast of the loneliness that I was going through in lockdown.
So I guess note to self and to others here is: however miserable or desperate you feel because of NC added on with Covid, bear in mind that it isn't permanent. It might feel like one bad news after the other but once the wheel spins again, you'll be back in action. You might question whether you'll find the fun again; just be patient and keep pushing.
Dating Girls
So following this note, I've begun to experience some of the lethargy when it comes to dating. Now that I've met so many girls, had passionate moments. It does feel a bit tiring. Something I wrote about in my earlier NC's was how, hooking up always gives you an immediate high of the night but then it eventually dies down and I'll end up chasing it again in the next date. This cycle can be a bit tiring after awhile especially if like me, you've been going out every night. So it has re-empashized my earlier conclusions that new girls/dates cannot be your solution to get better after the break up. True happiness will have to come from other sources, probably more meaningful sources like working on yourself or spending time on yourself.
Online Dating
Beginning to feel that online dating is a massive waste of time with very small sliver of value. Girls there are super flakey, entitled and generally just bitches. Yet at the same time, most of my dates have come from girls from OLD since Covid. So basically you got to invest very carefully into it, most girls there will waste your time. I learnt that with first hand experience, had many girls who were apparently into me on OLD and Social Media yet when it came to meeting up, they flaked and just acted like princesses. Its all about identifying true interest level and fake ones.
Interest Levels & Chasing
A bit part of NC is about practising and applying my RP lessons into my life. One evident area I've changed and seen application is the importance of interest levels and how you chase. I used to be a very desperate and thirsty guy who would chase really hard to get the girls I want. Deep inside it made them the prize. Now, I'm more reactive. I've only fed attention to girls who seem interested in me. This has made a world of difference in my dating life and mental health. I've been able to close these high IL girls much more easily. They often give me attention and bend to my life rather than the other way round. It is such a relief that I don't need to exert so much effort to chase someone who might not have any interest me at all in the first place and wasting tiring energy to build that interest. This has been the biggest thing I've applied lately. Sure, it means your ideal dating pool might be smaller but it makes life so much easier and enjoyable.
Breadcrumbs & Getting Over Ex
So my ex has not yet contacted me in any form even after 9 months. Absolutely 0 bread crumbs. As I mentioned many times, comes to such a surprise since she was so into me. Surprising she can just turn off like that. Yet it doesn't really bother me anymore. I do still think about her time to time and have dreams about her but it doesn't really hurt. More so curiosity than anything else (e.g. how is she, what she is up to). I find that keeping my life busy, especially with the presence of other plates, women and dates definitely do help because I basically don't even think about her during those moments. But at the same time, I am looking to get to a point that even without the dates, and distraction of *****, I am not thinking about her. I feel like I am getting there but it takes time.
Anyway, hope my bros are good.
-James
Back again, with my monthly NC update! Nice to touch base.
Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for at least 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
NC 270 (9 months)
As some of you bros know I was in a dark place in the past 2 months. Originally I was doing better but then I moved to a place that had some serious Covid restrictions which imprisoned me at home most of the time. I was unable to go out, meet and spin plates. It was probably one of the worst periods of the NC journey, almost on the same level as the first months of NC. I was feeling very miserable and lonely. Its really funny at times like that when you're going through a dry spell, your mind starts to rationalise how bad it is and exaggerates it. I literally became very desperate and tried OLD but I just had no luck. Desperation attracts desperation. During this time, my negative feelings about my ex came back, I was thinking about my ex loads.
GOOD NEWS is that the restrictions have gone. My life has been back to normal over the past couple of weeks. I immediately jumped on the opportunity to spin new plates and meet girls. I've met a lot since. Had a lot of fun. There was one recent and memorable week, I went out every single night and ended up making out with my first dates back to back every single time. I plan to lay some of those dates now. They've now become plates so let's see how I play it. This is a stark contrast of the loneliness that I was going through in lockdown.
So I guess note to self and to others here is: however miserable or desperate you feel because of NC added on with Covid, bear in mind that it isn't permanent. It might feel like one bad news after the other but once the wheel spins again, you'll be back in action. You might question whether you'll find the fun again; just be patient and keep pushing.
Dating Girls
So following this note, I've begun to experience some of the lethargy when it comes to dating. Now that I've met so many girls, had passionate moments. It does feel a bit tiring. Something I wrote about in my earlier NC's was how, hooking up always gives you an immediate high of the night but then it eventually dies down and I'll end up chasing it again in the next date. This cycle can be a bit tiring after awhile especially if like me, you've been going out every night. So it has re-empashized my earlier conclusions that new girls/dates cannot be your solution to get better after the break up. True happiness will have to come from other sources, probably more meaningful sources like working on yourself or spending time on yourself.
Online Dating
Beginning to feel that online dating is a massive waste of time with very small sliver of value. Girls there are super flakey, entitled and generally just bitches. Yet at the same time, most of my dates have come from girls from OLD since Covid. So basically you got to invest very carefully into it, most girls there will waste your time. I learnt that with first hand experience, had many girls who were apparently into me on OLD and Social Media yet when it came to meeting up, they flaked and just acted like princesses. Its all about identifying true interest level and fake ones.
Interest Levels & Chasing
A bit part of NC is about practising and applying my RP lessons into my life. One evident area I've changed and seen application is the importance of interest levels and how you chase. I used to be a very desperate and thirsty guy who would chase really hard to get the girls I want. Deep inside it made them the prize. Now, I'm more reactive. I've only fed attention to girls who seem interested in me. This has made a world of difference in my dating life and mental health. I've been able to close these high IL girls much more easily. They often give me attention and bend to my life rather than the other way round. It is such a relief that I don't need to exert so much effort to chase someone who might not have any interest me at all in the first place and wasting tiring energy to build that interest. This has been the biggest thing I've applied lately. Sure, it means your ideal dating pool might be smaller but it makes life so much easier and enjoyable.
Breadcrumbs & Getting Over Ex
So my ex has not yet contacted me in any form even after 9 months. Absolutely 0 bread crumbs. As I mentioned many times, comes to such a surprise since she was so into me. Surprising she can just turn off like that. Yet it doesn't really bother me anymore. I do still think about her time to time and have dreams about her but it doesn't really hurt. More so curiosity than anything else (e.g. how is she, what she is up to). I find that keeping my life busy, especially with the presence of other plates, women and dates definitely do help because I basically don't even think about her during those moments. But at the same time, I am looking to get to a point that even without the dates, and distraction of *****, I am not thinking about her. I feel like I am getting there but it takes time.
Anyway, hope my bros are good.
-James